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‘Go Big or Go Home’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: Go Big or Go Home

301. Go Big or Go Home

Aired January 20, 2011

When the government shutdown ends, the Parks and Recreation department returns with a heavily trimmed budget. Leslie enlists Ann's help to convince Chris to give the department more money. Meanwhile, Ron and Andy coach children's basketball teams.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys into men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. Behold. The Swanson Pyramid of Greatness.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: I've been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include:
[back:]
Ron Swanson: Capitalism, God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor. Crying, acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage, poise, property rights. Fish, for sport only. Not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable. Haircuts. There are three acceptable haircuts. High and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. Are the scissors broken in your house, son?

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Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Ron, we're back.
Ron Swanson: Bully.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: The bankrupt government of Pawnee has been shut down all summer, so it's been three months of no work, no meetings, no memos, no late nights, nothing. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Gentlemen, I realize that times are tough, and the budget is tight. But if the people of this town have nothing else to do but sit in their houses and play video games, then Pawnee will die. And we refuse to let that happen. [whispers] Now. This town was historically known for two things. [Chariots of Fire theme plays] Widespread obesity and the annual Pawnee Harvest Festival. People from all over Indiana would come and gaze in wonderment at how fat our citizens were. And while they were here, they would also attend the festival. A full week of corn mazes, hayrides, ferris wheels, pumpkins the size of jeeps. We lost that festival a few years ago, due to another round of budget cuts. And I propose we bring the festival back. With ticket sales and corporate sponsorship, we'll earn all that money back. And believe me, people will come.
Ben: What if they don't?
Leslie Knope: Well... Then you eliminate the Parks Department.
Ben: And you guys are all on board with this.
All: [murmurs of agreement]
Leslie Knope: Look, we're not just pencil pushers. We are a reflection of the community. And we believe that we can strengthen that community. Because in the end, the reason why we're all here is to bring people together.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ann: So you happy to be back at work?
Leslie Knope: Well, our budget's been slashed to zero. I tried to buy fertilizer the other day for the soccer field. Request denied. We literally can't buy [beep]
Ann: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Leslie Knope: No, I mean, look. When we were kids, the Parks Department would do these big projects. Winter Jamboree, the Harvest Festival. It's like they don't have faith in us anymore. I'm not a paper-pusher, Ann. I need to be out in the streets, planting trees and cracking skulls.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: Well, I am usually not one for speeches. So good-bye.

Quote from Andy

Andy: [aside to camera] I'd say my coaching style is centered around fundamentals, with an emphasis on fun. And a second emphasis on mental. Yeah, it can be hard work, but every time I look one of these kids in the eyes and he calls me coach... That's how I know I agreed to be a coach.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [recording] Budget solution number 28. Use grazing sheep to mow grass in parks. Note: Tired sheep could become food or sweaters. [groans]

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Okay, I like what you're wearing, but I need it to be 300% sexier. Do you have any of those shirts that look wet all the time? Or... or, like, a metal bikini? Oh, you know what's always sexy? Fingerless gloves.
Ann: What about if I wear this normal, sane outfit?
Leslie Knope: Yeah, okay, but you're gonna have to eat something sexy, then, like a banana.
Ann: For dinner?
Leslie Knope: Well, what's sexy food? Asparagus? No, you know what's sexy? Turkey chili. Yum.

Quote from Chris

Chris: I am so excited that you finally agreed to go out with me. What a magnificent flip-flop.
Ann: You're a magnificent asker-outer.
Chris: Tell me every single detail of your day.
[aside to camera:]
Chris: I love dates. I love connecting with someone. I love engaging them. I love being surprised by them. I have never had a bad date. They've all been either great or phenomenally great.

Quote from Tom

Tom: [aside to camera] Yes, Ron Swanson is dating my ex-wife, Wendy. Big deal. My girlfriend, Lucy, is the sexiest woman in town. She's Cuban, she's got tattoos, and she's into me, which, as far as I'm concerned, is the sexiest quality a woman can have.

Quote from Tom

Tom: And that's why they call me Prince Charming. 'Cause I always find the glass slipper for my Cinderella.
Woman: These are way too tight.
Tom: Well, the real Cinderella didn't have hippo feet.
Leslie Knope: Tom, we're back.
Tom: [claps] Jeremy! Suck it! By the way, I've been giving away free sports bras to the girls at hot dog on a stick.

Quote from Donna

Donna: [on the phone] Look, we can dance all day, but it's time to step up. Are you buying 4,000 rubber nipples from me or not?
Man: Dee, you have a visitor.
Donna: We back?
Leslie Knope: We're back.
Donna: All right.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Jerry.
Jerry: Oh, my gosh. Look who's here. Leslie.
Leslie Knope: The nightmare's over, Jerry. We're going back to work. You're not gonna need this anymore. [tosses wonderful watercolor painting in the river]

Quote from Tom

Tom: Okay, gentlemen, it's time for the pregame coin toss.
Ron Swanson: There's no coin toss in basketball. Are those women's sneakers?
Tom: Yes, they are, Ron. You know what? They fit better. I got an employee discount. And the best part is, no one can tell.

Quote from Tom

Tom: It's a foul.
Ron Swanson: What? On whom?
Tom: Your team. Number 50. He was double dribbling.
Ron Swanson: He's on defense.
Tom: Exactly. It's a technical difficulty, so that means Andy's team throws the ball from the stripey thing. Let's go.
Ron Swanson: The stripey thing?

Quote from Ben

Ben: Look. When I was 18, and I became mayor of my hometown, I used every last dollar we had to open a giant winter sports complex. Called it Icetown.
Leslie Knope: And it turned out great, and everyone loved it.
Ben: Uh, yeah, kinda. It was never completed, and I got impeached. Newspaper headline was, "Icetown costs ice clown his town crown."
Leslie Knope: Yuck.
Ben: They were big into rhymes.

Quote from Andy

Andy: [aside to camera] I dedicate this victory to April Ludgate. It feels good. And it feels sticky. From the Gatorade.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Okay, so we know the people who run this government have no faith in us. My plan is gonna change that and bring the budget back. And the answer's been right in front of us the whole time.
April: Ew, check your testicles?
Leslie Knope: No, not that. Although that is very good advice. I'm looking at you, Jerry.


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