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‘London (Part 2)’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: London (Part 2)

602. London (Part 2)

Aired September 26, 2013

As Leslie receives her award in London, she bemoans the fact that many Pawnee citizens don't respect her. Ron begrudgingly agrees to see more of Europe. Meanwhile, Chris and Ann start spreading the news that she's pregnant, and Tom tries to save his business.

Quote from Donna

Chris: I just never thought that I would get to make this announcement. It's a very special day. Okay. Hi, Donna.
Ann: So...
Donna: You're pregnant.
Ann: Oh, man, Tom told you.
Donna: Nope. You're drinking decaf coffee, which you usually only do in the afternoon, you're wearing an empire-waist dress and loose shoes 'cause your feet are already swelling. I'd put you at nine, maybe ten weeks.
Chris: My goodness, you're observant.
Donna: Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Hmm. When did you make the switch to boxer briefs?
Chris: Yesterday.
Ann: Okay, please stop looking at him.

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Quote from Ron Swanson

Leslie Knope: Why are we here?
Ron Swanson: Just thought you needed some fresh air, even if that air is filled with the foul stench of European socialism.

Quote from Jerry

Chris: Hey, Jerry. I didn't know you were working today.
Jerry: Yeah, Ron asked me to come in while he's away. Of course, I had to cancel my cardiologist appoint--
Chris: That's great. Now, here's a piece of information that is interesting. Ann is pregnant, and it's my baby.
Jerry: Oh, my God, that's wonderful news! Oh, there's so much in front of you. I mean, soon you're gonna start showing, and then your clothes will feel tight, and then, oh, people are gonna start rubbing your tummy all the time!
Ann: [laughs] That sounds terrible.
Jerry: Well, Gayle, she got really queasy, and I gained a lot of sympathy weight. You know, actually, before my kids, I looked a lot like you, Chris.
Chris: I'm very sad. Please stop talking.
Jerry: And, of course, pretty soon, Ann, your milk is gonna come in.
Ann: Oh.
Jerry: That is exciting. Mmm. [gulping] Yep, and it happens sooner than you'd think. The babies can sense it. You would be shocked, 'cause they are rooting around for that nipple. [smacking lips] Mm, mm. Gimme, gimme. Mm, mm, mm. I want milk! Mm, mm, mm, mm. Ohh. Life is a miracle.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] All my life I've avoided Europe and its multitudes of terribleness. But it turns out, much to my surprise, there is actually one place in Europe that is worth seeing: these tiny islands off the coast of Scotland, where God's chosen elixirs are distilled, barreled, and prepared for consumption. This is worth the trip. "Dear Ron, you have now reached the cliffsides overlooking the islands. As you sit here and gaze upon the waters, please read out loud the poem by the great Scotsman Robert Burns. Love, Leslie."
"Oh, were my love yon lilac fair, with purple blossoms to the spring, and I, a bird to shelter there, when wearied on my little wing, how I would mourn when it was torn by autumn wild and winter rude, but I would sing on wanton wing, when youthful may its bloom renewed." I don't know what she thought I'd get out of that.

Quote from Chris

Ann: I mean, this is all pretty overwhelming, you know?
Chris: You know what I just read? Right now, our baby is the size of a green olive. Isn't that wild?
Ann: It is.
Chris: A green olive. A little high in sodium. I would have preferred a chickpea or a cherry tomato.
Ann: Our baby's not a salad.
Chris: Yes, right.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ron Swanson: You're leaving tonight? I can't believe there's even a flight.
Leslie Knope: Well, not to Indiana, but there's a 9:00 red-eye to Lisbon, and then I can catch the 4:30 A.M. back to Edinburgh, connect through Houston, head on up to Cincinnati and then rent a car, drive around 90, and I'll be home two hours earlier than if I flew home as planned. Easy breezy!

Quote from Andy

April: So it's kind of awesome that the Lord Fancyface Guy wants you to stay.
Andy: Yeah, I guess. I mean, I can't do it, obviously.
April: Why?
Andy: I don't even know what I would be doing. I mean, besides, this is England. Everything is so weird. It's all different.
April: Yeah, like how they drive on the other side of the road.
Andy: Do they? I'll be damned. Yeah, like that. That's what I'm-- exactly what I'm talking about. Or like the Piccadilly Circus we went to? Not even a circus. There's no elephants, there was no cotton candy, there's no clowns. One bearded lady. She got all rude when I marveled at her.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ron Swanson: Leslie, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I do not think you should leave Europe right now. You flew all this way. Have some perspective.
Leslie Knope: You have some perspective! [throws clothes] I'm sorry. Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm stressed. Okay, I need to calm down. Let's go walk past Colin Firth's house again.
April: Who is that?

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ulee Danssen: They just love me. What about your town?
Leslie Knope: Well, Pawnee, Indiana, is a wonderful town, and I love it, but they hate me. And they're trying to kick me out of office. One time, they made a pinata of my face, and then everybody in the town came and took turns hitting it with a stick, and they filled it with broccoli, just to add insult to injury... [laughter] But politics... You know what I mean, right?
Ulee Danssen: I don't, no. [both laugh]

Quote from Leslie Knope

Lisa: Thank you, Ulee. It is so inspiring to hear stories of powerful women who are held in high esteem by their hometowns. Now, from the hometown of Pawnee, Indiana, in the United States, Leslie Knope. [applause]
Leslie Knope: First let me say, it is a true honor to be here among these amazing women. You all inspire me with your accomplishments and the things you have done for your hometowns and the things your hometowns have done for you. I mean, they're just truly... You know, I've been a public servant for a long time. And you know how I spend my days? Cleaning slime out of rivers and removing slugs from people's front yards. And I love my town, but you know how they repay me? By hating me. They hate me. They want to recall me. I wish I could move to Silkeborg and dance with a reindeer.
Ulee Danssen: You're always welcome in Silkeborg! Olga, let's start a statue of Leslie.
Leslie Knope: See? They like me in Silkeborg more than my own hometown, and I've never even been there. I love Pawnee, but sometimes it sucks. The people can be very mean and ungrateful, and they cling to their fried dough and their big sodas, and then they get mad at me when their pants don't fit. You know, I'm sick of it. Pawnee is filled with a bunch of pee-pee-heads. Thank you very much for this amazing award. I'm sorry I said "pee-pee-heads." [laughs; applause]
April: Whoo! That's my boss!

