Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Grant Larsen has offered me a chance to oversee a branch office of the national park service. This is like the parks equivalent of Bruce Springsteen pulling Courtney Cox onstage. I mean, one minute you're just a regular girl in the crowd, and the next minute you're dancing 10 feet away from freakin' Max Weinberg!

Ron Swanson: You really shouldn't have dug that out of the dumpster.
Andy: I had to. Also I had a banana on the way over here. Sorry. I get why you don't want any more to know about Duke Silver, and you don't have to worry. You secret is safe with me. To even it out, I'm gonna tell you all of my secrets.
Ron Swanson: Oh, no, that's not necessary.
Andy: I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks. I didn't actually sell my last car. I just forgot where I parked it. I don't know who Al Gore is, and at this point I'm too afraid to ask. When they say 2% milk, I don't know what the other 98% is. When I was a baby, my head was so big scientists did experiments on me. I once threw beer at a swan, and then it attacked my niece Rebecca.

Tom: Regal Meagle. My favorite realtor. You got some hot properties to show me?
Donna: You know it.
Tom: Remember my list of must-haves: Open kitchen, fireplace, exposed brick, and you know I wouldn't kick a skylight out of bed.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: I'm opening Pawnee's first authentic Sinatra style Italian restaurant, "Tom's Bistro." I'm kind of like a skinny, handsome, Indian Mario Batali, who doesn't know how to cook.

Andy: Dude, what are you doing? That looks like a perfectly good saxophone case. Wait a minute. What's inside that case?
Ron Swanson: I am ending my secret musical career. I have to kill Duke Silver.
Andy: No, come on, man. You're really good. You can't quit.
Ron Swanson: Sorry, Andrew. I would rather never play again than have everyone know my secret. Good-bye, Duke Silver. May you rest... in jazz.

Andy: Gosh, this place is packed. You folks must really like this guy.
Toni: Honey, he is sex on a stick.
Emcee: Ladies and gentlemen, put your jazzy hands together for my man, Mr. Duke Silver! [cheer and applause]
Ron Swanson: A smooth and silky evening to you all. On nights like this, when the cold winds blow, and the air is awash in the swirling eddies of our dreams, come with me and find safe haven... in a warm bathtub full of my jazz.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Now that Eagleton and Pawnee have merged, it is time to pick a new town slogan. And a slogan can make a big difference with tourism and a town's identity. There is New York, the city that never sleeps. And then there is Glenwater, Florida, home of America's most violent Walmart parking lot.

Donna: So this was one of Eagleton's top sushi restaurants. But you can't out-run the whale meat police forever.

Leslie Knope: Joan, this poll is a chance to give our newly-merged city a new identity. To really rebrand this town.
Joan Callamezzo: Yes, great question. I have been thinking of rebranding myself. What do you think about Juan Callamezzo?
Leslie Knope: Isn't "Juan" a man's name?
Joan Callamezzo: No, it means "flower."
Leslie Knope: I think it means "John."

Ben: Okay, I don't want to over-hype this, but presenting... Dun-da-da-dah! .. the new city of Pawnee website! Totally revamped!
Leslie Knope: You can pay parking tickets, you can apply for a business license and the best part is we're going to put up an online poll so people can pick the new town slogan!
Andy: Hey, look a panda!
Ben: Yeah, that's just some mascot thing that the designer put up on the front page. But more importantly, you can now apply for a utility tax refund... online!
Donna: Wait, the panda's name is Peebo.
April: Peebo.
Jerry: Look, you can even play ping-pong.
Tom: What?
April: I want to play!
Andy: No, me first! Me first! That's it. I'm calling it.
Leslie Knope: Guys, Ben worked really hard on this, okay? Let's look at the online polls. It's gonna be a cool way to choose our new town's slogan. [gasps] The panda holds a paddle with his tail. I want to play!
Ron Swanson: Congratulations, Ben. This is truly a fine panda game you made. Well done.
April: What else does he do?
Ben: I think if you click on the bamboo, it puts on a top hat.
All: What?
Andy: I love you, Ben!

Andy: Well, I've been driving all over Indiana looking for bands to play the unity concert. I got nothing to show for, except for four car accidents. All these strangers' insurance information. Ooh, I get it, you have car insurance. Why don't you brag about it?