Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] I don't know how to explain it. Every time I look at it, I just think to myself, "What can't that centaur woman do?" Besides ride an escalator and drive a car. Art can be so magnificent.

Jerry: So for my painting, I chose one of my very favorite Greek myths, the centaur goddess Dyaphena slaying a great stag.
Ann: [clears throat] It's, uh, stunning.
Tom: It's breathtaking, Jerry.
Donna: Yeah. Really is.
Jerry: Wow. Thanks, guys.
Ann: Hey, Leslie, you should really come over here and look at Jerry's painting.
Leslie Knope: Oh. Oh, my God. That's me. Is that me?
Jerry: What? [chuckles] No. Oh, jeez, it does look like you.
Leslie Knope: You're just realizing that now?
Tom: That's what you see when you close your eyes at night, Jerry. Topless Leslie glued to a horse. [laughs]
Jerry: Okay, Leslie, I am just so, so sorry. Dyaphena, she is this powerful goddess. And I've been thinking a lot about powerful women. And subconsciously, I painted you. I'm sorry. I'm gonna take it right down.
Leslie Knope: No. Leave it up. I love it.

Ron Swanson: Okay, everyone, shut up! And look at me! Welcome to Visions of Nature. This room has several paintings in it. Some are big. Some are small. People did them, and they are here now. I believe that after this is over, they'll be hung in government buildings. Why the government is involved in an art show is beyond me. I also think it's pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they could just go outside and stand in it. Anyway, please do not misinterpret the fact that I am talking right now as genuine interest in art and attempt to discuss it with me further. End of speech.

Ben: [aside to camera] I've been staying at the Pawnee Supersuites Motel for seven months. It's a charming little inn with wonderfully random wake-up calls, delightfully unstable temperatures, and, as of yesterday, bedbugs. "Four stars!" says nobody.

Leslie Knope: Members of the Public Art Commission, good afternoon, and good art. [all chuckle] Every great society has always supported artistic expression. The Romans...
Marcia Langman: Perverts.
Leslie Knope: The Greeks...
Marcia Langman: Gay perverts.
Leslie Knope: To great societies in Europe.
Marcia Langman: Europeans.
Leslie Knope: There are some members of this Community that would like to demonize this painting. And when they do, they in fact demonize art itself. What is or isn't art is up to every free-thinking American to decide on their own.

Ben: You can handle this.
Andy: I don't know, man. Why don't you just do it?
Ben: No, I can't. I--I...Have a date.
April: Ooh, what's his name?
Ben: It's actually not- Uh, Chris set it up. Never mind. The point is, stick to the list, and you'll do great. I have total faith in you.
[aside to camera:]
Ben: There's, like, a 30% chance they'll both die.

Chris: Ooh, sparks are flying! I may have to call the fire department. That's a government joke.
[aside to camera:]
Chris: I love setting people up. Here's my secret. I determine someone's best qualities, and then I find someone else with compatible qualities. And I bring them together.

Ann: You know what might make you feel better?
Leslie Knope: A hug?
Ann: Paxil. Do you want me to get you a prescription?
Leslie Knope: Ugh.

Tom: I wish I could help you out, Benihana, but I can't. I have a one-bedroom. I can't have a dude sleeping on my couch if and when I bring home a lady.
Ben: Mm.
Tom: I have a ritual, and it starts on the couch.
Ben: Euch.
Tom: We sit down.
Ben: Okay. Yep.
Tom: Clap my hands. Lights dim.
Ben: I understand.
Tom: Boyz II Men...
Ben: Please stop.
Tom: Fades in.
Ben: Nope. Nope. You don't need to explain the ritual. I'm good.

Andy: This is awesomely perfect. Burly just moved in with his rich girlfriend, and we need help with the rent.
April: We have a couple house rules, though.
Ben: Yeah, sure. Of course.
April: You can't use the front door. You have to climb in through the back window. No personal phone conversations. If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal usted. And no electricity after 6:00 P.M.
Andy: [laughs] She's joking. Okay. You can use as much free electricity as you want. It's free.
April: Couple more rules. If you ever watch a sad movie, you have to wear mascara so we can see whether or not you've been crying. There's no noise allowed on Mondays and no TV after breakfast.
Andy: [laughs] She is lying again.
Ben: She is? 'cause it's hard to tell.
Andy: No. We leave the TV on all day long so burglars think that we're home when we're not, which is my idea that I'm trying to patent. So you want to move in tonight?