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‘Mr. Monk's Other Brother’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Monk: Mr. Monk's Other Brother

710. Mr. Monk's Other Brother

Aired January 9, 2009

When Monk finds an intruder in his house, he is surprised to learn it is his half-brother, Jack Monk, Jr (guest star Steve Zahn). He is even more shocked to realize that Jack just escaped from prison and is accused of killing a social worker.

Quote from Dr. Bell

Adrian Monk: But he's going back as soon as I clear his name. All I ever wanted, since I was a boy, was a real family. I used to pray for it.
Dr. Bell: I hate to break the news to you, Adrian, but you already have a real family. In a lot of ways, your situation is typical. I've seen it quite often.
Adrian Monk: There's a four-state dragnet out on my brother. You get that a lot?
Dr. Bell: Now, th- These are fundamental questions. People have been asking them for ages, all the way back to Cain and Abel. "What do I owe my family? What do I owe my brother? What is my obligation?"

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: Adrian, no, no, wait! Think about it! I could be halfway to Paraguay right now but I'm not. I'm here. I came to you! What does that tell you?
Adrian Monk: That you're an unstable person and that you belong in prison.
Jack Monk, Jr.: No, that I need your help. Come on, I didn't kill that woman! I crawled through the sewer. When I got to the parking lot she was already dead.
Adrian Monk: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Go back. You crawled through the what-what?
Jack Monk, Jr.: I crawled through the sewer. That's how I escaped.
Adrian Monk: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Go back. You crawled through the what?
Jack Monk, Jr.: The sewer?
Adrian Monk: Wait. Go back.

Quote from Dr. Bell

Adrian Monk: See, sometimes he's not really so bad. Last night, we were watching this old horror movie and talking about our dad and Paraguay... And I was feeling.
Dr. Bell: Paraguay?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, he's obsessed with Paraguay. He's been reading all about it...
Dr. Bell: Uh-oh.
Adrian Monk: Uh-oh, what?
Dr. Bell: Adrian, I've been doing some workshops in local prisons, and Paraguay is considered the promised land.
Adrian Monk: Really?
Dr. Bell: Because of their new extradition laws. They won't extradite anyone. Unless he's been indicted for murder.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: What happened? The shower stopped.
Jack Monk, Jr.: [o.s.] You ran out of hot water.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no. Keep washing.
Jack Monk, Jr.: I'm freezin'!
Adrian Monk: Keep, keep washing.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, Monk, who's your friend?
Adrian Monk: Oh, that's my pen pal.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Pen pal? I didn't know people still did that. Hey, you guys even dress alike. Where's he from?
Adrian Monk: Canada. East Canada.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What's his name?
Adrian Monk: Jack. Gretzky.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Really? Any relation?
Adrian Monk: Why would you say that? We don't- We don't even look alike.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, not to you, to Wayne Gretzky, the hockey player.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You okay?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I'm- I'm fine. Let's just see what there is to see, and then we can all go home in separate cars.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Jack, was he a good father?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Look at us. What do you think?
Adrian Monk: Was he terrible?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Look at us. What do you think? We got robbed, brother.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: What the hell is going on? Are you okay?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Sorry, it was a false alarm.
Captain Stottlemeyer: False alarm.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. I thought I heard a prowler, but it was just Jack. I forgot he was staying here.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Wait. You forgot that you had a house guest? You? [to Jack] Are you crying?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah, a little. I mean, how would you feel if your pen pal thought you were a prowler?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay. I'm going home. If I can get back in bed in 20 minutes, there's a chance I won't remember any of this.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Lieutenant Disher: All right, Jack, time to go.
Adrian Monk: Jack, listen, I just want to say I'm proud of what you did. And I'm proud you're my brother.
Jack Monk, Jr.: You mean half brother.
Adrian Monk: I'm rounding up. [goes to hug Jack] Excuse me. Sneak in here a minute. Sorry.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Thank you.
[Jack is led to the prisoner transport van by two officers]
Adrian Monk: Jack. [waves]
[As the prisoner transport van drives away:]
Natalie: What are you looking for?
Lieutenant Disher: Think I left my handcuff keys in my other coat.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Don't move!
Jack Monk, Jr.: Hey, man, that really hurt!
Adrian Monk: Don't make a move! There's gun in here!
Jack Monk, Jr.: Adr-
Adrian Monk: I said don't move!
Jack Monk, Jr.: I didn't move.
Adrian Monk: There's a gun in here. Take my word for it.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Where are ya going? Hey Adr- Wait who you calling?
Adrian Monk: Who do you think I'm calling?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Oh, you don't wanna call the cops, man.
Adrian Monk: I don't?
Jack Monk, Jr.: No, come on, put the phone down! And the gun.
Adrian Monk: Give me one good reason.
Jack Monk, Jr.: I'm your brother!

