Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Women in Garbage’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: Women in Garbage

511. Women in Garbage

Aired January 24, 2013

After Leslie tries to improve female representation in local government, she and April become refuse collectors to show women can do the job just as well as men. Meanwhile, Ron and Ann look after Diane's kids, and Tom asks Ben and Andy to teach him about basketball.

Quote from April

April: [aside to camera] This is Stacy Knoblauch's house. I went to high school with her, and she was super mean to me, and now I know that she dyes her hair. I knew that wench wasn't naturally blonde. Oh, my God! She has to use prescription-strength deodorant. This is the best day of my life.

Rate

Quote from Leslie Knope

Paula Horke: Government was a real boys' club back in the '70s. They smoked their cigars, they snapped my bra, wore mirrors on their shoes to look up my skirt.
Leslie Knope: Well, I am happy to report that it is now a pervert-free people's club.
Ann: Well, except for Councilman Dexhart, who's a self-described pervert.
Donna: Yeah, and didn't Milton try to kiss you?
Leslie Knope: Well, yeah, things aren't perfect.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Dewey: Bakery called this in. Needs to go on that truck right there.
Leslie Knope: Ah, easy, breezy, beautiful. That's the Covergirl slogan. I didn't mean to say that.

Quote from Chris

Shauna Malwae-Tweep: I'm gonna have to start writing this up soon. Kinda sucks. I thought maybe we'd be done in time to grab a drink.
Chris: Oh!
Shauna Malwae-Tweep: Have you been to Bistro d'Amour? It's really romantic. Yeah, it was just gonna be you and me, my sister, a few people from work, and my ex-boyfriend.
Chris: [laughs] That's really confusing. I have a request. Could you please make sure that my involvement in this stays off the record? I wouldn't want anyone thinking that you're biased because we're something.
Shauna Malwae-Tweep: You don't have to worry about that. I'm gonna include a disclaimer describing the nature of our relationship.
[aside to camera:]
Chris: I guess I'll have to wait for tomorrow's paper to find out our status. Why did I have to fall for somebody from the old media?

Quote from Leslie Knope

Paula Horke: Well it's a pleasure to be here, ladies. I didn't think anybody really cared about my time on the city council.
Leslie Knope: Oh, we do. I mean, you are such an inspiration. Still going strong at 82. [Paula blows her nose]
April: How old is that handkerchief?
Paula Horke: Well, it's not a handkerchief. It's a receipt.
Ann: [groans]
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Paula Horke was Pawnee's first female city councilor 40 years ago, and she was a huge inspiration to me. Women have come a long way in Pawnee, but we still have quite a ways to go. I mean, technically, I'm not allowed to reserve this conference room without my husband or father's signature.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Paula Horke: All the other councilmen used to keep a calendar of my menstrual cycle.
Leslie Knope: Are you kidding me? That is horrible. They don't do that to me. Do they do that to me?
Paula Horke: I once tried to start a commission to try to get more jobs for women in city government, and they dismissed me, saying that it was because it was just my time of the month. Admittedly, they were right. Because of the calendar.
Leslie Knope: Manpigs. All of them. You know what, I'm gonna get that commission going, because this inequality has gone on long enough.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Both: Moustache! Dumb-dumb! Moustache! Dumb-dumb!
Ron Swanson: Hello.
Ann: I just came to drop off some of the employee- What is happening?
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: The girls are on break, and their sitter had to go out of town for the day, so I'm watching them while Diane works. I borrowed some markers from Leslie and some stickers from Leslie and a Lite-Brite which I got from Andy.

