Leslie Knope: Is that meeting still happening, the one with the bigwigs?
Marlene Knope: As far as I know.
Leslie Knope: Would it be unusual to reschedule the meeting?
Marlene Knope: Well, you would come off as a little flaky. Unless that's the impression you're trying to make.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Flaky is the worst thing a politician can be. Or corrupt. Or a rapist. There are a lot of pitfalls in politics. But those are the big three.

Leslie Knope: So do I need to know anything about this guy? What's his political pedigree?
Marlene Knope: His name is George Gernway. He's the city manager in Eagerton. He's divorced with two children.
Leslie Knope: Okay, good to know. Knowledge is power. Francis Bacon. Or Mary J. Blige.

Leslie Knope: [to camera] This is very exciting. We are at Saint Joseph's Medical Center because, today, Andy Dwyer is getting his casts off. It is a great day for Andy, and it's a wonderful day for my subcommittee.
Tom: Oh, my God. Your boobs are dead.
Leslie Knope: Stop it. No, they're not.
Tom: I'm calling it. The time of booth death, 9:18 a.m. We did everything we could, but they were just too small.

[aside to camera:]
Marlene Knope: Leslie's not a big dater. Leslie's not much of a dater. You don't meet many guys at the hall of records, the public library, or the shoe section at JC Penney, so I set her up with a wonk I
met at a government conference. All he talks about are city codes. She's gonna love him.
[back:]
Marlene Knope: Is that what you're gonna wear?
Leslie Knope: No, I was gonna wear something a little more formal and buttoned down. I don't wanna blow it.
Marlene Knope: Why don't you try something more stylish?
Leslie Knope: Like Laura Bush stylish or Michelle Obama stylish?

Ann: [aside to camera] I think there's gonna be a good turnout at Andy's show tonight. He wrote this new song about what happened to him called The Pit. It's one of those rare songs that rocks really hard, and also informs people about a small public works project.

Wendy: How did Leslie meet her boyfriend?
Tom: Uh, she used to read him books at the senior center.
Beth: Wow. How old is he?
Tom: He's six, but he has Benjamin Button Disease.

Leslie Knope: I can't believe my mom tried to set me up with an 80-year-old man. [Mark laughs] I went to dinner tonight with somebody's grandpa.
Mark: You know what? That guy was too young for you. You should be dating guys in their early hundreds. I'm telling you, you should be dating men that Al Roker announces their birthdays.

April: This is Derek.
Mark: Cool. How long have you guys been dating?
April: We're just friends. He's like the gayest person I've ever met. But I make out with him when I'm drunk sometimes.
Mark: You know, if you don't wanna talk to me, you can just say so.
April: I don't wanna talk to you.
[aside to camera:]
Mark: Apparently, tonight, I'm the Parks Department's seventh wheel.

Mark: Okay. Since you brought it up, I'm just gonna say it. I don't get you and... I mean, it doesn't make any sense to me. I mean, I like Andy a lot. But there's tons of guys out there who have jobs and who respect you and think you're attractive.
Ann: Really?
Mark: Oh, yeah.
Ann: You mean guys like you for instance?
Mark: No! [laughing] No, no, no, no, no, not me.
Ann: Oh. Okay. Good, 'cause, for a second there, I thought you were hitting on me in front of my boyfriend.
Mark: No! Not my style. Even though you did just call him a big, lying baby. And I do find you attractive.

Leslie Knope: If you could put anything in the park, what would you put in there?
Mark: Okay...
Leslie Knope: Don't over-think it.
Mark: Keep it simple, nice shady trees, lots of grass, benches.
Leslie Knope: Picnic table?
Mark: Sure. Water feature. Like, huge rocks to be climbing on. A play area for the kids.
Leslie Knope: God, that sounds wonderful. I would live in that park.
Mark: But then you'd be homeless.