Andy: Well, how about this Unity concert, huh, Pawnee? [cheers and applause] I love this town so much, and I'm just so proud to live here. And we're gonna close tonight out with a tribute to Pawnee's greatest treasure. [sings] Up in horsey heaven, here's the thing You trade your legs for angel's wings And once we've all said good-bye You take a running leap, and you learn to fly
All: Bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian I miss you in the saddest fashion Bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian You're 5,000 candles in the wind.
Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Duke Silver!
Ron Swanson: [plays sax solo]
All: Bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian I miss you in the saddest fashion Bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian You're 5,000 candles in the wind

Andy: Last chance, Ron. The slots are finalized, but I can squeeze in ten minutes if a certain mister... [whispering] Duke Silver wanted to come out. Come on, Ron, it's gonna be so fun.
Ron Swanson: Thank you, Andrew, but fun or not, playing music is something I like to keep private, along with my family, my conversations, and my whereabouts at all times.

Tom: Hey. This is gonna sound weird. I'm looking for a guy named Duke Silver.
Bartender: Yeah, he goes on in a second.
Emcee: Ladies, ladies, ladies, it's just about that time. It's with the jazziest pleasure that I bring out for you, my man, Mr. Duke Silver!
Ron Swanson: Thank you, Dwayne. As always, it is a thrill to be here, during this witching hour with you lovely ladies. Now, relax, and let the Duke Silver Trio take you on a little journey to yourself. [jazz band plays Foreigner's "I Want To Know What Love Is"]

Andy: Dude, what are you doing? That looks like a perfectly good saxophone case. Wait a minute. What's inside that case?
Ron Swanson: I am ending my secret musical career. I have to kill Duke Silver.
Andy: No, come on, man. You're really good. You can't quit.
Ron Swanson: Sorry, Andrew. I would rather never play again than have everyone know my secret. Good-bye, Duke Silver. May you rest... in jazz.

April: That's vandalism.
Ron Swanson: I have a problem. This happens to be the studio where a local saxophone legend named Duke Silver records his albums.
April: I've heard of him. I heard he makes mature women swoon when he plays.
Ron Swanson: From what I've heard about Duke, he's kind of a private guy. He doesn't want his nosy coworkers discussing his music with him or knowing that he exists. So, if you happen to see any memorabilia laying around, kindly and discreetly discard it.

Ron Swanson: It's been a real gift making sonic love to you tonight. If you want more of the Duke, both my albums are for sale here, Smooth As Silver and Hi Ho, Duke. And look for my new CD next month, The Memories of Now. So, come see me, come talk to me, come love with me, and maybe we can walk through fire together. Thank you. Good night.
Tom: Duke! Huge fan.

Andy: Gosh, this place is packed. You folks must really like this guy.
Toni: Honey, he is sex on a stick.
Emcee: Ladies and gentlemen, put your jazzy hands together for my man, Mr. Duke Silver! [cheer and applause]
Ron Swanson: A smooth and silky evening to you all. On nights like this, when the cold winds blow, and the air is awash in the swirling eddies of our dreams, come with me and find safe haven... in a warm bathtub full of my jazz.

Ron Swanson: Everything okay, Knope?
Leslie Knope: My boyfriend is a lawyer, and he's smart and interesting, and there's a lot of things about him I like. But he acted like a real jerk today. I don't know. There's something about the way he treats people or something.
Ron Swanson: He's a tourist. He vacations in people's lives, takes pictures, puts them in his scrapbook, and moves on. All he's interested in are stories.
Leslie Knope: Huh.
Ron Swanson: Basically, Leslie, he's selfish. And you're not. And that's why you don't like him.
Woman #1: I told you so. It's Duke Silver.
Woman #2: Duke, can I have your autograph? I love your music.
Ron Swanson: You're mistaken, ladies. Move along.

April: Why are you here?
Ron Swanson: Come back to work.
April: No.
Ron Swanson: Come back. I want you to come back.
April: Well, I don't want to come back. The end.
Ron Swanson: I was talking to Andy about you. And he made me realize that I need you back at work.
April: What did he say?
Ron Swanson: Don't recall.
April: Fine. I'll come back.
Ron Swanson: Good. Okay. I'm leaving. Bye, Zuzu. [opens door]
April: Bye, Duke Silver. [Ron closes the door] My mom has all your albums. I recognized you the day we met.
Ron Swanson: Have you told anyone?
April: No.
Ron Swanson: Good girl.

Diane Lewis: She just knows you so well, and I was starting to wonder if I was ever gonna get to that point. I'm worried that maybe there isn't room in your life for another woman.
Ron Swanson: At this very moment, Leslie is throwing herself in front of a freight train named Tammy for me and you. Leslie is a wonderful, loyal friend, who is very important in my life, but I would sooner visit Europe than have something romantic happen between us. Although, if you'd like to visit Europe, I like you so much, I'd be willing to risk it.
Diane Lewis: But not France, right?
Ron Swanson: God, no. See? You know me pretty well already, but you're about to get to know me even better. I brought you here because I want to show you something that almost no one knows about. Certainly not Tammy, and not even Leslie Knope.
Emcee: Ladies and gentleman, and especially the ladies, put your hands together for the one, the only, my man, Mr. Duke Silver. [cheers and applause]
Ron Swanson: A mighty fine holiday evening to you all. It might be cold outside, but it's about to get warm all up in my jazz. I, of course, am Duke Silver, and I would like to dedicate this first song... to my duchess. [Jazzy version of "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" plays]
Woman #1: You're so lucky.
Woman #2: I'm going to kill you.