Parks and Recreation Quote of the Day

Sunday, July 3, 2022

Quote from Ron Swanson in Animal Control

Ann: You need to take off those layers, rehydrate, and go to the doctor.
Ron Swanson: Thank you for your concern, I will be fine. Please turn the thermostat up to 90 and leave me alone.
Ann: Ron, this isn't safe.
Ron Swanson: I am a grown man. I have had a cold before, I need no help, so if you don't mind- [falls down]
Ann: That seems about right.

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Recent Quotes

Saturday, July 2, 2022

Quote from Leslie Knope in Eagleton

Leslie Knope: Happy Birthday, Ron.
Ron Swanson: Ann said you had a big party... sombreros, karaoke.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, I did that for Ann. Why would I throw Ron Swanson an Ann Perkins party?
Ron Swanson: What about the giant list of things April was doing?
Leslie Knope: That was just a list of ways to mess with you. She do 'em all?
Ron Swanson: She did indeed.
Leslie Knope: So I have rented Bridge on the River Kwai and The Dirty Dozen. [cork pops] Artie from security is outside the door, so no one will bother you. And a cab will be here whenever you're ready to take you home.
Ron Swanson: Thank you.

Friday, July 1, 2022

Quote from Ron Swanson in Prom

Leslie Knope: [high-pitched] I know what you're doing, Ron, and I will defeat you. Mark my words.
Ron Swanson: Stop wasting helium. It is intended for welding and filling air ships.

Thursday, June 30, 2022

Quote from Leslie Knope in Pawnee Commons

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Well, they always wine and dine you first, but the fact of the matter is Eagletonians are, without exception, snobby, condescending jerks. This is the Pawnee side of our border with Eagleton... [sign: "Now Leaving Pawnee. Come Back Soon!"] And this is the Eagleton side. [sign: "Now Entering Pawnee. Good Luck With That!"]

Wednesday, June 29, 2022

Quote from Tom in Live Ammo

Tom: She says, "you get out of a job what you put into it." You just need to find a project you're passionate about. For instance, I was incredible at naming drinks at the Snakehole Lounge because I care a great deal about signature beverages. The Beer-yonce Knowles. It's just a regular beer, but we put it in a sexy-ass mug. Pairs nicely with the Jay-zima. We bought a bunch of zima when the factory shut down.

Tuesday, June 28, 2022

Quote from Ron Swanson in William Henry Harrison

Roscoe: Gryzzl is an outsider here in Pawnee, so a local celebrity is gonna make everyone feel more at ease with us. And that's why we called on you home court chillers to frack your braniums.
Tom: Since we're locals, they want us to think of ideas.
Ron Swanson: I got it from context.
Tom: Okay.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: I have no interest in consorting with celebrities. The only celebrities I recognize are furniture maker Garry Knox Bennett, designer of the notorious 16 Penny Nail Cabinet, and Magnus, the five-by-five bull elk I saw near my cabin two years ago. Took a shot at the bastard and he stuck his antlers through the door of my meat shed. One day, Magnus, I will wear you as a jacket.

Monday, June 27, 2022

Quote from Leslie Knope in Indianapolis

Leslie Knope: Well, luckily, I'm heading up there. I'll invite him out to dinner and I'll poke around a little bit.
Ann: Okay.
Leslie Knope: I mean, he's not gonna be able to keep anything from me. In high school, they used to call me Angela Lansbury. But that was because of my haircut.

Upcoming Quotes

Monday, July 4, 2022

A quote from Leslie Knope in the episode Pawnee Commons.

Tuesday, July 5, 2022

A quote from Ron Swanson in the episode Indianapolis.

Wednesday, July 6, 2022

A quote from Tom in the episode Fluoride.

Thursday, July 7, 2022

A quote from Ron Swanson in the episode Road Trip.

Friday, July 8, 2022

A quote from Chris in the episode Jerry's Retirement.