Leslie Knope: Okay, guys, we are going to be sightseeing today. Andy and Ben are gonna go to their meeting, and then we're gonna go back to the hotel for lunch, and I will spend the day getting to know London's history.
Ron Swanson: History began on July 4, 1776. Everything before that was a mistake.

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Diane suggested we "tag along to London" for a honeymoon. I agreed, because my love for her trumps my hatred for Europe. Then she hit a phase of morning sickness that knocked her for a loop and decided to stay home, but she insisted I go and take pictures for her. All of this could have been avoided if we'd followed my plan for a honeymoon: a steak dinner, a glass of Lagavulin whiskey, then vigorous lovemaking for two hours, and we're both asleep by 8:30.

Ron Swanson: "London at night." [laughs] That is very funny.
Shopkeeper: Can I help you, sir?
Ron Swanson: Yes. I will take this.
Shopkeeper: We don't accept American currency, sir.
Ron Swanson: Of course you do. That's the most wonderful piece of paper in the world. Accept it.
Shopkeeper: Very sorry, sir.
Ron Swanson: Fine. Enjoy the fact that your royal overlords are a frail, old woman and a tiny baby.

Ben: [aside to camera] Andy and I are meeting with an English charity foundation to expand our after-school music program, and British people love me. There was this British kid in my high school who always called me "Big Ben" and would punch me really hard on the arm, and go, "Bong! Bong! Bo--" Oh, he might have hated me.

Kathryn Pinewood: [online video] Apparently, she can't be bothered to stay here in Pawnee, not when there's Europe to gallivant around in.
Perd Hapley: Well, we conducted a Perd poll and asked this question: 48% said she should not be in Europe, 17% say it's okay, and 35% said they were confused by the way the question was posed.

Andy: I can't believe we're at Hogwarts!
Ben: No, that's Buckingham Palace. Hogwarts is fictional. Do you know that? It's important to me that you know that.

Trevor Nelsson: Ah, Mr. Haverford, back again, I see.
Tom: What the hell, man? This looks exactly like my store!
Trevor Nelsson: I know. My client is a very determined businessman. When he rips someone off, he goes all the way. You see, you are Hydrox, Mr. Haverford. We are Oreo.
Tom: Your mysterious, unnamed client seems like a pretty intense guy. I am impressed by how quickly he was able to move such a large amount of merchandise.
Trevor Nelsson: Mm.
Tom: He must be one heck of a transporter.
Trevor Nelsson: My client is not Jason Statham, if that's what you're thinking.
Tom: Sure. Your sales are gonna start to crank up any minute now.
Trevor Nelsson: I assume that's the name of a movie he's done. It's not Jason Statham.

Tom: [aside to camera] Some mysterious big shot investor has opened up a store directly across the street from rent-a-swag to try to put me out of business. I'm not worried, though. I've poured my heart and soul into my store. I'm sure this guy's just looking for a place to store all his NBA championship trophies.
Trevor Nelsson: [o.s.] It's not LeBron James.
Tom: Damn.

Leslie Knope: The Notting Hill bus tour starts at 2:00, the Love Actually bus tour starts at 2:30, and... Oh, the Bridget Jones bus tour starts at 2:30 also. What do we do? Ron, your pick.

Diane: So I...am pregnant. [chuckles]
Ron Swanson: I see.
Diane: I don't understand how. We were so careful.
Ron Swanson: I warned you about this. Standard birth control methods aren't usually effective against a Swanson.
Diane: I got about a million thoughts running around in my head, but I really just want to know what you're thinking.
Ron Swanson: Okay, here's what I'm thinking. I was gonna wait until our anniversary, take you somewhere romantic, perhaps in a canoe. Most likely in a canoe. I actually built a canoe for that purpose, but given the news, and given my significant feelings for you, now seems as good a time as any.
Diane: Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson: Diane Lewis... will you marry me?
Diane: Yes. On one condition.
Ron Swanson: Anything, my love. Ask me for anything in the world, and I'll give it to you, except a destination wedding.
Diane: Just the opposite. We've both been married before. I don't want anything big or elaborate. In fact, the smaller the better. I assume you can deal with that.
Ron Swanson: Are you kidding? As far as I'm concerned, we could go up to the fourth floor right now.