Ron Swanson: I would like to volunteer to do the park survey myself.
Leslie Knope: Wow, Ron. I always knew there would be a day when I would get through to you and you would love government work. Today is that historic day.
Ron Swanson: Yes. That is what has happened.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: Spending the day outside alone sounds like a dream. I love being a father, but there are a few things I miss. Silence, the absence of noise, one single moment undisturbed by the sounds of a children's TV program called Doc McStuffins. There is no quiet anymore. There is only Doc McStuffins.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Prospects for new Pawnee best friend. Donna Meagle. Confident, worldly, we go way back. April Ludgate. Vivid imagination, young, and vibrant. Shauna Malwae-Tweep. Pretty, fragile, makes terrible life decisions. A real fixer-upper, but look, it's not like Ann was doing so hot when I met her. Ethel Beavers. Bit of a dark horse. Crotchety, but probably wise. And then we got Evelyn, aka fake Ann. I don't know her last name. Honestly we just needed bodies.

Leslie Knope: Okay, it's time for a little Galentine's day Q&A. Donna, you pick first.
Donna: "What is your favorite TV show?" Well, for live tweeting, it's Scandal. For binge watching, it's Scandal. But for fashion, it's actually Scandal. My answer is Scandal.

Ben: Aw, babe, you've gone crazy.
Leslie Knope: The only thing I am crazy about is a magnificent, pregnant manta ray named Ann Perkins. I am ranking topics of conversation for our next phone call. The worst part about your best friend living in another stupid state is the topics really pile up. What do you think should be higher priority? Infinity scarves or whether or not it's worth it for me to get Showtime?

Tom: Is the tent guy left-handed or right-handed? I just need to know which way to part my hair to get us a better price. It's a business theory I'm working on.
Ben: I really don't think it matters. Pretty straightforward deal.
Tom: A straightforward deal? Why didn't you tell me? I don't have my straightforward deal fedora on me. We gotta stop by my storage unit on the way up.

Leslie Knope: Donna. [snaps] What's good, baby? What's going down in Donna town? What's the haps in Meagle-wood?
Donna: I'm listening to Jaleel Or No Deal. It's a podcast where the kid who played Urkel reviews old Deal Or No Deal episodes. It's pointless, and I love it.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] I need an Ann who lives in Pawnee, and there is no one obvious candidate, so I will test them out on the ultimate battlefield of female friendship: Galentine's day brunch. It will be a women's-only marathon bonding session with tons of whipped cream. Side note, do not Google that phrase.

Tom: My pores are clogged up from being in that dusty warehouse. I'm gonna check if this gas station has some biore strips.

Ben: Hello, Harvey. We found a glaring number of code violations you've committed. I could see to it that you never rent another tent in this region again.
Harvey: [chuckles] Gentlemen, I've won two online satellite Jamaican poker tournaments. I can tell that you're bluffing.
Tom: Your Pawnee business license has lapsed, which negates most of the deals you've made this year. I'm guessing you're pretty bad at poker.
Harvey: I am. And I was bluffing about winning those tournaments. Gentlemen, clearly there's been a misunderstanding here. I'm hoping that we can reach some kind of a compromise.
Tom: Yeah, first off, I need to know where you got these zebra-print pillows. Second of all, I got a Tin Cup Blu-Ray itching for a Rene Russo signature.

Tom: Why'd you invite Larry?
Ben: He's been doing all the paperwork for this deal. He deserves to come.
Tom: Remember you said that when Larry's farting up the car.
[aside to camera:]
Ben: Larry isn't that bad. He's nice. And frankly, I don't care who knows that I said that, as long as no one knows that I said that.