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‘Mr. Monk Takes His Medicine’ Quotes

Monk: Mr. Monk Takes His Medicine

309. Mr. Monk Takes His Medicine

Aired August 20, 2004

Feeling overwhelmed by his OCD, Monk starts taking medication which drastically alters his personality. Meanwhile, Captain Stottlemeyer is shot while arresting someone for skipping a hearing.

Quote from Adrian Monk

[fantasy:]
Trudy: Hello, Adrian. You're not still smelling my pillow, are you? You can't really smell me on that old thing.
Adrian Monk: Sure I can. It's your strawberry shampoo and the lilac lotion you always wore.
Trudy: You never even liked that lotion.
Adrian Monk: I love it now. I love it now. Trudy, it's so hard.
Trudy: I know it is.
Adrian Monk: I screwed up bad. I let a suspect run right by me.
Trudy: You're doing the best you can. I am so so proud of you.
Adrian Monk: Dr. Kroger gave me some pills. He said they might help. But I'm afraid.
Trudy: What are you afraid of?
Adrian Monk: I'm afraid of change. And I'm afraid of not changing. I'm afraid of change, and I'm afraid of not changing. [sobs] What do you think?
Trudy: I want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted. Be happy, my darling. You deserve it.

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Kroger: So how was your weekend?
Adrian Monk: This is not the life I wanted. It's unbearable. You know that I envy everybody. Strangers, people on the street. [grabs a tissue]
Dr. Kroger: Maybe they envy you. You're an extraordinary man.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I don't want to be an extraordinary man. I want to be the guy on the bus coming home at 5:00 to help his kids with their homework. Where's the trash?
Dr. Kroger: It's over there, but you can, you can just put it down there. Just put it right there. It's fine. Go ahead. [Monk puts the tissue down] Good. That's really good.
Adrian Monk: I'm just so tired so tired of being me. For example, that tissue... I know- I know it's crazy. Right now, that's all I can think about.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, let's not make this about the tissue.
Adrian Monk: You know, sometimes late at night, I start to think that I never really... Oh, forget it. [gets up and take tissue to the trash can] Look at me. I'm, I'm helpless. I'm, I'm pathetic. I'm not even a man. I'm just a... I'm just a broken machine.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Will you please call Dr. Kroger?
Adrian Monk: [mocking] Will you please call Dr... I thought you'd be happy for me. But you're just like the others. You're a big L-7. It's a square. That's what you are.
Sharona: Where are you going?
Adrian Monk: New Orleans. Mardi Gras.
Sharona: Mardi Gras's not for another nine months!
Adrian Monk: Hey, you know what they say. Wherever the Monk is, it's Mardi gras.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Hey. I know you and Stottlemeyer go way back.
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah, we first met two weeks after I made detective. He was my fourth partner.
Sharona: You had three partners in two weeks?
Adrian Monk: Aah, they were all nice enough guys, but we just didn't really click, you know?
Sharona: Hard to believe.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Okay, the Monk needs a little fresh air. I will see you cats and kittens outside.
Officer Hensley: [to Sharona] Who the hell was that?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: How long have you worked here, Les?
Lester Highsmith: About a year and a half. Is this guy with you?
Adrian Monk: I could never work here. I couldn't wear the uniform. It's not my scene.
Shift Supervisor: I would never hire you.

Quote from Adrian Monk

[Monk is on the phone as Sharona races his fast new car through the streets of San Francisco]
Adrian Monk: Captain, yes, it was Lester Highsmith. He's definitely the guy. Dog, dog! Yeah, right. We found his ex-wife's suicide note. The real one! That's what this whole thing has been about- Trolley, trolley, trolley! Aah! Look out! Lester and Marlene were, aah! Lester and Marlene pulled an armored car job two years ago. Right, and they were planning another one. But Marlene was racked by guilt. She couldn't go through it again. She spilled her guts out in that suicide note. You missed it! What are you... Whoa. Listen to this. "Two years ago, in Cincinnati, I helped my husband stage an armored car robbery. We killed the driver. And now he wants us to do it again Friday, 10:00 A.M., at the Mountain View Industrial Park. I'd rather die. May God forgive me." Before Marlene killed herself, she called Lester and left him a message. She must've mentioned the note she had just written. Lester knew that note could send him to death row, so he had to recover it before we found it. Listen to this. That was a red light. He got to her building, but he was too late. Some cops had already shown up. He couldn't go inside. He had to stop them from finding that note. He needed a diversion something serious enough to draw the cops away from her building. But what?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Shooting me.
Adrian Monk: Exactly! He drove a few blocks and shot the first cop he saw. He knew every officer in the city would respond, including the two cops that were outside Marlene's building, which meant he had plenty of time to go back to her place, destroy the real suicide note, and replace it with one of his own. A stop sign is not a suggestion!
Sharona: Yes, it is!

