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‘Save JJ's’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: Save JJ's

706. Save JJ's

Aired January 27, 2015

After losing out on the Newport land to Gryzzlbox, Leslie is determined to save another Pawnee landmark, JJ's diner. Meanwhile, Tom and Donna treat themselves in Beverly Hills.

Quote from Andy

Ben: Now you said your new landlord didn't give you a chance to counter. Who is it?
JJ: It was a company with a weird-sounding name. Hang on.
Andy: Was it Putin? Voldemort Putin? Of Russia? I'd love to take that bastard down.

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Quote from Ron Swanson

Leslie Knope: Ron? What do you say? Dynamic duo get together one more time to try to save JJ's Diner?
Ron Swanson: I can't think of anything more noble to go to war over than bacon and eggs.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: It's over. They won. Everything is changing. This town is going to be unrecognizable in ten years. Even JJ's Diner is disappearing.
JJ: What can I get you guys?
Leslie Knope: However many waffles it takes to keep you in business.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: I'm happy with some of the changes that Pawnee has gone through. I mean, the standard of living is up. We have pressed juice bars and yoga studios and a pet hotel. But I think the town is losing some of its charm. And there's too much kale now. One place asked me if I wanted kale in my milkshake. My milkshake, you guys.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Leslie Knope: All right, everybody, listen up. We're here today because JJ's Diner has been a part of Pawnee for 41 years. And this man right here built that diner from the ground up with his own two hands.
JJ: That's not true.
Leslie Knope: It's called constructing a narrative, JJ. You stick to the breakfast. I'll deal with the politics. So, now, let's hear from a man who knows the value of things staying the same. Ron Swanson. [cheering]
Ron Swanson: I do not like rallies. And based on what I see from this vantage point, I do not like most of you. What I do like is breakfast food. JJ's has very good breakfast food, so it should remain open. Please do not approach me on the street after this event and attempt to talk to me. Our similarities begin and end with this single issue.
Leslie Knope: Ron Swanson.

Quote from Tom

Tom: There's actually one more cake you haven't tried yet.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: Donna has chosen me to be the Butler of Honor at her wedding. Now granted, Butler of Honor is a term I made up, but it's not a job I take lightly. That's why I'm about to give her a surprise bigger than when LeBron went back to Miami.
[back:]
Donna: Oh, my God. DJ Bluntz? [boom box plays hip-hop] What is happening right now?
Tom: I think you know what's happening.
Joe: But- But for real, though. What- What's happening?
Tom: Treat yo' self.
Both: [sing] Treat yo' self 2017

Quote from Andy

Leslie Knope: Wow. Gryzzl is scrambling. And for the first time in this land battle, they are vulnerable, and we are gonna capitalize on it with something big and exciting.
Andy: I've got something big and exciting. All we need is a blimp and a decoy blimp.
Leslie Knope: Okay, for what I hope is the last time, but will assume is not the last time, our strategy does not involve blimps.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Ron and I had a little falling out, but we are back, baby. And just like Joey Fatone and Lance Bass, we are totally in sync. [Ron goes for a handshake, Leslie goes for a high-five, then vice versa] Come on. Okay. Just give me a... [Ron pats Leslie's head] Oh. We're in sync emotionally. Stop patting my head.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: All I wanted was 25 square miles of land valued at $100 million given to me for free. Is that too much to ask?

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: Even though I'm a firm believer in the free market, and your failure as a businessman is ultimately to blame, it's still a travesty your diner is closing.

Quote from April

Leslie Knope: The cologne guy? Oh, it figures. That guy is the worst. Okay. We are gonna take him down with an old-fashioned public rally. April, I need you to get the word out, with whatever method of communication young people are using these days.
April: Oh, yeah, tiny rolled-up scrolls delivered by trained foxes. I'm on it.

Quote from Andy

Andy: [clears throat]
Patty: Can I help you?
Andy: Yes, we are here to see Dennis Feinstein. The appointment should be under Karate. Jonathan Karate.
Patty: Um, I don't see a Jonathan Karate anywhere.
Andy: Exactly.
[Andy and his troupe of child ninjas drop the ground]
[aside to camera:]
Andy: Occasionally on my show, we deal with real issues like bullying, peer pressure, or holding in farts. In those very special episodes, I become... Jonathan Karate, the very serious older brother of Johnny Karate. Jonathan Karate tells it like it is. He makes people do the right thing.

Quote from Andy

Leslie Knope: I'm sorry, JJ, that I gave you false hope. This is a lost cause, just like my stupid park.
Andy: Screw that. There's gotta be another way. What if we steal the keys to Feinstein's building, break in, and TP his office? Film the whole thing. We'd definitely get on a prank show.
Leslie Knope: Okay, I love your energy, Andy, but it's not gonna help us keep JJ's where it is.

Quote from Tom

Donna: Man, you got it bad. I know you're checking your phone every five minutes to see if Lucy will come with you to my wedding.
Tom: I'm sorry.
Donna: Hey, I understand. Which is why I got you something.
Tom: Hey, you're not supposed to get me anything. This is your special day.
Donna: I didn't buy you anything. What I have for you is a piece of advice.
Tom: Aw, damn. I was secretly hoping you got me the shoes Jaden Smith wears in Hitch 2: Son of a Hitch.

Quote from Ben

Leslie Knope: Welcome to Beachview Terrace, the sad, unsalvageable, broken-down armpit of Pawnee.
Ben: Yeah, we tried to clean up this neighborhood so many times. Nothing's worked. We sent a street cleaner through here a few months ago. Raccoons ate the wheels right off it.

Quote from Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Councilman Dexhart represents this district, and ten years ago when he was elected, he promised to clean it up. Instead, he just gave it a fancy new name: Beachview Terrace. A more accurate name for this place? Medical Waste Butt-Sweat Grove.

Quote from April

Martha: Hi, sorry I'm late. We've had this listing for seven years, and no one's ever asked to see it. I thought this was a prank call.
April: This place has everything. Vermin, bullet holes, a hornets nest.

Quote from Craig

Lucy: So, I was thinking about the idea of going to Donna's wedding.
Tom: Wait. Before you say anything, I don't think you should go to Donna's wedding to supervise catering.
Lucy: Oh.
Tom: I want you to come with me as my date.
Lucy: Oh.
Tom: The thing is, you work for me, so it's probably kind of uncool for me to even ask. Which is why I signed these documents transferring day-to-day operations of Tom's Bistro over to Craig. He'll be your boss now. Not me.
Craig: It's about time. We're losing the cranberry salad, effective immediately.

Quote from Andy

Andy: I've got a meeting as well. See you back at the house.
Ben: Andy has a meeting?
[cut to Dennis Feinstein's TP'd office:}
Dennis Feinstein: Upload it to my GryzzlGlass. Left eye. I'm watching porn with my right eye. Whoa. Who...did...this?
Andy: We did. One way or another, Jonathan Karate always gets his man. And like that, they were gone. [whistles] Go! Wait, where's-- Hey, guys, where's Gavin? Gav-- Wait, stop. There were supposed to be six ninjas. Where's Gavin? Gavin? Who was Gavin's buddy? Caleb? Come on, dude, why do we even have a buddy system? Is he in the bathroom? You need to tell me if Gavin is pooping. [children laugh] No, do not laugh, okay? You're not even Caleb. You're Gavin. You're Caleb. If you're Caleb, where's Hunter? Hunter? Hunter? Okay, who was Hunter's buddy? Hmm? Oh, I was. Oh, crap. Oh, Dennis, what a mess.
Dennis Feinstein: You have 30 seconds to get out of this facility.


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