Duke Silver is Ron Swanson's saxophone-playing alter-ego, and leader of the Duke Silver Trio.
Andy: Well, how about this Unity concert, huh, Pawnee? [cheers and applause] I love this town so much, and I'm just so proud to live here. And we're gonna close tonight out with a tribute to Pawnee's greatest treasure. [sings] Up in horsey heaven, here's the thing You trade your legs for angel's wings And once we've all said good-bye You take a running leap, and you learn to fly
All: Bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian I miss you in the saddest fashion Bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian You're 5,000 candles in the wind.
Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Duke Silver!
Ron Swanson: [plays sax solo]
All: Bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian I miss you in the saddest fashion Bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian You're 5,000 candles in the wind
Andy: Last chance, Ron. The slots are finalized, but I can squeeze in ten minutes if a certain mister... [whispering] Duke Silver wanted to come out. Come on, Ron, it's gonna be so fun.
Ron Swanson: Thank you, Andrew, but fun or not, playing music is something I like to keep private, along with my family, my conversations, and my whereabouts at all times.
Tom: Hey. This is gonna sound weird. I'm looking for a guy named Duke Silver.
Bartender: Yeah, he goes on in a second.
Emcee: Ladies, ladies, ladies, it's just about that time. It's with the jazziest pleasure that I bring out for you, my man, Mr. Duke Silver!
Ron Swanson: Thank you, Dwayne. As always, it is a thrill to be here, during this witching hour with you lovely ladies. Now, relax, and let the Duke Silver Trio take you on a little journey to yourself. [jazz band plays Foreigner's "I Want To Know What Love Is"]
Ron Swanson: It's been a real gift making sonic love to you tonight. If you want more of the Duke, both my albums are for sale here, Smooth As Silver and Hi Ho, Duke. And look for my new CD next month, The Memories of Now. So, come see me, come talk to me, come love with me, and maybe we can walk through fire together. Thank you. Good night.
Tom: Duke! Huge fan.
April: That's vandalism.
Ron Swanson: I have a problem. This happens to be the studio where a local saxophone legend named Duke Silver records his albums.
April: I've heard of him. I heard he makes mature women swoon when he plays.
Ron Swanson: From what I've heard about Duke, he's kind of a private guy. He doesn't want his nosy coworkers discussing his music with him or knowing that he exists. So, if you happen to see any memorabilia laying around, kindly and discreetly discard it.
Andy: Dude, what are you doing? That looks like a perfectly good saxophone case. Wait a minute. What's inside that case?
Ron Swanson: I am ending my secret musical career. I have to kill Duke Silver.
Andy: No, come on, man. You're really good. You can't quit.
Ron Swanson: Sorry, Andrew. I would rather never play again than have everyone know my secret. Good-bye, Duke Silver. May you rest... in jazz.
Andy: Gosh, this place is packed. You folks must really like this guy.
Toni: Honey, he is sex on a stick.
Emcee: Ladies and gentlemen, put your jazzy hands together for my man, Mr. Duke Silver! [cheer and applause]
Ron Swanson: A smooth and silky evening to you all. On nights like this, when the cold winds blow, and the air is awash in the swirling eddies of our dreams, come with me and find safe haven... in a warm bathtub full of my jazz.
Ron Swanson: Everything okay, Knope?
Leslie Knope: My boyfriend is a lawyer, and he's smart and interesting, and there's a lot of things about him I like. But he acted like a real jerk today. I don't know. There's something about the way he treats people or something.
Ron Swanson: He's a tourist. He vacations in people's lives, takes pictures, puts them in his scrapbook, and moves on. All he's interested in are stories.
Leslie Knope: Huh.
Ron Swanson: Basically, Leslie, he's selfish. And you're not. And that's why you don't like him.
Woman #1: I told you so. It's Duke Silver.
Woman #2: Duke, can I have your autograph? I love your music.
Ron Swanson: You're mistaken, ladies. Move along.
April: Why are you here?
Ron Swanson: Come back to work.
Ron Swanson: Come back. I want you to come back.
April: Well, I don't want to come back. The end.
