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‘Ann and Chris’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: Ann and Chris

613. Ann and Chris

Aired January 30, 2014

Leslie throws a huge party for Ann as she and Chris prepare to leave for Michigan, but the real surprise will be breaking ground on Pawnee Commons. Meanwhile, Ben and the guys feel they haven't found the right gift to send Chris off with.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Bon voyage, Ann.
Ann: My God, this is amazing.
Leslie Knope: That's sparkling cider.
Ann: Why is there a New Year's Eve countdown clock and the Easter bunny?
Leslie Knope: I don't know when we're gonna be able to visit each other, so just to be safe this party is a celebration of every event that's gonna happen this year. Your birthday, New Year's, Chinese New Year's, flag day. Ain't no party like a Leslie Knope party 'cause a Leslie Knope party is actually 30 parties.
Ann: Knope, you have out-Knoped yourself.

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Quote from Jerry

Tom: We all burned our initials in, see?
Chris: Wait a minute, who's G-J-L-G-G?
Jerry: That's Garry Jerry Larry Gergich Gengurch. I burned in all my names. I really--I didn't know what to do.

Quote from Andy

Chris: Thank you all so much for helping me with these boxes. I'm just a little behind because every time I start, I get [sobs] a little emotional.
Tom: Hey, that box has my name on it.
Ben: Hey, this one has my name on it.
Andy: This one has plates' name on it.

Quote from April

Leslie Knope: Okay, don't mention anything about the groundbreaking to Ann. Repeat that back to me.
April: Tell Ann about the groundbreaking, frame Ann for murder, release a deadly virus into the water supply.
Leslie Knope: Good.

Quote from Perd Hapley

Leslie Knope: We know that you were already approached by Sweetums and you said "No," but is there any way you would reconsider?
Perd Hapley: I'm sorry, Miss Knope. There is such a thing as journalistic integrity, and it is something that I have as a journalist with integrity.
Ann: It's really important, Perd. Please? Come on. For old time's sake.
Perd Hapley: Well, the story of that appeal is it was heartfelt. And in response to that appeal, I respond: Okay.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Can I still call you when I have thoughts on Jennifer Aniston's future?
Ann: Not if I call you first.
Leslie Knope: And can we still be on the phone for every state of the Union address and every Oscar red carpet coverage and every single viewing of Tootsie?
Ann: Of course.
Leslie Knope: Oh, Ann Perkins. You perfect sunflower. You totally changed me, you know? You taught me how to balance my life, how to be patient.
Ann: Mm...
Leslie Knope: How to be more patient.
Ann: Yeah, that's better.
Leslie Knope: How to throw bureaucratic caution to the wind when it came to Ben. But most importantly, you taught me that I can't pull off a tulip skirt.
Ann: It's just not your shape. [laughter]

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: Breakfast, Knope?
Leslie Knope: Oh, I don't know.
Ron Swanson: Come on. There has never been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast food.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ben: Man, he put a lot of work into our presents. I feel kinda bad just getting him a gift card.
Ron Swanson: I also shook his hand. Twice. Anything more than that would be excessive.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Let's all put our heads together and brainstorm. We gotta send this dude off with the perfect gift. I say we start with the three "Cs": cashmere, concert tickets, caboodles of cash.
Ben: I feel like those are perfect gifts for you.
Tom: Those are perfect gifts for anyone. Ugh, I wish you guys were Donna!

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [on the phone] What do you mean, you can't? Look... I am throwing a farewell party for my best friend, Ann Perkins. And if she casually mentioned 3 years ago that she thought indoor fireworks would be cool then guess what, you're gonna give me indoor fireworks.

Quote from Leslie Knope

[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Tonight's biggest surprise is 5 years in the making. It all goes back to when I first met my best friend.
[flashback:]
Ann: I'm here to talk about the abandoned lot on Sullivan Street. I've been trying to get this thing fixed for months, and it's government-owned and you need to do something about it.
Leslie Knope: I will help you.
Ann: Is that a promise?
Leslie Knope: It's more than a promise. It's a pinky promise.
[back:]
Leslie Knope: That promise launched a friendship so grand it takes 103 scrapbooks to capture it. I have secretly arranged to officially break ground on Pawnee commons at midnight, fulfilling my pinky promise that I made five years ago. Oh, ice cream sandwich taste test! That was our biggest fight.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Chris: You have just found your buddy boxes. Each box contains a memento of our friendship. I was gonna give them to you later, but there is no time like the present. Fun pun alert.
Ron Swanson: A bronzed hamburger.
Chris: It's from our turkey versus beef cook-off, remember? You were a worthy adversary.
Ron Swanson: I would have preferred a regular hamburger for eating, but this is very nice.

