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‘Rock Show’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: Rock Show

106. Rock Show

Aired May 14, 2009

Leslie's mother sets her up on a date with a prominent local government bigwig. Meanwhile, the rest of the department attend Andy's rock show after he finally gets his casts off.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Is that meeting still happening, the one with the bigwigs?
Marlene Knope: As far as I know.
Leslie Knope: Would it be unusual to reschedule the meeting?
Marlene Knope: Well, you would come off as a little flaky. Unless that's the impression you're trying to make.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Flaky is the worst thing a politician can be. Or corrupt. Or a rapist. There are a lot of pitfalls in politics. But those are the big three.

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Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: So do I need to know anything about this guy? What's his political pedigree?
Marlene Knope: His name is George Gernway. He's the city manager in Eagerton. He's divorced with two children.
Leslie Knope: Okay, good to know. Knowledge is power. Francis Bacon. Or Mary J. Blige.

Quote from Tom

Leslie Knope: [to camera] This is very exciting. We are at Saint Joseph's Medical Center because, today, Andy Dwyer is getting his casts off. It is a great day for Andy, and it's a wonderful day for my subcommittee.
Tom: Oh, my God. Your boobs are dead.
Leslie Knope: Stop it. No, they're not.
Tom: I'm calling it. The time of booth death, 9:18 a.m. We did everything we could, but they were just too small.

Quote from Leslie Knope

[aside to camera:]
Marlene Knope: Leslie's not a big dater. Leslie's not much of a dater. You don't meet many guys at the hall of records, the public library, or the shoe section at JC Penney, so I set her up with a wonk I
met at a government conference. All he talks about are city codes. She's gonna love him.
[back:]
Marlene Knope: Is that what you're gonna wear?
Leslie Knope: No, I was gonna wear something a little more formal and buttoned down. I don't wanna blow it.
Marlene Knope: Why don't you try something more stylish?
Leslie Knope: Like Laura Bush stylish or Michelle Obama stylish?

Quote from Ann

Ann: [aside to camera] I think there's gonna be a good turnout at Andy's show tonight. He wrote this new song about what happened to him called The Pit. It's one of those rare songs that rocks really hard, and also informs people about a small public works project.

Quote from Tom

Wendy: How did Leslie meet her boyfriend?
Tom: Uh, she used to read him books at the senior center.
Beth: Wow. How old is he?
Tom: He's six, but he has Benjamin Button Disease.

Quote from Mark

Leslie Knope: I can't believe my mom tried to set me up with an 80-year-old man. [Mark laughs] I went to dinner tonight with somebody's grandpa.
Mark: You know what? That guy was too young for you. You should be dating guys in their early hundreds. I'm telling you, you should be dating men that Al Roker announces their birthdays.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: So, Ann, how do you feel?
Ann: I feel good.
Leslie Knope: I'm recording some of these clips for my website, so I need you to say something moving and poignant. You know, pithy and articulate, kind of grabby, but unrehearsed. But like you just made it up. So just think about it for a second. Now say something like that and then be funny. Okay, go. How do you feel?
Ann: Uh... I'm happy.
Leslie Knope: [laughs] That's great.

Quote from Ann

Ann: [aside to camera] If Leslie had a boyfriend and he broke his legs, I would do the same for her. I'd probably bring fewer stuffed animals though.

Quote from Andy

[The doctor saws off Andy's cast, revealing an array of objects and debris stuck to Andy's leg]
Tom: Wow, it's like a sweaty piñata.
Ann: Hey, my iPod!
Andy: Oh, yeah! My pirate!
Leslie Knope: Doctor, if I may, could I keep that cast, please?
Doctor: It's a highly disgusting request, but I don't see why not.
Leslie Knope: Thank you. [to camera] This is a symbol of new beginnings, a symbol of hope, and of our project. We will build this park!
Andy: It is gonna feel so good to walk again, finally. [topples over] Easy!
Ann: Oh, no!
Leslie Knope: Oh, my... Oh, no!
Doctor: Yeah, they might be a little weak at first.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Babe, when are you gonna tell them about my show?
Ann: Oh, yeah, sorry. Andy's band is playing a show. And we want you all to come.
Andy: It's gonna be a party, so check your suits at the door. It's gonna get crazy.
[aside to camera:]
Ann: Andy's band is really good, and it's been driving him nuts that he can't play. He's been writing all these songs about things that are physically near him.
[flashback:]
Andy: [plays guitar, sings] Sandwich! Are you turkey or ham?
Ann: Ham.
Andy: [plays guitar, sings] Lamp! Wish you were a lamp that would light up when you get touched.

