Parks and Recreation Quote of the Day
Monday, March 18, 2024
Quote from Leslie Knope in The Pawnee-Eagleton Tip Off Classic
Todd: Leslie, you're down 15 points in the latest poll for the recall election. What can you do to make up the deficit?
Leslie Knope: I'll tell you what I'd do if I was an Eagletonian. I'd pop a Xanax and ask my butler to help me out. [laughter] I mean, I'm not saying that Eagletonians are out of touch. But when you tell 'em it's time to change their oil, they ask, "Extra virgin or white truffle?" [laughter] Thanks, guys. I'll see ya at the game. Unless, of course, you're an Eagletonian, and then you'll be too busy polishing your monocle at the caviar store. Knope out. [microphone feedback; laughter]
Recent Quotes
Sunday, March 17, 2024
Quote from Jerry in I'm Leslie Knope
Jerry: Okay, so now you're sure that everything is okay, you know, down there?
Dr. Harris: You're perfectly healthy.
[aside to camera:]
Dr. Harris: That man has the largest penis I have ever seen. I actually don't even know if he has mumps. Forgot to look. I was distracted by the largest penis I have ever seen.
Saturday, March 16, 2024
Quote from Jerry in Jerry's Retirement
Jerry: I know I didn't achieve all my work goals, but, Leslie, I don't care because for me, the best part about working in the Parks department was that I got to be home every night with my family at 5:00. And to me, that's what mattered most.
Friday, March 15, 2024
Quote from Chris in Flu Season
Chris: Ann Perkins.
Ann: Hey. How was your run?
Chris: Ended with a 5 1/2-minute mile, my personal low. I think the pavement in this town is soft.
Ann: What's with the mask?
Chris: Flu prevention. My body is finely tuned, like a microchip. And the flu is like a grain of sand. It could literally shut down the entire system.
Ann: My body's like a chip too. Potato chip. [both chuckle] No.
Thursday, March 14, 2024
Quote from Tom in Leslie and Ben
Ben: Oh, uh, yikes. We need an officiant.
Tom: I got this. You can become an ordained minister online in, like, five minutes. Do you want more like a Steve Harvey vibe or straight-up Seacrest? Nuh! Never mind. I'll combine 'em, Steve-crest.
Wednesday, March 13, 2024
Quote from Tom in Are You Better Off?
Andy: It's a positive pregnancy test, Tom. I found it outside of Ron's cabin after our brainstorming session. Is there any possibility Mona-Lisa could be pregnant?
Tom: [scoffs] We always use protection... but I'm pretty positive she pokes holes in them. What brand pregnancy test is it?
Ann: It's called "Womb There It Is."
Tom: That's her brand. I'm gonna be a dad? I'm gonna have a baby with Jean-Ralphio's sister? Oh, God. What have I done? Like, to humanity?
Tuesday, March 12, 2024
Quote from Ron Swanson in Hunting Trip
Ron Swanson: You know, Leslie, the Super Bowl is in a couple of months. I usually watch it with my brothers. Maybe you could come by at halftime and shoot me in the head.
Leslie Knope: Ron, I'm really sorry that I ruined your weekend.
Ron Swanson: Perhaps next time I'm enjoying some alone time in the men's restroom, you could invite yourself into my stall and shoot me in the head.
Leslie Knope: Look, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you...
Ron Swanson: Sure. How about you shoot me in the head? Oh, wait, you already did that.
Upcoming Quotes
Tuesday, March 19, 2024
A quote from Ron Swanson in the episode I'm Leslie Knope.
Wednesday, March 20, 2024
A quote from Tom in the episode Fluoride.
Thursday, March 21, 2024
A quote from Andy in the episode The Treaty.
Friday, March 22, 2024
A quote from Andy in the episode Emergency Response.
Saturday, March 23, 2024
A quote from April in the episode William Henry Harrison.