Quote from Chris

Ben: Hey, so we have a little farewell gift for you. We all pitched in and got you a gift card from that home store, "Pots and Pans."
Chris: We have been on the prowl for some amazing pots.
Ben: Well, that card's for three pans.
Chris: Either way, this is great. You know what? We should get to the good-bye party, although I know it's mostly for Ann.
Tom: Yeah, but there's, like, one corner for you and it's just carob cookies and berries.
Chris: Carob cookies and berries are literally my favorite dessert alternative. I'll go get changed.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Leslie Knope: Hey, Ron, have you seen April?
Ron Swanson: I've been mostly focused on these ribs. By the way, you're out of Easter ham and Thanksgiving turkey. Great party.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [on the phone] Hey. Are you on the lot? Is everything okay?
April: Uh, not really. Public works put up a giant padlock on the fence and a sign that says "No trespassing."
Leslie Knope: That probably doesn't apply to us.
April: There's also a sign that says "Especially Leslie Knope."
Leslie Knope: Well, Leslie Knope is a very common name. There's a professor in Copenhagen named Leslie Knope. They probably mean him. Do they mean the professor?
April: Yeah, there's a picture of you also. And two huge security guards.
Leslie Knope: Holy mother of Malia! And Sasha. I love them both equally.

Quote from Ann

Ann: Leslie can't watch anything with Julie Andrews in it before bedtime because it gets her too hyper.
Ben: Okay. If Chris gets cranky around noon, just stuff some chia seeds into a fig, works every time.
Ann: Awesome, thank you. Wow, we really picked some intense people to spend our lives with, huh?
Ben: Yeah.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Dude, Ann, you know what I just remembered? We used to date.
Ann: [chuckles] Yeah, we lived together for two years.
Andy: I know, it's crazy, right? Anyways, you're the best. Have fun in Mexico.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Life, huh? It's quite a ride.
Ann: Yes, Tom, it is.
Tom: I got you a going-away present. I'm deleting you from my phone. You're finally free of my animal magnetism. Maybe one day years from now when we're both old and Chris is dead, you'll run into me somewhere. I'll be opening my latest mega club. I'll see you there on the street by yourself and I'll tell the bouncer/my bodyguard, "Hey, that woman's way too old to get into this club, but why don't you let her in the back?"
Ann: That's very generous.
Tom: Stay golden, sweetheart.
Ann: I'm gonna miss you too, Tom.
Tom: Shh.

Quote from Ann

Jerry: And you're kind and you're thoughtful and you're always such a delight to have around. I am sure you are going to be an incredible mother.
Ann: Thanks, Larry. That's nice.
Ron Swanson: Good-bye, Ann. I have enjoyed parts of our time together.
Ann: [sobs] Oh, God, Ron.
Jerry: [sobs] That was really something.

Quote from Ann

Leslie Knope: For old time's sake? Does that mea--no! Ann, you tricky minx.
Ann: Yep. I went on a date with Perd.
Leslie Knope: What?
Ann: It was during that "explore my freedom as a single woman" phase.
Leslie Knope: Wow.
Ann: We just had a drink. And at the end he said, "I am going to kiss you now by putting my mouth on your mouth." And then I ran away.
Leslie Knope: It was absolutely the right call.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: Again, I don't see the problem. I shook the man's hand. Twice.

Quote from Andy

Chris: Guys, look what I got at the president's day booth. [as J.F.K.] Ask not what your country can do for you.
Andy: [laughs] From Family Guy, right?

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Okay, I am gonna call the official ceremonial ribbon cutting guy, 'cause I think we may have missed him. [hisses]
Ann: What are you doing?
Leslie Knope: It's for the raccoons. You have to hiss really loud and stomp your feet so they'll leave you alone. And if one comes close, make yourself really large like a puffer fish. [hisses]

Quote from Ron Swanson

Chris: Guys, what are you doing here? Come in. You caught me before my first run of the day. I call it my "Beat the Sun" run. It's a race between me and the sun.
Ben: Well, we got one more gift for you.
Ron Swanson: It's quarter-sawn zebra wood adjoined by floating tenons to the black walnut corner posts. Finished with a wiping varnish that's a secret Swanson family recipe. Handmade at my woodshop, and you are correct. It is gorgeous.
Ben: You're starting a new life with your new family, so it's an empty buddy box to fill with memories for your little buddy.
Andy: Or...twizzlers. That's the beautiful thing about a box.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Chris: Well, um, thank you. Um, this tear, um, caused by the overwhelming thoughtfulness of my friends will be my baby's first memory.
Ron Swanson: Salt water will warp the wood. So keep your tears in your eyes where they belong.
Chris: Will do, Ron Swanson.

Quote from Chris

Chris: It was your idea to get me that box.
Ben: Ah, it was a group effort.
Chris: But it had that trademark Ben Wyatt mix of thoughtful and resourceful. You are literally the best friend that I will ever have.
Ben: You too, man.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Okay, well, this is normal. No big deal. Drive safe.
Ann: We will.
Leslie Knope: I packed you some sandwiches and some caffeine free iced tea. So--oh, and there's a mix CD that I made already loaded in your car. There's a lot of Sarah McLanahan, so, Chris, I apologize. Things are gonna get emotional. [chuckles]
Ann: I love you.
Leslie Knope: I love you too.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Leslie Knope: Raise your hand if you want waffles.
Jerry: I'm eating waffles.
Ron Swanson: Bacon and eggs, please and thank you.


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