Tom: Let's see which one of these lucky visionaries is gonna make me rich. Greg Phillips!
Greg Phillips: Hi, guys, thanks for meeting with me.
April: Enough chitchat. What's your pitch, kid? Come on, time is money, money is power, power is pizza, pizza is knowledge. Let's go.

Leslie Knope: Well, this is the Pawnee City Council chambers. Your new home away from me.
Ingrid de Forest: Well, technically, my home away from home is in Zurich. Frank Gehry designed it. But this is nice too.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Today is my last day [hoarsely] as a-- Excuse me. [clears throat] Let me try this again. Today is [hoarsely] my last day at c-- [full voice] Today is my la-- [high pitched] Today is my last d-- You know what? You get the idea. My old friend Ingrid de Forest won the recall vote, and she's taking my place on Monday morning. But, you know, luckily for me, I've processed all my feelings. And I've gone through the five stages of grief: Denial, anger, Internet commenting, cat adoption, African dance, cat returning to the adoption place, watching all the episodes of Murphy Brown, and not giving a flying fart. How many stages is that? I don't know. The point is I'm fine now.

Ann: Hey, let's get some food. I'm starving. Wait, no, I have to pee. Wait, no, I have to barf. Actually, all three. Being pregnant is great.

Ron Swanson: That sounds like an efficient use of the free market. I would wish you the best of luck, but I believe luck is a concept invented by the weak to explain their failures.

Ron Swanson: Okay, time to head back to the office. I've missed an entire day of work, so at least some good came from this.

Tom: [prolonged] Ron! That's how I enter rooms now. It's more dramatic.
Ron Swanson: Why did you enter at all?
Tom: Because I have some huge news. You're looking at Pawnee's new business liaison.
Ron Swanson: I don't like French words. I do like the word "business." You may continue.

Chris: I would be thrilled if we had a boy. I have perfected the art of shaving the human face. And I would love to be able to pass that on.
Ann: Toy trucks? Superhero costumes? Tiny little acorn penis? Forget it.
Chris: A weird image. But one that does not diminish my enthusiasm.

Tom: Well, no one else brought me good business ideas. So I decided to take care of it myself. Talking tissue! Any time you pull one out, you get a little message to hype you up.
Tom's voice: Blow that nose, playah!
April: No.
Tom: [sighs] This stinks. I'm just gonna have to go back to my same job that I've had forever.

Leslie Knope: I've gathered you all here today because I have an announcement, a very big announcement, about my future. I will be heading to lunch today with my husband. At JJ's diner. We will eat waffles. And then we will go home and make out on our couch. That is my future. For now. It's been an honor to serve this town. And I will cherish the memories forever. Thank you.

Ben: [on the phone] I'd like to order a singing telegram. Well, my wife lost her job, so maybe something sad and slow. Do you know anything from The Requiem for a Dream soundtrack? This is a bad idea. I'm hanging up now. Bye.