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‘Sister City’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: Sister City

205. Sister City

Aired October 15, 2009

Leslie welcomes a party from the Parks and Recreation department of their sister city, Boraqua, Venezuela, led by Raul (guest star Fred Armisen). Tom picks up a little cash by running errands for the dignitaries, while April hangs out with the Venezuelan intern.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Yesterday I was tough and direct and today I have to be charming. Basically, yesterday I was Hillary Clinton, and today I'm Bill.

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Quote from Donna

Leslie Knope: Now, I know you gentlemen had a long flight, but I have prepared a welcome party in your honor.
Raul: Excellent. I like to party.
Leslie Knope: Well, my job is to see to your every need.
Elvis: Do we just select the woman we desire? I will take the large black one.
Tom: Interesting choice.
Leslie Knope: What?
Raul: Do you have some kind of book with photos of the women available to us? If not, I will also take the sexy black one.
[aside to camera:]
Donna: I am not surprised at all. I've been to South America. I did very well there.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Raul: This is a gold plated replica of the gun Hugo Chavez used in the 1992 Socialist revolution. It is a gift.
Leslie Knope: This gun truly symbolizes the blossoming peace between our two nations.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: A key aspect to diplomacy is gift-giving. The gift has to be nice enough to honor and respect the guest, but not so nice that it shames him. Plus, it needs to represent the local culture. And I found the perfect thing.
[back:]
Leslie Knope: A bottle of high-fructose corn syrup, made right here in Pawnee's own Sweetums factory. Sweetums! If you can't beat 'em, Sweetums! Since 1891. And eight and a half dozen rubber baby bottle nipples, also made here in Pawnee. Kernston's Rubber Nipples, tastes like the real thing.

Quote from April

Leslie Knope: Oh, God! What if they don't speak English? April, you know Spanish, right?
April: [Spanish: "You bury yourself in work because you are unhappy in your personal life."]
Leslie Knope: Oh, good. Excellent.
[aside to camera:]
April: My mom's Puerto Rican. That's why I'm so lively and colorful.

Quote from Leslie Knope

[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Today we are welcoming a delegation from the Parks Department of our sister city, Boraqua, Venezuela.
[back:]
Leslie Knope: Our photo-op with the mayor is tomorrow at 3:00 p.m. So, I'm gonna need your suggestions about my wardrobe ASAP.
Tom: I told you, gold sequin sweatpants.
Leslie Knope: Also, remember, everyone, Venezuela is a poor country. These men are not used to the wealth and flash that we have here in central Indiana. Our only job over the next two days is to make these men feel at home.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Yes, I am a little nervous. Pawnee has kind of a tricky history with welcoming foreign visitors. [camera shows mural of a bear in a cage, next to an Eastern European man in a cage] But things have changed. Our guests are gonna stay in a motel, for sure.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] This is my baby. I've put this whole trip together, and let me tell you something. It's not been easy, you know? How do you fit all of Pawnee in a 48-hour visit? I had to drop the Rock and Roll bowling alley from our itinerary. That was one of the most difficult phone calls I've ever had to make.

Quote from April

Jhonny: [Spanish: In Venezuela, internships are coveted positions. You must be well connected.]
April: [Spanish: Yes, I am very powerful and feared by many.]
Jerry: Hey, April, can you help me out a second...
April: Go away, Jerry.
Jerry: Okay.
April: [Spanish: See?]

