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‘Mr. Monk's Other Brother’ Quotes

Monk: Mr. Monk's Other Brother

710. Mr. Monk's Other Brother

Aired January 9, 2009

When Monk finds an intruder in his house, he is surprised to learn it is his half-brother, Jack Monk, Jr (guest star Steve Zahn). He is even more shocked to realize that Jack just escaped from prison and is accused of killing a social worker.

Quote from Dr. Bell

Adrian Monk: But he's going back as soon as I clear his name. All I ever wanted, since I was a boy, was a real family. I used to pray for it.
Dr. Bell: I hate to break the news to you, Adrian, but you already have a real family. In a lot of ways, your situation is typical. I've seen it quite often.
Adrian Monk: There's a four-state dragnet out on my brother. You get that a lot?
Dr. Bell: Now, th- These are fundamental questions. People have been asking them for ages, all the way back to Cain and Abel. "What do I owe my family? What do I owe my brother? What is my obligation?"

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: Adrian, no, no, wait! Think about it! I could be halfway to Paraguay right now but I'm not. I'm here. I came to you! What does that tell you?
Adrian Monk: That you're an unstable person and that you belong in prison.
Jack Monk, Jr.: No, that I need your help. Come on, I didn't kill that woman! I crawled through the sewer. When I got to the parking lot she was already dead.
Adrian Monk: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Go back. You crawled through the what-what?
Jack Monk, Jr.: I crawled through the sewer. That's how I escaped.
Adrian Monk: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Go back. You crawled through the what?
Jack Monk, Jr.: The sewer?
Adrian Monk: Wait. Go back.

Quote from Dr. Bell

Adrian Monk: See, sometimes he's not really so bad. Last night, we were watching this old horror movie and talking about our dad and Paraguay... And I was feeling.
Dr. Bell: Paraguay?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, he's obsessed with Paraguay. He's been reading all about it...
Dr. Bell: Uh-oh.
Adrian Monk: Uh-oh, what?
Dr. Bell: Adrian, I've been doing some workshops in local prisons, and Paraguay is considered the promised land.
Adrian Monk: Really?
Dr. Bell: Because of their new extradition laws. They won't extradite anyone. Unless he's been indicted for murder.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: What happened? The shower stopped.
Jack Monk, Jr.: [o.s.] You ran out of hot water.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no. Keep washing.
Jack Monk, Jr.: I'm freezin'!
Adrian Monk: Keep, keep washing.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, Monk, who's your friend?
Adrian Monk: Oh, that's my pen pal.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Pen pal? I didn't know people still did that. Hey, you guys even dress alike. Where's he from?
Adrian Monk: Canada. East Canada.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What's his name?
Adrian Monk: Jack. Gretzky.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Really? Any relation?
Adrian Monk: Why would you say that? We don't- We don't even look alike.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, not to you, to Wayne Gretzky, the hockey player.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You okay?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I'm- I'm fine. Let's just see what there is to see, and then we can all go home in separate cars.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Jack, was he a good father?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Look at us. What do you think?
Adrian Monk: Was he terrible?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Look at us. What do you think? We got robbed, brother.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: What the hell is going on? Are you okay?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Sorry, it was a false alarm.
Captain Stottlemeyer: False alarm.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. I thought I heard a prowler, but it was just Jack. I forgot he was staying here.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Wait. You forgot that you had a house guest? You? [to Jack] Are you crying?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah, a little. I mean, how would you feel if your pen pal thought you were a prowler?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay. I'm going home. If I can get back in bed in 20 minutes, there's a chance I won't remember any of this.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Lieutenant Disher: All right, Jack, time to go.
Adrian Monk: Jack, listen, I just want to say I'm proud of what you did. And I'm proud you're my brother.
Jack Monk, Jr.: You mean half brother.
Adrian Monk: I'm rounding up. [goes to hug Jack] Excuse me. Sneak in here a minute. Sorry.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Thank you.
[Jack is led to the prisoner transport van by two officers]
Adrian Monk: Jack. [waves]
[As the prisoner transport van drives away:]
Natalie: What are you looking for?
Lieutenant Disher: Think I left my handcuff keys in my other coat.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Don't move!
Jack Monk, Jr.: Hey, man, that really hurt!
Adrian Monk: Don't make a move! There's gun in here!
Jack Monk, Jr.: Adr-
Adrian Monk: I said don't move!
Jack Monk, Jr.: I didn't move.
Adrian Monk: There's a gun in here. Take my word for it.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Where are ya going? Hey Adr- Wait who you calling?
Adrian Monk: Who do you think I'm calling?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Oh, you don't wanna call the cops, man.
Adrian Monk: I don't?
Jack Monk, Jr.: No, come on, put the phone down! And the gun.
Adrian Monk: Give me one good reason.
Jack Monk, Jr.: I'm your brother!

