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‘The Set Up’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: The Set Up

213. The Set Up

Aired January 14, 2010

To help her move on from Dave, Ann sets Leslie up on a date. Meanwhile, Ron tasks Tom with finding him an assistant.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ann: What is your ideal man?
Leslie Knope: He has the brains of George Clooney in the body of Joe Biden.
Ann: Interesting. That's a high, weird bar.

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Quote from Leslie Knope

Ann: And for you, madam, the Leslie Knope.
Leslie Knope: Thank you.
Ann: I can't believe the cafeteria named a sandwich after you. They're so cool.
Leslie Knope: Mm-hmm. Salami on pumpernickel with olive juice and extra iceberg. It was the only sandwich on the board that wasn't named. I just wish I'd liked it.

Quote from Ron Swanson

George MacFayden: Ron Swanson?
Ron Swanson: That's me.
George MacFayden: My name is George MacFayden. I wanted to talk to you about the amount of snow in the parks.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: I've been getting a lot of visitors recently, thanks to a stupid, worthless, new push to make government officials more accessible to the public.
[montage:]
Man: There is a disturbing of benches in Ramsett park! I want to sit more!
Woman: And another thing I like is the layout of the hiking trails.
Woman: I made this in one of your pottery classes. It's terrible!
[back:]
Ron Swanson: This is my hell.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] You know, I was only with Mark for one night, and then I was hung up on him for six years. I dated Dave for three months, so if I continue that pattern, I won't be over him for... Five hundred years.

Quote from Tom

Ann: So, Tom, here's your Chicken Caesar Salad. No dressing, no cheese, no croutons, no taste.
Tom: And no carbs.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ann: So how are you feeling about the whole Dave situation?
Leslie Knope: Aw, I really miss him. Yeah, I'm just trying to enjoy the memories.
Ann: Aw, that's a sweet picture.
Leslie Knope: Oh, isn't it? I asked the police department if I could have it and they said no, so I stole it.

Quote from Ann

Ann: [aside to camera] I feel sorry for Leslie. It's really hard to end a relationship because of distance. Although that's pretty much why I broke up with Andy. He lived way too close to me.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: More important than that and more important than anything in this godforsaken world is finding me an assistant.
Tom: You get an assistant now?
Ron Swanson: Yeah, I've always been able to have one, but I've turned it down 'cause it's a waste of money. In the eight years I've been at the job, I've saved the taxpayers of this city more than 150 grand. But now, I need the taxpayers' money to save me from the taxpayers. Post this at your college.
April: This looks like an ad for nothing.
[A white sheet of paper with only the text "Job: assistant to man. Low pay. Apply at Parks Department"]
Ron Swanson: Please be careful with it, it's my only copy.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Justin: I should warn you, land seizure isn't really my specialty, but I'm happy to take a look. Any friend of Ann's...
Leslie Knope: Is a friend of mine! That's my motto, too. So, what is your specialty? Is it locking up the bad guys or keeping them on the streets?
Justin: Uhm, neither. Civil litigation, mostly.
Leslie Knope: That's interesting.
Justin: It can be. I've got this crazy case... Have you ever heard of this product Fire in a Can?
Leslie Knope: Ah, I love those commercials! [sings] If you wanna start a fire but you have to do it fast, then-
Justin: Yeah, well, you shouldn't buy it. It will literally burn your hand clean off.
Leslie Knope: Oh, wow.
[aside to camera:]
Justin: It is an aerosol can with an igniter and a trigger. It's essentially a blowtorch, and if you can believe it, it was invented to warm up baby bottles.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Go, Ann, go! Oh, just one rule. I don't want to date a twin, 'cause I've been tricked before.
Ann: Okay.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: I don't know about this.
Chris: Well, I'm offering you a free scan. It usually costs up to $2,000. I'm kind of spoiling you here.
Leslie Knope: Well, I am a little curious.
Chris: Good. Frankly, I don't want to invest in someone who only has three months to live.
Leslie Knope: [chuckles] Oh.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: I'm treating this as an adventure. Who knows, maybe some day we'll tell our grandkids about how weird our first date was. And how creepy their grandfather was.

Quote from April

April: I want to be your assistant.
Ron Swanson: Really? You hate it here.
April: So do you. I'll make sure you don't have to go to any meetings. If anyone comes to see you, I'll scare them away.
Tom: Wait, April, if you had to choose between these two ties...
[April closes the door on Tom]
Ron Swanson: You're hired.
[aside to camera:]
April: I just figured I might as well get paid for being here.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] I'm back on the horse, and this horse is a lawyer, so I'm looking forward to riding him. No, wait.

Quote from April

April: Where are you going?
Jerry: I want to talk to Ron about the size of my desk.
April: Jerry, you have to schedule an appointment.
Jerry: Okay. How about now?
April: Ron's not here.
Jerry: He's right there. I can see him.
April: I'll let you know when he's available.
Ron Swanson: Attagirl.


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