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‘Mr. Monk Goes to the Asylum’ Quotes

Monk: Mr. Monk Goes to the Asylum

106. Mr. Monk Goes to the Asylum

Aired August 9, 2002

After Monk wanders into Trudy's old house, he is placed under observation at a mental hospital, where he still goes looking for crimes.

Quote from Sharona

Oliver: My name is Oliver. I'm gonna take you to see Dr. Lancaster. He's anxious to meet you.
Sharona: Oliver, listen, there's some things you should know. I've been taking care of this man for four years. These are his moist towelettes for germs. He takes three showers every day with this star-shaped nozzle. This is the nozzle. And he needs a five-watt night-light for sleeping. Anything more, he won't sleep. And dark-colored pillowcases.
Adrian Monk: Sharona?
Sharona: Nothing light, okay?
Adrian Monk: Sharona?
Sharona: What?
Adrian Monk: You're scaring the man.
Sharona: No, I'm not.
Adrian Monk: Well, you're scaring me.

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: What about last week? Did you catch anything?
Dr. Lancaster: Pardon me?
Adrian Monk: You just got back from another fishing trip. You were in South America, unless I'm wrong, which, you know, I'm not.
Dr. Lancaster: I was in Argentina, but how did you know all that?
Adrian Monk: You have needle marks on your arm. It's obviously an inoculation. And your inbox is pretty full.
Dr. Lancaster: And South America?
Adrian Monk: The Customs seal on the cigar box. It's dated last week.
Dr. Lancaster: But how did you know it was specifically a fishing trip?
Adrian Monk: You have a blister on the index finger of your right hand just above the knuckle. On most fishing rods, the line chafes the index finger just above the knuckle.
Dr. Lancaster: Well, that's very impressive. We both have similar jobs. We both analyze clues and solve problems. Only you look outward, and I look inward. So, now it's my turn.

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: Hi. I'm told that Dr. Conrad Gould left all of his papers to your library, and I need to see his journals from 1998.
Chet: Do you have an I.D.?
Sharona: Not on me. I left it in my car.
Chet: I can look you up.
Sharona: Uh, well Here's the thing. I'm not actually enrolled here at the present time.
Chet: Well, the library's for students only.
Sharona: Really? [looks down] Is there a Chet that works here?
Chet: I'm Chet.
Sharona: Oh, my God. This is so funny. I was told to ask for you. See, I met this guy at a party who said that you were really cool and that you would let me do a little research here as a favor.
Chet: Uh, what guy?
Sharona: He was, um... Oh, he was tall, wore glasses.
Chet: Ross Kelton?
Sharona: That's right. That's right. Ross Kelton.
Chet: Ross Kelton said I was cool?
Sharona: Was he wrong?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: By the way, in case we don't get a chance to talk later, I just want you to know, except for the murders and your trying to kill me, you really were the best doctor I ever had. Hang on, Manny. They're coming to get you. And merry Christmas.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: [answers phone] Hello?
Adrian Monk: Sharona. Don't laugh, okay? I just need to be sure.
Sharona: Is there a skinny oak tree by the window?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Sharona: Is there an armoire by the closet?
Adrian Monk: Uh-uh.
Sharona: And is Trudy's picture on the nightstand?
Adrian Monk: Yep.
Sharona: Adrian. You're in your own house. Now go to sleep.
Adrian Monk: Thanks. Good news. I'm seriously considering you for Employee of the Month.
Sharona: Thanks, boss. I'll see you tomorrow.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Lancaster: Neurotriptyline, Mr. Monk. It's a very mild sedative. It's a little bit like warm milk. You do drink milk, don't you?
Adrian Monk: Never.
Dr. Lancaster: Ah, well, you just have to take my word for it.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: I'd rather not take any medication while I'm here.
Dr. Lancaster: Why do you say that?
Adrian Monk: Because I don't need it. I shouldn't even be here. I know you you probably have heard that before.
Dr. Lancaster: Why don't you grab a seat, and we'll talk about it.
Adrian Monk: This is a test, isn't it?
Dr. Lancaster: What do you mean?
Adrian Monk: You want to see which chair I pick.
Dr. Lancaster: No, Adrian, it's not a test. Just grab a seat. [Adrian sits down] Oh, the left chair. Very interesting. Hmm. I'm just kidding. Relax. It's just a joke.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Lancaster: What were you doing in Trudy's old house yesterday? Your late wife lived there for-
Adrian Monk: Yeah, l-I don't know why I go there.
Dr. Lancaster: Well, I'm gonna hazard a guess. I think you went there yesterday to cook Trudy dinner.
Adrian Monk: To cook Tr- Well, that's absurd.
Dr. Lancaster: Your file says that you're allergic to tomatoes. So the chicken cacciatore was for her, wasn't it? And I'll bet you it was her favorite meal.
Adrian Monk: That's right. That's right.
Dr. Lancaster: So So, um, what was so significant about yesterday?
Adrian Monk: No-Nothing.
Dr. Lancaster: August 12. Unless I'm wrong which, you know, I'm not... The date has some significance.
Adrian Monk: Our anniversary. Not our wedding anniversary. It was the day we met. It was the day we met.
Dr. Lancaster: You know, it's not unhealthy or wrong to observe an anniversary, but we're gonna find a way for you to do it privately. Would that be okay?
Adrian Monk: Yes, please.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Oliver: Do you want the door open or shut? Shut.
Adrian Monk: Uh, open. No. Wait. Shu- Shut. Shut. No. Op-Op Op-Op- Definitely open. Just open. [Oliver closes the door as he leaves] Definitely open. Open.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Excuse me, Doctor. Is there a sink nearby? l- I need to wash up.
Janie: Will you shut him up! He has been whining since he walked in here. "It's too hot. It's too cold. I have charcoal on my hands!"
Dr. Lancaster: Jane, what did we talk about yesterday?
Janie: Controlling the urge to lash out.
Dr. Lancaster: So do you have something you wanna say to Mr. Monk?
Janie: Sorry.
Adrian Monk: That's okay. I do have a little charcoal on my hands.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Lancaster: Is there a problem, Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: I'm having a little trouble getting started.
Dr. Lancaster: Do you know why? Maybe it's because you're afraid it won't be perfect. And you're right. It won't be perfect. Not everything is going to be perfect. But, come on. Why don't you just draw something? I've only got you for 48 hours. [Monk rubs a crayon on the paper] I like it. How does it feel?
Adrian Monk: It feels good.

