Leslie Knope: Well, luckily, I'm heading up there. I'll invite him out to dinner and I'll poke around a little bit.
Ann: Okay.
Leslie Knope: I mean, he's not gonna be able to keep anything from me. In high school, they used to call me Angela Lansbury. But that was because of my haircut.

Ron Swanson: This isn't a steak. Why would you call it that on your menu?
Waiter: I don't know what to tell you, man.
Ron Swanson: Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I worry what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have." Do you understand?

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] I couldn't care less about the commendation. But Indianapolis is home to Charles Mulligan's Steakhouse, the best damn steakhouse in the damn state. I have taken a picture of every steak I've ever eaten there. June 2004. Porterhouse, medium rare, Béarnaise sauce. January 2000. They call this one "The Enforcer." February '96. The steak, rib eye. The whiskey, Lagavulin 16. The lady next to me, a bitch. Specifically, my ex-wife, Tammy. Okay, this is the first time I ever went there. Oh, look at me. I'm just a kid.

Ben: [aside to camera] You know, they always ask me to go out with them. They're just being polite. I move around a lot, so the friends I make in these cities, they're like Facebook friends, you know? "Hey, Doug from Bloomington is thinking about buying a shirt." Come on, Doug, who cares?

Leslie Knope: One time, when I was in high school, a guy's mom called me and broke up with me for him. There was another time where I was on a date and I tripped and broke my kneecap. And then the guy said he wasn't "feeling it," so he left and I waited for an ambulance. One time I was dating this guy for a while, and then he got down on one knee and he begged me to never call him again. One guy broke up with me while we were in the shower together. Skywriting isn't always positive. Another time, a guy invited me to a beautiful picnic with wine and flowers, and then, when I tried to sit down, he said, "Don't eat anything. Rebecca's coming." And then he broke up with me. [both laugh]
Ann: Who was Rebecca?
Leslie Knope: Yeah. Exactly.

Ron Swanson: Oh, my God. They just forgot to unlock the door, that's all.
Leslie Knope: Ron, it looks like they're closed for some kind of health code violation. [Ron tries to kick the door down] Ron, stop it! Ron?
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: They just boarded her up like she was some common warehouse. I should have been here.
[back:]
Ron Swanson: What happened to the steaks that were in there when they closed? Do you think they got eaten?

April: [wearing waitress apron] Hey, six beers for table 12.
Waitress: Do you work here?
April: Yeah. My dad owns this place. I'm Janet. Janet Snakehole.

Leslie Knope: What's wrong with you, grouchy pants?
Ron Swanson: I've been fasting all day to save room for Mulligan's.
Leslie Knope: Fasting's not healthy for you, Ron.
Ron Swanson: Leslie, you need to understand, we are heading for the most special place on earth. When I'm done eating a Mulligan's meal, for weeks afterwards, there are flecks of meat in my mustache, and I refuse to clean it because, every now and then, a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.

Leslie Knope: Ron doesn't even have a front door. He won't even tell me his address. Ask him where he lives.
Chris: Where do you live?
Ron Swanson: Why?

April: Is everything okay?
Andy: It kind of sucks that I'm super broke and I wanna buy you stuff and it's embarrassing that I can't, but...
April: I'm broke too, and I don't want anything. I just wanna hang out with you. Plus, I can get free drinks any time I want.
Andy: How?
April: Uh, I'm a girl in a sleazy club.