Quote from Leslie Knope

Raul: Yes. And we too are pleased to be here in your dirty alleyway. We thank you for the container of sap, and the bag of garbage.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: His English isn't perfect, so I don't think he realizes how insulting he's being.
[back:]
Raul: We're also sister cities with Kaesong, North Korea. Their town is far nicer.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: That's fine, it's my job. I'm a diplomat. I'm not supposed to take it personally.
[back:]
Raul: We haven't been here for a very long time, but what we have seen is, really, from the bottom of our hearts, truly depressing. Really, really sad stuff.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: I mean, that's why people respect Hillary Clinton so much. 'Cause, nobody takes a punch like her. She's the strongest, smartest punching bag in the world.
[back:]
Raul: It's funny because Antonio said to me, "Can we turn this car around and say we're sick or something, or that we lost our way?" Of course, that would be rude to you. [laughs]

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Politically, no, I don't support Chavez. I despise him and everything that he does. On the other hand, this is a pretty sweet-ass gun.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Okay! Let's get started, shall we? I have a full day of activities planned.
Elvis: I would like to see where the children are fed the sweeteners.
Leslie Knope: A restaurant?
Raul: American children are fattened more efficiently than any other children in the world. I mean, they're like little basketballs. I mean, they're huge, little porkers.
Leslie Knope: Okay.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Elvis, Oh Henry! Raul, Butterfinger. Antonio, Nestle Crunch with the crispy rice removed. Weird choice, but for you, I got it done.
Raul: Gracias, senor. [tips Tom]
Tom: Gracias.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: I find it incredibly demeaning. But guess what? Cash money. I'm gonna make it rain I'm just gonna pick that up real quick.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Man #1: What are you? Some kind of moron? Why don't you have hand dryers in the park bathrooms? They're so much more sanitary than paper towels! Anyone knows that!
Woman: My dog went to one of your parks and ate another dog's feces. And I'm going to sue you for that.
Man #2: How do you like it? [flings frisbies]
Leslie Knope: No!
Man #2: How do you like that? Now imagine you're holding coffee.
[aside to camera:]
Raul: This is outrageous. Where are the armed men who come in to take the protesters away? Where are they? This kind of behavior is never tolerated in Boraqua. You shout like that, they put you in jail. Right away. No trial, no nothing. Journalists? We have a special jail for journalists. You're stealing? Right to jail. You're playing music too loud? Right to jail. Right away. You're driving too fast? Jail. Slow? Jail. You're charging too high prices for sweaters, glasses, you right to jail. You undercook fish, believe it or not, jail. You overcook chicken, also jail. Undercook, overcook. You make an appointment with the dentist and you don't show up? Believe it or not, jail, right away. We have the best patients in the world, because of jail.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Well, it was tough going, but it was lively. What did you think of the open forum?
Elvis: This meeting of ugly people yelling? It is like torture.
Leslie Knope: That's one perspective.
Raul: In Boraqua, the government moves like a hot knife through butter. Not as this here, listening to people yelling, these fat faces turning all red? Are you kidding me? We're like kings! We walk down the street and they treat us like rock stars. We answer to nobody.
Leslie Knope: Well, in a true democracy, we believe that the input of our citizens is extremely valuable.
Man #2: Hey! These pretzels suck!
Leslie Knope: Thank you. See?
Raul: No wonder nothing ever gets done in this country.
Leslie Knope: Really? Nothing gets done? Tell that to the Golden Gate Bridge. Or American Idol. Or the moon! Oh, wait, you can't, 'cause you've never been there.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Can I get anyone anything to drink before we start? Coffee? Brandy?
Leslie Knope: I'd love some coffee.
Tom: Anything, guys?
Raul: No.
Tom: Some nuts?
Leslie Knope: I'll have some nuts.
Tom: Gummi Bears?
Leslie Knope: Sure.
Tom: Apple crisps?
Leslie Knope: Yeah.
Tom: Granola bars?
Leslie Knope: I'll take those.
Tom: Nothing? Sure? Okay. I'll be right out there if you need me.

Quote from April

Tom: Leslie, come see this! Check out this video April sent me.
April: [on video] Hey, guys. I'm at Jhonny's place in Venezuela. It's okay, I guess. He has like five million rooms. And this is only his guesthouse.
Leslie Knope: Holy cow!
April: There's a lot of guys with guns here. It's better than my mom's house, I guess. So, tell Leslie I don't know when I'm gonna be back. Oh, and Donna's here.
Donna: Hey, guys! Ola!


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