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‘Freddy Spaghetti’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: Freddy Spaghetti

224. Freddy Spaghetti

Aired May 20, 2010

Leslie is determined that the government shutdown won't stop the town from hosting a Freddy Spaghetti concert for the children. Meanwhile, Andy asks April out, and Mark quits local government.

Quote from Chris

Chris: Ben, there was a big concert? Now there's not? Isn't there anything that we can do about that?
Ben: No, there isn't.
Chris: It's too bad. Sorry, Leslie. Damn! I have to go run ten miles.
[aside to camera:]
Chris: I have run ten miles a day for eighteen years. That's 65,000 miles. A third of the way to the moon. My goal is to run to the moon.

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Quote from Chris

Chris: Ann Perkins!
Ann: Chris...Something.
Chris: Hi! I was just doing my daily lunchtime ten miles, and I ran by the hospital, and I thought I'd pop up and say hi.
Ann: Did you just start your run?
Chris: No, I'm already at mile nine.
Ann: But you're not sweating at all.
Chris: I know. I have a resting heart rate of 28 beats per minute. The scientist who studied me said that my heart could pump jet fuel up into an airplane.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ben: With current and projected deficits, we need to cut expenditures by 32%.
Ron Swanson: Let's make it an even 40.
Ben: Oh, that's not necessary.
Ron Swanson: [chanting] Slash it. Slash it.
Florence: Ron, a lot of people are going to lose their jobs. Do you mind trying not to gloat?
Ron Swanson: Yes. I do, Florence. I do mind that. I'm very excited about that. I made penants.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: I am an official member of a task force dedicated to slashing the city budget. Just saying that gave me a semi.

Quote from Andy

Andy: It's quiet in here. Where is everyone?
Ron Swanson: The government has shut down. It's in every newspaper.
Andy: How long is it gonna last?
Ron Swanson: Well, if we're lucky, this building will be empty for months.
Andy: [sighs] Wow. That is really bad timing.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: I just got this super-sweet-ass rad crotch rocket. I've always wanted one of these! But due to, you know, never having a job, I couldn't afford it until now. Got a really good deal on my lease. Paying like 12% interest. That's like one of the highest you can get.

Quote from Mark

Mark: [aside to camera] Recently, I had been thinking about maybe, um, leaving this job. But I felt like I needed a sign. And then Ann broke up with me the week that I was going to propose. The government got shut down, and yesterday... One of those pigeons took a [bleep] on me. And I was indoors, so...

Quote from Ron Swanson

Tom: Ron Corleone. This really attractive woman is my girlfriend, Lucy.
Ron Swanson: Hello, Lucy.
Lucy: Hi.
Ron Swanson: Whoa. Impressive handshake.
Lucy: Thanks. My father told me that a limp handshake was for weak men and communists. He hated both.
Ron Swanson: Well done, Tommy.
Tom: Is that bacon on your turkey leg?
Ron Swanson: They call it a Swanson. [eats]
Lucy: Wow.
Ron Swanson: Freddy Spaghetti!
Lucy: That guy rules.

Quote from Ben

Leslie Knope: Ben, let's talk solutions.
Ben: Leslie, Pawnee is broke. There's no money for a concert. Okay? I mean, Idaho cut their parks department by 80%, and Idaho is basically one giant park.

Quote from Ann

Ann: You know? I'm just gonna stay away from all guys right now.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, less man time, more Ann time.
Ann: Yeah.
Leslie Knope: Yeah.
[aside to camera:]
Ann: Everyone needs a friend they can call and wake up in the middle of the night. Leslie's usually up. And often, she's already on her way over.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Will you just stop and listen to me?
April: No.
Andy: Fine, I don't want to talk to you anyways. Reverse psychiatry.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: All I can tell you Is that all the parks are closed until further notice. [all groan] Look, no one is more upset about this than I am. It's not like it's a competition or anything, 'cause if it was, I would win. But that's neither here nor there. The point is, I would win.
Woman #1: How long will they be closed?
Ron Swanson: Could be forever.
Man: With the government shut down, who's gonna stop Al Qaeda?
Leslie Knope: One thing at a time.
Woman #2: School is out in two weeks. What am I going to do with my kids all day, keep them in my house? Where I live?
Leslie Knope: I don't know what to tell you.
Woman #3: What about the kids concert tomorrow at Ramsett Park? The Freddy Spaghetti concert.
Leslie Knope: Freddy Spaghetti has been canceled. [all groan]

