Leslie Knope: I need a few more volunteers. Andy, will you be Iceland?
Andy: The bad guys from Mighty Ducks 2? Don't think so.
Leslie Knope: Okay, how about Japan?
Andy: The bad guys from Karate Kid 2? Even worse. How 'bout Germany? They've never been the bad guys.
Leslie Knope: Why don't you be Finland?
Andy: Okay.

Andy: Delegates! I know that you're angry with each other. Hopefully, this will be your opportunity to have your very own Camp David.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: In high school, my buddy David Fundis would have these campouts in his backyard. We would just chill out, have a bonfire, talk about whatever was on our mind. We called it camp David.
[back:]
Ben: How do you know about Camp David?
Andy: How do you know about camp David?

Andy: Honey! I just traded Finland's military to Kenya for 50 lions. That's pretty good, right?
April: Yeah...
Andy: Okay.
April: But also militaries are pretty good at protecting countries.
Andy: But so are lions. And you don't have to pay them.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: These kids are idiots. I've just traded all of Finland's boring stuff for every other country's lions? I definitely have more lions than any other country in the whole world right now. I have no idea what's going on. But if that ends up meaning something in this game, I'd say I'm set.

Ann: I was so into you, okay, and you basically turned me into a female version of yourself, and then you got bored dating me because you were dating yourself.
Chris: Huh...
Ann: I mean, I was jogging. I hate jogging.
Chris: [laughs] Jogging's amazing!
Ann: Jogging is the worst, Chris. I mean, I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost?

Leslie Knope: Ron! You wanna join us? Look! I'll let you be America.
Ron Swanson: [scoffs] And teach kids that not only is government good, but there should be a World-wide super-government? I'd rather sand down my toenails.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: Every three weeks, I have to sand down my toenails. They're too strong for clippers.

Ben: Oh. Okay. Fair enough. Oh, you know what? You might wanna borrow this.
April: Ew, no one wants your dirty underwear, Ben.
Ben: It's not dirty underwear. It's a white flag, and you may as well start waving it right now, Leslie.
Leslie Knope: The only thing I will be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!
Ben: Good lord.

Leslie Knope: ...Or I can be South Korea, you can be Bangladesh. You can form like a Trans-Asiatic alliance.
Ben: Yeah, I like it. And I see the merits of it. I just worry if we're both in Asia, it might limit our scope.
Leslie Knope: Mm.
Ben: I kinda want to roll up my sleeves and make geopolitical problem-solving my bitch.
Leslie Knope: Amen, brother. Let's go back to plan "A." I'll be Denmark, you be Peru.
Ben: Yes!
[aside to camera:]
Ben: Oh, I didn't really do Model United Nations in high school, so... Oh, wait. I super-did.

April: And I'll be the Moon.
Leslie Knope: No, you're gonna be South Africa or... Pakistan.
April: I'm the Moon, or I quit.
Leslie Knope: April.
April: Moon or quit, man.
Leslie Knope: Fine. You be South Africa, and you can also secretly run the moon.
April: The Moon accepts your ridiculous proposal.

Leslie Knope: Oh hey, Ben. Have you seen my complete collection of all 193 national flags? Ooh! Here they are.
Ben: Wow!
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: So, I've been asked to run this year's Model UN at Pawnee Central High School. Attendance has been low. And if I don't make it awesome, they may cancel it. I wonder if I'm gonna make it awesome.

Tom: [on the phone] Look, if you ask me, Enron is down but not out. Who doesn't like a comeback story? All right, you wanna hear my plan, get at me later. I gotta meet up with an old friend. All right, peace, man.