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‘Citizen Knope’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: Citizen Knope

410. Citizen Knope

Aired December 8, 2011

Now that she's suspended from the Parks Department, Leslie forms a community action group to get things done. Meanwhile, Ben searches for a job in the private sector, and Leslie's colleagues work together to surprise her with a Christmas present.

Quote from April

April: [aside to camera] These are the Black-eyed Peas. And I finally killed them. It's a Christmas miracle.

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Quote from Leslie Knope

Ann: Merry Christmas, Leslie! We made you this replica of the parks department out of gingerbread.
Leslie Knope: Oh, my God, I love it! Aw, I love it, and I love you guys, and Ann specifically. And all of you! You did all of this together?
Ron Swanson: Yes, except for me. Turns out, I cannot make a gingerbread house, which would bother me if I were an 8-year-old girl. In any case, these people stepped up and helped me out, and that gave me another idea. This is the City Council chambers, and that's you, next may.
Leslie Knope: I don't understand.
Ann: Your campaign advisers quit, big deal. You're running for city council again, Leslie, with our help.
April: April Ludgate, youth outreach and director of new media.
Tom: Tom Haverford, image consultant, swagger coach.
Ann: Ann Perkins, office manager and volunteer coordinator.
Andy: Andy Dwyer, security, sweets, body man. Javelin, if need be.
Donna: Donna Meagle, transpo, AKA rides in my Benz.
Jerry: W- You guys didn't tell me we were doing this. I--I did not know that I was supposed to come up with something. I--
Ron Swanson: Ron Swanson, any other damn thing you might need.
Leslie Knope: Guys, it's so much work. I can't ask you to put your lives on hold.
Ron Swanson: Find one person here who you haven't helped by putting your life on hold.
Leslie Knope: [choked up] I don't know what to say... Except... Let's go win an election! [cheers and applause]

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Every year, I give Leslie the same present I give everyone: A crisp $20 bill. And every year, she gets me something thoughtful and personal. It makes me furious. This year, she outdid herself.
[clicks button; Ron's office doors close] She had it installed over the weekend. It's so-- [chokes up] It's so beautiful.

Quote from Leslie Knope

William Barnes: Well, before the scandal, you were at 26%. Now, we knew we'd take a hit, but we figured as long as we're at 15% or above, we're still in the fight.
Leslie Knope: And we're at 15%? We went back to 26%? Whoa, wait. 50%?
Elizabeth: We're at one.
Leslie Knope: One... hundred?
William Barnes: You're polling at 1%.
Leslie Knope: What? No. That can't be right. Okay, well, what we do is we move forward from this. How do we put a positive spin on this?
Elizabeth: There's no way to spin this.
Leslie Knope: Sure there is. You're looking at the glass like it's 99% empty. I'm looking at it like it's 1% full. You know, the last delicious sip of a milkshake at the bottom of the metal milkshakey thing?

Quote from Leslie Knope

Chris: Ron filled me in on everything that happened, and I really wish that the ethics investigation hadn't interfered with your campaign in any way.
Leslie Knope: You don't have to apologize. You were very fair. In fact, I'm the one that needs to apologize. I got you involved in PCP. But I'm starting a new group now, LSD - Leslie's Sorry Division - and I just want to say I'm sorry, Chris.

Quote from Ben

Ben: Mmm, I love me a calzone.

Quote from Chris

Chris: Leslie Knope!
Leslie Knope: Hey, Chris! Wow, is that a new jogging shirt?
Chris: It is! It's an experimental fabric called bumble-flex. It's made out of synthetic bees' wings.
Leslie Knope: That's cool.

Quote from Ben

Leslie Knope: It's so nice to be able to sit here in public and have breakfast with you.
Ben: Yeah.
Leslie Knope: In a way, my suspension from work was kind of a blessing.
Ben: Yeah, I feel the same way about resigning in disgrace.

Quote from Ben

Leslie Knope: You have a big day. What's this interview for?
Ben: It's a job doing in-house accounting work for an accounting firm, so... could be pretty interesting.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, sounds interesting.
Ben: You know, if I hadn't resigned in disgrace, I might never have explored the private sector. It's like, why didn't I resign in disgrace 12 years ago?
Leslie Knope: You might want to stop saying "resigned in disgrace." Especially during job interviews.
Ben: Good call.

