Joan Callamezzo: Thank you, Commissioner Gordon, people of Gotham.
Ben: Okay, she thinks she's in Batman.
Joan Callamezzo: People often ask me, "Joan, how do you do it?" It's simple. I love being on TV. I've known what I've wanted to do since I was ten years old. That is the key to living a good life. If you don't absolutely love what you do with a true passion, then what's the point in doing it at all? On a separate note, I think that America should have a purge night. Let me explain why.

Leslie Knope: Okay, it's time for a little Galentine's day Q&A. Donna, you pick first.
Donna: "What is your favorite TV show?" Well, for live tweeting, it's Scandal. For binge watching, it's Scandal. But for fashion, it's actually Scandal. My answer is Scandal.

Tom: What are we trying to do with this catalog? We're trying to sell Pawnee on our summer classes. How do we do that? With one perfect, captivating image. April. Modern life. Where are we running? Sometimes what we want is not always where we are. Next slide. Are we alone? Is the real winter inside our hearts? We're all struggling for definition in a world that resists our inquiries.
Leslie Knope: Okay, this isn't gonna work for a number of reasons. One, this is a summer catalog. Two, that was complete gibberish. And three, that child looks like it's abandoned, so basically, boo.

Leslie Knope: This is Ron Swanson, our boss. Ron, this is the reporter I was telling you about.
Ron Swanson: No comment.
Shauna: About what?

Leslie Knope: Our research shows that our park will draw 5,000 visitors a year, and I want this to be the most amazing, awe-inspiring, fun-filled park ever conceived.
Chris: Now how big is the park, exactly?
Leslie Knope: It is .000003 square miles.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Recently, the last remaining telephone booths in Pawnee were torn down, and on that patch of concrete, I am creating Pawnee's newest tourist attraction: The smallest park in Indiana. The title is currently held by Martin Luther King, Jr. Park in Terryville, but guess what? Terryville sucks old car tires, and so does Martin Luther- No, he does not suck old car tires. He was one of the greatest men in history. I'm sorry. Sometimes I get competitive.

Ann: [aside to camera] Halloween is my favorite holiday, it's just the best. And I don't have to work. Hey, slutty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens, pump your own stomachs this year.

Man: Excuse me. I had a meeting with Ron Swanson yesterday, but I had a little car trouble.
April: Sorry, he's busy right now.
Man: Oh. Uh, well. Well, can I reschedule?
April: Sure. Hmm. How about June 50th?
Man: Sorry?
April: Do you think you could come back today at 2:65? He's available then.
Man: What is going on?
April: Looks like the only other day he has open is March-tember one-teenth. Does that work, sir? [phone rings; April hangs up]