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‘The Bubble’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: The Bubble

315. The Bubble

Aired May 19, 2011

Leslie doesn't want her and Ben's relationship to leave the "bubble" stage where everything's great, so she's nervous when Ben has a meeting with Marlene Knope. Meanwhile, Chris shakes things up in the office.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Margaret's pecan squares. They are like crack. I brought you one.
Tom: How are you so happy working here?
Andy: I don't know, man. It's not that bad. A year ago I lived in a pit. Now I got a job, and a kickass wife, and my band is so good, and are you gonna eat that pecan square? When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that once on a can of lemonade, but I like to think that it applies to life.

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Quote from Ron Swanson

Chris: [to Jerry] You are an intelligent, charismatic, beautiful superhero. I'm making you head of Public Relations, which means you'll be leading the daily briefing sessions.
Ron Swanson: Excellent idea.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: This is my favorite part about having a new city manager. They always try to shake things up, and their ideas are terrible, and it brings City Hall to a grinding halt. I just grab a few donuts, sit back, and enjoy the show.

Quote from Chris

Ron Swanson: I got a second box of donuts, if anybody... What the [bleep] is this?
Chris: This, Mr. Director, is your new desk.
Ron Swanson: Okay...
Chris: This desk is the epitome of the Swedish concept of Jamstalldhet, or "equality." Imagine someone needs your attention. Somebody say my name.
Jerry: Chris.
Chris: Swivel! What is it, Jerry?
Jerry: You told me to say your name.
Chris: And you did a great job, superstar. Someone else say something.
April: You look like a freak.
Chris: Swivel! April, that is not a very good attitude. I will keep my eye on you from my circular desk where I can see everything. Tiny swivel. See how it works?

Quote from Ron Swanson

Chris: Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson: Chris. You have come up with a plan so spectacularly horrible that it might ruin the entire department.
Chris: Now, wait a minute.
Ron Swanson: No, I mean that as a compliment. So it pains me to say this... My department has to go back to the way it was.
Chris: Give 'em time. They'll adjust.
Ron Swanson: No, they won't. They're miserable. Tom only performs when there's someone to impress, so marooning him on freak island isn't helping anyone. And you made April assistant to everyone? You know who April hates? Everyone. And Jerry can only function if no one's looking. You shine a light on him, and he shrinks up faster than an Eskimo's scrotum.
Chris: Well, that's very perceptive, Ron. And... very graphic. I understand your point, but there's no way that I get just rolled-over on this.
Ron Swanson: [groans] Okay. You won't ever hear me say this again, so savor this moment. I may have a compromise.

Quote from Tom

Tom: [aside to camera] I don't want lemonade. It's too sweet and it makes my tongue feel gritty. So maybe it's time for a change. Starting now, when life gives me lemons, I'm gonna slice 'em up into wedges and throw 'em into vodka tonics. Which I will then sip in a burlesque nightclub that I own with actor Taye Diggs and two of the Pussycat Dolls.

Quote from Tom

Chris: Tom, I just wanna say that you are a wonderful employee and a terrific human being.
Tom: Meeting adjourned!
Chris: [laughing] Tom. I enjoy you. You know what else I enjoy? Your entrepreneurial spirit.
Tom: I did recently sell my Chronicles of Riddick DVD on eBay for $10. Used the profits to buy the Blu-Ray.

Quote from Chris

Chris: What did you wanna talk to me about?
Tom: Look, Chris, I'm very flattered you thought of me for this amazing opportunity, but I don't really know if this gig is in my wheelhouse. I tend to work best with young, attractive people.
Chris: Tom, I have made you a project leader. This is a big deal! You should keep an open mind. Let your brain unlock the door to your heart's future. I made that expression up when I was 14. Still in use today. By me. Gotta jam.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Hey, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever in her new part-time job in the Public Health Department at City Hall, it's Ann Meredith Perkins! Yay!
Ann: Oh, Leslie, this is so nice!
April: I put a poisonous gas in one of these balloons, so if any of them pops, you may die.
Andy: No, April, we would all die. Gases fill the volume of whatever container they're in. School.
Leslie Knope: We have activities every hour on your first day. 10:00 A.M., Ann's first day waffle explosion. 11:00 A.M., the start-paperwork jamboree. And then 12:00 noon sharp is the inaugural d-Ann-ce party.
Tom: Welcome to City Hall, cupcake!
Ann: How many of you are in here?
Leslie Knope: There are seven. And you have an office mate. His name is Stuart, and he's kind of a grouch.
Ann: I have an office mate?
Stuart: Get these [bleep] balloons out of here.
Ann: Hi. I'm Ann.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] The best part of any relationship is the beginning. No problems, no fights. Just white wine, cuddling, and crazy amounts of History Channel documentaries.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ben: Hey, we should take separate cars to the restaurant tonight. Chris is deadly serious about this...
Leslie Knope: I know. I just don't wanna talk about it, okay? I'll see you tonight.
Ben: Okay. Oh, by the way, I have a meeting with Marlene Griggs-Knope. Is that any relation?
Leslie Knope: No.
Ben: Oh, okay.
Leslie Knope: Just a coincidence. We get it all the time. We laugh about it. But I've never met her. She's Filipino. Okay, bye.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ann: Why don't you just tell Ben she's your mother?
Leslie Knope: Because Ben and I are in this amazing little bubble right now, and there's no room in here for Chris' stupid rules about us not dating or my ball-busting mother.
Ann: Oh, Leslie, I'm sorry, but I don't think you thought this through.
Leslie Knope: You know what I should do? I should get my mother a one-way ticket to London, leaving today. And that way, Ben never has to meet her and I could visit her in London. Everybody wins.

