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‘Second Chunce’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: Second Chunce

610. Second Chunce

Aired January 9, 2014

On her last day in office, Leslie makes a big decision about her future on the 100th episode of Parks and Recreation. Meanwhile, Chris and Ann find out the sex of their baby, and Tom searches for a new business idea following the sale of Rent-a-Swag.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Well, this is the Pawnee City Council chambers. Your new home away from me.
Ingrid de Forest: Well, technically, my home away from home is in Zurich. Frank Gehry designed it. But this is nice too.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Today is my last day [hoarsely] as a-- Excuse me. [clears throat] Let me try this again. Today is [hoarsely] my last day at c-- [full voice] Today is my la-- [high pitched] Today is my last d-- You know what? You get the idea. My old friend Ingrid de Forest won the recall vote, and she's taking my place on Monday morning. But, you know, luckily for me, I've processed all my feelings. And I've gone through the five stages of grief: Denial, anger, Internet commenting, cat adoption, African dance, cat returning to the adoption place, watching all the episodes of Murphy Brown, and not giving a flying fart. How many stages is that? I don't know. The point is I'm fine now.

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Quote from April

Tom: Let's see which one of these lucky visionaries is gonna make me rich. Greg Phillips!
Greg Phillips: Hi, guys, thanks for meeting with me.
April: Enough chitchat. What's your pitch, kid? Come on, time is money, money is power, power is pizza, pizza is knowledge. Let's go.

Quote from Ann

Ann: Hey, let's get some food. I'm starving. Wait, no, I have to pee. Wait, no, I have to barf. Actually, all three. Being pregnant is great.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: That sounds like an efficient use of the free market. I would wish you the best of luck, but I believe luck is a concept invented by the weak to explain their failures.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: Okay, time to head back to the office. I've missed an entire day of work, so at least some good came from this.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Tom: [prolonged] Ron! That's how I enter rooms now. It's more dramatic.
Ron Swanson: Why did you enter at all?
Tom: Because I have some huge news. You're looking at Pawnee's new business liaison.
Ron Swanson: I don't like French words. I do like the word "business." You may continue.

Quote from Ann

Chris: I would be thrilled if we had a boy. I have perfected the art of shaving the human face. And I would love to be able to pass that on.
Ann: Toy trucks? Superhero costumes? Tiny little acorn penis? Forget it.
Chris: A weird image. But one that does not diminish my enthusiasm.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Well, no one else brought me good business ideas. So I decided to take care of it myself. Talking tissue! Any time you pull one out, you get a little message to hype you up.
Tom's voice: Blow that nose, playah!
April: No.
Tom: [sighs] This stinks. I'm just gonna have to go back to my same job that I've had forever.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: I've gathered you all here today because I have an announcement, a very big announcement, about my future. I will be heading to lunch today with my husband. At JJ's diner. We will eat waffles. And then we will go home and make out on our couch. That is my future. For now. It's been an honor to serve this town. And I will cherish the memories forever. Thank you.

Quote from April

April: [aside to camera] Andy got back from London two days ago and he still has jet lag. It's really annoying. We're on totally different schedules. Last night he mowed the lawn at 2:00 in the morning.
[flashback:]
April: Andy! Andy!
Andy: Get me a beer?
April: All right.
[back:]
April: As soon as I wake up, he goes down. Hard. This has to stop! Babe, wake up. That's my spaghetti, Chewbacca. Babe! Oh, my God. Are you kidding me?
Andy: Hey. Oh, man, I fell asleep again.
April: Andy, you have got to stay up and get on a regular schedule.
Andy: Were you about to spray me with the hose inside the house?
April: Yeah.
Andy: I kinda want you to do it now.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ben: Okay, just a reminder, guys, today is Leslie's last day as a city councilor, so everyone be extra supportive.
Ron Swanson: Already done. When she walked past me this morning, I gave her a kind nod.
Ben: Heartwarming.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ingrid de Forest: This must be hard for you. It's like what sir Ian McKellen said to me the day I sold my boat to Karl Lagerfeld: "Parting is such sweet sorrow."
Leslie Knope: Oh, my God. What is your life?
Ingrid de Forest: If it makes any difference, your work here was a real inspiration to me, and I am going to do my best to continue your legacy.
Leslie Knope: Well, I appreciate the sentiment. [exhales]
Ingrid de Forest: Leslie.
Leslie Knope: [gasps] I'm sorry. Was I singing Goodbye Yellow Brick Road out loud?
Ingrid de Forest: No. But would you like to? I studied opera at the Sorbonne. I'd be happy to harmonize.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Come hear the ideas with me, Ron. I could use your wise, grandfatherly advice.
Donna: Do you think everyone here is a grandfather?
Tom: Basically, if you're older than me, you're a grandpa. And if you are a grandpa, you're dead.
April: That sounds right.

