A selection of quotes dedicated to Ben Wyatt's favorite food, the 'portable, delicious meal' that is a calzone.
Ben: You know what? I'm gonna go with the first place. I really loved that appetizer.
Chris: Oh, the mini-calzone?
Ben: I wouldn't call it that. It was more like a savory pastry. Delicate little dough pocket filled with tomato sauce, cheese, and seasoned meat. Just a stunning culinary innovation.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: It was a calzone.
Chris: It was literally just a small calzone.
Chris: So, Ben... Why Calzone?
Ben: Glad you asked, Chris. You know, there's fast food hamburgers. There's fast food Mexican. There's fast food Chinese. Blah blah blah. Have you ever wondered why there isn't a fast food option for Italian food?
Chris: What about pizza?
Ben: Pizza? Never heard of it. That's what people will be saying in 20 years, because pizza is old news, Chris. Pizza is your grandfather's calzone.
Chris: Never thought of it that way.
Ben: What I'm talking about is a portable, delicious meal, that is it's own container. It's a whole new spin on Italian fast casual dining.
Ben: And you of all people will like this. I'm gonna use low-fat ingredients.
Ben: And I will call my new Italian fast casual eatery "The Low-cal Calzone Zone."
Chris: That idea is literally the greatest idea I've ever heard in my life.
[aside to camera:]
Chris: That idea is terrible.
Ben: Well, how about this? What if I register for the contest? I bake the pie. I act as my own wife.
Leslie Knope: Oh, that could work. We sidestep the controversy, we refocus the campaign onto the actual candidate, and then we flip the antiquated tradition right on its head.
Ben: Exactly, but more importantly, we change the idea of what a pie is.
Leslie Knope: I feel like that's not more important, but I-I like the energy that we have, so let's hear it.
Ben: Okay. Picture this. Crust on the bottom, filling, crust on top. What am I describing?
Leslie Knope: A pie.
Ben: No, but you're in the right zone.
Leslie Knope: Oh.
Leslie Knope: Sure.
Ben: Pies are just sweet calzones, honey, and I'm good at making calzones.
Leslie Knope: You're amazing.
Ben: I can win this thing.
Leslie Knope: Of course you can, baby! Get in there and start baking!
Ben: [sings] Talk about the highway To the calzone-zone!
Tom: [scatting] Oh, whoa! Smells like some vomit took a dump in here. What happened?
Ron Swanson: We got food poisoning, Tom.
Ron Swanson: How do you not have food poisoning?
Ben: Because he didn't eat anything. He just took pictures and talked about the "wow" factor.
Tom: Not true. I ate everything you did.
Chris: Are you sure? Is there anything that you didn't eat?
Tom: Oh, yeah. I didn't eat those stupid mini-calzones. Haver-food rule number six: Never eat anything with a sauce I have to dip myself. Drizzle it on for me. I'm not your maid.
Ben: Well, there are always gonna be risks when you open new restaurants, but you've done your homework. All the numbers line up. Side note: I would again strongly recommend adding calzones to the menu.
Tom: Ugh. The worst.
Ben: Oh, my God!
Barney: I hope you don't mind. We decided to throw you a pizza party to say congrats for cracking the case.
Ben: Oh, my God, you guys. See what we got here. Wait a second. That's not pizza. Those are calzones! [laughter] I love calzones!
Barney: We know!
[aside to camera:]
Ben: [eating calzone] I think it's safe to say I made the right choice. What's up, guys?
Leslie Knope: How's your pie?
Ben: I don't know. I didn't make a pie.
Leslie Knope: [laughs] Okay. How is your dessert calzone?
Ben: It's ready. The question is, are they?
Leslie Knope: Chief Trumple?
Chief Trumple: Hey, Knope.
Leslie Knope: You know Ben Wyatt from the State Budget Office.
Chief Trumple: Yeah, how's it going?
Chief Trumple: Thanks for the party. Good pizza.
Ben: Great. So, yeah, the pizza's dynamite, isn't it?
Chief Trumple: I just said it was good pizza. It's good. Pizza's good.
Ben: You, uh, you know what I like? Calzones.
Chief Trumple: What the hell is wrong with this guy?
Leslie Knope: It's all right. We'll check in with you later.
Ben: Take it easy.
Chief Trumple: Yeah, will do.
Ben: What's up, Chris? Come on in, man.
Chris: I already did. So, uh, how you been? How are you doing? How are you?
Ben: Great, actually. I'm just learning how to make a "cali-zoin-za." Or, as you Americans like to say, calzones. Do you want one?
Chris: No, I find calzone fatty, and unnecessary.