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‘Flu Season 2’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: Flu Season 2

619. Flu Season 2

Aired April 10, 2014

When the flu hits Pawnee again, Leslie and Andy must work through their sickness to find another headliner for the unity concert. Tom and his colleagues attend a wine-tasting event as he searches for a sommelier. Meanwhile, Ben is worked up about his parents selling their lake house and, on a long walk home, runs into Ron Dunne (guest star Sam Elliott).

Quote from Leslie Knope

Andy: [on the phone] Well, I'd have to check but I'm pretty sure we can handle that. I do have... one question. [sneezes repeatedly without covering his face] Hold up.
Leslie Knope: Oh my God! Andy!
Andy: Sorry.
Leslie Knope: Andy! Are you getting sick? It's flu season again! I cannot get sick. Stock up on Kleenex. Don't touch your face. Don't touch anything. People are dropping like flies. We already had to quarantine Larry.
Jerry: Leslie, I don't feel good. Can't I just work from home?
Leslie Knope: The tent is your home now, Larry. We already forwarded your mail.

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Quote from Ron Swanson

Dana: Some of our blueberry wine?
Ron Swanson: We make it right here at the vineyard. I don't drink alcohol from that portion of the color spectrum.
Ben: [drinks] Hey! Whew! Whoa. That's strong. Holy hell. That's a lot of alcohol.
Ron Swanson: We will take four bottles, please and thank you.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Andy: Well, I guess while you get your medicine, I'll just stroll through the candy aisles but won't get any.
Leslie Knope: You can buy two candies.
Andy: Two!
Kitty: Can I help you?
Leslie Knope: I have the flu. Super nauseated for a few days, a lot of barfing. It's a total disaster. Plus I have a ton of work to do, so I need the good stuff, the "Mariah needs to sing tonight" stuff.

Quote from April

April: I'm getting notes of dried robin's blood, old dirty cashews, and just a hint of a robot's bathwater.

Quote from Andy

Leslie Knope: How are we gonna convince this guy to reunite Land Ho?
Andy: Same way I got a perfect score on the S.A.T.s, broken Scantron machine.

Quote from Craig

Craig: Well, good night, everyone. I'm going to go home and feel totally fine. Who am I kidding? I'm going to go home, put on a Macy Gray album, and cry in the mirror!
Donna: Why are you bummed?
Craig: Are you all blind? I want that job at Tom's Bistro.
Tom: Look, man, you know your stuff, but you're like a crazy volcano. You'd have to show me you can bring it down a notch.
Craig: I'll bring it down 1,000 notches if I have to!

Quote from Tom

Xander Truffant: Ah, Mr. Haverford, allow me to introduce Terrence Montreaux. He is a restaurateur like yourself.
Tom: You own a restaurant too?
Terrence Montreaux: No, monsieur. I own 12. I am here to find the best sommeliers as soon as they are... how you say, um, "certified."
Tom: That was my idea.
Terrence Montreaux: That is everyone's idea. That is why we have this, how you say... "thing."
Tom: Okay, don't act like you don't know the word "thing."

Quote from Tom

Tom: [aside to camera] Today at a local vineyard, a bunch of sommeliers - aka, wine experts - are going to be competing for their certification. I'm gonna hire the best one at my new restaurant... [clicks tongue] Tom's Bistro. People that convince other people to buy expensive stuff they don't need, those are the real heroes.

Quote from Andy

Andy: I guess now that we got Chipp McCapp as our headliner, I can get rid of my awesome wish list.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, those are long shots. "Bob Dylan's friends"?
Andy: Well, I just thought maybe they could get Bob Dylan to come.

Quote from Tom

Tom: [aside to camera] My main target for Tom's Bistro: Xander Truffant. He's the best young somm in the game. I don't say this lightly, he's basically the Bruno Mars of Indiana amateur wine tasting.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ben: Sorry. Just weird family business.
Ron Swanson: Sounds private. No need to discuss it with me.
Ben: My parents had this small little vacation house on Lake Hubbard, and now they've sold it without telling the rest of us.
Ron Swanson: Did you not hear me say there was no need to discuss it with me?
Ben: My dad sent me this check out of the blue, my share of the profits. It's so disrespectful to the family structure.
Ron Swanson: Maybe a drink will help. Put some alcohol in your mouth to block the words from coming out.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ben: So mad at my parents. I mean, they both wanted the house for Columbus Day weekend, and they fought so much that they decided to just sell it to spite each other--
Ron Swanson: More wine, less talking.
Ben: You know, you are a wonderful guy, and I admire many things about you, but you're a terrible person to discuss personal problems with.
Ron Swanson: Thank you, friend. That really means a lot to me.

Quote from April

April: You know in the movies, when the cops show up and find lipstick on a wine glass next to a dead body? This is that wine.

Quote from Ben

Ben: Oh, man. This wine bottle is all out of the wine.
Ron Dunne: Well, hello, gentlemen. What brings you out on this fine evening?
Ron Swanson: Mother[bleep].
Ben: Whoa. Where'd you come from?
Ron Dunne: Uh, that's a complicated question. All depends on whether your conception of time is linear or circular.
Ben: What?

Quote from Ben

Ron Dunne: Hello, Ron.
Ron Swanson: Ron.
Ben: You know this hobo?
Ron Swanson: He was my counterpart from the Eagleton Parks Department.
Ben: Dude, are you a ghost?
Ron Dunne: Am I?
Ben: What is happening right now?

Quote from Andy

Andy: You know, Leslie, sometimes life throws us crazy curves, and, yes, this moment may be the biggest curve you've ever had to deal with, but just because your family is getting bigger does not mean that you can't handle it. You and Ben can handle anything.
Leslie Knope: Wow. Andy, thank you. That's exactly what I needed to hear right now. God, it's so weird that you know that I'm pregnant before Ben does--
Andy: Pregnant? Holy crap. Leslie!
Leslie Knope: Yeah. Well, what did you think?
Andy: I thought you were getting a dog.
Leslie Knope: Well, why did you go like this?
Andy: That's the sign for petting a dog that's sitting on your lap. But pregnant? Wow. Oh, that's amazing.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: This is him right here. I will also get out here and walk home.
Ron Dunne: You sure? This thing runs on vegetable oil and bat guano. Actually cleans the air as it drives.
Ron Swanson: Quite sure. Thank you.


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