Leslie Knope: Hey, Ron. Thanks for coming, man.
Ron Swanson: Of course. This bowling alley has my favorite restaurant in Pawnee.
[cut away to Ron looking contended in front of a restaurant menu which lists only Hot Dogs and Hamburgers for $1 and $1.35]
Ann: Really? You're not scared to eat here?
Ron Swanson: When I eat, it is the food that is scared.

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.

April: [on the phone] Hello, is this Mrs. Gallivan? Well, my name is April, and wouldn't you know it, I'm raising money for a city council candidate I believe in. [cut] No, mira, mira, mira, mira, mira. It's, like, whatever you want. Like, $10. It don't matter. [cut; in Southern accent:] Well, I reckon it's just like grammy Martha told me and my cousins, "You can't eat the biscuits if you don't pay for the flour." [laughs, mouths words]

[Ron returns to the bowling alley wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses]
Man: Here you go. Lane eight.
Ron Swanson: No, Lane 22. The one at the very end.
[When Ron bowls a ball just like Tom, he gets a strike]
Ron Swanson: Son of a bitch.
[He repeats the shot another nine times]
Man: Hey, perfect game. What's your name? Put it up on a wall.
Ron Swanson: I was never here, and you will never speak of this again

Leslie Knope: [on video] I will institute a reduction in taxes for the small-business owner as well as a 7% surcharge on all nonlocal business-related development. Together we will build a better Pawnee.
Tom: So what we're looking for here are your overall impressions of this candidate. What do you like about her? What don't you like about her? Her ideas, her voice, her clothes probably.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Well, my campaign has a little momentum, so we're trying to capitalize on that by doing a focus group. Some things are very helpful. Other things are not so helpful. All the things make me feel a lot of feelings about myself.

Woman: She's kinda short, don't you think? Aggressively short almost. It's like she's throwing it in my face.
Tom: Insightful.
Donna: You, sir, said you would not vote for her, correct?
Man: Yeah. Yeah, she seems a little uptight. She doesn't seem like the kind of person you could go bowling with, you know?
[on other side of the glass:]
Leslie Knope: What? That's ridiculous. I am excellent at bowling. Ask Ron.
Ben: Leslie, I know it's tough to hear these things, but just try not to get obsessed over one comment.
Leslie Knope: You're totally right. I'm not obsessing.
Ben: Okay, what are you doing?
Leslie Knope: I'm just reminding myself to tell Ron to tell you how good I am at bowling.
Ben: Okay.
[back:]
Man: I actually thought that she was smart, and I'd vote for her. There you go. Although I once knew a Leslie, and, uh, she was just awful. So now I hate all Leslies. Would she consider changing her name? [Leslie storms out of the observation room]

Ben: Okay, here we go. 71% said that you have a strong command of the issues. That is good, but only 33% said they would consider voting for you.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, that's really interesting stuff. Why did that guy say that he wouldn't want to go bowling with me?
Ben: You really have to let that go.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: I've never been very good at letting things go. I can't tell you how many times a fun tug-of-war with a dog over a chew toy turned contentious. One of us always ends up mad.

Leslie Knope: I did some research too about the guy who said the thing about me and bowling, and his name is Derek.
Ben: Oh, my God.
Leslie Knope: And get this... he's not even that good of a bowler. His average is 132, according to the most recent available data.
Ben: Leslie, that comment wasn't really about whether you're good at bowling...
Leslie Knope: Which I am.
Ben: Which we all know you are.
Leslie Knope: Ask Ron.
Ben: But some people have the impression that you're a little elitist or intellectual or something.
Leslie Knope: That is so sexist. It's just because I'm a woman. Would they deign to say such things to Woodrow Wilson or Benjamin Disraeli... Okay, I see what you're talking about.

Jerry: Well, anyway, tonight we are gonna spice things up with a little competition. Whoever raises the most money by the end of the night will win two free movie passes to the Pawnee mono-plex.
April: You really think that's gonna motivate people...
Chris: Oh, my God. I could use that for a romantic night with Millicent Gergich. Out of my way, suckers.
[aside to camera:]
Chris: As city manager, I play no favorites. But as a private citizen, I am free to support whomever I choose, and I choose to support team Knope 'cause they're the best. Everybody's the best. We're all winners.

Tom: Who's ready to bowl so hard? Tommy's new bowling swag.
Ann: You know what? When you do it, you really do it. Good for you, man.