Quote from April

Chris: April, you are too valuable to just be Ron's assistant. So from now on, you are a multitasking executive aide, assisting the entire office.
April: Is this a nightmare? April, wake up. [slaps her own face]

Quote from Chris

Ron Swanson: What about my office and its many walls?
Chris: That becomes a new public waiting room. And we got rid of the giant pillar that was in front of your door.
Ron Swanson: I loved that pillar. It made it really annoying to stand in my doorway.
Chris: [chuckles] Get over it, because it's gone. You're gonna be more accessible than ever.

Quote from Tom

Tom: [aside to camera] The fourth floor. Small Claims Court, divorce filings, state-ordered drug tests. It's somehow both freezing and humid. There's a whole room on the fourth floor where they store the knives they've confiscated from people who went to the fourth floor to stab someone.

Quote from Andy

Ethel Beavers: You from Parks and Rec?
Tom: Yeah.
Ethel Beavers: I'm here to show you around.
Andy: Oh, nice to meet you, ma'am. What's your name?
Ethel Beavers: Ethel Beavers. Follow me. [door squeaks] Okay, this is you.
Andy: Whoa! Double computers? I get my own office phone. Hello, Wall Street. Buy more stocks. Now. This phone kind of smells like a butt.

Quote from Tom

Ethel Beavers: Try not to move things around, 'cause technically speaking, this is still a crime scene. Oh, here's your name tags. Here.
Tom: Ethel, this shirt is from theory. Name tags make holes. I'm not wearing this.
Ethel Beavers: Well, do what you want.
Andy: Bye, Ethel!
Tom: Damn it. Remind me next time to ask her where she was when Lincoln got shot.
Andy: Remind... Tom... Ask... something. You got it, boss.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Gretel: Excuse me. [Ron starts swiveling in his chair] There's a sign at Ramsett Park that says "Do not drink the sprinkler water," so I made sun tea with it, and now I have an infection. Sir? Sir, are... are... are... are you listening to me, sir? Sir, I'm talking to you! Sir! Sir, are you aware that there is waste in your water system?

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ben: Hello.
Leslie Knope: Wrong.
Ben: What?
Leslie Knope: No preambles. No introductions. Just walk in and start talking.
Ben: I'd like to discuss the new school bus.
Leslie Knope: I'd like to discuss your rhyming, Dr. Seuss. And you should be sitting by now.
Ben: Uh, what?
Leslie Knope: Just walk in and take a seat.
Ben: Um...
Leslie Knope: "Um" is the sound in "dumb." That's what she says to people. And now you've crossed your legs like a woman.
Ben: God! Okay, should we just start over?
Leslie Knope: No. No, we need to put a pin in this. Here is a list of my mother's top 100 favorite conversation topics, starting with Persian rugs, ending with Daniel Craig. You have ten minutes to memorize it.
Ben: Deliverance the movie?
Leslie Knope: Mm-hmm.
Ben: Oh, God.

Quote from Tom

[aside to camera:]
Tom: I gotta get out of here pronto. Time to get those old ladies to do my work for me. How? By shining down on 'em with the Haverford charm ray. Wah-wah wah-wah wah-wah...
[back:]
Tom: Well, well, well, if it isn't Ethel Beavers. What's up, beautiful? Julianne Moore just called. She wants her hair back.
Ethel Beavers: Nobody named Julien called.
Tom: Never mind. I just need to ask you a couple of questions. One, can you help me out with this project we're doing? And, two, will you please invite me to your 30th birthday party? [Ethel picks up the phone] What are you doing?
Ethel Beavers: I'm making a test call to your phone to make sure it's working so you don't miss any more calls.
Tom: You know what? Don't bother. Maybe I'll just find an open window and plummet to my death.
Ethel Beavers: Okay.

Quote from Donna

Donna: This isn't gonna work. Okay, you did not just swivel away while I was talking to you. This spaceship keyboard is driving me crazy. I'm down to one word a minute, and the word is "perflipitusclub," because I can't fly spaceships.
Ron Swanson: Donna, you know as well as I do these city manager shakeups always peter out. You just have to wait.
Donna: Usually I'm with you. But this is Chris Traeger, the Six Million Dollar Man. He won't quit. So you need to swivel your ass down to his office and have a word with him.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ben: Look, she was just flirting a little. I'm sure she's not really interested in me.
Leslie Knope: Oh, my God. I can't even have this conversation. The whole thing is screwed up now. There's so many ways to destroy a bubble, but my mom flirting with you is number one on the list. And I'm sorry, I have to say this... Were you asking for it in any way?
Ben: No!
Leslie Knope: How were you dressed?
Ben: Oh, my God. I was wearing this.
Leslie Knope: Here's what we do. You issue a government-wide memo about sexual harassment, and then you go to Mexico. Just for a couple of weeks.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Oh, man, you're really screwing this up. I'm gone for one day and this entire shoe shine stand falls apart. Everything I built. Jump up here. I'll show you how it's done. See, your problem is you're thinking too much.
Reggie: Wow. You're really good at this.
Andy: Yes. I am. When I come back here in a few weeks, I don't want all my regular customers to not be here waiting for me because somebody screwed it up. Huh?
Reggie: Thanks.
Andy: No problem. [ays Reggie] See you later, kid.
Reggie: Wow.
Andy: [to camera] What a moron.


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