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‘Mr. Monk Gets a New Shrink’ Quotes

Monk: Mr. Monk Gets a New Shrink

507. Mr. Monk Gets a New Shrink

Aired August 18, 2006

Monk is lost when Dr. Kroger decides to retire after a cleaning lady is murdered in his office.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: This isn't happening. This can't be happening.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, I promise you, I'll get you another doctor. I'll- I'll call you next week.
Adrian Monk: Okay. So it's not true. You're not retiring. I mean, you can't, because- He- He can't retire. He can't possibly retire.
Dr. Kroger: [to Natalie] This is step one in the grieving process. Denial. Denial, yeah.
Adrian Monk: Damn you, Charles! Damn you to hell! I hate you. I hate you! You are dead to me.
Natalie: That's not denial.
Dr. Kroger: No. Step two, that's anger.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Okay, we're all adults here. We can work this out. I can hire you full time. I'll put you on the payroll.
Dr. Kroger: This is step three. It's bargaining. It usually doesn't go around this quickly.
Adrian Monk: Why me? Why is it always me? Everybody's always leaving me.
Natalie: Depression?
Adrian Monk: This just can't go on. It's just too much. Okay. You're right. It's not the end of the world. I'm just gonna have to find another doctor. I owe you so much. Thanks to you, I think I can get past this. Thanks, Doc.
Dr. Kroger: And finally, acceptance.
Natalie: Thank God that's over.
Adrian Monk: He can't retire! The man can't quit! Because he's not a quitter!
Natalie: Wait, what's going on?
Dr. Kroger: I don't know, I don't know. It's like he's starting all over again, like he's in a loop.
Adrian Monk: I hate you for this, Kroger! You are dead to me, you understand me? Dead!
Dr. Kroger: I- I really should be heading home.
Adrian Monk: Okay, okay, let's be reasonable. I'll come to your house. You'll never have to go to your office again. That's fair. [Kroger walks away] Why? Why me? Why always leaving me?

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Adrian Monk for Dr. Sorenson.
Receptionist: Fill this out.
Adrian Monk: It says "List any phobias."
Receptionist: That's right.
Adrian Monk: There are only five spaces.
Receptionist: You can use the back.
Adrian Monk: I might need another sheet. [receptionist hands him one] I might need another sheet. [another] I might need another sheet. [and another]

Quote from Harold Krenshaw

Dr. Kroger: Relax, Harold. Just take it easy. You'll be okay. We're gonna get a doctor. We'll get a doctor.
Adrian Monk: How's he doing?
Dr. Kroger: He's gonna be okay. Did you see what he did? He took a bullet for me, Adrian.
Harold Krenshaw: Monk. Monk. Come here. Closer. [whispers] Beat that.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: I've always been kind of curious about this place.
Adrian Monk: Yep. This is where it all doesn't happen.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Is that Harold's file? Are you allowed to do that?
Adrian Monk: Look, I knew it. I knew it! "Paranoia, acute narcissism. Patient believes Adrian Monk is obsessed with him." If anybody is obsessed with anybody, he is obsessed with me. I've been telling Dr. Kroger that for years. We talk about it all the time.
Natalie: Okay, but Mr. Monk, you should not be reading this. How would you feel if someone read your file?
Adrian Monk: My file?
Captain Stottlemeyer: What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: Oh, I just had a theory about the case. I was checking a suspect.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, that's your file.
Adrian Monk: Well, you can't rule anybody out.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Isn't this great?
Dr. Kroger: Yeah. It's pretty great.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I'm having trouble sleeping. I think I'm developing a fear of blankets. Is there a name for that?
Dr. Kroger: I- I don't think so.
Adrian Monk: Uh-oh.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: How are you doing?
Dr. Kroger: I'm scared to death. What do we do?
Adrian Monk: Okay. First thing. We have to move. I'm gonna need you to come over here.
Dr. Kroger: Okay.
[Dr. Kroger and Monk shuffle in their chairs, swapping position]
Dr. Kroger: Now what?
Adrian Monk: What do you mean?
Dr. Kroger: What's the plan?
Adrian Monk: I don't have a plan.
Dr. Kroger: Why did you have me switch places?
Adrian Monk: I always sit on this side. I've been thinking a lot about my brother lately...
Dr. Kroger: No, no, Adrian. This is not a session.

