Woman: Well, look, I think this is a great idea, but I can't make any forum. I would have to get a babysitter.
Leslie Knope: How old are your kids?
Woman: Four and two.
Leslie Knope: Could the 4-year-old watch the 2-year-old?

Leslie Knope: Tom, I have Pawnee Today in an hour. Was my book selected for Joan's cook club?
Ben: Joan Callamezzo has a book club?
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Joan Callamezzo started a book club four years ago. And now she is the literary tastemaker in the town. The Time Traveler's Optometrist, by Pawnee's own Penelope Foster. A heartwarming story about a caveman eye doctor who travels to present-day Cincinnati and can see everything but love. Unreadable. Then Joan slaps her sticker on it, best seller, four years in a row.

[on TV broadcast:]
Announcer: This is "The Final Word with Perd." With your host, Perderick L. Hapley.
Perd Hapley: Issue number one is the first issue we're going to talk about. Is Bobby Newport's campaign for city council in trouble? When I say your names, I want you to respond. Dylan.
Dylan: Well, Newport's poll numbers have been plummeting. They just fired his campaign manager, and where's Bobby? He's on vacation in Spain.
Lisa: He's not on vacation, he's in hiding. Every time the guy speaks, he puts his foot in his mouth.
Perd Hapley: [laughs] That's a hilarious image. A foot in a mouth.
Lisa: It's a common expression.

Leslie Knope: Tammy, what are you doing here?
Tammy Two: Oh, I just have a little something I need to get drilled.
Leslie Knope: Can I speak with you for a moment? Everything's fine, we're just gonna chat. Shouldn't you be at the library, forcing people to borrow books?
Tammy Two: Leslie, you and I both know that the library closes at 3:00 p.m.
Leslie Knope: Of course it does.
Tammy Two: Besides, I like to keep tabs on Ron.
Leslie Knope: So you can ruin his life?
Tammy Two: So I can have fun with him, and sometimes ruining his life can be a part of that, sure.

Elsa Clack: Welcome to "The Quiet Corn". I'm Elsa Clack. Breakfast is served between 5:30 and 6:15 A.M.
April: What if we sleep to a normal hour?
Elsa Clack: Well, that would be very rude of you. May I take your breakfast order? We have hardboiled eggs, homemade tomato slices with dry seed and leek jam, and your choice of German muffin.
Ron Swanson: What the [bleep] is a German muffin?

Tom: All right. Now, what superpower would you rather have? Would you rather be able to fly or be invisible? Ed, go first.
Ed: Uh, fly, I guess.
Tom: I forgot to tell you. You can only fly five feet above the ground. [laughter]
[aside to camera:]
Tom: I bring a certain panache and spice to the spa experience for these guys. Before I joined, they were just three old white dudes quietly boiling in hot water.

Ron Swanson: Okay, time to head back to the office. I've missed an entire day of work, so at least some good came from this.