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: You're my...
Jack Monk, Jr.: I'm Jack Junior. I'm your brother. Well, technically, I'm your half brother. So you could say I'm rounding up. Why dad must have told you about me. Right? I mean, I can't imagine what he said, but as you can see, it's pretty much true. [Monk dials the phone]
Operator: [on line] 911. What is your emergency?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Come on, man, gimme a chance, okay? I'm your brother. I'm family.
Adrian Monk: Family?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah. Can't you feel it?
Adrian Monk: No.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: Come on, we have the same DNA, same dad. Same alcoholic son of a bitch. Do you know he ran out on us ten years after he bailed on you?
Adrian Monk: Uh-huh.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Fine. You still don't believe me. Ask me something. [sits down]
Adrian Monk: Don't- Wait! Ask ask you what?
Jack Monk, Jr.: About us, dad, anything. Go. Shoot.
Adrian Monk: Okay. What was his favorite song?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Ain't Misbehavin. Sang in the bathtub.
Adrian Monk: How did he take his coffee?
Jack Monk, Jr.: With whiskey. Jameson's, if he could afford it, which he never could.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Okay. Who's Joe Endicott?
Jack Monk, Jr.: I am well, at least that's who I was when I was arrested.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Arrested for what?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Selling cars... that weren't mine... exactly. I'm starving. Do you have any food?
Adrian Monk: No, no, no, wait. Whoa. No, you're not eating here.
Jack Monk, Jr.: All right.
Adrian Monk: You wanna tell me what happened last night?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah. I busted out. That's what happened.
Adrian Monk: You killed a woman.
Jack Monk, Jr.: No way. Hey Adrian, look! Hand to God, I've never hurt anybody! Ever! I'm a con man. I'm a grifter. I'm a... Lovable rogue.
Adrian Monk: A lovable rogue? People don't call themselves lovable rogues.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Lovable rogues do.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Oh, my God! What'd you do?
Jack Monk, Jr.: [now clean-shaven] Little camouflage. Wrong people might see us working on the case.
Adrian Monk: What case?
Jack Monk, Jr.: My case! I told you I didn't kill that woman. We gotta prove it.
Adrian Monk: No, no. There is no case. We're gonna call a lawyer, then you're gonna turn yourself in.
Jack Monk, Jr.: No! No, I can't do that. I can't go back to jail, okay? Not yet. Hey, how is Ambrose? [opens Monk's wardrobe]
Adrian Monk: He's- He's fine.
Jack Monk, Jr.: You know what? We should call him. I would love to say hi to him.
Adrian Monk: I'd rather not involve him. Excuse me. What do you mean, you can't go back yet?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Look, that woman, the woman that was killed, Lindsey Bishop was her name. She was a social worker there. Everybody in the joint loved her. She used to work on letters, help people with their appeals. I mean, look, if I go back there and they... Don't worry, it's perfect. And they think that I killed her, I wouldn't last more than ten minutes in there. Look, clear my name. And then I'll go back, I promise. Hey, you know, these are all the same. What, you wear the same thing every day? I feel like I'm back in prison. You know, could I have a little bit of privacy, please? Thanks.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: Do you have any other kind of mayo?
Adrian Monk: What are you doing?
Jack Monk, Jr.: I'm making a sandwich. I'm starving.
Adrian Monk: Are you ever gonna tell me what happened?
Jack Monk, Jr.: After I eat, okay? I have been running all night. That's mine.
Adrian Monk: Talk first. Then eat. Look, I can do both. All right? There's not much to tell. It took me two months and 87 spoons to get outta there.
Jack Monk, Jr.: What about your cellmate?
Adrian Monk: I didn't have one. Made life a lot easier. So last night after lights out, I made my move. So three minutes later, I was in the sewer pipe.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, okay. You can skip that part.
Jack Monk, Jr.: The stench was god-awful. It was like crawling through someone's-