Quote from Dr. Kroger

Dr. Kroger: Adrian. Adrian, I can't invite you in.
Adrian Monk: It's just... I'm thirsty. I'm parched, really.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, you can't come in. It's really inappropriate.
Adrian Monk: Isn't it?
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, you've got to let go.
Adrian Monk: It's not easy. I've been seeing you for almost nine years.
Dr. Kroger: No, I mean, you've got to let go of the door.
Adrian Monk: Oh. Yeah.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, I promise you, I will find you another doctor as soon as I can. That's good. That's good. Two Two two more fingers. Go on, good. Go, go, go. Come on, that's very good. Great. [door closes]

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Wait. Excuse me. [adjusts the chair] This belongs right here.
Crime Scene Tech: How do you know?
Adrian Monk: Because it's my chair. What's all this?
Crime Scene Tech: I'm checking for prints.
Adrian Monk: Captain. Uh, Cap. Leland, sir. Leland. Can we get somebody to dust this chair?
Crime Scene Tech: I just dusted it.
Adrian Monk: No, I mean dust it. Dust dust it. Dust the dust.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Macy, when you're done, make sure that the chair is clean.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: And I've been thinking about Natalie. I've become so dependent on her. Too dependent. I don't know what I'm gonna do if she leaves. I mean, I should say "when she leaves," because it's just a matter of time. She's gonna die, or find another job. Either way, I'm screwed.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, I don't really feel comfortable about this.
Adrian Monk: Well, it's Monday morning, 9:00 AM. I have to talk to somebody.
Natalie: Okay, but you cannot talk about me. Okay? I'm off limits.
Adrian Monk: Fine. So, when I was 12, my mother decided to go back to work. She said it was only part time, but she was gone almost every night.
Natalie: Mmm, that's hard. I know. I remember when my mother started to do volunteer work. It was so difficult-
Adrian Monk: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
Natalie: I'm just talking.
Adrian Monk: That's not how it works. Nobody cares about your problems.

Quote from Harold Krenshaw

Adrian Monk: Dr. Kroger, thank God. Haven't I- Mm. Haven't I always, had the eight o'clock time slot on Friday?
Harold Krenshaw: Dr. K, would you tell this lunatic what you told me? You said, and I quote, "Harold, we will finish this discussion the first thing on Friday."
Adrian Monk: [chuckles] Listen to this. He didn't mean, "the first session on Friday". He meant the first thing during your regular thing during your regular session, right?
Harold Krenshaw: Will you look at that? Look at him! He is so ridiculous. He is so jealous. It's like looking right into the face of crazy. Look at him! He's acting like a little twelve-year-old.
Adrian Monk: He's acting like a ten-year-old now.
Harold Krenshaw: Well, he's acting like a five-year-old.
Adrian Monk: He's acting like a little-baby-year-old.
Harold Krenshaw: Oh, that doesn't even make any sense. It doesn't.
Dr. Kroger: Okay, Harold. Harold! You may have misunderstood.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Lieutenant Disher: All right. Teresa Mueller. She's been cleaning the building for 12 years. Starts on the top floor at 7:00. Works her way down. This is always her last stop. So it probably happened about 10:00, 10:30.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Somebody broke in looking for something, probably a file. Teresa comes in. Wrong place, wrong time.
Adrian Monk: But but Dr. Kroger said he took a quick inventory. He didn't think anything was missing.
Lieutenant Disher: So the guy panicked, killed her, took off.
Adrian Monk: No, no, I don't- I don't think so. No. Those sofa cushions and those files. There's blood under them but not on them. I think he killed her first, and then just took his time and ransacked the place.
Natalie: But why would he do that?
Lieutenant Disher: Maybe he wasn't well.
Adrian Monk: Harold! Harold Krenshaw.
Natalie: You think Harold did this?
Adrian Monk: No, I guess not. Damn it.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: You okay?
Adrian Monk: I saw something in my file.
Natalie: Oh, Mr. Monk. I told you not to look. What was it?
Adrian Monk: Two words at the bottom of the page. Two words.
Natalie: What did it say?
Adrian Monk: "No hope."

