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‘Mr. Monk's 100th Case’ Quotes

Monk: Mr. Monk's 100th Case

707. Mr. Monk's 100th Case

Aired September 5, 2008

As Monk works on his 100th case for the SFPD, involving a serial killer, he is profiled by a TV news magazine.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Adrian Monk: What about her lipstick?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Lipstick? Looks like he took it.
Lieutenant Disher: Lipstick Killer. Lipstick Assassin. Mr. Lipstick. I've always wanted to name one of these guys.
James Novak: Why?
Lieutenant Disher: If you can name them, you can catch them.
James Novak: Why?

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Quote from Marci Maven

Marci Maven: You know, "fan" can mean one thing to you, and then, you know, something completely different to, like, say, judge Harriet Waxman of the Third District Court, you know? And I'll tell you something about Judge Waxman. She's never been in love. So she's shooting from that perspective, you know what I mean?
James Novak: Where did you get all these pictures?
Marci Maven: Oh, do you like them? Yeah, yeah, they're, um... Well, this one is probably my favorite, If I had to pick a favorite. This is actually real. It's not Photoshopped at all. And it's from a case we worked on together, a homicide. It took a lot of clue hugs, but we cracked it.
James Novak: How about that one?
Marci Maven: This one? Okay. Um, this one is another case, but this one wasn't, um... This one wasn't as real.

Quote from Adrian Monk

James Novak: [v.o.] Who is Detective Adrian Monk? He was born in this modest bay area home 49 years ago, the younger of two brothers. By all accounts, he was an exceptional child.
Neysa Gordon: I used to babysit for the boys almost every weekend.
James Novak: What was he like?
Neysa Gordon: Adrian? Oh, remarkable child. I tell people this, but they don't believe me. He used to change his own diaper. And then he would crawl across the floor and throw it out. Remarkable.

Quote from Harold Krenshaw

Harold Krenshaw: He hasn't solved 100 cases yet. For the record, he's still at 99. So let's not get ahead of ourselves.
James Novak: You sound a little competitive.
Harold Krenshaw: Sometimes I am a little too competitive. Yes, I own that. I was just talking about that with my new therapist. Monk and I both have new therapists. Mine's way better.

Quote from Ambrose Monk

James Novak: [v.o.] Then, in a flash, she was gone. Two weeks before Christmas, 1997, Trudy Monk was downtown running some errands. She returned to her car in a parking garage on Somerset Avenue.
Newscaster: Our top story tonight, the wife of a highly decorated San Francisco detective was killed this morning, the victim of an apparent car bombing. Trudy Monk, a 35-year-old freelance journalist died a short time later at Saint Jude's Hospital. Her husband, Adrian Monk, was by her side. The police are pursuing several leads but have made no arrests.
James Novak: The case is still open. It has been Adrian Monk's obsession for 11 years.
Ambrose Monk: After the hospital, he came back. Back home. He just sat in that chair all night. I could see his soul leaving his body. Adrian died too. The bomb was across town, but it killed my brother too.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Hal Tucker: Well, killing my girlfriend was the easy part. The hard part was pretending to be Monk's friend for a week.
Jimmy Belmont: You ever hear the man try and tell a joke?
Joey Krenshaw: It's like verbal root canal.
Hal Tucker: Excruciating.
James Novak: How did you feel when he arrested you?
Hal Tucker: I actually- I was feeling sorry for him. I felt like he was the village idiot or something. You know, it was humiliating.
Jimmy Belmont: Until that there summation thing.
Hal Tucker: Oh, my God. That summation. I love when people tell me what I've already done.
Joey Krenshaw: Droned! Just, uh, the longest four minutes of my life.
Hal Tucker: I mean, I knew what I did. I killed her. I didn't need him to tell me.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Captain Stottlemeyer: Is that lipstick? Sick enough for you?
Lieutenant Disher: I guess that clinches it. This guy's definitely the Cosmetic Assassin.
Uniform Officer: The what?
Lieutenant Disher: The Cosmetic Assassin. That's what we're calling him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Maybe you'd like to hear what we're calling you.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: Um, yeah, he has some idiosyncrasies.
James Novak: Like what?
Lieutenant Disher: Fear of heights. Fear of germs. Spiders. Milk.
Natalie: Crowds, elevators, fire.
Lieutenant Disher: Rabbits, tunnels, bridges.
Natalie: Boats.
Lieutenant Disher: Decaffeinated coffee.
Natalie: Lightning.
Captain Stottlemeyer: The wind. He's afraid of the wind.
Lieutenant Disher: Egg whites.
Natalie: Bad.
Lieutenant Disher: Naked people. That one is way up there. I think it goes "naked people" and then "death."