Ron Swanson: I was talking to Andy about you. And he made me realize that I need you back at work.
April: What did he say?
Ron Swanson: Don't recall.
April: Fine. I'll come back.
Ron Swanson: Good. Okay. I'm leaving. Bye, Zuzu. [opens door]
April: Bye, Duke Silver. [Ron closes the door] My mom has all your albums. I recognized you the day we met.
Ron Swanson: Have you told anyone?
Ron Swanson: Good girl.
Diane Lewis: She just knows you so well, and I was starting to wonder if I was ever gonna get to that point. I'm worried that maybe there isn't room in your life for another woman.
Ron Swanson: At this very moment, Leslie is throwing herself in front of a freight train named Tammy for me and you. Leslie is a wonderful, loyal friend, who is very important in my life, but I would sooner visit Europe than have something romantic happen between us. Although, if you'd like to visit Europe, I like you so much, I'd be willing to risk it.
Diane Lewis: But not France, right?
Ron Swanson: God, no. See? You know me pretty well already, but you're about to get to know me even better. I brought you here because I want to show you something that almost no one knows about. Certainly not Tammy, and not even Leslie Knope.
Emcee: Ladies and gentleman, and especially the ladies, put your hands together for the one, the only, my man, Mr. Duke Silver. [cheers and applause]
Ron Swanson: A mighty fine holiday evening to you all. It might be cold outside, but it's about to get warm all up in my jazz. I, of course, am Duke Silver, and I would like to dedicate this first song... to my duchess. [Jazzy version of "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" plays]
Woman #1: You're so lucky.
Woman #2: I'm going to kill you.
Ron Swanson: Can I help you?
Andy: Maybe. I was out at the jazz club last night scouting bands for the unity concert. And I saw something very interesting.
Ron Swanson: [closes door with remote] I am Duke Silver.
Andy: You have a twin brother.
Ron Swanson: I have a twin brother.
Andy: You are Duke Silver?
Ron Swanson: Yes, I am Duke Silver. [Andy laughs] The only other people who know are Tom and April. So, please, keep it to yourself.
Andy: Are you kidding me? You are really good! You are, like, the saxophone player for the California-raisins-good. No joke. You know what? I'm booking you... for the unity concert.
Ron Swanson: Absolutely not. My musical career is private. If my secret got out, this office would be waist-deep in women's undergarments.
Andy: No, I'm in charge of booking the bands for the concert, and I say, you're in. You're gonna play right after Bobby Knight Ranger. It's a night ranger cover band where they only wear read sweaters. It's gonna be epic!
Ron Swanson: It's time for you to move up in the world. Your ambition was bound to take you away from the town you love sooner or later, and you can't have everything you want.
Leslie Knope: Oh, my God. [laughs] I can have everything I want! Thank you.
Ron Swanson: I feel like you're not listening to me.
Leslie Knope: Oh, and by the way, don't think that we are not discussing Duke Silver. When were you going to tell me about that? Unbelievable! I am so furious at you, but I've already forgiven you, and you need to teach me how to play the saxophone. Okay, bye.
Andy: I got some hot tea with honey, good for the voice. I recommend you all try it. Mine's really just a cup of honey, 'cause tea is gross. Now, here's the thing. We're gonna start from scratch. We're gonna get rid of this whole sucky vibe. I'm thinking we could- [April smashes Duke Silver mug Andy is drinking from]
April: Whoo! To the man! I was thinking, like, a crazy rock star vibe!
Andy: See where her head's at? Follow her lead. That was amazing.
Andy: All right, guys, here's the deal, we got to completely start over. I wrote a new song. It's called The Promise Of Tomorrow's Wings. It's brilliant, about a billion times better than Catch Your Dreams, which I realize now sucks ass. Hey, Chuck, go ahead and just delete everything, all right?
Ron Swanson: Hold on, Chuck. Just listen to the song one more time, and then make a decision.
["Catch Your Dreams" with saxophone plays]
Andy: Where's that saxophone coming from?
Ron Swanson: I don't know. I don't know the first thing about music.
Andy: Whoa, is that a new mix? It sounds way better.
Ron Swanson: See? You just needed to clear your head.