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‘Mr. Monk Takes Manhattan’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Monk: Mr. Monk Takes Manhattan

301. Mr. Monk Takes Manhattan

Aired June 18, 2004

When Monk, Sharona, Stottlemeyer and Disher visit New York City for information on Trudy's killer, Monk is asked to investigate the assassination of an ambassador before they can talk to their suspect.

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: Sir, you have to stop that train! He's all alone!
Police Officer: Okay, okay, okay. Shh, calm down. Calm down, calm down, calm down. Ma'am, this happens all the time. What's his name?
Sharona: Um, Adrian Monk.
Police Officer: Okay, how old is he?
Sharona: He's 45.

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Perfect.
Sketch Artist: Thank God. All right, let's move on. Tell me about this guy's eyes.
Adrian Monk: I didn't see his eyes. He was covering his face, so... All I saw was a left ear.
Sketch Artist: What are we supposed to do with this? I can't distribute this.
Adrian Monk: I'd recognize him.
Sketch Artist: From this?
Adrian Monk: Every ear is different. They're like fingerprints.
Sharona: Hey, how's it going?
Sketch Artist: This is all that he saw.
Adrian Monk: You know what? The earlobe was a little rounder.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: You found the hotel key card, so you knew where he was staying. You ran the whole way. You probably didn't even notice that it started to rain. [to the busboy] You. It was you. You filthy, disgusting animal. You make me sick!
Busboy: Me?
Sharona: What are you doing? He's a busboy.
Adrian Monk: Sharona, don't you recognize him from the subway? He's the urinator. Urinator! It was you. Don't, don't, don't, don't try to deny it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk!
Adrian Monk: We saw what you-
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk! Could we get back to the quadruple homicide, please?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, he followed the ambassador to the hotel, the ambassador must have noticed the jewelry, Leight killed them all, switched coats, and that's how one of them was wet. You. Where were you raised? I mean, how can you live with yourself? Disgusting pig. And you work in the food service industry, for god's sake.
Sharona: Will you control yourself?
Captain Walter Cage: The ballistics check out. The wife was killed with the same gun. Mr. Leight, you're under arrest for four counts of premeditated homicide.
Adrian Monk: Sir, captain Cage, I'm going to need to borrow these handcuffs, 'cause you're going down, Mr.
Pee.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk.
Sharona: Adrian, that man took a whiz in the subway. That man killed four people in cold blood. Now, who do you think we should arrest?
Adrian Monk: ... The murderer.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Warrick Tennyson: You were the husband.
Adrian Monk: I am the husband.
Warrick Tennyson: Forgive me.
Adrian Monk: Forgive you? This is me turning off your morphine.
[Monk adjusts his coat, looks Tennyson in the eyes, then turns around.]
Warrick Tennyson: [gasps]
Adrian Monk: And this is Trudy, the woman you killed, turning it back on.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Walter Cage: Mr. Monk. Mr. Monk. We know about your reputation, and we, uh, we appreciate your help, but this is a big case. I've got the Feds breathing down my neck. I've got CNN outside. I don't have all day here.
Adrian Monk: I can't focus. It's too noisy.
Captain Walter Cage: What's -What's noisy?
Adrian Monk: It's, uh, it's the traffic.
Captain Walter Cage: But we're inside.
Adrian Monk: I can hear it.
Captain Walter Cage: Would you like us to shut down midtown Manhattan so you can focus here?
Adrian Monk: Would that be inconvenient?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: See? You did it. You rode the subway. I'm proud of you. You're becoming a real New Yorker.
Adrian Monk: I rode on the subway.
Homeless Man: Change?
Adrian Monk: Yes, I think I did.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Street Preacher: There will be a reckoning because judgment day is coming!
Adrian Monk: Testify, brother! Ha ha! Whoo! Speak unto it, brother! Get it said!
Street Preacher: But it's still not too late.
Sharona: Is that him?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah.
Sharona: Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Street Preacher: Repent all you fornicators.
Adrian Monk: You fornicators! Save yourselves!