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [answers phone] Hello.
Jerry: Leslie, it's Jerry.
Leslie Knope: Jerry who?
Jerry: Gergich.
Leslie Knope: Jer- Oh, Jerry. Jerry, why are you calling me? I don't want to waste my international minutes.
Jerry: Leslie, your speech was webcast, here in Pawnee. Everyone saw it.
Leslie Knope: What do you mean, "everyone"?
Jerry: I had organized a big viewing party, you know, to support you, and, well, now that Kathryn Pinewood lady, she's already pounced. She's calling it the... "Pee-pee-head" speech.
Leslie Knope: Bloody hell, Jerry!
Jerry: So how's Lond- [Leslie hangs up]

Quote from Ron Swanson

Leslie Knope: You know, I know I am supposed to feel bad about what I said, but I do not. Pawnee has really been pissing me off lately.
Ron Swanson: Leslie, for God's sake, you're the adult here. When your kid screams "I hate you," you don't sink to his level and yell "I hate you" back. You have to be the grown-up.
Leslie Knope: [sighs] You're right. I know. I have to be the grown-up. [whining] But it's so hard! Ron! God! And nobody ever thanks you.
Ron Swanson: You choose a thankless job, you can't be upset when nobody thanks you. And by the way, April thanked you. She nominated you for this award.
Leslie Knope: Well, April does that all the time. She nominated Ann for Motocross Driver of the Year award just so she could get a rejection letter.
Ron Swanson: April respects you, and so do many others. Don't start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Leslie Knope: Oh, I almost forgot. I finally got you a proper wedding gift, part one of many.
Ron Swanson: A train ticket? You think I want to extend my stay on this godforsaken continent?
Leslie Knope: Yes, you do. If you follow that itinerary to the letter, I promise you, you will not be disappointed.
Ron Swanson: Well, I would offer to buy you a drink, but where the hell would that even happen?
Leslie Knope: This is London, Ron. There's a pub over there, there's a pub over there, there's a pub between those two butcher shops.
Ron Swanson: Let's go to that one, but we'll be stopping in those two butcher shops first.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Thank you all for coming, and let me just say how truly, deeply trill it is to be standing in this dope-ass
conference room, addressing a group of people in a business meeting. It's really a dream come true.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Oh, I'm so happy for you guys! Ohh, this is the greatest day in the history of days. This day, a thousand years from now, will be celebrated as the beginning of a new and better human race. I am so happy for you, I'm never letting you go. I am not gonna let you go.
Chris: Oh, oh, oh, eventually, she's going to have to go back to work.
Leslie Knope: Are you sure you should be working? I mean, you should be resting and getting fluids and... And cold compresses and greasy foods.
Ann: That's for a hangover.
Leslie Knope: Right, yeah, of course. I'm so goofed-up right now. I'm so jet-lagged. I took a sleeping pill on the plane, and then I changed my mind, so I took this thing called "Zapvigil," which, apparently, is what Israeli fighter pilots use to stay awake. So right now, it looks like I'm talking to a giant crab. Stay away from me, crab!
[laughter] I'm just kidding. I know it's Ann.

Quote from Andy

Ben: So Andy's gonna stay there for three months. I hope he's okay. He sent me an email this morning. I guess he got on the wrong train on the way to work and got lost.
[cut to Andy in front of Stone Henge:]
Andy: Yeah, this isn't right. None of this looks familiar. Eddie?

Quote from April

April: Okay, well, before you go, I have something for you. I feel like you're getting sad about how stupid and lame people are, and that is my job, not yours. So I'm gonna read this letter to you, out loud, but if you hug me afterwards, I swear to God, I'll scream and pull my hair out and maybe punch you in the face. Okay?
Leslie Knope: Okay.
April: Please sit. [clears throat] "Dear award committee members..."
Leslie Knope: [sobbing]
April: Leslie, I didn't even start.
Leslie Knope: Okay, I'm sorry. Go ahead.
April: "Dear award committee members, where I live, there are a lot of apathetic people, people who don't care at all about what they do or how they do it. They let the world wash over them and barely notice anyone else is even there. Leslie Knope is not one of these people. She cares about everything and everyone in our town. I don't know how she does it. People come to her with the pettiest, stupidest problems, and she cares-- like, really, actually cares-- what happens to them. And if you're lucky enough to be her friend, your life gets better every day. She spends every waking moment thinking of new ways to make her friends happy. There is something wonderful about seeing someone who has found her true purpose on earth. For some people, I guess that's being an astronaut or a hot dog-eating champion. For Leslie, her true purpose on earth, her true meaning, is making people's lives better. That's what I love about her, and that's why she deserves this award. Sincerely... Satan."
Leslie Knope: You're getting hugged right now.
April: No, I told you not to.
Leslie Knope: I'm giving you a hug.
April: No! Stay away! No!


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