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‘Operation Ann’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: Operation Ann

414. Operation Ann

Aired February 2, 2012

When Ann is the lone singleton on Galentine's Day, Leslie decides to try set her up at the Valentine's Dance. Meanwhile, Ben needs Ron and Andy's help when Leslie sets him a series of riddles to figure out where they should meet to celebrate their first Valentine's together.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Okay, time for gifts. We have gift certificates for facials for everybody, then you're gonna get a needlepoint pillow with your face on it and the lead headline from a newspaper on the day you were born.
Marlene Knope: "Joseph Stalin dies"?
Leslie Knope: That's right, Mom, and you replaced him. Though not in terms of genocide. Just in terms of, you know, being on earth.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: February 14th, Valentine's Day, is about romance, but February 13th, Galentine's day, is about celebrating lady friends. It's wonderful, and it should be a national holiday. It should be a national holiday. [writes on phone] Dear Congress, it's Leslie again.


Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Okay, so the Valentine's Day dance is planned, prepped, and under budget, but we have one final task. Ann Perkins is currently attending the Valentine's Day dance alone, so I need each one of you to bring an eligible bachelor for her tomorrow.
April: Ann's not totally hideous. Why does she need our help?
Leslie Knope: Because that's what friends do, April. They help friends find happiness. Now the last guy she liked was Chris, but she can't date him again because he's her boss. So when we're thinking of prospective sweethearts, we need to think of people who are... Attractive and smart and kind. And if you're wondering what kind of guy is right for Ann, all you need to do is ask. Also you need to find someone educated, and friendly, and fun...
Ron Swanson: Just tell us the damn word.
Leslie Knope: Effervescent, he needs to be effervescent.

Quote from April

Leslie Knope: April, you're the old married broad here. How's Andy?
April: Well, last week he was supposed to buy gas, but instead he bought novelty cookie cutters. Now everything we eat is shaped like a dinosaur. [laughs] He's amazing.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: I do not understand this. This really confuses me.
Ben: Well, you do love them both.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, I love passionate speakers and Italian men. Doesn't mean I love Mussolini.
Ben: You love Italian men?
Leslie Knope: Not as much as... Irish... Scottish? White... Whatever you are. This is the weirdest Valentine's Day ever.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: I thought we had agreed that we weren't gonna get each other presents 'cause we were too busy with the campaign-- I got you something too.
Ben: Oh, a... bomb?
Leslie Knope: It is a cryptex, like in that movie The Da Vinci Code, which was the first movie that you and I ever watched on Starz HD.
Ben: Wow, that's specific.
Leslie Knope: Inside it will tell you where to meet me at 9:00 P.M. tonight, and the combination is a five-letter code that captures the essence of our third date.
Ben: Yeah...
Leslie Knope: So I will see you tonight. Unless...You can't crack the code.
Ben: I think I can crack the code.
[aside to camera:]
Ben: I have no idea what the code is.

Quote from Donna

Leslie Knope: Let's talk about personal relationships. Who wants to start? Donna?
Donna: I have several men in rotation. One's waiting for me out in the car. [chuckling] Don't worry, I rolled down the window.

Quote from Ann

Leslie Knope: And mom, how's it going with Steven?
Marlene Knope: Well, I met him on the Internet because of my lovely daughter, and we are compatible.
Leslie Knope: La, la, la, la, la, la, la. Okay, no, no, no, no, no. Ann, can you start talking?
Ann: Well, I'm- I'm- I'm in a bit of a lull right now, but I'm so glad that you all have people in your lives that you care about, so congrats! It's really hard to say congrats without sounding sarcastic. Seriously, I really hope you guys are all very happy-- Damn it.
April: We are.

Quote from Andy

Ben: Well, Leslie hid the location of our Valentine's meeting place in here.
Andy: No.
Ben: I tried every five-letter word that has anything to do with our third date.
Andy: Have you tried [bleep]?
Ben: That's a four-letter word.
Andy: Oh. Add an "s"?
Ben: I really don't think it's that.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ben: [to Ron] Okay, so the clue is inside, but it takes a five-letter code to open it. Andy!
Ron Swanson: Did you try [bleep]?
Andy: Ha!
Ben: Yes, why is that everyone's first suggestion?
Andy: Just smart people.
Ron Swanson: I think I might be able to help you.
Andy: Told you.
[Ron smashes the cryptex open with a hammer]

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Leslie. Found a date for Ann.
Leslie Knope: Jerry, well done.
Jerry: I put an ad on Craigslist: "Man seeking man for a night of casual fun." Enrico, he responded right away.
Enrico: I'll meet you inside, okay?
Jerry: Okay.
Tom: You hired a male escort.
Jerry: A what?
Leslie Knope: Please get your gigolo out of here.
Jerry: I, uh- Oh, my God.

Quote from April

Leslie Knope: Hey, you're here.
April: And I brought a bachelor.
Leslie Knope: Are you kidding me?
April: No.
Leslie Knope: You brought Orin? Ann is not some weird, morose mummy. Offense intended, Orin. Let this be a wake-up call about the way you present yourself to the world.
April: I think Ann and him would be cute together.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] There was supposed to be, like, 20 guys here for Ann, and there's only four. Who else do we have? Ben, taken. Jerry, taken. Oh! My dentist... Is 80, and he's gay, and he's taken. Uh... what's this? P. Hut? Oh, Pizza Hut! Hold on... [on the phone] Hi, how cute are you?

Quote from Chris

Tom: Hey, Kriss Kross, can we change up the music? It kind of sounds like the end of a movie about a monk who killed himself.
Chris: It is.
Tom: Listen, man... There's some attractive women here. Why don't you rebound?
Chris: Nobody here compares to Millicent. Except maybe Jerry. Technically they share 50% of the same DNA.
Tom: Stop staring at Jerry like that.

Quote from Tom

Tom: So, Bill, this stunning woman saves lives for a living. What do you bring to the table?
Bill: Uh, where to begin? Uh, I'm an amateur juggler--
Tom: Nope, you shouldn't have begun there. Get out. No one's trying to get with jugglers. Thanks for playing.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ron Swanson: We failed. If I just had a little more time.
Ben: She's waiting for me somewhere in Pawnee, and I'm not gonna be there.
Ron Swanson: Wait... Leslie loves romance, but she also loves being right. Is there something you used to disagree on, but you've since come around to her way of thinking?
Ben: Ron, you're a genius.
[cut to:]
Leslie Knope: Little Sebastian. At first you did not understand what made this tiny horse so special, and now you love him more than I do.
Ben: Yep, I miss him every day.
Leslie Knope: I really tried to make that hard. I'm very impressed with you.
Ben: Eh, some of them were kind of tough.

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