Quote from Andy

Mark: So, what kind of music does your band play?
Andy: You know, I really don't like to define it, but it's like Matchbox Twenty meets The Fray.
Tom: So, rock.
Andy: Well, again, I don't really like to define it.
Mark: So undefinable rock.
Andy: Again, I think the term rock defines it.
April: I totally get what you mean.

Quote from Mark

Mark: [aside to camera] There used to be this huge speed bump in the center of town. It was insane. So, I decided I wanted to do something about it, and I got it lowered 2 inches. Apparently, what I can achieve in government can literally be measured.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Now, you know that we're gonna be building a park on a residential lot, so, of course we're gonna have to get the zoning codes approved and amended by our city council.
George Gernway: What kind of movies do you like?
Leslie Knope: Huh? Uh. Well, you know, documentaries, political thrillers.
George Gernway: I like all kinds of movies.
Leslie Knope: Great. So, I brought some pictures of the lot, and you can tell that the houses are very close to it. How difficult is re-zoning in your town? Could you go into detail a little bit about that?
George Gernway: Sure. Great. It's refreshing to be with someone who actually likes talking about government issues. Most of the women I go out with find it boring.
Leslie Knope: Well, you know, you have to have zoning codes, or else the whole thing could be chaos.
George Gernway: You are a very no-nonsense person, aren't you? I like that. Your mother mentioned that you don't date much.
Leslie Knope: What? I've been focusing on my career. Why do you ask?
George Gernway: Oh, because I haven't been dating much either since my divorce. It hasn't been easy. And I'm coping, but it was tough on the kids. Not my kids, 'cause they're grown-up, but it was tough on their kids. Oh, sorry.
Leslie Knope: Oh, boy.
George Gernway: I'm sorry. I apologize. I shouldn't bring up my divorce on a first date. But I feel I can tell you anything.
Leslie Knope: Uh...

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [on the phone] He thinks we're on a date. Did you tell him we were on a date?
Marlene Knope: It is a date. What did you think it was?
Leslie Knope: A political strategy session.
Marlene Knope: Leslie, you're not getting any younger.
Leslie Knope: Well, neither is he. And he's 62 years old.
[in the restaurant, aside to camera:]
George Gernway: I think it's going quite well. And she looks like a young Sandy Duncan.
[back:]
Marlene Knope: Oh. Just go back in there and finish the dinner. Let him think it's a date. You don't have to have sex with him if you don't want to.
Leslie Knope: What? Are you crazy? [to a couple seated at an outdoor table] Hi, how are you?

Quote from Ron Swanson

Mark: Hey, Parks Department.
Ron Swanson: Hey, Mark. This is Beth, my ex-wife Tammy's better-Iooking sister.
Beth: Nice to meet you.
Mark: Nice to meet you. You guys are together?
Ron Swanson: Yup. My ex-wife Tammy cheated on me. Then we divorced. Then last week, I ran into her sister Beth here. Turns out she hates Tammy, too, so we've started dating. It's like a fairy tale.
Beth: Yeah, Tammy stinks.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Brendanawicz!
Mark: Hey, Tom.
Tom: Hey. I want you to meet my wife.
Wendy: Hi. I'm Wendy Haverford.
Mark: Hi. You're Tom's wife.
Wendy: [chuckles] Don't hold it against me.
Tom: Look at how hot she is. Isn't that crazy? And she's a surgeon. She makes a ton of money! Bam!

