Adrian Monk Quote #1774
Natalie: Where are you going?
Adrian Monk: Bathroom.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why? [Monk is silent] I'll go with you.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, let me go with you.
Natalie: We promised Dr. Kroger we wouldn't leave you alone.
Adrian Monk: I am not suicidal. I just wish I was never born. There's a difference.
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Captain Stottlemeyer: Vehicle Identification Universal tracking program. Come on, come on, come on. Okay, shoot.
Lieutenant Disher: First letter "t," as in tsunami.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Tsunami.
Lieutenant Disher: Silent "t."
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why not "T" as in "Tom"? Just say "Tom."
Lieutenant Disher: What's the difference?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It doesn't- The "t" is silent.
Lieutenant Disher: It's not completely silent. T- sunami.
Captain Stottlemeyer: All right, all right. Let's go.
Lieutenant Disher: Uh, second letter, "P" as in...
Captain Stottlemeyer: "P" as in "Paul."
Lieutenant Disher: No.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Too late. I typed it. "P."
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, but the person reading the letters gets to say the word. That's how we do it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's how who does it?
Lieutenant Disher: Society. We live in a society.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, we do Randy. Meanwhile the p's been sitting on my screen for ten minutes.
Lieutenant Disher: Fine. "P" for pan. No. Panavision. Tsunami, panavision. The next letter, "L" as in...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh...
Lieutenant Disher: No, we can come back to that one.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, we can't come back to it, Randy. We- [phone rings] Whoever this is, thank you very much for calling.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Natalie: Okay, so we're just going to take this really slow. Mr. Monk? Okay, now, you're afraid of a lot of things.
Adrian Monk: 312.
Natalie: Right, 312. But all we want to do today is beat one of them. Wouldn't that be great if we just crossed one of those right off your list?
Julie Teeger: Okay, here are four things that you're scared of, but don't worry, you don't have to do all of them. You can just pick one. You can drink the milk, or you could play the harmonica, put the ladybug on your finger, or you can climb the ladder.
Adrian Monk: That's a big ladder.
Julie Teeger: It's only four feet.
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Lieutenant Disher: [answers phone] Disher.
Man: Lieutenant, I've tracked down the VIN number you gave us. I got a name for you.
Lieutenant Disher: Great. Hold on. Okay. Shoot.
Man: His name is Victor Grajna. "V" as in "Victor." [car skids]
Lieutenant Disher: Sorry. "V" as in what?
Man: "V" as in "Victor." [engine revs]
Lieutenant Disher: Sorry, I still can't hear you. "V" as in "V" as in what? I know it's a "V," but "V" as in what?
Man: If you know it's a "V," what does it matter?
Lieutenant Disher: Well, I just I'd still like to know. "V" as in what?
Lieutenant Disher: Because that's how we do it.
Lieutenant Disher: Just- Just say it. "V" as in what? [car speeds by] That doesn't start with a "V."
Quote from Mr. Monk Is At Your Service
Natalie: Are you afraid of frogs?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I've never been this close to one. [A frog lands on Monk's shoe] Yes. The answer is yes. Put frogs on the list. Where's the list?
Natalie: I got it. I got it. Where does it go?
Adrian Monk: Put them between possums and, uh, soccer riots. No, no, no. Uh, after after soccer riots. And before, uh, before hailstones. Yeah, so it goes...
Natalie: I got it, I got it: Soccer riots, frogs, hailstones.
Adrian Monk: At least now we know. Information really is power.
Quote from Mr. Monk Gets Fired
Ms. Lennington: Mr. Monk, what would you say is your greatest strength?
Adrian Monk: Oh. Mm... [long, expectant pause] My decisiveness.
Quote from Mr. Monk Gets a New Shrink
Adrian Monk: This isn't happening. This can't be happening.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, I promise you, I'll get you another doctor. I'll- I'll call you next week.
Adrian Monk: Okay. So it's not true. You're not retiring. I mean, you can't, because- He- He can't retire. He can't possibly retire.
Dr. Kroger: [to Natalie] This is step one in the grieving process. Denial. Denial, yeah.
Adrian Monk: Damn you, Charles! Damn you to hell! I hate you. I hate you! You are dead to me.
Natalie: That's not denial.
Dr. Kroger: No. Step two, that's anger.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Okay, we're all adults here. We can work this out. I can hire you full time. I'll put you on the payroll.
Dr. Kroger: This is step three. It's bargaining. It usually doesn't go around this quickly.
Adrian Monk: Why me? Why is it always me? Everybody's always leaving me.
Adrian Monk: This just can't go on. It's just too much. Okay. You're right. It's not the end of the world. I'm just gonna have to find another doctor. I owe you so much. Thanks to you, I think I can get past this. Thanks, Doc.
Dr. Kroger: And finally, acceptance.
Natalie: Thank God that's over.
Adrian Monk: He can't retire! The man can't quit! Because he's not a quitter!
Natalie: Wait, what's going on?
Dr. Kroger: I don't know, I don't know. It's like he's starting all over again, like he's in a loop.
Adrian Monk: I hate you for this, Kroger! You are dead to me, you understand me? Dead!
Dr. Kroger: I- I really should be heading home.
Adrian Monk: Okay, okay, let's be reasonable. I'll come to your house. You'll never have to go to your office again. That's fair. [Kroger walks away] Why? Why me? Why always leaving me?