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: Check it out. It's a Rolex.
Sharona: Where'd you get it?
Lieutenant Disher: Met a guy who knew a guy. Never needs batteries.
Sharona: Well, of course not. It runs on stupidity. Randy, you're so gullible, it's frightening.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, well, it does everything. Look, I can tell you what time it is all around the world. It's 5:30 here. In Denver, it's 3:30. In Los Angeles, 12:17. And in Paris, France, time has stopped.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Adrian Monk: His coat.
Captain Walter Cage: Whose coat?
Adrian Monk: The ambassador's coat. It's damp.
Captain Walter Cage: He's right. And the other coats are dry. How'd we miss that?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You get used to it.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: This whole city's laid out on a grid. That's a good thing. He likes grids.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Um... Hmm. The mole... The mole.
Sketch Artist: What about it?
Adrian Monk: The mole on the ear, it, uh, it was darker.
Sketch Artist: Like that?
Adrian Monk: No, it's too dark.
Sketch Artist: Too dark. Mr. Monk, it doesn't need to be perfect, all right? It's, it's just a sketch. We've been here for over an hour and a half. Okay? I, I think we're done with the ear, huh?
Adrian Monk: Okay, not quite.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Street Preacher: And few there be that find it. Praise the lord. A cleansing is coming. There will be a reckoning. A cleansing is coming. Who would like to see a cleansing?
Adrian Monk: I would, I would.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Lieutenant Disher: We're going to be late.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Is that a new watch? Did you buy it in a store?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah. I bought it near a store. I mean, this one keeps perfect time. Swiss accuracy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Your watch is smoking.
Lieutenant Disher: What?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Your watch is on fire.

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: I guess you've completely given up on trying to be cool, huh?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, pretty much. Wow, this place is amazing. Look at these buildings. Look, look at that one. How did they build that?
Sharona: Actually, they built that one from the top down.
Lieutenant Disher: Really? Wow. Wow.
Sharona: Better stick with me. This town's going to eat you alive.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: Where'd he go?
Cab Driver: Who?
Captain Stottlemeyer: The, the man, the other man. The man in the front seat.
Cab Driver: The nut?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, the nut. Where'd he go?
Cab Driver: What was he complaining about? My taxi is very clean. Why was he wiping, wiping, wiping everything?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, sir, your taxi is perfect, but where did he go?
Cab Driver: Look, I don't care. I'll never pick him up again. You tell him that. I see him, I'll keep driving. I don't care if I lose my license. Hey, I'll keep driving.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Adrian! Adrian! Adrian, you can't just walk away like that. You scared me half to death.
Adrian Monk: Somebody dropped this.
Sharona: You're going to have to forget about that. There is no way that you're going to be able to clean up New York City by yourself. Trust me. New York City wins. It's always going to win.
Adrian Monk: It's so noisy.
Sharona: So is San Francisco.
Adrian Monk: No, this, this is different. I can't do this. I can't really function here. It's, this is too much, too much.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Adrian, listen to me. Don't forget why you're here, all right? You have a lead, a name. Finally, after all these years, you know?
Adrian Monk: Warrick Tennyson.
Sharona: That's right, Warrick Tennyson. And he is connected somehow to Trudy's murder.
Adrian Monk: But why does he have to live here?
Sharona: I don't know. When you find him, that can be the first thing you ask him.
Adrian Monk: It won't be the first thing I ask him.

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: I could get used to this place.
Lieutenant Disher: Do you think they have cable?
Sharona: Of course they have cable.
Lieutenant Disher: Can we afford this?
Sharona: Well, we didn't have a choice. Adrian booked the reservation. It's rated the cleanest hotel in New York.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Hello, I'm Adrian Monk. Party of four.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Not much of a party, really.
Hotel Clerk: Here we are, Monk. You have three rooms.
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, three rooms.
Adrian Monk: Well, me and Sharona.
Sharona: Wait, wait. I, I thought I was getting my own room.
Adrian Monk: Look, well, I'd rather not be by myself. Me and the captain.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. No, no. Sharing the cab was bad enough.
Sharona: Well, why don't we just get a fourth room?
Hotel Clerk: Sorry, we're completely booked.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, uh, how about me and Sharona?
Sharona: In your dreams.

Quote from Sharona

Adrian Monk: Okay, well, uh, whoever gets me, I, I just have to let you know I'm going to need the bathroom all to myself, so...
Sharona: Um, Adrian, Adrian, um, do you mind if you just guard the luggage over there?
Adrian Monk: Hmm?
Sharona: Just guard the luggage. And I think they're uneven.
Adrian Monk: Oh. Totally uneven.

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