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: I saw him coming apart like those rockets that hit the atmosphere at the wrong angle. Nothing I could do.
James Novak: So you can't talk about Trudy? [Monk is silent] You didn't leave your house for, what, three years? [Monk shakes his head] The psychiatrists said you'd never work again. But here you are 100 cases later. What keeps you going?
Adrian Monk: I can't die until I know.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Captain Stottlemeyer: Her lipstick was missing, so we were pretty sure it was the same guy.
Lieutenant Disher: The Lipstick Assassin.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Nobody's calling him that, Randy.
Lieutenant Disher: I am.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, you're not. Now, the third girl never worked at the restaurant. So the three girls had virtually nothing in common. The case was moving sideways on us.
Lieutenant Disher: We didn't have any leads. I mean, who or where was Mr. Lipstick?
Captain Stottlemeyer: [to the cameraman] Could you turn that off for a minute?

Quote from Adrian Monk

James Novak: [v.o.] Thurman denied everything. He wouldn't crack. With no hard evidence, the police were forced to release him. Douglas Thurman was a tough adversary. But Adrian Monk has faced tough adversaries before. In fact, he's faced 99 of them. Almost all of them can be found here in a California state penitentiary.
Ralph Roberts: Do I remember Adrian Monk? That's like asking the Titanic if it remembers the iceberg. He joined the Siblings of the Sun.
James Novak: Your cult?
Ralph Roberts: It's not a cult. It's an organization. Like a self-help group. And two months later, I'm sitting here wearing blues, eating off tin plates. Adrian Monk, if you're watching this, I want to thank you. Thank you, brother. Because behind these gray walls of prison, I have found complete peace and total serenity.
Man: Roberts, time's up! Get back to your cell!
Ralph Roberts: [curses]

Quote from Adrian Monk

Arlene Boras: Adrian Monk? I have to admit, I have mixed feelings about him. I mean, on the one hand, he sent me to prison. Twenty-five years to life. On the other hand, when they arrested me, he stayed after everybody and cleaned my apartment. I got my security deposit back, which was nice.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jimmy Belmont: I worked on my plan for a month.
James Novak: Really?
Jimmy Belmont: My plan was perfect.
Hal Tucker: I had a good plan too. I was very proud of my plan.
Joey Krenshaw: Check this out. I find a dead daredevil on the side of the road. I knocked my cousin out, put him in the daredevil costume, and threw him off a roof.
Hal Tucker: That was you?
Joey Krenshaw: Yeah. Oh, that was good.
Joey Krenshaw: Well, thank you. Yeah, yeah. Any other cop never would have figured it out.
Jimmy Belmont: That was brilliant, man.
Joey Krenshaw: Thanks.
Hal Tucker: Hey, remind me, didn't you, like, kill a pig and then prop a jeep up on a salt lick or something?
Jimmy Belmont: It wasn't a jeep. It was a pickup truck.
Hal Tucker: Still, it's pretty fantastic.
James Novak: So you all had fantastic plans. So what happened?
Jimmy Belmont: Adrian Monk.
Hal Tucker: Yeah, Monk.
Joey Krenshaw: Monk happened. The guy is relentless.
Hal Tucker: Pick, pick, pick, pick, pick.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: Do you have the warrant?
Captain Stottlemeyer: What? You gotta be kidding. You just had it. You had it in your hand. Where is it?
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, here it is. It was right behind this CD. I'm in a band. The Randy Disher Project. We do a sort of jazz fusion, punk, rap, kind of folky...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, just give him the damn CD.
Lieutenant Disher: You guys like music? You are gonna love this. Oh, was that a- Is that a scratch? You know what, I should probably put it in to make sure it works. [music plays]

