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Season 7, Episode 5 -  Aired January 27, 2015

Leslie and Ben try to highlight illegal data collection by Gryzzl as the company bids for the Newport land. Meanwhile, Craig asks April to talk to some interns at the Parks Department, and Tom acts as Andy's agent when the TV station claims the rights to Johnny Karate.

Quote from Perd Hapley

Perd Hapley: Now, Leslie, I understand that what you've brought to the show isn't a box of objects, but rather a symbolic box of allegations.
Leslie Knope: Well, Perd--
Perd Hapley: It's Judge Perd.
Leslie Knope: Okay. Uh, I think there are certain questions about certain aspects of certain parts of this situation that require an evaluation about whether or not this is or is not a valid argument.
Perd Hapley: Extremely well-put.


Quote from Perd Hapley

Announcer: This is The Perdples Court, a legal debate show about issues facing residents of Southern Indiana. With your host, Judge Perd Hapley.
Perd Hapley: Tonight, on The Perdples Court, we will have the guests that have been booked for tonight's show. The plaintiff, Leslie Knope, who has some big allegations against Gryzzl. The defendant, Gryzzl Vice President Roscoe Santangelo. Who will win? I don't know yet. Which is what makes this a court show.

Quote from Perd Hapley

Perd Hapley: To be honest, Judge Perd is stumped by this case. I've also misplaced my judge hammer. I cannot render a verdict here. Therefore, I must declare a mistrial, which is a term I've heard people use in the movies. Tap, tap, tap. Case ended.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: If you're gonna sign a legally binding document, you need to read it thoroughly. That's why the only contract I've ever signed is my Mulligan's Steakhouse club card. And even then, I used a fake name. Les. Les Vegetables. [chuckles]

Quote from April

April: [aside to camera] I started here when I was 20, and now I'm old and gross and directionless. Those kids are me ten years ago, and this internship is the videotape from The Ring. It's too late for me. I've seen too much. But maybe I can save them. You're all gonna die in here!

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: Is Star Wars the one with the little wizard boy?

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: We need to talk.
Ben: What is that?
Ron Swanson: This is a flying robot I just shot out of the sky after it delivered a package to my house.
Leslie Knope: I thought you didn't like to pass judgment on business--
Ron Swanson: The package was addressed to my son, who is four years old, and does not own a Gryzzl doodad. Somehow the robots looked at Diane's computer and learned something about my child and then brought him a box of presents, so I destroyed the robot. [metal clatters] No one is safe from these bastards. Tell me what to do, Leslie. [thunder rumbles] I wanna help you take them down.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: As you requested, here's a picture of my son at a recent moment in his life.
Leslie Knope: So cute. [Ron takes the picture back and tears it up] What are you doing?
Ron Swanson: Protecting my son's privacy. What, I'm just gonna carry around pictures of my child where anyone could see them?

Quote from Tom

Tom: [aside to camera] I love being Andy's agent. He does all the work, and I get 10% just for showing up. It's like a chef at a restaurant, making all the food, and then the owner gets a profit, which is my other job! [chuckles] Man, I really got things figured out.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Hey, you know what, dude? You gotta take your mind off of them. Check this out. It's a contract. It came from the station manager where I do my show, Johnny Karate. He wants me to sign it, but is says that they'll own the character, "Johnny Karate." And I want to own the character Johnny Karate, 'cause it's me.
Tom: Wait, this says they only pay you a hundred bucks a week?
Andy: Yeah, but all I really do is goof around all day. Write, produce, and direct a TV show. Plus, I act in it, and I do sets, props, wardrobe. At the end, I drive everybody home, so I mean, a hundred bucks a week... That's pretty fair.

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