[fantasy:]
Trudy: Hello, Adrian. You're not still smelling my pillow, are you? You can't really smell me on that old thing.
Adrian Monk: Sure I can. It's your strawberry shampoo and the lilac lotion you always wore.
Trudy: You never even liked that lotion.
Adrian Monk: I love it now. I love it now. Trudy, it's so hard.
Trudy: I know it is.
Adrian Monk: I screwed up bad. I let a suspect run right by me.
Trudy: You're doing the best you can. I am so so proud of you.
Adrian Monk: Dr. Kroger gave me some pills. He said they might help. But I'm afraid.
Trudy: What are you afraid of?
Adrian Monk: I'm afraid of change. And I'm afraid of not changing. I'm afraid of change, and I'm afraid of not changing. [sobs] What do you think?
Trudy: I want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted. Be happy, my darling. You deserve it.

Dr. Kroger: So how was your weekend?
Adrian Monk: This is not the life I wanted. It's unbearable. You know that I envy everybody. Strangers, people on the street. [grabs a tissue]
Dr. Kroger: Maybe they envy you. You're an extraordinary man.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I don't want to be an extraordinary man. I want to be the guy on the bus coming home at 5:00 to help his kids with their homework. Where's the trash?
Dr. Kroger: It's over there, but you can, you can just put it down there. Just put it right there. It's fine. Go ahead. [Monk puts the tissue down] Good. That's really good.
Adrian Monk: I'm just so tired so tired of being me. For example, that tissue... I know- I know it's crazy. Right now, that's all I can think about.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, let's not make this about the tissue.
Adrian Monk: You know, sometimes late at night, I start to think that I never really... Oh, forget it. [gets up and take tissue to the trash can] Look at me. I'm, I'm helpless. I'm, I'm pathetic. I'm not even a man. I'm just a... I'm just a broken machine.

Sharona: Will you please call Dr. Kroger?
Adrian Monk: [mocking] Will you please call Dr... I thought you'd be happy for me. But you're just like the others. You're a big L-7. It's a square. That's what you are.
Sharona: Where are you going?
Adrian Monk: New Orleans. Mardi Gras.
Sharona: Mardi Gras's not for another nine months!
Adrian Monk: Hey, you know what they say. Wherever the Monk is, it's Mardi gras.

Sharona: Hey. I know you and Stottlemeyer go way back.
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah, we first met two weeks after I made detective. He was my fourth partner.
Sharona: You had three partners in two weeks?
Adrian Monk: Aah, they were all nice enough guys, but we just didn't really click, you know?
Sharona: Hard to believe.

Adrian Monk: Okay, the Monk needs a little fresh air. I will see you cats and kittens outside.
Officer Hensley: [to Sharona] Who the hell was that?

Adrian Monk: How long have you worked here, Les?
Lester Highsmith: About a year and a half. Is this guy with you?
Adrian Monk: I could never work here. I couldn't wear the uniform. It's not my scene.
Shift Supervisor: I would never hire you.

[Monk is on the phone as Sharona races his fast new car through the streets of San Francisco]
Adrian Monk: Captain, yes, it was Lester Highsmith. He's definitely the guy. Dog, dog! Yeah, right. We found his ex-wife's suicide note. The real one! That's what this whole thing has been about- Trolley, trolley, trolley! Aah! Look out! Lester and Marlene were, aah! Lester and Marlene pulled an armored car job two years ago. Right, and they were planning another one. But Marlene was racked by guilt. She couldn't go through it again. She spilled her guts out in that suicide note. You missed it! What are you... Whoa. Listen to this. "Two years ago, in Cincinnati, I helped my husband stage an armored car robbery. We killed the driver. And now he wants us to do it again Friday, 10:00 A.M., at the Mountain View Industrial Park. I'd rather die. May God forgive me." Before Marlene killed herself, she called Lester and left him a message. She must've mentioned the note she had just written. Lester knew that note could send him to death row, so he had to recover it before we found it. Listen to this. That was a red light. He got to her building, but he was too late. Some cops had already shown up. He couldn't go inside. He had to stop them from finding that note. He needed a diversion something serious enough to draw the cops away from her building. But what?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Shooting me.
Adrian Monk: Exactly! He drove a few blocks and shot the first cop he saw. He knew every officer in the city would respond, including the two cops that were outside Marlene's building, which meant he had plenty of time to go back to her place, destroy the real suicide note, and replace it with one of his own. A stop sign is not a suggestion!
Sharona: Yes, it is!

Dr. Kroger: All right, look, Adrian, maybe I can help you. I know how you feel about medication.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no. No pharmaceuticals. We talked about this.
Dr. Kroger: Yes, we did talk about that, but there is a new drug that's just been approved. It's called doxinyl, and the side effects are supposed to be minimal, and I really think that it might help in your case.
Adrian Monk: I can't do it. The thought of chemicals inside me, in my head... I can't do it.
Dr. Kroger: All right, we can take it slow. We can start off with, with half a dose. All right, look. Uh... This... This is enough for one week, and it's... [After Monk looks at the drug cabinet's open door, Dr. Kroger closes it] This is enough for one week, okay? So you keep those with you. If you're feeling overwhelmed, take one, but call me so that I can just monitor your reaction.
Adrian Monk: I can't do it.
Dr. Kroger: Nobody is forcing you, Adrian. Keep them with you, just in case.

Adrian Monk: I had him. I... I had him. I...
Sharona: It was, it wasn't your fault.
Adrian Monk: Yes, it was. It always is.

Adrian Monk: There he is. There he is. It's good to see you. [hugs Stottlemeyer]
Captain Stottlemeyer: What are you doing? Sharona.
Sharona: I, I don't know.
Adrian Monk: Good to see you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, my God. What have you heard?
Sharona: What do you mean?
Captain Stottlemeyer: He never hugs anybody. What's wrong with me?