Donna: You should listen to him. Those books are good.
[aside to camera:]
Donna: Oh, I love any book about vampires, werewolves, monsters, zombies, sorcerers, beasties, or time-traveling romances. And if I had an hour alone with Robert Pattinson, he would forget all about Skinnylegs McGee. I'll tell you that much.

Leslie Knope: And I am submitting this. A brief history of everything that has ever happened since Pawnee was founded. Not like you get extra credit for this, but I did type it from memory. And for the first time ever compiled, it includes a complete list of every official town slogan we've ever had.
April: Oh, my God, Leslie.
Leslie Knope: I know. Can you believe it?
April: That's crazy.
Leslie Knope: Isn't it?
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: "Pawnee: The Paris of America. Pawnee: The Akron of Southwest Indiana. Pawnee: Welcome, German soldiers." After the Nazis took France, our mayor kind of panicked. "Pawnee: The factory fire capital of America. Pawnee: Welcome, Vietnamese soldiers. Pawnee: Engage with Zorp." For a brief time in the '70s, our town was taken over by a cult. "Pawnee: Zorp is dead. Long live Zorp. Pawnee: It's safe to be here now. Pawnee: Birthplace of Julia Roberts." That was a lie, she sued, and so we had to change it. "Pawnee: Home of the world-famous Julia Roberts lawsuit." "Pawnee: Welcome, Taliban soldiers." And finally, our current slogan: "Pawnee: First in friendship, fourth in obesity."

Leslie Knope: So that's what today's forum is for. We're gonna hear suggestions from everyone, and then whichever items we generally agree on will go into the time capsule. Please remember this is a government project, so we need to refrain from corporate promotion and religious items. Who'd like to start?
Man: I think we should put in the Bible.
Leslie Knope: Great.

Leslie Knope: So we have one very moving case for Twilight. Anyone else? Great. Two people for Twilight.
Marcia Langman: Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm Marcia Langman from the Society for Family Stability Foundation. This book contains pagan creatures and strong sexual overtones. There are girls quivering. There are boys staring deeply into girls' eyes as they quiver and so forth. There really is a tremendous amount of quivering. It is anti-Christian, it is pro-quivering, and the government has no business promoting it. [applause]
Man: I totally disagree.
Leslie Knope: Well, now we have two people for Twilight.
Man: Absolutely not. I'm with the National Civil Liberties Association. That book actually contains overt Christian themes, and as such, has no business being associated with any government project.
Leslie Knope: So too Christian and not Christian enough? Do you see the irony here? No? Okay. Uh, Donna, why don't you put a question mark next Twilight?
Kelly Larson: No! You promised!
Marcia Langman: You promised? That's not fair!
Man: Wait, it's not a question of fairness. It's secul...
Marcia Langman: Go back to Russia, commie!
Kelly Larson: Hey, you go back to Russia! And you go back to wherever you came from!
Marcia Langman: Why would I go to Russia? I have no interest in traveling to Russia. Can I just say that?

Leslie Knope: "Dear Pawnee of the future, congratulations. You have found a time capsule that was buried over 50 years ago. We wanted to include a collection of items that would best represent what life was like in our town at that moment. Instead, you'll find only one item, a video recording of a public forum we held in order to determine just what those items would be. This is truly what life was like. A lot of people with a lot of opinions arguing passionately for what they believed in. So enjoy watching it. A- Assuming you still have electricity. And sorry about the weird blank gap in the middle. A man named Jerry Gergich screwed up the recording somehow. He had one job to do. Sincerely, Pawnee of the past."

Chris: It's fantastic.
Andy: Yeah. I worked really hard. I did every pair that I could. I didn't know what to do with these. I think they're gloves.
Chris: No, no, no, no. Those are sports sandals. They're for adventure racing. They perfectly contour to the human foot, and the human foot is the ultimate technology.
Andy: Dude, that is the coolest sentence I've ever heard somebody talk.

Tom: Am I Team Edward? Yes. Do I share his concerns about turning Bella, though? Absolutely not.

Leslie Knope: Okay, Jerry, what have you chosen to put in the time capsule?
Jerry: These are my mother's diaries.
Leslie Knope: Wow.
Jerry: Yeah, she lived in Pawnee all of her life and recorded everything she ever did. Yeah, so it's, you know, kind of like a living document about the town.
Tom: Hmm. A disappointingly good idea from Jerry.
Leslie Knope: Better than good, Jerry. Perfect.
April: Give me that. "January 18, 1964. Jerrold starred in his school production of Peter Pan. He was a beautiful Tinker Bell." [laughter]
Jerry: It was an all-boys school.

Leslie Knope: Okay, Tom, you're up.
Tom: For my item, I chose a picture of my ex-girlfriend Lucy with a mustache drawn on her face and stink lines coming off her, 'cause she stinks.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily, when you're the guy, you can just tell people she's crazy. "Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up." "Yeah, man. Turns out she's crazy." That's what they always do on Entourage.

Leslie Knope: Ron?
Ron Swanson: I am submitting this menu from a Pawnee institution, JJ's diner, home of the world's best breakfast dish, the four horse meals of the egg-pork-alypse. Wendy loves it too.