Jean-Ralphio Saperstein Quotes Page 1 of 4

Quote from Li'l Sebastian

Tom: Hey, Jean-Ralphio, who's sitting in my clear purple desk?
Jean-Ralphio: What?
Tom: Who's this person?
Jean-Ralphio: Are you talking about this little sweetie right here?
Tom: Yeah.
Jean-Ralphio: That is our new assistant, Tessa. I saw her sweating real sexy on the StairMaster at Bally's.
Tessa: I need petty cash. My iPhone cover's gross and I need to get a new one.
Jean-Ralphio: Get it to match your personality. Petty cash, money bowl. Go diving.
Tessa: Gross.
Tom: Why do we keep our petty cash in a clear plastic toilet bowl?
Jean-Ralphio: I don't know, maybe 'cause we're...
Both: [singing] Flush with cash

Rate

Quote from Win, Lose or Draw

Jean-Ralphio: Uh-oh, uh-oh. Did someone just talk about a job opening? Because guess who's got two thumbs and was just cleared from insurance fraud? This guy, you know? [sing-songy] Got off on a technicality What's the gig? I'm in.
Chris: There's no job for you.
Jean-Ralphio: Smart move. Go with your gut. All right? I'll talk to you guys soon.

Quote from Woman of the Year

Tom: Jean-Ralphio, I have a hot investment opportunity that you are gonna wanna jump all over.
Jean-Ralphio: Hit me with it, daddy.
Tom: The Snakehole Lounge...
Jean-Ralphio: Heard of it.
Tom: Is looking for investors.
Jean-Ralphio: No way. Yesterday, if you would have asked me, I would've said no, but thank God, my grandfather just died, so I am a- flush with cash!
Tom: Awesome. I have 4,000 bucks. All I need you to do is kick in six G's. And then you and I are part-owners of the hottest nightclub in Pawnee. Also, sorry about your grandpa.
Jean-Ralphio: No worries. He was a dick.

Quote from Woman of the Year

Jean-Ralphio: Here's the thing. I can kick in five G's. That should be enough, right?
Tom: No, it's not enough. I just said I need six G's. What about your trust fund?
Jean-Ralphio: My parents had it amended. I don't get anything until I'm 50, which is a waste, 'cause I'm gonna be a billionaire in Costa Rica by then, eating dolphins and hanging out with lady singers.
Tom: It's not a huge deal. Just sit tight. I'll take care of it.

Quote from Woman of the Year

Jean-Ralphio: You wanna come home with me?
April: Don't you work at Lady Foot Locker?

Quote from Woman of the Year

Jean-Ralphio: What up, Big T! Stop. This must be the lovely Donna. Enchante. Listen, beautiful, let's cut the bull, right? You want this. I definitely want this. T.H. wants this. Let's seal this devil's three-way right here, right now. Step one, we buy into this club. Step two, we roll over to the club, either in your Mercedes Benz or my pre-owned Acura Legend. Step three, I dagger you on the dance floor. Just bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce Now, all the ladies say it Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce What do you say, sexy?
Donna: I'm out.
Tom: Why?
Donna: I hate that guy.

Quote from Fancy Party

Tom: I got to nail the speech. So I brought in an expert... Jean-Ralphio.
Jean-Ralphio: Can I throw something on you, see if it feels good?
Tom: Sure.
Jean-Ralphio: Okay, this is what I would do. I would start with a joke. Joke, Vince Vaughn quote, obviously.
Tom: Swingers, Crashers?
Jean-Ralphio: Fred Claus. Talk about Andy's ex-girlfriends. Quote from Love Actually. Hold back your tears. Pause. Drop the microphone. Get out of that bitch. [imitates explosion]

Quote from Li'l Sebastian

Jean-Ralphio: This is it for certain, okay? I create a game show. Two people on stage, right? They flip a coin. One of them has to perform open-heart surgery. The other one has to receive open-heart surgery. We call it Open-Heart Surgery.
Tom: How about this? You buy a Gulfstream G-IV jet.
Jean-Ralphio: Already interested.
Tom: Take the wheels off.
Jean-Ralphio: Get 'em off of there.
Tom: Turn the jet into an apartment building. People could live inside their own private jet.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: We're currently coming up with business ideas for Jean-Ralphio 'cause as of today, his bank account is blowing up.
Jean-Ralphio: I made my money the old-fashioned way. [sings] I got run over by a Lexus.
Tom: I still can't believe you won all that money in the lawsuit. You barely got hurt at all.
Jean-Ralphio: Do you want to get run over? Because I know a guy. Super gentle. Minor scrapes and bruises, major dollars and cents.

Quote from Li'l Sebastian

Tom: I got it. What are you amazing at?
Jean-Ralphio: I know it. We both know it, let's just say it at the same time.
Both: Creating spectacles.
Jean-Ralphio: No, I got it.
Tom: You create Pawnee's first and only high-end, all-media entertainment conglomerate.
Jean-Ralphio: Absolutely. That's absolutely what I have to do. What does it mean?
Tom: It means audio, video, movies, 3-D movies, nightclubs, iPhone apps. If it's entertainment, you're involved.
Jean-Ralphio: Yes, of course I am.
Tom: And you call it... Entertainment 7Twenty.
Jean-Ralphio: No! Why? Why?
Tom: You gotta stop screaming.
Jean-Ralphio: I will, I just get excited. Why do we call it Entertainment 7Twenty?
Tom: 'Cause you're willing to go around the world twice for your clients.

Quote from Li'l Sebastian

Jean-Ralphio: You gotta join the company. I'm the bank. You're the money.
Tom: I know, J, but it'd be a big leap.
Jean-Ralphio: And I will take that leap with you. I'm Thelma, you're Louise. You can't die full of regret. Why don't you live your life like that cow from the video?
Tom: He was a horse.
Jean-Ralphio: Yeah. Because he followed his dreams.

Page 2