Quote from Chris

Chris: The lack of women in this government is criminal. I'm gonna ask each department to send two people to a meeting today.
Leslie Knope: Yeah!
Chris: And! And- And I can ask Shauna Malwae-Tweep to write an article about it for the Pawnee Journal. She's my special friend.
Leslie Knope: That's what you're calling her now.
Chris: I don't know what to call her. I don't entirely understand the behavior of young people. Recently, we engaged in something called a "group hang." It was like a date, but there were seven other people there. It was very confusing. I'm not really sure what our label is. Labels can be bad, but they can also be good. "Warning: Toxic bleach" is a good label. Shauna Malwae-Tweep has amazing dimples.
Leslie Knope: So the commission?
Chris: Yes, right, the commission. I'm gonna get that going right now.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Listen, I need you two to teach me everything you know about basketball.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: Rent-A-Swag is doing really well. I'm on track to turn a profit in my third month. One problem: All the kids that shop in the store are basketball crazy. It's all they talk about. I need to be able to schmooze them, and I can't keep referring to basketball players as "Khloe Kardashian's husband and his friends."
[back:]
Tom: You're just the men to help me out. One jock, one geek who loves stats. I'll give you a few minutes to cancel the rest of your plans for the day.
Andy: No need. My only plan was to buy Skittles.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Councilman Milton: I believe one problem with hiring women is that they're frail and breakable.
Leslie Knope: Is it possible you're thinking about light bulbs? Or your hip?
April: Mm. If I were 300 years older, Councilman.

Quote from April

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Okay, so I took extensive notes on ways to maximize our efficiency, because we can't be just as good as the men. We have to be better.
April: Yeah, you're totally right. Let's rock this.
Leslie Knope: April, I love you, but I don't need your sarcasm right now.
April: I'm serious. Let's get rolling. I wanna get into some garbage. [knocks on metal]
[aside to camera:]
April: What? I love garbage.

Quote from April

April: You ever found a dead body in the trash? Or body parts? Like, a torso or a head?

Quote from Leslie Knope

Chris: According to Leslie's binder, she and April are making even better time than the guys do on a normal day.
Leslie Knope: Wow, that's weird. You know, with us being women and all, you'd think our boobs would get in the way.
Shauna Malwae-Tweep: Is that accurate Mr. Phlegner? Is Councilwoman Knope ahead of the regular schedule for this route?
Steve: Whatever. No comment.
Leslie Knope: Tough stuff. Are you posing? I don't have a photographer with me. Google Earth always taking pics. Let's move it out!

Quote from Tom

Tom: Yes! Nothin' but net.
Andy: Nice! You are officially a baller.
Tom: I've been a baller since birth, son. Now, I'm an athlete.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Gorkem: You here to move the fridge?
April: [gasps] Are you a ghost?
Leslie Knope: Yes, we are.
Gorkem: Why you think you can lift it? You are two little canaries. Those garbagemen couldn't even lift it. They are like giant bears.
Leslie Knope: Hold on. What do you mean?
Gorkem: Bears are bigger than canaries, yes? So if bears can't lift the thing.
Leslie Knope: No, I understand animal sizes. What do you mean they couldn't lift it?
Gorkem: They tried three days ago, and it does not budge. They say they're gonna come back with more guys, but they come back with canaries. Fly away, little canaries.
Leslie Knope: Those Sanitation goons set us up.

Quote from April

April: No, Leslie, we do not want to tie. We want to win. Those guys suck, okay? We have to prove them wrong. Look, all we have to do is get some PCP. You can move anything on angel dust. My cousin Hesen, he beat off five cops on that stuff.

Quote from Chris

Chris: Hey, Leslie! Shauna just sent me the disclaimer that she's gonna use before she prints the article. "City manager Chris Traeger was present for this event, and has a personal relationship with the author."
Leslie Knope: Okay, that's pretty good, right?
Chris: "Personal relationship." It's not romantic. But it is descriptive. No, it's not even descriptive.
Leslie Knope: I know you're not used to this, but maybe you should just try to keep it chill and see what happens.
Chris: Great advice. Impossible to follow, but great advice.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Not only did we complete the garbage route and move an unmovable fridge, but the Sanitation department hired three new female trash-haulers. And, best of all, April gave me this present to commemorate our feminist victory. And it's trash. It's filled with trash. Maybe there's something on the bottom here. Let me see-- No, just trash.


 Episode 510 Episode 512 
  Select another episode