Quote from Dr. Kroger

Dr. Kroger: All right, look, Adrian, maybe I can help you. I know how you feel about medication.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no. No pharmaceuticals. We talked about this.
Dr. Kroger: Yes, we did talk about that, but there is a new drug that's just been approved. It's called doxinyl, and the side effects are supposed to be minimal, and I really think that it might help in your case.
Adrian Monk: I can't do it. The thought of chemicals inside me, in my head... I can't do it.
Dr. Kroger: All right, we can take it slow. We can start off with, with half a dose. All right, look. Uh... This... This is enough for one week, and it's... [After Monk looks at the drug cabinet's open door, Dr. Kroger closes it] This is enough for one week, okay? So you keep those with you. If you're feeling overwhelmed, take one, but call me so that I can just monitor your reaction.
Adrian Monk: I can't do it.
Dr. Kroger: Nobody is forcing you, Adrian. Keep them with you, just in case.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: I had him. I... I had him. I...
Sharona: It was, it wasn't your fault.
Adrian Monk: Yes, it was. It always is.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Adrian Monk: There he is. There he is. It's good to see you. [hugs Stottlemeyer]
Captain Stottlemeyer: What are you doing? Sharona.
Sharona: I, I don't know.
Adrian Monk: Good to see you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, my God. What have you heard?
Sharona: What do you mean?
Captain Stottlemeyer: He never hugs anybody. What's wrong with me?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Are you going to finish that?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, you can throw this out. [Monk starts eating the sandwich] Monk, I just took a bite of that.
Adrian Monk: Mmm, it's good, isn't it? I'm hungry. Is that a crime?