Quote from Ron Swanson

Leslie Knope: Well, I hope you're happy.
Ron Swanson: I am. I am extremely happy because I don't think we should be wasting taxpayer money.
Leslie Knope: It's not a waste to provide fun for kids. And I for one do not like having Freddy Spaghetti's blood on my hands.
Ron Swanson: I believe you mean, Freddy Spaghetti's space.
Leslie Knope: Ugh.
Ron Swanson: Mm. Burned my tongue. Don't even care.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Chris: How can I help you?
Leslie Knope: Well, I believe there has been a casualty of war in this government shutdown, and it saddens me. And it is Pawnee's children.
Chris: What? Jeez. Well, sit down and tell me exactly what's happened.
Leslie Knope: Well, every year we kick off the summer with a children's concert series, and this year, the concert has been canceled due to the shutdown.
Chris: That's terrible. And we need to fix it.
Leslie Knope: Oh! All right. Great. I'm very glad that you agree with me, but I actually worked really hard on my argument. Is there any way I can still kind of...
Chris: Oh, plea- I'd love to hear it.
Leslie Knope: Oh, good, thank you. "You're wrong. Are you crazy? Can you put a price tag on a child's smile?"

Quote from Ben

Ben: Leslie Knope. What a surprise.
[aside to camera:]
Ben: The government has been shut down for two days. And one city employee has tried to schedule 14 meetings with me. Can you guess who?

Quote from Donna

Leslie Knope: Crank it. Hit it. Needs 16 minutes for premium bounce. Oh, hey, after this, can you go pick up Freddy Spaghetti In your Mercedes? We need to give him the star treatment.
Donna: He better be showered. I just detailed my car and he is notoriously funky.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ben: And thanks to Ron, the services budget has already been cut significantly. So seems like the best option is job cuts. Starting with Leslie Knope.
Ron Swanson: [chuckling] No, no, no, no, no. If you fire Leslie, you might as well just get rid of the department.
Ben: Look, I know how valuable she is, believe me. But we've run out of options.
Ron Swanson: There are plenty of other options. For example, sell the zoo animals.
Ben: Okay, to whom?
Ron Swanson: Cosmetics labs. Weird restaurants. I'm just spit-balling here.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: Because of my libertarian beliefs, Leslie does 95% of the work. So you should lay me off. I'd be proud to be a casualty In this righteous war.
Ben: It's precisely because of your beliefs that we need to keep you. You would maintain fiscal responsibility after we're gone.
Ron Swanson: I strenuously object.
Ben: Well, Ron, we're moving on. Every department's losing a Leslie Knope.
Ron Swanson: No, Ben, they are not. No other department has one to begin with. Right now, she's single-handedly putting up some lousy concert for the city's kids.
Ben: She's doing what?

Quote from Andy

Leslie Knope: How soon until he's better?
Dr. Harris: We'll set the fractures. I'd like to keep him overnight for observation.
Andy: Uh, is there any chance you can fix me in the next ten minutes?
Dr. Harris: Sure. I'll just advance medical science 30 years.
Andy: Great.

Quote from Andy

Leslie Knope: Can Mouse Rat play without you?
Andy: They tried once. They're called Rat Mouse. And they're awful. But you have got to find somebody. There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Mark: I liked this a lot better when it was a pit. [Leslie chuckles] Is that weird?
Leslie Knope: I'm sorry I called you mark Brendana-quits.
Mark: Don't ever apologize to me. I'm serious. If- If everyone in government were like you, then I would probably still work there.
Leslie Knope: I got you a going away present.
Mark: You did?
Leslie Knope: Mm-hmm. Here. Red tape, so you'll never forget your roots.


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