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‘Galentine's Day’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: Galentine's Day

617. Galentine's Day

Aired March 20, 2014

Leslie is missing Ann so she decides to hold an off-season Galentine's Day to find a replacement friend. Ron jumps at the chance to do some outdoor, solitary government work to give himself a break from being a parent. Meanwhile, Tom and Ben deal with a difficult local businessman as they try to secure tents for the unity concert.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: I would like to volunteer to do the park survey myself.
Leslie Knope: Wow, Ron. I always knew there would be a day when I would get through to you and you would love government work. Today is that historic day.
Ron Swanson: Yes. That is what has happened.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: Spending the day outside alone sounds like a dream. I love being a father, but there are a few things I miss. Silence, the absence of noise, one single moment undisturbed by the sounds of a children's TV program called Doc McStuffins. There is no quiet anymore. There is only Doc McStuffins.

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Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Prospects for new Pawnee best friend. Donna Meagle. Confident, worldly, we go way back. April Ludgate. Vivid imagination, young, and vibrant. Shauna Malwae-Tweep. Pretty, fragile, makes terrible life decisions. A real fixer-upper, but look, it's not like Ann was doing so hot when I met her. Ethel Beavers. Bit of a dark horse. Crotchety, but probably wise. And then we got Evelyn, aka fake Ann. I don't know her last name. Honestly we just needed bodies.

Quote from Donna

Leslie Knope: Okay, it's time for a little Galentine's day Q&A. Donna, you pick first.
Donna: "What is your favorite TV show?" Well, for live tweeting, it's Scandal. For binge watching, it's Scandal. But for fashion, it's actually Scandal. My answer is Scandal.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ben: Aw, babe, you've gone crazy.
Leslie Knope: The only thing I am crazy about is a magnificent, pregnant manta ray named Ann Perkins. I am ranking topics of conversation for our next phone call. The worst part about your best friend living in another stupid state is the topics really pile up. What do you think should be higher priority? Infinity scarves or whether or not it's worth it for me to get Showtime?

Quote from Tom

Tom: Is the tent guy left-handed or right-handed? I just need to know which way to part my hair to get us a better price. It's a business theory I'm working on.
Ben: I really don't think it matters. Pretty straightforward deal.
Tom: A straightforward deal? Why didn't you tell me? I don't have my straightforward deal fedora on me. We gotta stop by my storage unit on the way up.

Quote from Donna

Leslie Knope: Donna. [snaps] What's good, baby? What's going down in Donna town? What's the haps in Meagle-wood?
Donna: I'm listening to Jaleel Or No Deal. It's a podcast where the kid who played Urkel reviews old Deal Or No Deal episodes. It's pointless, and I love it.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] I need an Ann who lives in Pawnee, and there is no one obvious candidate, so I will test them out on the ultimate battlefield of female friendship: Galentine's day brunch. It will be a women's-only marathon bonding session with tons of whipped cream. Side note, do not Google that phrase.

Quote from Tom

Tom: My pores are clogged up from being in that dusty warehouse. I'm gonna check if this gas station has some biore strips.

Quote from Tom

Ben: Hello, Harvey. We found a glaring number of code violations you've committed. I could see to it that you never rent another tent in this region again.
Harvey: [chuckles] Gentlemen, I've won two online satellite Jamaican poker tournaments. I can tell that you're bluffing.
Tom: Your Pawnee business license has lapsed, which negates most of the deals you've made this year. I'm guessing you're pretty bad at poker.
Harvey: I am. And I was bluffing about winning those tournaments. Gentlemen, clearly there's been a misunderstanding here. I'm hoping that we can reach some kind of a compromise.
Tom: Yeah, first off, I need to know where you got these zebra-print pillows. Second of all, I got a Tin Cup Blu-Ray itching for a Rene Russo signature.

Quote from Ben

Tom: Why'd you invite Larry?
Ben: He's been doing all the paperwork for this deal. He deserves to come.
Tom: Remember you said that when Larry's farting up the car.
[aside to camera:]
Ben: Larry isn't that bad. He's nice. And frankly, I don't care who knows that I said that, as long as no one knows that I said that.

Quote from Ann

Ann: [on voicemail] Listen to me very carefully. I have not been taken. I know that's always your first fear when I'm not available, but this is not a Liam Neeson Taken scenario.
Leslie Knope: That's exactly what they'd make you say.
Ann: Also, no one's making me say this. I am a free woman, untaken, simply going about my business. I just have to run. Something came up. I love you, and I'll call you later.

Quote from Donna

Leslie Knope: Shauna, I'm so glad you could make it. You're so tan.
Shauna Malwae-Tweep: Oh, thanks. I just got back from a solo trip to Rome. I was gonna go with my boyfriend, but he couldn't come because he decided to stay with his wife.
Leslie Knope: Oof.
Evelyn: I love Rome. It's such a great place.
Donna: Rome's played out. Have y'all been to Kuala Lumpur?
Leslie Knope: When did you go to Asia?
Donna: I go all the time. Where do you think I got that crystal Buddha head above my jacuzzi?
Leslie Knope: You have a jacuzzi? Good to know.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Thank you, everyone, for getting together on such short notice, and happy Galentine's day. Now, this is not technically the right date, but any time a group of women get together for brunch, we embody the spirit of the holiday. Today we will celebrate friendship, spend a few hours together, and answer a couple of questions I've compiled. Just for fun. Nothing serious. But please answer them with complete honesty 'cause I'll be able to tell if you're lying. To girlfriends!

Quote from Tom

Harvey: Suit yourself, gentlemen. Sorry we couldn't make a deal.
Tom: Wait, wait. Let me try one more thing. [parts hair differently] What's the price now?
Harvey: $80 more. I liked it better the other way.
Tom: Does have an effect, though.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Well, the numbers don't lie. I'm a goofus, not a gallant. [throws book into the fisk tank]

Quote from Andy

Andy: [slurping] Ow. [continues slurping] Ow. Ow!
Ron Swanson: Andrew, you need to get your tooth fixed.
Andy: No way. I'm not going back there. I already won all the magazine mazes. Don't worry. It's gonna be fine. Ow!
Ron Swanson: If you don't take care of the problem now, it's only gonna get worse. Come on. I'll drive you back.
Andy: Fine. Let me just wolf down this peanut brittle real quick. [Ron slaps the peanut brittle out of Andy's hands] Why would you do that? Oh, right. 'Cause calories.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: [on the phone] Hello, Diane. I'm coming home soon to relieve you, give you a little break. It's no trouble at all. I'm a parent. I'm always on duty. What flavor ice cream would you and the children like? I'm getting some for a 30-year-old who works for me, so I can bring some home for you too.


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