Quote from Ben

Ben: [on the phone] I'd like to order a singing telegram. Well, my wife lost her job, so maybe something sad and slow. Do you know anything from The Requiem for a Dream soundtrack? This is a bad idea. I'm hanging up now. Bye.

Quote from Perd Hapley

Perd Hapley: This is Perd Hapley talking to you now about what's going on today. We're live at City Hall where City Councilman Dexhart is addressing his latest sex scandal.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: As you may know, I do like to tinker with things in my garage.
Ron Swanson: I'm gonna hit the can while he's up.
Jerry: So I think I have discovered a way to generate clean, renewable energy. I think it's gonna ch-- [sneezes]
Tom: Oh! Gross!
April: God, Larry. You sneezed all over us!
Tom: I'm not gonna buy that thing. It's covered in a gallon of your boogers.
Jerry: I totally understand. [sneezes; drops project] Uh, jeez.

Quote from Ann

Chris: I will be thrilled if we have a girl.
Ann: Oh, tiny dresses? Braids? Glitter on everything? Forget it.
Chris: And also, girls' names are so cute. Daisy, Annabelle, Lilly.
Ann: Olive, rosemary, chicken. Fifty burritos. Oh, my God, I'm starving. Miss, hi! I'm pregnant, and I'm a little bit crazy. So if you don't bring our appetizers out in the next 30 seconds, I'm gonna plunge your face into the deep fryer!
Chris: And also two waters, please. But no hurry.
Ann: Thank you.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Tom: Ron?
Ron Swanson: Every socket set I've ever bought only goes up to 1/2 inch. I'd love a couple larger sizes. Take it all the way up to 5/8.

Quote from Ann

Chris: Well, Ann Perkins, are you ready to find out the sex of our baby?
Ann: I'm ready.
Chris: We are having a... "distributions." That's what it looks like: Distributions.
Ann: Let me see that. It says "congratulations," I think. Then it says, "I...leg smurf." Are we having a smurf?
Chris: We are having a... "11-jewel toilet."
Ann: I can't tell what's words and what's punctuation! The suspense is killing me!
Chris: I'm calling Dr. Saperstein.
Ann: I'm calling Domino's. Do you think Domino's delivers to this restaurant? I hope so.

Quote from Andy

Leslie Knope: Andy?
Andy: I don't know, Leslie. It seems risky. And I'd hate to see you go through another tough fight. But I could be wrong. I haven't pooped in three days.

Quote from Tom

Tom: April created a new position for herself, and I wanna do the same. The town could use more private-sector money after the merger. So as business liaison, I would find companies looking to move or expand, and convince them to do it in Pawnee.
Ron Swanson: Now this is a good idea. You've come a long way, son. And while I got you here... talking tissue. Go for it.
Tom's voice: Yo, dog! Life is what you make of it.
Tom: [off Ron's stare] Leave while I'm ahead? You got it. [exits]
Tom's voice: Clear them sinuses, playboy! Someone's got the sniffies. Tell your mama you love 'er. Step up your vitamin "C" game, bro!

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: So they recall me after all I've done for them.
Jennifer Barkley: Ridiculous.
Leslie Knope: But Dexhart now has another sex scandal.
Jennifer Barkley: Of course he does.
Leslie Knope: And the plan is I'm gonna run for his seat. Because how do I lose to a guy like that? That's a great idea, right?
Jennifer Barkley: It's a terrible idea.
Leslie Knope: I knew it. Wait. What?
Jennifer Barkley: First of all, you could lose to a guy like that. Terrible people defeat great people all of the time. I should know. Those terrible people have paid me so much money, I have a condo in every Virgin Island. Now you might win. You're smart, Ben is smart, you might win. But why would you want to?
Leslie Knope: Because it's my dream job.
Jennifer Barkley: Then dream bigger. Look, you love this town. It's being run by monsters and morons? Get a better job! Rise above their heads. Affect change at a higher level. Don't be the kid that graduates high school, hangs out in the school parking lot. Be the woman who moves away, climbs the ladder, and then confidently comes back and has sex with her hot old English teacher just for kicks.
Leslie Knope: Is that what you did?
Jennifer Barkley: Yeah. Mr. Baker. Sex was pretty good, thanks to me. Look, Pawnee has done you a favor. You've outgrown them. You've got talent, and you've got name recognition. Which means that you have a bright, wide-open future with a thousand options. State Senate. Federal jobs. Even congress. All of these are doable for you. And you can trust me... because I don't care enough about you to lie.

Quote from Perd Hapley

Perd Hapley: There you have it. A shockingly unshocking press conference in which a recently unemployed woman said nothing of importance. I'm Perd Hapley, and I just realized I'm not holding my microphone.


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