Trending Parks and Recreation Quotes
Quote from Andy in The Debate
April: I can't get through to the cable company. Can you do something?
Ron Swanson: Like what?
April: Anything. Andy's just acting out scenes from his favorite movies.
Andy: [imitates motorcycle engine] So Swayze runs, boom! Tackles the guy off the motorcycle. Dude's like, "You're dead, bro!" Comes at him. Swayze ducks, scissor kick. Sha! The guy has Swayze's head. And he says, "I used to [bleep] guys like you in prison." By the looks of this guy, this is not consensual sex we're talking about. We see bad guy had a gun the whole time. He's like, "I'ma kill you the old-fashioned way." Swayze's like, "Not this time." That's subtext. He doesn't say that. Bypasses the gun, hooks the arm. Back to the secret move he used before to kill somebody, he feels so bad about it. But this time he has to do it because it's self-defense. K-k-k-kah! Takes the esophagus out of the neck area. You can't eat. You'll starve to death. And that is Road House.
Quote from Jerry in Park Safety
Jerry: Wait a minute. No. That is not the graph. That is a picture from my vacation in Muncie.
Tom: You went on a vacation, and you chose Muncie, Indiana?
Jerry: Yeah. My wife and I have a timeshare.
Tom: In Muncie?
Leslie Knope: Tom. Muncie is a lovely city.
Quote from Ben in The Treaty
Leslie Knope: I am shocked an appalled by the actions of the honorable delegate from Peru.
Ben: Leslie, just... look... I thought I could handle being friends with you. But I can't, okay? Now, we agreed the other night that we can't spend time together. I think that was the right call.
Leslie Knope: But that was in a romantic way. We can still spend time together as friends.
Ben: It doesn't work that way. You can't just chop up the aspects of a relationship into discrete parts and select the ones you want like a buffet.
Leslie Knope: Why not?
Ben: Because it's selfish. Stop being obtuse.
Quote from Leslie Knope in Born & Raised
Man: Support for Pawnee Community Radio comes from the Wendell G. and Muriel Fathwright Korbleman Foundation, and Sweetums Cares, a nonprofit group that puts umbrella hats on homeless people when it rains.
Derry Murbles: Welcome to Thoughts for your thoughts. I'm Derry Murbles filling in for David Parker, who took off for eight months to study the migration patterns of our nation's squirrels. We have not seen him since. My guest today is author Leslie Knope. The book, Pawnee: The greatest town in America.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: I wrote a book. The first historical guide to Pawnee. I wrote it as a reference for myself, but then, my campaign advisor said we should make it a big, wide release. So we had people contribute, we added pictures, and we removed a lot of my poems and emotional ramblings and pictures of unicorns, and here it is!
Derry Murbles: Leslie, could one say that a book is nothing more than a painting of words, which are the notes on the tapestry of the greatest film ever sculpted?
Leslie Knope: One could say that. But should one?
Derry Murbles: Join us next week when David Bianculli will be filling in for Richard Chang-Jefferson, who will be filling in for me. Leslie, would you like to take us out?
Leslie Knope: Okay. "Please enjoy a song from the lesbian Afro-Norwegian Funk duo, Nefertiti's Fjord."
[eccentric pop music plays]
Leslie Knope: Oh, wow. They are terrible.
Derry Murbles: Oh, yes. Th-they're quite awful. But they are lesbians, so...
Quote from Ben in Gin It Up!
Trevor Nelsson: If you don't give me the information I need, there's nothing I can do.
Ben: Oh, come on, Trevor. Where there's a "Will," there's a way.
Trevor Nelsson: I'm gonna say this one last time, Wyatt. Check the accountant crap at the door.
Ben: Yes, sir, I will. Unintentional.
Quote from Ben in One in 8,000
Ben: [aside to camera] Leslie is already the queen of stress, so I have to be like her stress shamwow. I wrap myself around her, I soak up all of her stress, and then after the kids are born, someone can squeeze me out into a bucket.
Quote from Leslie Knope in Second Chunce
Leslie Knope: Jen Barkley telling me I had a future was the best present I could have got. Thank you.
Ben: You're welcome. But, I did get you one other present to take your mind off all this.
Leslie Knope: Aww, you are the sweetest man in the world. Where is it?
Ben: Well, it's not here. We have to go get it.
[cut to Leslie and Ben in Paris; aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: In times of stress or in moments of transition, sometimes it can feel like the whole world is closing in on you. When that happens, you should close your eyes, take a deep breath, listen to the people that love you when they're giving advice, and remember what really matters. And, if you have the ability to go to Paris, by all means, go to Paris!
Quote from Ron Swanson in Fluoride
Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Does the white whale actually symbolize the unknowability and meaninglessness of human existence? [chuckles] No. It's just a [bleep] fish.
Quote from Ben in How a Bill Becomes a Law
April: Soundtrack to Pulp Fiction, soundtrack to Singles, soundtrack to Grosse Pointe Blank. Why do you have so many soundtracks?
Ben: Oh, well, uh, I kind of look at it like it's your favorite directors making a mix tape just for you.
April: Eww.
Quote from Ron Swanson in The Banquet
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: I refuse to lather Marlene up, kiss her ring like everybody else. Instead I'll be delivering a speech of facts.
[later:]
Ron Swanson: Marlene is a woman. She has worked in the government for three decades. Thirty years. Properly applied, that's how long a good varnish should last. So, Marlene, it is true that you have won this award.