Adrian Monk: Okay, it's okay. Just skip ahead.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay, about 3:00AM, I come out the other side, and I saw a car. Looked empty. I figured I got lucky. I thought maybe I could hotwire it. I yank open the door, and there she was. I tried calling 911, but then some guard in the tower spots me, opened fire, and I just... I just took off and never looked back.
Adrian Monk: So let me see if I understand this. If you're telling the truth...
Jack Monk, Jr.: Hand to God.
Adrian Monk: Right. Hand to God. This is your story. A homicidal maniac happened to be strolling by the federal prison. He saw the car. He stabs the driver. But he doesn't steal the car. He just runs away. Couple minutes later, Jack Monk, Jr. Crawls out of a manhole a few yards away and finds the body?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yes.
Adrian Monk: Thank you. You made this very easy for me.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: Wait. What are you doin'? Adrian, what are you doin'? No, no, no what is it with you and the phone? Come on, you're treating me like another schlub. This is family! Hey, this is family talkin' here. That's gotta mean something.
Adrian Monk: Not to me.
Jack Monk, Jr.: No! Okay, okay! You win. I'll go back to jail. Straight up, I'll do my time. Just do me one favor. Let me call my mother.
Adrian Monk: Your mother.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yes, Adrian. I have a mother too. Her name is Darlene Monk. She lives in Amarillo, Texas. I'm sure she's been watching the news, and she must be scared to death, okay? Come on. Just one phone call. For old time's sake?
Adrian Monk: We don't have any old times.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Sure, we do. Come on, remember? Remember in the hallway, when you hit me over the head with that metal box?
Adrian Monk: That was a half hour ago.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah, well, it's something. I mean, it's a start.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: [on the phone] Hey, Mom, it's Jack.
Jack's Mother: [on speakerphone] Jackie. My baby! Are you okay?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah.
Jack's Mother: On the news, they said you killed a woman.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Mom, I didn't kill anybody. You gotta believe me.
Jack's Mother: My baby!
Jack Monk, Jr.: I know, I wish I could prove it, but I can't.
Jack's Mother: Jackie, go to your brother. Go to Adrian. He has to help you. He's family.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Mom, I'm with him right now, and, he wants to turn me in.
Jack's Mother: [gasps] Why?! Why won't he help us?
Jack Monk, Jr.: I don't know, mom. I guess family doesn't mean anything to him.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack's Mother: [on speakerphone] Adrian Monk! Are you there? [Monk shakes his head] Are you there?
Adrian Monk: Hello.
Jack's Mother: We've never met, but I feel like I know you. Your father bragged about you all the time.
Adrian Monk: He did?
Jack's Mother: He said you were the light of his life. He said there's nothing you couldn't do. I am begging you, Adrian. I'm a mother. I'm on my knees. Help my little boy. Help little Jackie! He's no Angel, but he wouldn't hurt anybody. [cries]
Adrian Monk: Darlene? Ma'am? It's okay. I am going to help your son.
Jack's Mother: You are?
Adrian Monk: He's gonna be okay, I promise. I'll- I'll do what I can. Okay.
Jack's Mother: God bless you, Adrian!
Jack Monk, Jr.: Love you, mom. [hangs up] Thanks, bro.
Adrian Monk: Half bro.

Quote from Natalie

Natalie: It's funny, you know, I've known Mr. Monk for four years, and he never mentioned having a pen pal.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Well, you know, I shouldn't say anything else. I don't wanna break the pen pal code, so...
Natalie: [chuckles] Okay.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: And that's the weapon?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: Is it a fork or a spoon?
Daniel Reese: You can make a knife out of anything. Utensils, toothbrushes.
Adrian Monk: "Gos" something. That's Sterling Silver.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Really? [chuckles] What are you guys doing up there, having tea parties?
Warden Tom Bennet: Well, that's not standard issue. It must have been smuggled in.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: Are you gonna eat?
Adrian Monk: Not here. Or near here. Or far from here.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah, dad said you were peculiar.

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