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‘The Camel’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: The Camel

209. The Camel

Aired November 12, 2009

When the city council decides to replace one of the offensive murals in the building, Leslie and her team compete to come up with a winning design. Meanwhile, Ron decides to get his shoes shined by Andy.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] I'm impressed with Andy. Pulling himself up by his bootstraps. He reminds me of me. I got my first job when I was nine. Worked at a sheet metal factory. In two weeks, I was running the floor. Child labor laws are ruining this country.

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Quote from Donna

Donna: So, it's the Last Supper, but with famous people from Indiana. Mmm-hmm. John Mellencamp, Larry Bird, Michael Jackson, uh, David Letterman, Vivica A. Fox. Okay, so, here's where it gets a little dicey. Because there's not that many celebrities from Indiana. So, a NASCAR. Uh, my friend, Becky. Ron Swanson.
Leslie Knope: Donna? Who's the Jesus?
Donna: That would be Greg Kinnear.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Paul: Okay. As everybody knows, The Spirit of Pawnee was defaced again last night.
Leslie Knope: What was it this time?
Paul: Chocolate pudding.
Leslie Knope: Huh. That's new.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: The mural that normally resides here is called The Spirit of Pawnee. And it's very controversial. We've had someone throw acid at it, tomato sauce. Someone tried to stab it once. We really need better security here. We also need better, less-offensive history.

Quote from Jerry

Leslie Knope: Okay. Next? Wow. Really good, Jerry.
Jerry: For my murinal, I was inspired by the death of my grandma.
Tom: [laughs] You said "murinal."
Jerry: No, I didn't.
Ann: Yes, you did. You said "murinal". I heard it.
Jerry: Anyway, she...
April: Jerry. Why don't you put that murinal in the men's room so people can murinate all over it?
Tom: Jerry. Go to the doctor. You might have a murinary tract infection.
Jerry: I just wanted to show you my art.
All: [chanting] Murinal! Murinal! Murinal!
Leslie Knope: Disqualified!
[aside to camera:]
Jerry: It's pointillism. And each dot is a photo of a citizen of the town.
Tom: No one cares. At all.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: He likes the shapes, okay? And he's part of the team. So, here. Take these scissors and cut out your favorite shapes. And then we'll put them on a new team mural. We're going to make a new design that takes the best parts of all of our designs.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: It's like if you got Michelangelo and Andy Warhol and Jackson Pollock and Jim Davis from Garfield to do one painting. Imagine how good that painting would be.

Quote from April

April: [aside to camera] My piece is truly going to capture the spirit of Pawnee. [searches a dumpster]

Quote from April

April: Okay. So, this is a multimedia project. First, a bunch of rats made out of garbage. And this is a TV screen. It'll be like a big, flat-screen TV, and it will play looped video of knee surgeries. And then this is a human-sized hamster wheel that will be next to the mural if we can get one. And it will be spinning and there will be, like, a fat guy in it all the time, like, screaming and, like, eating raw beef and, like, bleeding. And, like, blood will, like, come out of his mouth and stuff. And that'll be, like, right next to the mural.
Leslie Knope: I have one question. Why?
April: If you have to ask, you don't get it.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: June 8, 1922. The Pawnee Bread Factory burned to the ground. We lost a lot of good bread that day. As well as several human lives. And it also made the whole town smell like toast. Which one resident described as "disturbingly enticing." But I digress. The point is we rebuilt Pawnee to the wonderful town that it is today.
Tom: Why would you want a mural that shows people dying when you could have shapes that come alive?
Leslie Knope: Well, because it's the most famous event in our town's history. And people love voting for tragedy. Look at the Oscars. This is our Holocaust movie. This is our English Patient.
Ann: It sounds like you're exploiting the tragedy.
Leslie Knope: See, Ann gets it. Okay. Time to vote, everybody. Cast your votes. May the best, most tragic project win.

Quote from Ann

Ann: [aside to camera] I'm a terrible artist. But the Parks Department has done so much for me that if I can help them out in any way, I will. Oh, God. Maybe I should just give them all free flu shots.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] I know everything about this town and these murals. And that's why this is a dream come true. Literally. I have had a dream where I designed a mural. But then it turned into a nightmare, because the mural started talking, and it came alive and it was whispering. And I couldn't hear what it was saying, so I leaned in close, and then it ate me. At one point, Gina Gershon was there.

Quote from Tom

Ann: Okay. Let's see yours.
Tom: Fine. Mine is amazing. It's going to blow your mind. [Tom is unsure which way to orientate the painting] Okay. This is some professional-ass art right here.
Leslie Knope: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking at.
Tom: It's abstract, Leslie. Over here, you've got some shapes. And then you come over to this side... You know, it's actually kind of interesting. Each shape is its own thing. But then when it comes together, it really gives you a sense of completion. Hmm.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: A piece of art caused me to have an emotional reaction. Is that normal?

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] I don't think they really got the assignment. If we're gonna beat all the other departments, we have to choose something that will stand the test of time. Like the Mona Lisa. Or the music of Squeeze.

