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‘Filibuster’ Quotes

Parks and Recreation: Filibuster

606. Filibuster

Aired November 14, 2013

Leslie blows off Ben's '90s-themed birthday party to filibuster a bill that Councilman Jamm is pushing to restrict voting rights. Andy makes a surprise visit from London. Meanwhile, as everyone gathers at the ice rink for Ben's party, Ron plays a hunting-themed arcade game, and Tom tries to win a stuffed bear for Nadia.

Quote from April

April: I'm gonna tell you a secret about everyone else's job.
Andy: Okay.
April: No one knows what they're doing. I don't know how to run an animal control department. Half the documents I get I put right into the shredder because they're so boring.
Andy: But you seem like you do know what you're doing.
April: Yeah, I seem like it. Deep down, everyone is just faking it until they figure it out. And you will too, because you are awesome and everyone else sucks.

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Quote from Ben

[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Tonight, I am throwing Ben his dream birthday party, a roller skating bash with an early '90s theme. Ben lives for the early '90s. The music, the fashion. It's his favorite era. As for the roller skating...
[separately to camera:]
Ben: I have a thing for women in skates. Okay? Everyone has a thing, and that's mine. As far as things go, it's pretty innocuous. Could be one of those dudes that kisses mannequins or whatever, but I like a woman in skates. A lot.

Quote from Ben

Ben: Get this. I just asked the DJ what REM albums he has. He's got Monster, but not Automatic For the People.
Leslie Knope: Wow!
Ben: I know. It's like, what is this? A mid-'90s party? No. It's an early '90s party.

Quote from Andy

Andy: [plays guitar and sings] Someone's back from London, no, it's not the queen Someone's back from London, it's not Mr. Bean
April: Oh, my God.
Andy: It's not the royal baby, I think his name is Jeff
April: Stop singing! Kiss me! Oh, my God! What are you doing here?
Andy: Just missed you so bad, honey, I bought myself a ticket home. You're never gonna need that computer again 'cause I'm home for, like, 19 hours. [kicks monitor]
Jerry: This is so sweet. Just like the old days.
Andy: [laughs] Take a hike, Jerry.
Jerry: It's Larry now.
Andy: Okay, take a hike, Larry.

Quote from Tom

Nadia: Hey. I just came straight from work, so I couldn't dress up.
Tom: No problem. You look wiggidy-wiggidy- wiggidy-wiggidy-wonderful.
Nadia: Wait a minute. Pants on backwards. Kris Kross, right? Nice! What happens when you have to pee?
Tom: I actually just went. I had to pull my pants all the way to the ground like a toddler. [Nadia laughs]
[aside to camera:]
Tom: Nadia, the super hot doctor, has been hanging out with me for the last week. She's definitely out of my league. Actually, we're not even playing the same sport. It's kind of like she's in NBA and I work at a muffler store next to the stadium.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: Is this a hunting game?
Donna: Yeah, it's fun. You want to play?
Ron Swanson: Indeed, I do. If you'd like, I could offer you some pointers. Hunting, Donna, is about silence, balance, and patience. Get ready. [gunshot effects]
Donna: You know you're supposed to hit the deer, right?
Ron Swanson: Ugh!
Donna: Get it together, Swanson.
Ron Swanson: Well, the game is absurd. This gun is lightweight, there's no sight, and we are far too close to these deer. Would they not smell us? I want my money back. How do I get my quarters?
Donna: Oh, my God! You are such a sore loser.
Ron Swanson: I am not a sore loser. It's just that I prefer to win, and when I don't, I get furious. Employee!

Quote from Ann

Ann: Oh, my God! I had this exact bear when I was a kid! Excuse me.
Harris: Uh-huh.
Ann: How much does this bear cost?
Harris: 40,000 tickets.
Ann: Okay, well, let's just assume that I'm an adult who doesn't have two weeks to play arcade games. What about 50 bucks?
Harris: Yeah. Just don't tell my boss.

Quote from Andy

April: I don't want you to go back to London.
Andy: Just remember, every time you look up at the moon, I, too, will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously. That's impossible.
April: See you on stupid Skype.
[aside to camera:]
April: I'm proud of Andy. This is the first time he's really gone out on a limb. I knew if he found something that he actually liked doing, he'd be happy, so I'm-- [Andy dives into a dumpster] What the hell? Wha--

Quote from Tom

Nadia: Hey, what's going on here? Why does blossom have my bear?
Ann: I bought it for myself, but apparently, he was trying to win it for you, so I'm sorry.
Tom: I still got some tickets, though. I could get you, uh, a ninja turtle balloon or Cliffhanger on VHS.
Nadia: Oh, that's so sweet, but you're basically offering me garbage. Let's just skate.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: That bear was the only thing she was gonna have to remember me by in Rwanda. And if I know anything about Rwanda, and I don't, I bet it's full of rich guys who'll buy her whatever she wants.

Quote from Donna

Ron Swanson: Hunting. No quarters required.
Donna: Hang on. Do you have a license to hunt at night? 'Cause you need a license. [both laugh]
Ron Swanson: I thought you were serious.
Donna: Come on now. You know I don't give a [bleep].

Quote from Andy

Andy: I can't go back to London. I'm totally in over my head on this project. Every day, someone comes up to me and says, "I need your approval on this, Mr. Dwyer." "I need your signature, Mr. Dwyer." "That's not a toilet, Mr. Dwyer."
April: But you said everything was going awesome. You said you were like Chuck Norris.
Andy: I am, but I'm like Chuck Norris now. Some old guy with a beard who used to be good at karate but became a dumb has-been and is scared and confused about his big London job.
April: Okay.
Andy: The parallels between he and I are very eerie.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: Excuse me, worker, bring me a bucket of beers and four hot dogs. Please, and thank you.
Harris: Why are you covered in blood?
Donna: Don't worry. It's not human. [snaps fingers]
Ron Swanson: I hope you've made peace with your God, small electronic deer.
Donna: Kill it.

Quote from Tom

Tom: Ann, I need that bear. I got to give Nadia something awesome so she'll remember me when she's in Africa.
Ann: Tom, bear or no bear, she clearly likes you. Actually, how do you even get girls like her - or me - to go out with you?
Tom: Scientists say the emotions of love and hate are very close to each other. That's what I tell women.


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