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: You said yourself you weren't thinking straight. You broke into Kroger's office, didn't you?
Joseph Wheeler: No, no. Not me.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, you surprised Teresa, you panicked, you grabbed a letter opener, and you stabbed her.
Adrian Monk: And you know what else you did? Do you have any idea? Dr. Kroger quit. He quit. He's giving up his practice forever. That's what you did.
Joseph Wheeler: You're a patient too. I heard about Dr. Kroger. You think I wanted him to quit? I would've taken a bullet for that man. I love Dr. Kroger. He was all I had.
Adrian Monk: That's how I feel too.
Joseph Wheeler: I don't know what I'm gonna do without him.
Adrian Monk: I don't know what I'm gonna do without him.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Lieutenant Disher: Wheeler was doing inventory until 1:00 AM Thursday morning.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You mean he's not the guy?
Joseph Wheeler: What are we gonna do?
Adrian Monk: What are we gonna do?
Captain Stottlemeyer: What are we gonna do?
Joseph Wheeler: What are we gonna do?
Adrian Monk: What are we gonna do?
Joseph Wheeler: I'm so bereft.
Adrian Monk: I'm bereft too. We're all bereft. Everybody's bereft.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't think he'll be back. But if it will make you feel better, I can offer you some protection.
Adrian Monk: I'll do it! Be glad to do it. I'm the bodyguard.
Dr. Kroger: You know, it's not necess-
Adrian Monk: I'll move in! I'll be right here with you, 24/7. I'll never leave your side. I just have to go home, pick up a few things, okay?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Actually, I was thinking of a couple of these guys parked out front.
Dr. Kroger: Great.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Wait a second.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What?
Adrian Monk: I've seen that rock. I know that rock.
Captain Stottlemeyer: This particular rock?
Adrian Monk: I know that rock. I've seen it before somewhere.
Captain Stottlemeyer: If anybody else had said that, I'd have said they were crazy.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Sorenson: Dr. Kroger sent me over your file. Seems like you've made excellent progress in the last year and a half.
Adrian Monk: No, really? Is that what it says?
Dr. Sorenson: Well, I've only taken a glance at it.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, well, keep reading. Near the end, he's not quite so optimistic.
Dr. Sorenson: Dr. Kroger is a good man. I'm gonna miss him.
Adrian Monk: Yes, he's a... He's a good man. He's very symmetrical. [Monk covers his eye]
Dr. Sorenson: Symmetrical. Oh, you mean, like, well balanced. That's a nice way of putting it. Are- Are you okay?
Adrian Monk: Yes, I'm fine. It's just... Just some dust.
Dr. Sorenson: I understand that you spend a lot of time talking about your late wife. Tell me about her.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, Trudy. [holds up coaster in front of his face] She was a very beautiful. Very, very symmetrical woman.
Dr. Sorenson: Anything else?
Adrian Monk: No. Just beautiful and symmetrical.
Dr. Sorenson: And you have a brother, Ambrose, and an assistant Natalie Teeger? Tell me about her.
Adrian Monk: In a lot of ways she reminds me of Trudy. She is also quite... Quite...
Dr. Sorenson: Symmetrical?
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Dr. Sorenson: Adrian, I get the feeling you're not very comfortable about my right arm.
Adrian Monk: No. Oh, no, no, no, no. No. Not at all. Where is it?
Dr. Sorenson: I lost it in a boating accident two years ago. But I look upon it now as a positive experience. I've learned a lot about trauma and loss. The things that you're going through. Can you handle it?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: I think I have big news about the case. I remembered where I saw that rock.
Dr. Kroger: That rock?
Adrian Monk: The rock from last night. It's been driving me crazy. Then all of sudden, pow! It was right there.
Dr. Kroger: It's amazing you remember one particular rock?
Adrian Monk: Well, I've been staring at it for nine years. You know, gift/curse.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Could you Could you put me over there?
Buck: Pardon me?
Adrian Monk: Please. I can't be on this side. Please, I'm begging you. Just look into your hearts.
Dr. Kroger: He has a problem with "situational disorder." Okay?
Buck: Believe me, he's got a lot bigger problems than that.


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