Sharona: Did you call the police?
Ambrose Monk: Oh, no. They... They no longer respond to my complaints because I call them more often than I should. I'd like to complain to them about it, but they no longer respond to my complaints.

Ambrose Monk: That's easy for you to say. You've always been the fearless one.
Adrian Monk: Here it comes.
Ambrose Monk: You should have seen him. Going into stores and buying things, all by himself when he was 15.
Sharona: Wow.
Ambrose Monk: Driving a car when he was 24. Going out on dates... Going out on dates with women at 26 years of age.
Sharona: He's a regular Evel Knievel.

James Novak: [v.o.] Then, in a flash, she was gone. Two weeks before Christmas, 1997, Trudy Monk was downtown running some errands. She returned to her car in a parking garage on Somerset Avenue.
Newscaster: Our top story tonight, the wife of a highly decorated San Francisco detective was killed this morning, the victim of an apparent car bombing. Trudy Monk, a 35-year-old freelance journalist died a short time later at Saint Jude's Hospital. Her husband, Adrian Monk, was by her side. The police are pursuing several leads but have made no arrests.
James Novak: The case is still open. It has been Adrian Monk's obsession for 11 years.
Ambrose Monk: After the hospital, he came back. Back home. He just sat in that chair all night. I could see his soul leaving his body. Adrian died too. The bomb was across town, but it killed my brother too.

Ambrose Monk: Okay. Are you and Natalie...
Adrian Monk: What?
Ambrose Monk: Involved?
Adrian Monk: What? No. No. No. No. Why, why would you even ask me that?
Ambrose Monk: Well, it's been eight years since Trudy.
Adrian Monk: Exactly! It's only been eight years.
Ambrose Monk: You're a widower. She's a widow. And I know how you are with the ladies. I remember, in high school, those girls calling you on the phone, talking to you on the phone, complimenting you, huh?
Adrian Monk: Ambrose. Ambrose, those were my teachers.
Ambrose Monk: So? What about Mrs. Flagan? Yeah?

Adrian Monk: So, anyway, Ambrose. What am l... What am I doing here?
Ambrose Monk: Believe it or not, I need your help. Something happened two nights ago. It's my next-door neighbor. His name is Pat Van Ranken.
Sharona: What happened?
Ambrose Monk: I'm 85% to 90% sure he killed his wife.

Ambrose Monk: Ah! Ah! Here it is. Here it is. Right here. Here.
Sharona: The carjacking?
Adrian Monk: Oh, my God. We were there, remember?
Sharona: Yeah, I know.
Ambrose Monk: Doesn't that label say "cherry pie"?
Sharona: Yes, it does. It says "cherry pie." How did you remember that?
Ambrose Monk: It's a gift... and a curse.

Adrian Monk: This is my assistant, Sharona.
Sharona: Oh, hi.
Ambrose Monk: Hello. We spoke on the phone.
Adrian Monk: Oh, so, you can dial a telephone. I was worried. I thought you might be paralyzed or something.
Ambrose Monk: I wasn't paralyzed.
Adrian Monk: I was being sarcastic.
Ambrose Monk: You were being sardonic. Sarcasm is a contemptuous, ironic statement. You were being mockingly derisive. That's sardonic. Please, come in.

Sharona: Hey. Did you write this?
Ambrose Monk: Yes.
Sharona: I have this answering machine. This is a very good manual. All the steps are very clear.
Ambrose Monk: I'm sure you noticed the typo.
Sharona: Uh, no.
Ambrose Monk: It's on page 42. [speaks German] It should read... [speaks German]
Sharona: You wrote the German part too?
Adrian Monk: Ambrose can speak seven languages.
Ambrose Monk: Seven and a half. I'm teaching myself Mandarin.
Adrian Monk: That'll come in handy.

Ambrose Monk: He was parked by the southern entrance.
Sharona: How do you know that?
Ambrose Monk: It's obvious. Why don't you tell her, Adrian?
Adrian Monk: Uh...
Ambrose Monk: The yellow acorns on his truck, which can only mean he was parked under a spotted oak tree.
Sharona: Wow.
Ambrose Monk: Which are found?
Adrian Monk: Uh...
Ambrose Monk: Near water.
Sharona: Wow.
Ambrose Monk: So that's near the river by the southern entrance.
Sharona: Wow.
Ambrose Monk: Please stop saying "Wow."
Ambrose Monk: This detective stuff is easy.
Sharona: Looks like you got a new partner.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, for any crime committed within 30 feet of this property.

Adrian Monk: Come on. He's heading downtown.
Sharona: Ambrose, come with us.
Ambrose Monk: Me? No, no, no.
Sharona: You're just gonna hide in this house for the rest of your life?
Ambrose Monk: That's my plan, yes.