Quote from Tom

Joe: Hey, Leslie. What's your design going to be? A tree?
Leslie Knope: Joe, you work in Sewage. Your department literally specializes in crap. You really want to do this?
Joe: I told you before. "Crap" is a slang term. And I don't like that term. But at least we don't specialize in losing, like you guys. Sewage. Let's roll.
Tom: Damn! How does Sewage always get the hottest interns?

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Guys, this department has the chance to design something that could be in this building forever. This could be our legacy.
Ann: I thought building a park on Lot 48 was going to be our legacy.
Leslie Knope: Well, you can have two legacies. Look at Madonna. Great singer, amazing arms.
Tom: Look at O.J. Simpson. Heisman Trophy winner, Naked Gun.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Anyway, I'm ordering all of you to design a mural.
Tom: Uh, only Ron can order the whole department to do something.
Leslie Knope: Ron, order them to do this.
Ron Swanson: [o.s.] Do whatever Leslie says.
Leslie Knope: Ha-haa! Okay, so here are your supplies. I want you to go and find the spirit of Pawnee. And make me a sketch. And it needs to be breathtaking and moving and historical and better than every department. And you have one hour.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: [drawl] Designers. Make it work. Tim Gunn.

Quote from Tom

Arnold: So, what are you looking for exactly?
Tom: I don't know, man. "The spirit of Pawnee." That's all I got. Here. Just give me $20 worth of art. Just something that seems personal, that only I could have done.
Arnold: Tell me about yourself.
Tom: No. Just paint.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: I have no interest in art. Let me clarify. I have no interest in non-nude images.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Dude, what the hell kind of art is this? It looks like a lizard puking up Skittles.
Arnold: I'm an abstract expressionist.
Tom: No, you're a con artist. And I'm a guy that's out 20 bucks. Ugh. Whatever.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] I... I don't know what happened. Frankly. I emitted a noise. The noise was involuntary. Sometimes, a sound is just a sound. You know?

Quote from April

Leslie Knope: We need to whittle these down. Can we all agree on eliminating any of these designs?
April: Ann's blows.
Ann: Wow. Don't hold back.
April: No offense, but it's a giant picture of a park. That's not art.
Ann: Well, at least it's not a fat human hamster eating meat.
April: You don't even work here.
Leslie Knope: Okay, guys, you both have a point. Ann, yours was a little trite. And April, yours was hellish and might make someone vomit.
April: Thank you.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Look, there's something about those shapes. There's some emotional art right there.
April: Any kid could do that.
Tom: No kid could do that. Only God could do that.
Donna: What is so great about the shapes?

Quote from Mark

Mark: Oh, God. What is that?
Leslie Knope: This is our entry for the mural contest. We couldn't decide on one design, so we took parts that we all liked of our designs, and then we just kind of smushed it into a thing.
Mark: Well, you made a camel. You've never heard that saying? The camel was actually a horse designed by a committee. And what you guys have here is one ugly camel. Featuring Bill Paxton.
Donna: Greg Kinnear.
Mark: Right. Greg Kinnear.
Donna: Oh! Is Bill Paxton from Indiana?

Quote from Andy

Andy: Oh, hey, Ron. What's up?
Ron Swanson: Uh... Andy, you know, the thing the other day?
Andy: Other day, other day... Yeah. Oh, yesterday?
Ron Swanson: I am... That... That was... I feel...
Andy: I'm okay... You know, I'd be okay if we... I'd be okay if we never mentioned it again.
Ron Swanson: [taps nose] Never mention what again?
Andy: The moan, Ron. The weird moan you made. That was super weird. Do you not remember that? I talked about it with the lady who went after you for a half an hour. She said she thought it was an animal...
Ron Swanson: Okay. It was just an odd moment. Let's just... Let's just not talk about it anymore.
Andy: Oh, that's what I was trying to say. But, yeah. Okay.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Paul: What are the shapes?
Ann: The shapes are awesome, is what they are. You can't handle it.
Paul: No, I actually like them.
Committee Member: Forgive me. Is that Michael Jackson?
Donna: [laughs] Yes. The pride of Indiana.
April: That's right. So, it's relevant.
Committee Member: Who is he carrying?
Leslie Knope: Jesus Greg Kinnear.
Paul: You know, it looks like he's carrying Kinnear into the burning building.
Leslie Knope: Oh, well, that's because he's moonwalking. So, he should be going the other way. That did not occur to me. [April laughs] Sorry. So, there you go. The Spirit of Pawnee.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: We didn't win. But neither did anyone else. They realized it was going to cost a ton of money to hire a muralist. So, they're just going to restore the old one. They're changing the title to The Diversity Express. Oh, well.

Quote from Tom

Tom: No. No. It's not as good as the other one.
Arnold: I don't know what you mean by "good."
Tom: Neither do I! Just do another one.
Arnold: You know, I have actual assignments that I have to finish for art school?
Tom: Shut up and do more art for me. [holding an abstract painting] This one's racist. [looking at another] It's beautiful. I've looked at this for five hours now. I like the green one. And the red circle right here. I'm tearing up, man.


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