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Lieutenant Disher: We found the weapon. It was in the reservoir. Thank you very much, Mr. Monk. It's a Kregmer .45. Ballistics match. It's definitely the same gun.
Adrian Monk: Anything else?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, guess who it was registered to, the jumper.
Sharona: What jumper?
Lieutenant Disher: The woman who took a swan dive out of her apartment five blocks away just before the shooting. Her name's Marlene Highsmith.
Adrian Monk: No, I meant, is there anything else to eat? Oh. The pudding's got my name on it.
Sharona: Did you bump your head? [feels Monk's head]
Adrian Monk: No. Did you? [feels Sharona's head]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, to hell with this. I'm outta here.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Move out. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Officer Hensley: She landed right here in a bathrobe.
Adrian Monk: Splat, huh?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh-huh. This was at 12:05?
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir, 12:05. We've got five witnesses who saw her on the ledge just before she jumped.
Sharona: Was she alone?
Officer Hensley: We're not sure.
Adrian Monk: That's gotta hurt.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What is your problem?
Adrian Monk: What is your problem?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Was the door locked?
Building Supervisor: Yes, ma'am. The cops didn't get here till after dinner. They were busy down the street. Some detective got shot.
Sharona: Yeah, we heard about that.
Building Supervisor: Guess it all hits the fan at once sometimes.
Adrian Monk: What hits the fan?
Sharona: It.
Adrian Monk: Ah. Ah. It. It hits the fan.
Sharona: How long did she live here?
Building Supervisor: Almost three years.
Adrian Monk: I know what "it" means.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Officer Hensley: Mr. Monk, she left a note. They found it over there on the kitchen table.
Adrian Monk: "The pain is too much. I am so sorry. Marlene." There's something wrong with this note.
Sharona: What?
Adrian Monk: I don't know.
Sharona: Hey. Are you getting enough sleep?
Adrian Monk: Me?
Sharona: Yes, you.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I'm fine. Never felt better. These nuts are great. Are these organic?
Sharona: What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: What do you mean?
Sharona: The captain's been shot.
Adrian Monk: You're right. You're right. Here we go. [paces around the room with his hands held out, before running back to the nuts] Unbelievable. It's some kind of pecan hybrid or something.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: What?
Adrian Monk: I got nothing.
Sharona: What do you mean?
Adrian Monk: I mean I got nothing. I'm dry. It happens.
Sharona: No, it doesn't. Not to you.
Adrian Monk: Hey, back off. You can't rush the Monk.
Sharona: The Monk? Adrian, what's going on?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Hey. Are you on something? [Monk hands Sharona his bottle of pills] What's this?
Adrian Monk: It's called doxinyl. Dr. Kroger gave them to me. He is a genius.
Sharona: You're taking this?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. They're great. You want one?
Sharona: Why didn't you tell me? I'm your nurse.
Adrian Monk: This is why, because I knew you'd bring me down. You're bringing the Monk down, man.
Sharona: Okay, you know what? The Monk and I are going to talk later, but right now, everybody is counting on you.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Now, we are in the apartment of the woman who owned the gun that shot the captain. Do you understand?
Adrian Monk: I know, I know, I know. It's a conundrum. [laughs] Conundrum. Conun. Conundrum. Conundrum. That's a funny word.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Waitress: Welcome to Rocket Burger. May I help you?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, uh, yeah, listen, I, I've lived down the street for, like, 12 years. I've never been in here.
Waitress: Okay.
Adrian Monk: So what's good?
Waitress: That's the menu.
Adrian Monk: Ah, pictures. Rocket burger, what's that?
Waitress: A hamburger.
Adrian Monk: And, uh, is it good? I mean, do people like it, regular people?
Waitress: It's popular.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Super Rocket, what's that?
Waitress: It's bigger, and it has secret sauce.
Adrian Monk: Secret sauce. Fantastic. What's in that?
Waitress: They don't tell us.
Adrian Monk: So it's like a mystery. Uh, the Monk loves mysteries. I'm a detective.
Waitress: I think it's just Russian dressing.
Adrian Monk: Oh, man, you just ruined it for me.
Adrian Monk: Sorry. Why'd you do that? It's no fun now, is it? You're bringing the Monk down, man. You're bringing us all down.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Isn't this great?
Man: What's that?
Adrian Monk: Oh, just this. Ppeople, hamburgers, condiments us, you know? Just two, two regular guys. How's your Super Rocket?
Man: It's good. Um, you got a little ketchup on your shirt there.
Adrian Monk: Who gives a crap? I don't. That is a weird case. You know, there was a suicide five blocks away three minutes before the shooting.
Man: Yeah, I hope they get this guy.
Adrian Monk: Oh, they'll get him. Know why? I'm on the case. I'm a detective. Maybe you've heard of me. Adrian Monk. I'm pretty famous. I don't want to brag but I solve a lot of high-profile cases.
Man: Hey, if it's true, it's not bragging. Huh?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Hey, how's it going?
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, man.
Sharona: What are you wearing?
Adrian Monk: It's a little something called style. You wouldn't understand.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: How you doing, toy store?
Lieutenant Disher: What did you call me?
Adrian Monk: Toy store. Your name is Disher. Dish, plate, plato. Play-doh. And where do you buy play-doh?
Lieutenant Disher: A toy store.
Adrian Monk: That's what I'm talking about.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Adrian, you have got to tell Dr. Kroger to adjust your dosage.
Adrian Monk: My dosage is fine.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Everybody needs to wear one of these. [sees Monk's outfit] Mother of mercy, what happened to you?
Sharona: Listen to me. You are having a terrible reaction to this medicine.
Adrian Monk: I'm having a terrible reaction, all right, to you guys, all of you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?
Adrian Monk: Can this wait? Because I'm about to tear this one.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: Look at me, Monk. Take off the glasses. Sharona's right. You need help.
Adrian Monk: Leland. Leland, I, I'm fine. I feel fine. Really. My mind is clear for the first time in years. Like a curtain has been lifted, okay? Let, let's do some police work here. Is there a suspect in the house?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. He's right over there.
Adrian Monk: You thought I was good before, wait till you see this. Hey, you might want to take some notes or something.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: [to the shift supervisor] Lester Highsmith.
Lester Highsmith: That's me.
Adrian Monk: [turns to Lester] Lester Highsmith. You've been a bad boy, Lester. Me and my posse would like to have a little word with you.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Lester Highsmith: Well, she's been threatening to jump for years. It's kind of her theme song. I drove over there to calm her down. It was a couple of miles away, but I couldn't get anywhere near the place. The whole place had roadblocks. A cop had been shot.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That was me.
Lester Highsmith: Oh, that's tough. I know. I was shot a couple of years ago on the job.
Captain Stottlemeyer: They found a gun. It was registered to your wife. Can you explain that?
Lester Highsmith: I can't. Can you?
Adrian Monk: Can you?
Lester Highsmith: I just said I can't.

