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Ron and Diane

‘Ron and Diane’

Season 5, Episode 9 -  Aired December 6, 2012

When Ron is nominated for a woodworking award, Leslie and Diane join him at the ceremony. Meanwhile, Tom, Donna, April and Andy go out for their annual "Jerry Dinner", unaware that Jerry and his wife (guest star Christie Brinkley) are hosting a Christmas party at his house.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Recently, I made a chair. When I was finished, I thought it was a good chair. I submitted it to the Indiana Fine Woodworking Association, who felt it merited consideration for an award. [chuckles] It's been a real whirlwind.


Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: Where's Diane? I need her.
Leslie Knope: She left.
Ron Swanson: Of course. Tammy ruins everything.
Leslie Knope: No, she left because of me. She's threatened by our relationship.
Ron Swanson: [laughs] That's ridiculous. I don't think of you romantically. You're pro-government, you never stop talking, and you have blonde hair. You're my worst nightmare.

Quote from April

Ann: This is a lovely party thrown by a lovely man and his lovely family. There's no place for meanies.
April: Aw, forget it, I'm coming in. Ow! Get off me.
Ann: Wait. [laughs] You're so weak, really? [April groans] I mean, I'm barely even doing anything. Are you iron-deficient? Let me look at your palm.
April: Ow. It's because of your man strength, Man Perkins.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Merry Congratu-Christmas!
Ron Swanson: What?
Leslie Knope: Half "Merry Christmas," half "Congratulations," because I just received some news.You, Ron Swanson, have been nominated for an award from the Indiana Fine Woodworking Association.
Ron Swanson: How did you hear about that?
Leslie Knope: I've had a "Ron Swanson" Google alert for seven years and it finally paid off.

Quote from Tammy Two

Leslie Knope: Tammy, what are you doing here?
Tammy Two: Oh, I just have a little something I need to get drilled.
Leslie Knope: Can I speak with you for a moment? Everything's fine, we're just gonna chat. Shouldn't you be at the library, forcing people to borrow books?
Tammy Two: Leslie, you and I both know that the library closes at 3:00 p.m.
Leslie Knope: Of course it does.
Tammy Two: Besides, I like to keep tabs on Ron.
Leslie Knope: So you can ruin his life?
Tammy Two: So I can have fun with him, and sometimes ruining his life can be a part of that, sure.

Quote from Andy

Donna: How about the new sushi place in Eagleton?
Andy: I'm allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 sushis, I barf.

Quote from Chris

Ben: Wow. The Gergiches really go all out. This is incredible.
Chris: Mmm! This is literally the best non-fat eggnog I've ever had.
Ben: Remain calm, but I think you just drank some of the regular, full-fat eggnog. Chris, one cup won't kill you.
Chris: No, but it will add exactly 440 calories. But you know what? I'm fine. You only live once. Mmm! I don't know if you know this, but things with fat in them taste way better than things with no fat.
Ben: Yeah, Chris, everybody knows that.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Let us in, Ann. It's cold outside, and I can't wear mittens 'cause they're unflattering to my hands.

Quote from Donna

Ann: Sorry, guys. This is your penance. You can come in if you do something nice for Jerry.
Donna: Hey, I already did something nice for Jerry. I drove here to take him to Jerry Dinner.
Ann: Oh, Donna. You can come in.
Donna: Okay.
Andy: What? What about us?
April: What? Donna!
Donna: Merry critches, bitches!

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ron Swanson: I have to confess, I'm very honored by this nomination.
Leslie Knope: Right?
Ron Swanson: This might be the first time I've ever wanted to attend an event.
Leslie Knope: Oh, my God, I love events! I can't wait to go tonight.
Ron Swanson: Why are you going?
Leslie Knope: As your self-appointed emotional guardian, it is my duty to love and support you. Plus, you know, this is a big deal. You shouldn't be there alone.
Ron Swanson: That's correct. I'm bringing Diane. Things are going very well with us.
Leslie Knope: Even better. I am very excited to meet Diane.
Ron Swanson: You're not taking "no" for an answer, are you?
Leslie Knope: Oh, I forgot to sing you my merry Congratu-Christmas carol. [sings] Jingle bells, jingle yay, jingle good for you
Ron Swanson: Get out.
Leslie Knope: Yup.

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