Quote from Mark

April: This is Derek.
Mark: Cool. How long have you guys been dating?
April: We're just friends. He's like the gayest person I've ever met. But I make out with him when I'm drunk sometimes.
Mark: You know, if you don't wanna talk to me, you can just say so.
April: I don't wanna talk to you.
[aside to camera:]
Mark: Apparently, tonight, I'm the Parks Department's seventh wheel.

Quote from Leslie Knope

George Gernway: [coughing]
Leslie Knope: Are you okay?
George Gernway: It's good. Yeah. [showing wallet photos] This is my oldest son. He's a very no-nonsense person like yourself. And this is my youngest. He's about your age.
Leslie Knope: Terrific. So, did you give any more thought to those zoning code questions I asked you?
George Gernway: Oh. Come on, enough business. Let's have some fun! Try some of my chicken.
Leslie Knope: Oh, no. That's okay.
George Gernway: Just a taste. Have a little taste of chicken! Just a bit! Just a taste! Chicken, chicken, chicken!
Leslie Knope: [eats] Mmm.
George Gernway: Delicious, right?
Leslie Knope: Mmm-hmm.
George Gernway: I really like this restaurant.
Leslie Knope: Yeah. It's a great place for a business meeting.

Quote from Leslie Knope

George Gernway: What kind of movies do you like?
Leslie Knope: You already asked me that.
George Gernway: Oh. Sorry. Senior moment. [Leslie sighs] Am I keeping you from something?
Leslie Knope: No, no. Yes. My friend Andy is playing in a band tonight, and I kind of wanted to go.
George Gernway: Well, if you want to go to the rock show, I don't mind.
Leslie Knope: Really? Are you sure?
George Gernway: Sure! I haven't been to a rock show in a long time. Might be fun. All this and a rock show, too? The last rock show I went to was the Everly Brothers.
Leslie Knope: Hmm.
George Gernway: You like the Everly Brothers?
Leslie Knope: They're my favorite rock group.
George Gernway: They're so good.
[aside to camera:]
George Gernway: I am getting very positive signals.

Quote from Ann

Mark: Hey, the band's really good. I liked that song Grapple Hound.
Ann: Gossip Town?
Mark: Right. My only criticism, I hate the name of the band.
Ann: Yeah, they should change their name to Big, Lying Baby. Or Where's My Sandwich? Or Don't Forget To Bring Home Beers After Work.

Quote from Mark

Mark: Okay. Since you brought it up, I'm just gonna say it. I don't get you and... I mean, it doesn't make any sense to me. I mean, I like Andy a lot. But there's tons of guys out there who have jobs and who respect you and think you're attractive.
Ann: Really?
Mark: Oh, yeah.
Ann: You mean guys like you for instance?
Mark: No! [laughing] No, no, no, no, no, not me.
Ann: Oh. Okay. Good, 'cause, for a second there, I thought you were hitting on me in front of my boyfriend.
Mark: No! Not my style. Even though you did just call him a big, lying baby. And I do find you attractive.

Quote from Ann

Ann: So, you are hitting on me.
Mark: No. I'm not. I promise you. But if I were, would you be interested?
Ann: No. Okay. Let me tell you why, because I'm in a crappy mood, and I don't really appreciate what's happening right here. Number one, you've never been in a relationship that's lasted longer than a week. Number two, the girls you do choose to spend the week with...
Mark: That's fine. That's enough. That's enough. Look, I was not trying to ask you out, I promise.
Ann: Well, I'm glad we avoided that.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Leslie, who's your friend?
George Gernway: I'm George. I'm Leslie's date.
Leslie Knope: Yes. He's my date. George Gernway. He's the City Manager in Eagleton.
Tom: Hi, George Gernway. I'm Tom Haverford. This is my wife, Wendy. She's my age.

Quote from Tom

Tom: So, I heard you went to Indiana State.
George Gernway: Yes.
Tom: My buddy Todd went there. Maybe you know him. What year did you graduate?
George Gernway: 1968.
Tom: Oh! Todd graduated in 2005, so you probably missed him. How was your date with Leslie?