Quote from Andy

Ann: Leslie wishes she could be here herself to give you these presents, but she's suspended. Oh, and also she said that they're not from her, they're from Santa Claus.
Andy: Can I go first? [gasps]
[aside to camera:]
Andy: Mouse Rat, certified gold! Over 100 copies sold in Pawnee! I need to get a picture of me holding this so I can frame it.

Quote from Donna

Donna: [aside to camera] Personalized, leopard-printed robe. Pink feather cuffs. And on the back, in rhinestones... "You can get it"!

Quote from Tom

Tom: [aside to camera] I know you're sad you couldn't get tickets to the "Watch the Throne" tour, so I got you a watch and a tiny throne instead. And check it out, she even took out the dumb clock part and put this in... "Baller Time."

Quote from Jerry

Ron Swanson: We need to get Leslie something that erases the enormous emotional debt that has built up over years of this gift-giving imbalance. Everyone start thinking of ideas.
Jerry: Aw, jeez. Socks. She gets me.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Okay, so let's talk about damage control. Now, I could go on Pawnee Today, but-- and I know this is a long shot... Oprah has her own network now.
Elizabeth: Whoa, Leslie, slow down.
William Barnes: The first step is for us to figure out what we're up against, and we've already got polls out in the field, and we should have results back in a couple of days. Just stay out of the spotlight until we can figure out just how this, uh, incident has affected the voters.
Elizabeth: Sit tight, take a beat, relax.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: "Sit tight"? "Take a beat"? "Relax"? I don't really do any of those things. In fact, while I was in that meeting, I was also planning my mother's birthday party in my head. Strawberry margaritas! [gasps] Another use for sal-gar!

Quote from Tom

Tom: Behold! My latest attempt to drag this department into the 20th century.
Jerry: Tom, it's the 21st century.
Tom: I know. I'd settle for getting you into the 20th. I fed all of Leslie's emails, letters, and memos into a program and generated... A word cloud. This is how we can get gift ideas. The more she's mentioned a word, the larger it appears.
Ron Swanson: "Ben"... And much larger, "Ann." She definitely loves Ann.
Ann: Aww.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: Okay. I have an idea. I will build a small wood model of the parks department. We can decorate our offices as they are in real life. It will be... Cute.
Ann: Wait! Better idea: We make a gingerbread version of the office. [all voice agreement]
Andy: That's so good!
Ron Swanson: I think the wood model is best.
Ann: And we can decorate our offices with candy canes and gumdrops!
Jerry: That would be so adorable!
Ann: Thanks, Ron! That's such a cute idea!
Ron Swanson: I have some great red birch with a nice spalting. I already have some scale wainscoting.

Quote from Tom

Tom: When I was trying to decide how to decorate my office, I had to ask myself, "What kind of candy should I choose?" Obviously chocolate, 'cause I'm sweet, smooth, and the ladies love me. Now the question still remained, "What kind of chocolate am I?" Do I have a little gooey, caramel center? Am I filled with little Rice Krispies? Maybe I'm white chocolate and I'm bucking all the stereotypes.
Ann: Oh, just put your damn candy out.
Tom: Ultimately, I decided to go with a little gourmet fudge. I didn't have time to make it into anything, and please don't eat it 'cause it cost $55 an ounce.

Quote from Andy

Donna: So I made my desk out of silver M&Ms. But they do not make silver m&ms, so I spray-painted them.
Ann: Okay, those are poisonous, so no one eat them.
Andy: [with silver lips] Yeah, duh.
Ann: Go throw up.
Andy: I didn't eat any.
Ann: Go throw up. Throw up.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Hello, I am Leslie Knope, and I represent the PCP. [applause] We have a list of six demands. Here they are in alphabetical order. Number one: Ants. Too many ants in the teen center. Number two: Tennis court improvements. Number three--
Jerry: Well, Les--um, ma'am, uh, this public forum, it is just about improvements that we can make to the rec center.
Leslie Knope: Speaking of which, the fact that yahtzee is not in the rec center is a tragedy on par with human trafficking. Slight exaggeration... Getting back to our demands. We will not be muzzled like a rabid dog. We are gonna take this all the way to the top.


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