Quote from Adrian Monk

James Novak: How did that start, with your hands?
Adrian Monk: You mean this?
James Novak: Uh-huh.
Adrian Monk: Well, I don't remember. Most of the time, I don't even know I'm doing it.
James Novak: It has a zen quality to it.
Adrian Monk: It seems to help me focus on the problem. I have to block out the rest of the world. I have to block out any distractions, anything that might upset me. [holds hands up]
James Novak: So you're blocking me out right now?
Adrian Monk: That's right.

Quote from Natalie

Natalie: Wait. Wait a minute. When you caught that serial killer, that was number 100.
Adrian Monk: Right.
Natalie: Right, right. So this case with this TV host, This was a completely different case. Different killer, different case.
Adrian Monk: Oh, my God.
Natalie: Ha ha! So you're at 101.
Adrian Monk: Oh, my God. How did this happen?
Natalie: If you wanna stop at a nice round number, you have to get to 200.
Adrian Monk: 200?!

Quote from Natalie

Natalie: Sometimes he sees too much. He gets distracted.
James Novak: And that's where you come in?
Natalie: Right, keeping him focused. That's one of my jobs.
James Novak: What else do you do for him?
Natalie: What else do I do? Um, how long is your show?

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

James Novak: [v.o.] July 18th. For Adrian Monk, the day began like any other. He would vacuum his entire apartment. Then clean the vacuum. Then vacuum again. He had no way of knowing that just four blocks away, the body of a young girl was being discovered, and that the San Francisco police would soon be requesting his services for the 100th time.
Captain Stottlemeyer: 100 cases. Well, that's a real milestone. The fact is he almost didn't make it. Two years ago, they tried to cut Monk from the budget to save a few bucks. I went ballistic. If you go in the commissioner's office, you'll see there's a little dent in the wall about the size of my fist. I got suspended, and Monk got back on the payroll.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't know how he does it. Sometimes when Monk's not around, I'll catch the other cops doing it, right, with the hands. Then like, oh, touch that. It doesn't work. Doesn't work for anybody else but him.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Okay. Okay, stop right there. Now hit the picture play button. It should say "play" either on the button or directly under the--
Natalie: Yeah, I got that.
SWAT Officer: [on TV] Clear! Clear! Clear!
Adrian Monk: Picture freezer!
Natalie: What?
Adrian Monk: Hit the picture freezer button.
Natalie: You mean "pause"?
Adrian Monk: Fine, pause, whatever. Now go back. Picture go back.
Natalie: "Picture go back."
Captain Stottlemeyer: Picture go back.
Adrian Monk: Picture freezer! Okay. Look at the table. See, all the film canisters are on their side. Okay, Natalie, picture go fast. Picture go fast. Right there, picture freezer. See, there's an additional film canister standing up.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: "The case was broken by former detective Adrian Monk, who ironically had recently been featured on Mr. Novak' s news magazine program In Focus." Look, picture.
Adrian Monk: Very nice. Nice to go out on a high note.
Natalie: What do you mean "go out"?
Adrian Monk: Well, I think it might be time to quit. 100 cases. 100 even. It's a nice round number.
Natalie: Wait, wait. You wanna quit because it's an even number?
Adrian Monk: Makes sense to me.
Natalie: That is so stupid. I'm sorry, Mr. Monk, but that is just stupid.