Quote from Sharona

Dr. Lancaster: If anything, his behavior has deteriorated. We may have to keep him here longer than we thought.
Sharona: Well, how much longer?
Dr. Lancaster: That's hard to say. It could be a month.
Sharona: A month?
Dr. Lancaster: It could be as long as a year. Adrian is bipolar, he's delusional and he's paranoid.He sees
murder mysteries everywhere he turns. In fact, he's befriended another patient, and the two of them are trying to prove that Santa Claus really does exist.
Sharona: Santa Claus?
Dr. Lancaster: Yeah, they went out on the roof collecting evidence. It would be funny if it wasn't so dysfunctional.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Look, Adrian. l- Listen, l- I can't take you home right now.
Adrian Monk: Sharona, look at his shoes. Just look at his shoes. They're smudged. Could be soot. Those are boat shoes. They're made for traction. And I think he has been walkin' on the roof.
Sharona: Adrian, just try to listen to Dr. Lancaster, okay? He's a good man.
Adrian Monk: There was a doctor murdered here about four years ago...
Sharona: Adrian, will you calm down?
Adrian Monk: Named Gould. Conrad Gould.
Sharona: Please try and stay calm and sit. Just relax.
Adrian Monk: I think- I think Lancaster had something to do with it. Am I losing my mind?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Lancaster: There you are. I warned you not to play detective in my hospital.
Adrian Monk: This is Bill LaFrankie's file. There's no way this man killed himself like they said.
Dr. Lancaster: He's in here!
Adrian Monk: He suffered from belonephobia. He had a pathological fear of needles.
Dr. Lancaster: You're a smart man. Let's see what kind of witness you are with a functioning I.Q of 17. Mr. Monk came here to try to kill me.
Adrian Monk: What? Wait.
Dr. Lancaster: I think he needs some time in the Quiet Room, Oliver.
Adrian Monk: No. Wait!
Dr. Lancaster: It's for your own good, Adrian.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Manny: I borrowed Mr. Carruthers's camera. It has eight pictures left. See the numbers? Is Santa really coming?
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah, he'll be here.
Manny: What do you want for Christmas?
Adrian Monk: I just want two and two to be four again.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: [to himself] Don't look down. Don't look down. [to Dr. Lancaster] How's the fishing, Doctor?
Dr. Lancaster: Monk. How did you get up here?
Manny: Santa Claus!
Adrian Monk: This is why you put Manny in that room, 'cause you knew you could spend all night up here and nobody would ever believe he really did see Santa Claus.
Dr. Lancaster: Nobody but you, Monk, and who's gonna believe you? You're clinically insane, remember?
Adrian Monk: We'll find the gun, Doctor, right where you dropped it. And that's all the proof I'll need. You couldn't stand it. The board of directors gave your job to Dr. Gould. You killed him. You stole some drugs to make it look like a patient did it. You needed a fall guy. LaFrankie fit the bill. You probably got LaFrankie all doped up, then lured him into the woods where the cops found him the next day. You only had one problem, the murder weapon. It was registered in your name. You had to get rid of the gun before the cops showed up. And you found the perfect place to hide it.


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