April: I'm gonna tell you a secret about everyone else's job.
Andy: Okay.
April: No one knows what they're doing. I don't know how to run an animal control department. Half the documents I get I put right into the shredder because they're so boring.
Andy: But you seem like you do know what you're doing.
April: Yeah, I seem like it. Deep down, everyone is just faking it until they figure it out. And you will too, because you are awesome and everyone else sucks.

[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Tonight, I am throwing Ben his dream birthday party, a roller skating bash with an early '90s theme. Ben lives for the early '90s. The music, the fashion. It's his favorite era. As for the roller skating...
[separately to camera:]
Ben: I have a thing for women in skates. Okay? Everyone has a thing, and that's mine. As far as things go, it's pretty innocuous. Could be one of those dudes that kisses mannequins or whatever, but I like a woman in skates. A lot.

Ron Swanson: Is this a hunting game?
Donna: Yeah, it's fun. You want to play?
Ron Swanson: Indeed, I do. If you'd like, I could offer you some pointers. Hunting, Donna, is about silence, balance, and patience. Get ready. [gunshot effects]
Donna: You know you're supposed to hit the deer, right?
Ron Swanson: Ugh!
Donna: Get it together, Swanson.
Ron Swanson: Well, the game is absurd. This gun is lightweight, there's no sight, and we are far too close to these deer. Would they not smell us? I want my money back. How do I get my quarters?
Donna: Oh, my God! You are such a sore loser.
Ron Swanson: I am not a sore loser. It's just that I prefer to win, and when I don't, I get furious. Employee!

Ann: Oh, my God! I had this exact bear when I was a kid! Excuse me.
Harris: Uh-huh.
Ann: How much does this bear cost?
Harris: 40,000 tickets.
Ann: Okay, well, let's just assume that I'm an adult who doesn't have two weeks to play arcade games. What about 50 bucks?
Harris: Yeah. Just don't tell my boss.

Ron Swanson: Excuse me, worker, bring me a bucket of beers and four hot dogs. Please, and thank you.
Harris: Why are you covered in blood?
Donna: Don't worry. It's not human. [snaps fingers]
Ron Swanson: I hope you've made peace with your God, small electronic deer.
Donna: Kill it.

Ben: Get this. I just asked the DJ what REM albums he has. He's got Monster, but not Automatic For the People.
Leslie Knope: Wow!
Ben: I know. It's like, what is this? A mid-'90s party? No. It's an early '90s party.

Andy: [plays guitar and sings] Someone's back from London, no, it's not the queen Someone's back from London, it's not Mr. Bean
April: Oh, my God.
Andy: It's not the royal baby, I think his name is Jeff
April: Stop singing! Kiss me! Oh, my God! What are you doing here?
Andy: Just missed you so bad, honey, I bought myself a ticket home. You're never gonna need that computer again 'cause I'm home for, like, 19 hours. [kicks monitor]
Jerry: This is so sweet. Just like the old days.
Andy: [laughs] Take a hike, Jerry.
Jerry: It's Larry now.
Andy: Okay, take a hike, Larry.

Nadia: Hey. I just came straight from work, so I couldn't dress up.
Tom: No problem. You look wiggidy-wiggidy- wiggidy-wiggidy-wonderful.
Nadia: Wait a minute. Pants on backwards. Kris Kross, right? Nice! What happens when you have to pee?
Tom: I actually just went. I had to pull my pants all the way to the ground like a toddler. [Nadia laughs]
[aside to camera:]
Tom: Nadia, the super hot doctor, has been hanging out with me for the last week. She's definitely out of my league. Actually, we're not even playing the same sport. It's kind of like she's in NBA and I work at a muffler store next to the stadium.

April: I don't want you to go back to London.
Andy: Just remember, every time you look up at the moon, I, too, will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously. That's impossible.
April: See you on stupid Skype.
[aside to camera:]
April: I'm proud of Andy. This is the first time he's really gone out on a limb. I knew if he found something that he actually liked doing, he'd be happy, so I'm-- [Andy dives into a dumpster] What the hell? Wha--

Nadia: Hey, what's going on here? Why does blossom have my bear?
Ann: I bought it for myself, but apparently, he was trying to win it for you, so I'm sorry.
Tom: I still got some tickets, though. I could get you, uh, a ninja turtle balloon or Cliffhanger on VHS.
Nadia: Oh, that's so sweet, but you're basically offering me garbage. Let's just skate.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: That bear was the only thing she was gonna have to remember me by in Rwanda. And if I know anything about Rwanda, and I don't, I bet it's full of rich guys who'll buy her whatever she wants.