Quote from Ambrose Monk

Timothy Henn: Adrian was in my fourth grade class. He was a brilliant boy. At first, he was probably the most promising student I ever had.
James Novak: What happened?
Timothy Henn: Well, his father left. Just took off. After that, everything changed.
James Novak: When Adrian was eight, his father Jack, a frustrated linen salesman, told the boys he was heading out to pick up some Chinese food. Adrian would not see or speak to him again for 39 years.
Ambrose Monk: Mom didn't leave her room for two years, and I didn't leave my room. So it was all up to Adrian. He kept it all together. The house, the family. I don't know how he did it. He's my hero.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Leigh Harrison: I had Adrian Monk as a passenger from San Francisco to Newark. He'd never flown before. I don't think he'd ever been out of his house before. He asked a million questions. He cried for 2 1/2 hours. He gave half the cabin a nervous breakdown, including me, the co-pilot, and about a dozen passengers. We have a support group now. We meet every month.
James Novak: Really?
Leigh Harrison: The last one was in Minneapolis. I couldn't make it.
James Novak: Why not?
Leigh Harrison: I'm afraid to fly.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: Oh, hey, excuse me, Jim. Uh, sorry to bother you. It's no big deal. But when they showed my name on the screen earlier on, It said "sergeant." Actually, I'm a full lieutenant.
James Novak: Oh, I'm sorry. Well, these things happen.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, it's no big deal. Do you think we could correct it for the DVD?
James Novak: The DVD? Absolutely. I'll take care of that.
Lieutenant Disher: That's great. I appreciate that.
James Novak: Enjoy the party, sergeant.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: What do you got? Don't step on the girl.
Adrian Monk: Water spots.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, you can't do the victim's dishes.
Adrian Monk: What, you didn't see it. It was filthy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, for god's sake.
Adrian Monk: Just one cycle.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, no.
Adrian Monk: One cycle. I'll push rinse hold.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You'll push nothing.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

James Novak: [v.o.] And as night falls on San Francisco, Adrian Monk is left alone with the case.
Natalie: Mr. Monk takes all of his cases very seriously. But when a woman is killed, it's different. It hits him pretty hard.
James Novak: Because of Trudy?
Natalie: Yeah, because of Trudy.
James Novak: Trudy Monk, the love of Adrian Monk's life and the only case he hasn't been able to solve. They met 28 years ago while they were both attending The University of California. They were married a short time later. Trudy's love was so strong that most of his phobias and personal demons were kept at bay. It would be the happiest time of his life.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, you wouldn't recognize him. Back in the day, he loved his work. He loved his life. He used to walk in here whistling. He hasn't whistled for a long time.

Quote from Natalie

James Novak: The death toll was rising. A sense of urgency swept through the department. Captain Stottlemeyer and his task force were working around the clock.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Coffee. Oh, thank you.
Natalie: He has an idea. I can tell. You don't want to miss this. Zoom in. Go ahead. I love this part.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Mr. Novak do you have a copy of the episode we just saw, maybe on a VHS tape?
James Novak: Well, this is DVR.
Adrian Monk: That's too bad. If it was on VHS, we could watch it again.
James Novak: DVR is digital. It's better than VHS.
Adrian Monk: Well, then let's do that. If we could rewind the tape or whatever it is, back to the photo studio... Natalie.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Well, there were other people in that room. Okay, Natalie, push picture go fast.
Natalie: Picture go fast.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Okay, this is it. Picture go regular. [Monk walks around with his hands out front, as he watches the TV]
Jillian: That is so trippy.
Lieutenant Disher: [on TV] Took her lipstick, of course.
Adrian Monk: [on TV] It's a little dark. I could use some light.
Adrian Monk: Picture freezer! Mr. Novak, I asked you to turn on the light.
James Novak: That's right.
Adrian Monk: There are five light switches on that panel. You clicked number four. It was a lamp right next to me. How did you know which one of those switches to hit?
James Novak: How did I know what?
Adrian Monk: You knew that apartment. You'd been in that room before.
James Novak: I- I- I'm a little confused. Are you accusing me of something?
Adrian Monk: Yes, sir, I am. It all makes sense. Kate Kindel was your sex mistress.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: All right, so you better get started. Let's see if anybody's killed anybody today. Oh, this looks good, "Suspicious drowning."
Adrian Monk: 101? Why didn't you stop me? Oh, "Runaway truck kills two."
Natalie: "Socialite killed by giant pendulum." That's juicy.
Adrian Monk: "Billionaire's mistress disappears."
Natalie: "Woman run over by golf cart." That's weird.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. "TV writer found dead after contract dispute."
Natalie: Creepy.
Adrian Monk: That's good.


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