Quote from Tom

Tom: Dead or asleep? Dead or asleep?
Leslie Knope: George. George!
George Gernway: [wakes up, laughs] Oh. Look at me, out like a light. I think I should head home now.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Mark: You know, honestly, when I went to college, and I studied City Planning...
Leslie Knope: Yes?
Mark: I thought I was gonna get a chance to build these, you know, perfect cities. With public transportation and downtown pedestrian areas with beautiful landscaping, and all I ever really do is regulate the size of people's garage additions.
Leslie Knope: You can do it all, Brendanawicz. The people of Pawnee don't know how lucky they are to have you.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Mark and I are really connecting tonight. Like we connected when we made love five years ago. There are a million similarities between that night and this night. We were drinking. We were at a bar.

Quote from Mark

Leslie Knope: If you could put anything in the park, what would you put in there?
Mark: Okay...
Leslie Knope: Don't over-think it.
Mark: Keep it simple, nice shady trees, lots of grass, benches.
Leslie Knope: Picnic table?
Mark: Sure. Water feature. Like, huge rocks to be climbing on. A play area for the kids.
Leslie Knope: God, that sounds wonderful. I would live in that park.
Mark: But then you'd be homeless.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Okay, this pit. Give it to me straight. Are we ever gonna turn it into a park?
Mark: Leslie, this is already a park! Look, I mean, you got a dirt slide over here, you got ring around the diaper you could play there. [Leslie laughs] You've got duck, duck, glass you could play right there. Mystery trash. What's not to love about this park, right here, now? I wish we could turn it into a pit, frankly, don't you? But, seriously, I mean, really? Honestly, Leslie, it's gonna be a long, uphill battle. You are gonna be super annoyed with all the people that want you to fail. There is a sea of red tape, endless roadblocks. So, yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
Leslie Knope: Screw it. I'm gonna try to do it anyway. [both laugh] I mean, Kennedy put a man on the moon.
Mark: He did.
Leslie Knope: I can build one park.
Mark: I really admire your tenacity.
Leslie Knope: I really admire you. [they kiss]

Quote from Andy

Leslie Knope: Okay, this pit. Give it to me straight. Are we ever gonna turn it into a park?
Mark: Leslie, this is already a park! Look, I mean, you got a dirt slide over here, you got ring around the diaper you could play there. [Leslie laughs] You've got duck, duck, glass you could play right there. Mystery trash. What's not to love about this park, right here, now? I wish we could turn it into a pit, frankly, don't you? But, seriously, I mean, really? Honestly, Leslie, it's gonna be a long, uphill battle. You are gonna be super annoyed with all the people that want you to fail. There is a sea of red tape, endless roadblocks. So, yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
Leslie Knope: Screw it. I'm gonna try to do it anyway. [both laugh] I mean, Kennedy put a man on the moon.
Mark: He did.
Leslie Knope: I can build one park.
Mark: I really admire your tenacity.
Leslie Knope: I really admire you. [they kiss]

Quote from Andy

Andy: The band has had a few different names over the years. We started, we were Teddy Bear Suicide, but then we changed it to Mouse Rat. Uh. Then we were God Hates Figs, Two Doors Down, Department of Homeland Obscurity. Then we were Three Skin, Just the Tip, Flames for Flames, Muscle Confusion, Nothing Rhymes with Orange, then Everything Rhymes with Orange, Andy Dwyer Experience, A.D. And the D Bags, The Andy Andy Andies. Rad Wagon. Five Skin, Four Skin. Nothing Rhymes with Blorange. Death of a Scam Artist, Razor Dick. Puppy Pendulum, Possum Pendulum, Penis Pendulum, Hand Rail Suicide, Angel Snack. Uh... Jet Black Pope, Punch Face Champions, Ninja Dick, we went back to Mouse Rat, and now we are Scarecrow Boat. God, when I hear myself say Scarecrow Boat out loud, I kind of hate it.


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