Manrico Della Rossa: And anyone who even rubs their hands on a leather jacket should be tried for murder.
Bobby Newport: I'm an American. My father is an American. My mother is an American. My godfather is the viceroy of the principality of Liechtenstein.
Fester Trim: Once again, people, grenade launcher.
Bobby Newport: Daniel Craig. No... Timothy Dalton.
Leslie Knope: I was in favor of closing the Borders bookstore, not the border to Mexico.

Perd Hapley: And, Leslie Knope, closing statement?
Leslie Knope: [exhales] I'm very angry. I'm angry that Bobby Newport would hold this town hostage and threaten to leave if you don't give him what he wants. It's despicable. Corporations are not allowed to dictate what a city needs. That power belongs to the people. Bobby Newport and his daddy would like you to think it belongs to them. I love this town. And when you love something, you don't threaten it. You don't punish it. You fight for it. You take care of it. You put it first. As your city councilor, I will make sure that no one takes advantage of Pawnee. If I seem too passionate, it's because I care. If I come on strong, it's because I feel strongly. And if push too hard, it's because things aren't moving fast enough. This is my home. You are my family. And I promise you... I'm not going anywhere.
Bobby Newport: Holy [bleep], Leslie, that was awesome.
Leslie Knope: Thanks, Bobby.

Andy: Scrawny Christians, missionaries, come to him, and they're like, "Are you John Rambo?" He's like, "Yeah." And they're like, "We need you to take us upriver." And he's like, "It's a war zone up there." And they're like, "Yeah, we know. We're gonna change things." And he's like, "You bringing any weapons?" They're like, "Of course not." "Then you're not changing anything. Go home." And then they come back in a rainstorm. This time he says, "Nope. Go home." They go home again. Bottom line, they go upriver. Does not go well.

Andy: And that's how it ends. I loved it. It's called Babe. And I know it sounds corny. Talking pig. Whatever. You should all see it.
Donna: [sniffles] I feel like I just did.

Ben: Okay, everybody, latest poll is Newport, 40%, Leslie, 32%, with everyone else way back. Now this debate is our best chance to close that gap. Chris, Ann, and Tom, you guys will be talking to reporters, providing facts, general spin.
Chris & Ann: Spin team!
Chris: This is the best possible job for me. I can literally make anything sound positive.
Tom: Your house just burned down, and you lost all your money in the stock market.
Chris: It's a chance to start over. Fire is cleansing, and true wealth is measured by the amount of love in your life.
[aside to camera:]
Chris: If I had to have anybody tell me that I had cancer, I would want it to be me.

Ron Swanson: [sings] I am lineman for the county And the Wichita lineman [siren wails in distance] Is still the line

Joan Callamezzo: And I am legendary newswoman Joan Callamezzo, newly single. It's time for opening statements.

Leslie Knope: I finally get a chance to stand in front of everyone and talk about the town that I love. What if the town loves Bobby more than me?
Ben: There's no way. You're going to destroy him.
Leslie Knope: I'm going to wipe the floor with his face.
Ben: You're going to rip out his spine with your teeth and then chew it up and gargle with it.
Leslie Knope: [giggles] I love it when you're needlessly disgusting.

Tanda: So you do a lot of investing?
Andy: We like to dabble. I recently invested in some shirts I got at a garage sale. Left those at Wendy's on the way home. [fake laughs] So... The economy. [fake laughter]

Ron Swanson: Hello. You are here because you gave us money. Now we will give you ribs. Also you will watch the debate. If you like the debate, you'll give us more money. That is all. Ron Swanson.