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‘Camping’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Parks and Recreation: Camping

308. Camping

Aired March 24, 2011

Leslie wants to follow up the Harvest Festival with another great idea, so she takes her colleagues away on a camping trip to brainstorm ideas.

Quote from Tom

Tom: I've never been before, but I think I'm gonna love it.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: Why am I gonna love it? Skymall! Come check out my tent. I ordered a bunch of crap off Skymall. I got my TV, my XBox, DVD. Awesome bed right there. DJ Roomba's in the mix. Ah, it's like I'm not even camping. This is actually a dog couch, but it's super comfortable.


Quote from April

April: [answers phone] Hey. Where are you?
Andy: I'm here. Where are you?
April: We're inside the main entrance. Near the sign that says Pawnee campground.
Andy: Oh... I'm in a totally different place. That's why we can't see each other.
April: [on the phone] My God, Andy. I don't even want to be here. The air is too fresh. It's disgusting. I can't breathe. There's a brook somewhere that won't stop babbling. Shut up!

Quote from Ann

Chris: No, you have to understand that at the time, I genuinely thought that you and I would never see each other again.
Ann: I completely understand.
Chris: Well, that's what makes you so amazing.
Ann: No.
Chris: Ann Perkins. Amazing. [Ann goes into kiss Chris] Oh, no.
Ann: Oh, no? Oh, no.
Chris: No, no, no. I wasn't saying that I thought we should get back together again.
Ann: But you said that... You indicated... Oh, my God, this is happening again.
[aside to camera:]
Ann: I have to move, right? Yeah. I'm gonna leave the country. Bye, everybody. Bye.

Quote from Ben

Ben: All right, I call this wonderful spot.
Jerry: You didn't bring a tent?
Ben: I don't really go camping, ever, Jerry, so I'm not gonna spend $150 on a tent. I'm just gonna sleep on the floor.
Ron Swanson: It's called the ground when it's outside.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: And when she looked in the back of her car, she saw that, even though it was her own private property, she would be forced to take it in... [shouts] for a state inspection!

Quote from Ron Swanson

Leslie Knope: Here is our official retreat schedule. It divides our time evenly between work and play.
Ron Swanson: Come on, everybody, let's hustle. Let's get to the brainstorming.
Leslie Knope: Great attitude, Ron!
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: I just wanna get the work over as soon as possible so I can do some fishing. Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga, except I still get to kill something.

Quote from Tom

Ben: Hey, Tom.
Tom: One second, I'm just in the middle of a head massage. [shuts off massager] That's a good stopping point. What's up?
Ben: Uh... You wanna bounce some ideas off each other?
Tom: Here's a better idea. How 'bout I bounce my way over to my dog couch and watch a little season six of Top Chef?
Ben: All right.
Tom: I know Leslie seems upset. But the truth is, she's better than us at this stuff by a thousand miles. So there's really no point. Care for some fondue?
Ben: Yeah. Hey, how do you afford all this stuff?
Tom: I just return it the next day and claim it was defective. The key is crying a lot. No one likes to hear a grown man cry. [feigning tears] And then my hand accidentally went in the panini press! [sobs]

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ben: Wow, the sky is really beautiful.
Leslie Knope: It's pollution from the Sweetums factory. It's gorgeous. But is it worth the asthma?
Ben: No.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Leslie Knope: We need big ideas, and we need 'em now. Who wants to go first?
Ron Swanson: I propose that we take all the money we made from the Harvest Festival and return it to the citizens.
Leslie Knope: So how much would that be per person?
Ron Swanson: About 83 cents. Per household. Before postage. Are we done?

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: I mean, yes, my daughter might think she is old enough to be sexually active with her boyfriend. But I'm sorry, 16. That... That just seems too young to be on birth control. You know, I was 24 when Gayle took my virginity.
Ron Swanson: What's say we just stand here in silence. And think of ideas... for projects.
Jerry: You know what I should do? I should lead a teen abstinence workshop.
Ron Swanson: That might be incredibly effective.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Elsa Clack: Welcome to "The Quiet Corn". I'm Elsa Clack. Breakfast is served between 5:30 and 6:15 A.M.
April: What if we sleep to a normal hour?
Elsa Clack: Well, that would be very rude of you. May I take your breakfast order? We have hardboiled eggs, homemade tomato slices with dry seed and leek jam, and your choice of German muffin.
Ron Swanson: What the [bleep] is a German muffin?

Quote from Donna

Donna: Luxury Dog Park.
Leslie Knope: Do you wanna tell us anymore?
Donna: Poodles only. No pooping.

Quote from Andy

Andy: [answers phone] Hello?
April: Andy, you have to save me. I'm camping with people I work with.
Andy: Hello, April?
April: Hello?
Andy: Walk around in circles, like I am, help triangulate the phone call.

Quote from Tom

Tom: If that's a coyote, someone needs to pick me up off the ground, now.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Leslie, just tell us your idea. NCIS: Los Angeles Season One isn't gonna watch itself.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Chocolate or butterscotch?
Ben: Uh, swirl me. Dude, camping is awesome. I love it.
Ron Swanson: Excuse me, gentlemen. How long have you been running power to this tent?
Tom: I don't know. How long have we been here?
Ron Swanson: Ten hours. [power cuts out]
Tom: No! I was Tivoing Cupcake Wars.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] I have a good feeling about this B&B. One day, there's gonna be a plaque there that reads, "This is where Leslie Knope came up with the amazing idea for..." Damn, I thought that would work.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] That was the second most awkward way a man has ever grabbed my breast.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: All right, guys, everybody listen up. Just a few notes about our camping retreat tomorrow. We're all gonna meet here and leave as a group at 6:45 A.M., promptly.
Donna: Why are we doing this?
Leslie Knope: Harvest Fest is over. We do not want to have a sophomore slump. This camping trip is our chance to think of some really big ideas.
Ron Swanson: Why don't you just tell us what our next project is, and I'll go camping by myself.
Leslie Knope: Look, I have ideas, Ron, okay? I have like a hundred new ideas. But the point is, the pressure is on. We only have one chance to make a second impression.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Tom: I have a question. What if we're scaling a cliff and I start to fall? Can I grab onto your boob for support?
April: No, Tom, don't! Her boob kills!
Leslie Knope: My boob does not kill. Paul did not die. He had a heart attack which required an octuple bypass. Besides, the Pawnee Sun said that my chest saved his life.
[aside to camera: Leslie holds a tabloid newspaper with the headline "Knope Grope Is Last Hope"]

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