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‘Canvassing’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: Canvassing

102. Canvassing

Aired April 16, 2009

Leslie and her colleagues go door-to-door to convince residents to support the park project.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Why do I want to build this park so bad? Maybe because a pit filled with garbage isn't the best that we can do in America. You know, in Russia, they could pretend that pit was a park, bring their kids down there. "Hey, Vlad! Look at these rocks! Let's pretend they're potatoes!" "Nikolai! Do you want to swim in the dirt?" But not here. Okay? 'Cause we're a nation of dreamers. And it is my dream to build a park. That I one day visit with my White House staff on my birthday. And they say, "President Knope, this park is awesome. Now we understand why you are the first female President of the United States."

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Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] I'm going to see my mom. She's a big mucky-muck in the county school system. She's my hero. How do I explain her? She's as respected as Mother Teresa. She's as powerful as Stalin, and she's as beautiful as Margaret Thatcher.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Woman: Well, look, I think this is a great idea, but I can't make any forum. I would have to get a babysitter.
Leslie Knope: How old are your kids?
Woman: Four and two.
Leslie Knope: Could the 4-year-old watch the 2-year-old?

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Uh... And this is our canvassing guide. This is gonna be the script that we use when we speak with people.
Mark: "If a person is a man, turn to page two."
Tom: "If the person looks like a celebrity. Example, Jack Nicholson, use this to help your pitch. Example: 'You can't handle the pit. That's why we need to turn it into a park.'"

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] I'm not above using my expertise to change hearts and minds if the cause is just. When I was in sixth grade, I was voted Best Dressed by 87 votes. And there were only 63 people in my class.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Ann: Hmm, he said some upsetting things. I can't believe you gave him your home phone number.
Leslie Knope: Well, I'm a public servant. I need to be accessible.
Ann: What the hell is wrong with people? I should show them Andy's medical bills. Maybe they'd have a little sympathy.
Leslie Knope: Oh, my God. Ann! Game changer. You just busted the game wide open.
Ann: How?
Leslie Knope: Andy. We need Andy. He's our symbol. We'll wheel him around the neighborhood to get sympathy. He's a cute FDR.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [to camera] Well, one of the funner things that we do here in Pawnee is the annual Easter egg hunt. Tom hides the eggs, and I have to say he did an exceptional job this year. I've been searching for 25 minutes and I haven't found a single egg. And I'm an adult.
Tom: [to camera] Oh. Yeah, I forgot to do that.
Leslie Knope: [to camera] Maybe Tom's trying to make this year a challenge. And if so, he's succeeding. I don't think a single egg has been found yet.
Leslie Knope: [to a little girl] Let's keep looking. We're gonna find one. [Tom shakes his head]

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Okay. Keep going, keep moving. Nose to the grindstone. No means yes.
Ann: Can we stop, please? Because it's really hot, and I'm tired.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, I'm hot, too. Let's blow on each other's faces. Or we could drink some water.
Ann: Yeah, let's do that. My house is really close by. Let's just go take a break for an hour or so.
Leslie Knope: Okay, okay. Look, I didn't want it to have to come to this, but, Ann, please open the sealed envelope that's in your binder.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: This is a little something I learned from Karl Rove. If you want to guarantee the results of a survey, you design the question to give you the answer that you want.
[back:]
Ann: "Wouldn't you rather have a park than a storage facility for nuclear waste?" That seems iffy.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, don't worry about it, I made it all up.
Ann: Yeah, that's what I mean.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Wouldn't you agree, like most decent Americans, that it would be a good idea to turn the abandoned lot on Sullivan Street into a beautiful community park?
Woman: Oh. Actually, no. I'm not really a fan of parks. Very noisy, barbecue smell all the time.
Leslie Knope: Would you change your mind if I told you that nine out of 10 meth users said the same exact thing?
Woman: What? How would you even know that?
Leslie Knope: Survey. We surveyed crystal meth users.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] There's a new wind blowing in government and I don't like it. All of a sudden, there's all this federal money coming in, and Paul, the city manager, is telling us to build parks and start new community programs. It's horrifying.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Jerry, what's up, man? Hey, you're into pretzels, right? Bam! Hit them up, man. Thanks for coming down. I got a seat taped off for you over there. My top priority with this park, getting your fences in there. I drove by one of your fences the other day. I was like, "Man, that fence looks awesome." I was like, of course, Roy's. If you're into chocolate muffins, grab as many you want.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: Some people may say that bringing in these contractors this early is jumping the gun a little bit. Well, guess what? Here's the gun, here's me. Boom!

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: Before we continue, I'd love to just give you a little history of Pawnee. The City of Pawnee was incorporated in 1817, when a young man by the name of Reverend Luther Howell came from Terre Haute on an ox. He planted his flag in the ground and was met soon after by an angry tribe of Wamapoke Indians, who, when seeing the whiteness of his skin, twisted him to death. Flash forward to 1969. Man walks on the moon. Pawnee is lousy with hippies...
Ron Swanson: My, God. She's filibustering her own meeting.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Filibuster! Boom! They can't touch you if you talk forever.
[back:]
Leslie Knope: I can't speak of the future, but I will. The future of Pawnee will involve us flying around in space taxis, where we will communicate on watches, and blink our feelings to each other, rather than use words. And now, I'd like to take a magical journey through a little something I like to call The Phantom Tollbooth, by Norton Juster.
Kate: Excuse me? Can't you read that children's book on your own time?
Leslie Knope: I have the floor! "There once was a boy named Milo, who didn't know what to do with himself, not just sometimes, but..."

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [to camera] It was tough. But, you know, that's Pawnee. That's democracy. There are a lot of people here that want this park. You just gotta get past the negative people. But guess what? My subcommittee held its first town hall meeting tonight. God, I loved it! I loved every minute of it.
Lawrence: Hey, park lady.
Leslie Knope: Yeah?
Lawrence: You suck.
Leslie Knope: Hear that? He called me "park lady."


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