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‘The Treaty’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: The Treaty

407. The Treaty

Aired November 10, 2011

When Leslie and Ben help out with Pawnee's Model U.N., their difficulty moving past their break-up has geopolitical ramifications. Meanwhile, Ron tries to get Tom to take his job back in the Parks Department, and Chris wonders why Jerry's daughter has soured on their relationship.

Quote from Andy

Leslie Knope: I need a few more volunteers. Andy, will you be Iceland?
Andy: The bad guys from Mighty Ducks 2? Don't think so.
Leslie Knope: Okay, how about Japan?
Andy: The bad guys from Karate Kid 2? Even worse. How 'bout Germany? They've never been the bad guys.
Leslie Knope: Why don't you be Finland?
Andy: Okay.

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Quote from Andy

Andy: Delegates! I know that you're angry with each other. Hopefully, this will be your opportunity to have your very own Camp David.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: In high school, my buddy David Fundis would have these campouts in his backyard. We would just chill out, have a bonfire, talk about whatever was on our mind. We called it camp David.
[back:]
Ben: How do you know about Camp David?
Andy: How do you know about camp David?

Quote from Andy

Andy: Honey! I just traded Finland's military to Kenya for 50 lions. That's pretty good, right?
April: Yeah...
Andy: Okay.
April: But also militaries are pretty good at protecting countries.
Andy: But so are lions. And you don't have to pay them.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: These kids are idiots. I've just traded all of Finland's boring stuff for every other country's lions? I definitely have more lions than any other country in the whole world right now. I have no idea what's going on. But if that ends up meaning something in this game, I'd say I'm set.

Quote from Ann

Ann: I was so into you, okay, and you basically turned me into a female version of yourself, and then you got bored dating me because you were dating yourself.
Chris: Huh...
Ann: I mean, I was jogging. I hate jogging.
Chris: [laughs] Jogging's amazing!
Ann: Jogging is the worst, Chris. I mean, I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost?

Quote from Ron Swanson

Leslie Knope: Ron! You wanna join us? Look! I'll let you be America.
Ron Swanson: [scoffs] And teach kids that not only is government good, but there should be a World-wide super-government? I'd rather sand down my toenails.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: Every three weeks, I have to sand down my toenails. They're too strong for clippers.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ben: Oh. Okay. Fair enough. Oh, you know what? You might wanna borrow this.
April: Ew, no one wants your dirty underwear, Ben.
Ben: It's not dirty underwear. It's a white flag, and you may as well start waving it right now, Leslie.
Leslie Knope: The only thing I will be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!
Ben: Good lord.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Oh hey, Ben. Have you seen my complete collection of all 193 national flags? Ooh! Here they are.
Ben: Wow!
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: So, I've been asked to run this year's Model UN at Pawnee Central High School. Attendance has been low. And if I don't make it awesome, they may cancel it. I wonder if I'm gonna make it awesome.

Quote from Ben

Leslie Knope: ...Or I can be South Korea, you can be Bangladesh. You can form like a Trans-Asiatic alliance.
Ben: Yeah, I like it. And I see the merits of it. I just worry if we're both in Asia, it might limit our scope.
Leslie Knope: Mm.
Ben: I kinda want to roll up my sleeves and make geopolitical problem-solving my bitch.
Leslie Knope: Amen, brother. Let's go back to plan "A." I'll be Denmark, you be Peru.
Ben: Yes!
[aside to camera:]
Ben: Oh, I didn't really do Model United Nations in high school, so... Oh, wait. I super-did.

Quote from April

April: And I'll be the Moon.
Leslie Knope: No, you're gonna be South Africa or... Pakistan.
April: I'm the Moon, or I quit.
Leslie Knope: April.
April: Moon or quit, man.
Leslie Knope: Fine. You be South Africa, and you can also secretly run the moon.
April: The Moon accepts your ridiculous proposal.

Quote from Tom

Tom: [on the phone] Look, if you ask me, Enron is down but not out. Who doesn't like a comeback story? All right, you wanna hear my plan, get at me later. I gotta meet up with an old friend. All right, peace, man.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Tom: Let's go do this lunch thing.
Ron Swanson: I just have one more quick interview. I'm still trying to find your replacement. That is, unless you want your old job back.
Tom: I told you before, Ronseph, I moved on to bigger things. E720 going under was a blessing. I'm tearing it up all over town like a boss.
Ron Swanson: Sounds great, Tommy.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: I've offered Tom his job back several times, and each time he's told me he's just too busy being an entrepreneur. Then two days ago, I saw him spraying cologne samples at Macy's. The young man has a lot of pride. This isn't gonna be easy.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: You've all been preparing for months for this year's geopolitical scenario... global food crisis. Security Council, we need you to lead us, or billions of people will starve to death. But most importantly, have fun.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Due to my campaign, the romantic aspect of our relationship is over. And I'm totally fine with that. But Ben and I have so much in common. I mean, we're amazing friends. And friendship is better because friends help you move. They drive you to the airport. Boyfriends just... love you and marry you.

Quote from Tom

Ron Swanson: Another very strong candidate.
Tom: Are you insane? He was a million-year-old racist!
Ron Swanson: He said he liked ethnic girls, Tom.
Tom: I'm sorry, Ron, but I created a legacy here, and I need to make sure it's protected. Let's bring in some more people.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: In my four years here, I revolutionized the position of administrator and made this place cool. I was the first person to abbreviate Parks and Recreation Department. First it was Parks and Recreation. Then Parks and Rec. Then P&R. Then lengthened it just a little bit to... [snaps] Tommy's place.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ben: I know, well, that's the great thing about treaties, it doesn't even matter.
Leslie Knope: Hey! I'm back. Or, as they say in Denmark... "I'm back." Most people speak English.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [to camera] Look, I understand where he's coming from. But I have been nothing but straightforward with him, and if anyone in the entire world should understand the difficult position I'm in, it's... It's just I've made an effort and I've shared my flags with him, and suddenly, he doesn't want to be friends? You know what? That leaves me with only one option. Just excuse me for a... [on the podium] Attention. This is an urgent world matter. Due to a recent betrayal, my homeland, the great state of Denmark, has officially decided to declare war on Peru. Scandinavian brothers, on my signal. Unleash hell!

Quote from Tom

Gary: No. I'm not kidding. My name's Gary, and I'm from Gary, Indiana.
Ron Swanson: Amazing.
Gary: People like hearing that. It's probably one of my stronger anecdotes.
Tom: A fact is not an anecdote, Gary. Here's an anecdote... Today I met the most boring man in the world. His name was Gary.
Gary: Hmm.

Quote from Andy

Leslie Knope: Well, well, well, look who is brave enough to show his face in Europe.
Andy: Say the word, Leslie. I'll sick my army of lions on him.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ben: Okay, look, I think, um... Things are starting to get a little out of control here.
Leslie Knope: I agree. You betrayed me, and you went behind my back, and now you need to pay.
Ben: I need to... I need to pay?
Leslie Knope: Do I stutter?

Quote from Andy

Andy: If you rearrange the letters of Peru, you could spell Europe.
Ben: That's... That's not true.
Andy: Well, you have to rearrange them.


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