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Ben's Parents

‘Ben's Parents’

Season 5, Episode 6 -  Aired November 8, 2012

When Leslie and Ben host an engagement party, Leslie tries to make peace between Ben's divorced parents. Meanwhile, Chris is still feeling down after starting therapy, and Tom prepares to present an investment proposal to Ron.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Tom: Ron in 60 seconds.
Ron Swanson: Tom. I haven't seen you tonight.
Tom: I've been working on my presentation. I just came by to congratulate Leslie, and then I'm heading back.
Ron Swanson: I admire the work ethic.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: I'm always looking for new investments. Ever since I got my first job at the age of nine, I have put all my money into gold, which is currently at an all-time high. So I have a certain amount of money. I've said too much.


Quote from Leslie Knope

Ben: This is amazing.
Leslie Knope: I know. I worked really hard on it. And, out of respect, I did not include any images of the only other man in the world who's as sexy as you, Joe Biden.
Ben: Yes, you did, right there.
Leslie Knope: Hmm? Oh, well, that's just a little one.

Quote from Ben

Leslie Knope: Okay, we are off to a rocky start, but we are gonna fix this.
Ben: Yes, we will. I called a cab. It's outside. I gave the driver 100 bucks to sit and wait, so whenever we're ready to go - like, maybe right now - all we have to do is walk outside.
Leslie Knope: No, I want to be here now, with you and your parents. Help me make this work.
Ben: Okay, fine. Best thing to do is distract them with innocuous talk about the stuff they care about.
Leslie Knope: Great, like what?
Ben: Well, they're white people from Minnesota, so hockey, fishing, skiing, sailing, and after a few drinks, put on a Prince album. Don't mention the Green Bay Packers or the state of Iowa. And also, I have enough frequent flyer miles to get us to Australia tonight.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ann: It's so beautiful and sparkly.
Leslie Knope: I know. And it's a non-conflict diamond.
April: When Andy proposed to me, he gave me a ring pop, but then he ate it first. How did Ben do it?
Leslie Knope: Let me start from the beginning.
Ann: Uh-oh.
Leslie Knope: In 1832, Ben's great-great-great-great- grandfather, Teodore Wyatt, a bastard, met a beautiful seamstress from Antwerp.

Quote from Ben

Leslie Knope: Are you excited?
Ben: Yeah, totally. I-I just have two small requests. One, put Twizzlers on the candy table, and two, cancel the party because you invited my parents, and they can't be in the same room together. Okay? Great, thank you.
Leslie Knope: No to canceling the party, and no to Twizzlers. We are a Red Vines family. You're gonna have to get used to that.
Leslie Knope: I know you're scared, but I love you, and this party is gonna go great.
Ben: Well, if there's anyone who can bring my parents together, it's no one. No one can ever bring them together.
[aside to camera:]
Ben: My family situation is complicated. My parents got divorced 30 years ago and they hate each other. Okay, I guess it's not that complicated.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Hey! I'm glad you're here. Let's go over the plan.
Ben: Okay, you and I go stargazing in Harvey James park, while my parents slowly strangle each other in the living room.
Leslie Knope: No. Your mom arrives at 7:00. We hand her a glass of chilled white wine, and, oh, look, my mom is walking over, and they're both educators and mothers. What a fabulous coincidence. Then later, Stephen Wyatt shows up--that's your dad.
Ben: Yes. He's terrifying.
Leslie Knope: We make some small talk, and 30 minutes later, I show everybody the big surprise.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: The Knope-Wyatt unity quilt. Ben and I are weaving our lives together, so I have woven this quilt. It represents every member of our new united family. Of all my metaphorical art projects, this is by far the coziest.

Quote from Ann

Ann: Everyone, before everyone else gets here, I'd like to make a little toast. My romantic life has been a bit of a mixed bag lately. And when that's the case, it's hard not to be cynical about love and relationships, but it's couples like you that give hope to the rest of us. Leslie, you deserve the best, and you found it. Ben, don't you dare hurt her. [laughter]
Ben: I won't.
Andy: Don't laugh. She means it.
Ben: Okay, I-I won't.
Ron Swanson: Seriously, son, don't hurt her.
Andy: Okay, I'm not planning on hurting her.
Jerry: You better not be.
Ben: I'm not!
Donna: Hey, Ben, you best watch yourself.
Ben: Why would any of you think I would hurt Leslie? You're all my friends too.
April: Nah.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ann: Everything okay?
Leslie Knope: Uh, slight speed bump. Everything is terrible, but I am going to fix it with my secret weapon.
Ann: Okay, well I will make sure that everything else runs smoothly.
Leslie Knope: Ann, you are such a good friend. You are a beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox. Thank you, ox, for keeping this ship afloat.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Ben and I are getting married, and I've been telling everybody about it. I'm so happy, I want to shout it from the rooftops.
Ben: And she has. We've gotten several noise complaints.
Leslie Knope: [loudly] We're getting married!
Ben: All right.

Quote from Chris

Chris: Mm, the joy that I am feeling right now is profound and unmatched in the modern era. And I can't tell you what it means to me that I'm the very first person that you chose to tell.
Leslie Knope: Oh--
Chris: Let me walk around with you as you tell everyone else so that I can share true joy being spread, please?
[cut to:]
Leslie Knope: Hey, everyone! We have something very exciting to tell you that you have never heard before. Ben and I are engaged and you're hearing about it for the very first time right now.[all cheering]
Chris: Come on, everybody! How about a little excitement? Leslie and Ben are engaged! Nothing will ever come between them! [all cheering]
Andy: What's going on?
Chris: Leslie and Ben are engaged!
Andy: [gasps] Again? You guys!

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