Quote from Sharona

Lester Highsmith: I didn't even know she had a gun.
Sharona: What kind of car do you drive?
Lester Highsmith: A Corolla.
Sharona: What color is it?
Lester Highsmith: Turquoise.
Sharona: That's blue, isn't it?
Lester Highsmith: I guess it is.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Lieutenant Disher: Did you shoot my partner?
Lester Highsmith: What? No! Why would I shoot you, huh? I mean, do I even know you? Have we even met? Give me one good reason why I would hurt you, especially then, 10 minutes after my ex-wife jumps off a balcony in her bathrobe?
Adrian Monk: Whoa, whoa, time-out. Time-out. How did you know she was in a bathrobe? We never said anything about a bathrobe.
Lester Highsmith: Yes, you did. Two minutes ago.
Adrian Monk: All right.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Adrian, you're sick.
Adrian Monk: No. No, I'm well, and you can't stand it, can you? I'm doing fine without you, and it drives you crazy.
Sharona: Come on.
Adrian Monk: I'm happy, Sharona, for the first time in years, and I love it. I love the Monk.
Sharona: Is that your car?
Adrian Monk: Pretty righteous, huh?
Sharona: You can't afford this!
Adrian Monk: I couldn't afford not to buy it. You wouldn't understand.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Hey, hey, I'm heading down to New Orleans for Mardi gras. Ever been?
Woman: I went last year.
Adrian Monk: That is so tight. But dig it. The Monk on Bourbon Street. That should be pretty wild, am I right?
Man: Seriously, seriously, cut it out.
Adrian Monk: Hey, you guys wanna come? I got a car.
Man: I can't. My old man would kill me.
Adrian Monk: Your old man's bringing me down. That whole generation... Man, they just don't get it.
Man: He's younger than you.
Adrian Monk: Word.

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: Is it you?
Adrian Monk: I think so.
Sharona: What happened to the Monk?
Adrian Monk: Trudy didn't like him.
Sharona: Neither did I. I wanted to strangle him, but that would've meant hurting you.
Adrian Monk: Yeah I don't remember. Did I, did I say anything stupid?
Sharona: No. I mean, no more than usual.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: So, tell me, why did you want me to meet you here?
Adrian Monk: Well, there's something wrong with this room. It's been bothering me. Do you have a copy of the suicide note? "The pain is too much. I'm so sorry." "The pain is too much. I'm so sorry." "The pain is too much. I'm so sorry." Sharona.
Sharona: What?
Adrian Monk: Where's the pen?
Sharona: What pen?
Adrian Monk: This note was written with a red pen. I don't see a red pen in here, do you?
Sharona: No. I mean, the letter was written over here, but no red pen.
Adrian Monk: But no red pen. And there wasn't one on the body when she jumped. Somebody else wrote that note.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Get a wipe ready. [rubs chalk]
Sharona: What is it?
Adrian Monk: It's the first suicide note. The real one. "Two years ago in Cincinnati, I helped my husband stage an armored car robbery."
Sharona: Oh, my God. Here. Officer! Officer! Listen, I want you to call the captain, tell him that there's an armed robbery in progress at the Mountain View Industrial Park, do you understand? Come on, it's 2 miles away. Let's go.
Adrian Monk: Let's go.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Lester! Drop the gun! Just drop it! Drop it.
Lester Highsmith: You. [smiles] Is that a water pistol?
Adrian Monk: No. Maybe. It's hot water. It's scalding. Scalding hot water. Just drop it.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: Hey, Lester, you remember my partner, don't you? You put a bullet in his shoulder. You got anything to say to him? Yeah.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's all right, Randy. He's got at least 50 years to think of something. Good job, son.
Lieutenant Disher: Get this piece of crap out of here.

Quote from Sharona

Adrian Monk: Do you think Dr. Kroger would want me to throw these away?
Sharona: I think everybody wants you to throw them away.
Adrian Monk: You understand that if, if I toss these out, you'll never see the Monk again.
Sharona: [throws the pills away] I missed you.
Adrian Monk: I missed me, too.


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