Andy: Also, can you bring back Power Rangers? I don't know what it is you do, but you seem important enough to get that done.

Andy: Well, how about this Unity concert, huh, Pawnee? [cheers and applause] I love this town so much, and I'm just so proud to live here. And we're gonna close tonight out with a tribute to Pawnee's greatest treasure. [sings] Up in horsey heaven, here's the thing You trade your legs for angel's wings And once we've all said good-bye You take a running leap, and you learn to fly
All: Bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian I miss you in the saddest fashion Bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian You're 5,000 candles in the wind.
Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Duke Silver!
Ron Swanson: [plays sax solo]
All: Bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian I miss you in the saddest fashion Bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian You're 5,000 candles in the wind

Tom: Guys, this is the most important night of my life, which means it's the most important night of your lives too.
Craig: Speak for yourself. I once got into a cab that Kyra Sedgwick was getting out of.
Jean-Ralphio: No way, The Closer? Oof!

Leslie Knope: Ron, I have to ask you something, and I want you to consider it, okay? Really consider it. How would you feel about leaving Pawnee and moving to Chicago?
Ron Swanson: [laughing]
Leslie Knope: Hold on, come on, I'm not done. You'd be working for the federal government.
Ron Swanson: [laughing]
Leslie Knope: You know what, excuse me for wanting my dear friend and ethical mentor to accompany me on the adventure of a lifetime.
Ron Swanson: It's very sweet, Leslie, and the National Parks Service is probably the only branch of government worth a damn, but Diane and I are quite happy raising our family here. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a booth over there serving something called, "fried sausage quilts," so I'm going to buy the booth.

Zoey Lewis: Daddy, you should play music.
Diane Lewis: Yeah, Ron. Go on. Get up there. Have some fun.
Ron Swanson: I recalibrated the sights on all the rifles in the shooting gallery. I've had enough fun for one day. [sniffing]
Diane Lewis: Oh, I know that look. Where is she?
Ron Swanson: She's near. Hide the children.

Tammy Two: Hello, Ron. Hello, Ron's friend.
Ron Swanson: Tammy, what could possibly bring you to a children's performance... preparing a ritual sacrifice of a newborn?
Tammy Two: No, just trolling for some daddy. Oh, sorry. I pronounced that wrong. Trolling for some dad "D."
Ron Swanson: Diane, why don't you take the girls for some ice cream while I dispose of this sewer-dwelling gutter witch?
Diane Lewis: Bye, Tammy. Always a pleasure.
Tammy Two: You're not fooling me, Ron. This little domestic charade of yours hasn't changed you one bit. You're still the same old Ron Swanson, and I will defeat you. I will defeat you right into my pants.

Ron Swanson: You look sad, Knope. Couldn't find any takers for Chicago?
Leslie Knope: Everybody turned me down but Larry.
Ron Swanson: Ouch.
Leslie Knope: Yeah.
Ron Swanson: Well, cheer up. You got a new job, new challenges, all that crap you like.
Leslie Knope: Man, I'm gonna miss Pawnee. I wish I could stay, you know, keep an eye on it, raise my kids here. And let's be honest, am I ever gonna find a better breakfast than JJ's Diner?
Ron Swanson: You will not, no. I know it's not easy to leave, but this job does seem perfect. Of course, I'd prefer you use your talents elsewhere. You know, with your courage and small frame, you'd make an excellent coal miner.
Leslie Knope: Thank you, Ron. That's very sweet.

Tom: Ginuwine, it is an honor to be breathing the same air as you. No joke. But real talk... we're both men about town being constantly bombarded with party invitations.
Ginuwine: Who is this guy?
Donna: My friend who's opening a restaurant tonight, and you're going to be there, cousin, unless you want me to get onstage and talk about how we used to take baths together, how you cried whenever I took away your rubber duckies.
Ginuwine: Damn, Donna. Why you got to bring the Quackson 5 into this?
[on stage:]
Ginuwine: How y'all doing? [cheers and applause] Li'l Sebastian, this one is for you, because you're my pony.

Burly: Hey, listen, man, I'm really sorry things ended so weird with Mouse Rat. You know, that's not really how I pictured us breaking up, you know.
Andy: Yeah, I do know. I always figured we'd... you know, whatever... break up 'cause I got drafted by the Colts. And then in the first game, of course, I'd break my leg. Crowd starts chanting my name, and I give 'em the thumbs-up. And then I'd go to the hospital. I'd get really good at chess. I end up beating the computer finally, and then the band just sort of drifts apart. That was how I saw it, but...
Burly: Yeah.
Andy: Take it easy.

Tom: Can I get you a drink?
Joan Callamezzo: I'll have the Joan. It's a tumbler of gin, and it's got crushed aspirin around the rim.
Perd Hapley: And I would just like an empty glass.