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: You're my...
Jack Monk, Jr.: I'm Jack Junior. I'm your brother. Well, technically, I'm your half brother. So you could say I'm rounding up. Why dad must have told you about me. Right? I mean, I can't imagine what he said, but as you can see, it's pretty much true. [Monk dials the phone]
Operator: [on line] 911. What is your emergency?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Come on, man, gimme a chance, okay? I'm your brother. I'm family.
Adrian Monk: Family?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah. Can't you feel it?
Adrian Monk: No.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: Come on, we have the same DNA, same dad. Same alcoholic son of a bitch. Do you know he ran out on us ten years after he bailed on you?
Adrian Monk: Uh-huh.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Fine. You still don't believe me. Ask me something. [sits down]
Adrian Monk: Don't- Wait! Ask ask you what?
Jack Monk, Jr.: About us, dad, anything. Go. Shoot.
Adrian Monk: Okay. What was his favorite song?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Ain't Misbehavin. Sang in the bathtub.
Adrian Monk: How did he take his coffee?
Jack Monk, Jr.: With whiskey. Jameson's, if he could afford it, which he never could.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Okay. Who's Joe Endicott?
Jack Monk, Jr.: I am well, at least that's who I was when I was arrested.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Arrested for what?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Selling cars... that weren't mine... exactly. I'm starving. Do you have any food?
Adrian Monk: No, no, no, wait. Whoa. No, you're not eating here.
Jack Monk, Jr.: All right.
Adrian Monk: You wanna tell me what happened last night?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah. I busted out. That's what happened.
Adrian Monk: You killed a woman.
Jack Monk, Jr.: No way. Hey Adrian, look! Hand to God, I've never hurt anybody! Ever! I'm a con man. I'm a grifter. I'm a... Lovable rogue.
Adrian Monk: A lovable rogue? People don't call themselves lovable rogues.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Lovable rogues do.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Oh, my God! What'd you do?
Jack Monk, Jr.: [now clean-shaven] Little camouflage. Wrong people might see us working on the case.
Adrian Monk: What case?
Jack Monk, Jr.: My case! I told you I didn't kill that woman. We gotta prove it.
Adrian Monk: No, no. There is no case. We're gonna call a lawyer, then you're gonna turn yourself in.
Jack Monk, Jr.: No! No, I can't do that. I can't go back to jail, okay? Not yet. Hey, how is Ambrose? [opens Monk's wardrobe]
Adrian Monk: He's- He's fine.
Jack Monk, Jr.: You know what? We should call him. I would love to say hi to him.
Adrian Monk: I'd rather not involve him. Excuse me. What do you mean, you can't go back yet?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Look, that woman, the woman that was killed, Lindsey Bishop was her name. She was a social worker there. Everybody in the joint loved her. She used to work on letters, help people with their appeals. I mean, look, if I go back there and they... Don't worry, it's perfect. And they think that I killed her, I wouldn't last more than ten minutes in there. Look, clear my name. And then I'll go back, I promise. Hey, you know, these are all the same. What, you wear the same thing every day? I feel like I'm back in prison. You know, could I have a little bit of privacy, please? Thanks.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: Do you have any other kind of mayo?
Adrian Monk: What are you doing?
Jack Monk, Jr.: I'm making a sandwich. I'm starving.
Adrian Monk: Are you ever gonna tell me what happened?
Jack Monk, Jr.: After I eat, okay? I have been running all night. That's mine.
Adrian Monk: Talk first. Then eat. Look, I can do both. All right? There's not much to tell. It took me two months and 87 spoons to get outta there.
Jack Monk, Jr.: What about your cellmate?
Adrian Monk: I didn't have one. Made life a lot easier. So last night after lights out, I made my move. So three minutes later, I was in the sewer pipe.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, okay. You can skip that part.
Jack Monk, Jr.: The stench was god-awful. It was like crawling through someone's-
Adrian Monk: Okay, it's okay. Just skip ahead.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay, about 3:00AM, I come out the other side, and I saw a car. Looked empty. I figured I got lucky. I thought maybe I could hotwire it. I yank open the door, and there she was. I tried calling 911, but then some guard in the tower spots me, opened fire, and I just... I just took off and never looked back.
Adrian Monk: So let me see if I understand this. If you're telling the truth...
Jack Monk, Jr.: Hand to God.
Adrian Monk: Right. Hand to God. This is your story. A homicidal maniac happened to be strolling by the federal prison. He saw the car. He stabs the driver. But he doesn't steal the car. He just runs away. Couple minutes later, Jack Monk, Jr. Crawls out of a manhole a few yards away and finds the body?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yes.
Adrian Monk: Thank you. You made this very easy for me.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: Wait. What are you doin'? Adrian, what are you doin'? No, no, no what is it with you and the phone? Come on, you're treating me like another schlub. This is family! Hey, this is family talkin' here. That's gotta mean something.
Adrian Monk: Not to me.
Jack Monk, Jr.: No! Okay, okay! You win. I'll go back to jail. Straight up, I'll do my time. Just do me one favor. Let me call my mother.
Adrian Monk: Your mother.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yes, Adrian. I have a mother too. Her name is Darlene Monk. She lives in Amarillo, Texas. I'm sure she's been watching the news, and she must be scared to death, okay? Come on. Just one phone call. For old time's sake?
Adrian Monk: We don't have any old times.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Sure, we do. Come on, remember? Remember in the hallway, when you hit me over the head with that metal box?
Adrian Monk: That was a half hour ago.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah, well, it's something. I mean, it's a start.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: [on the phone] Hey, Mom, it's Jack.
Jack's Mother: [on speakerphone] Jackie. My baby! Are you okay?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah.
Jack's Mother: On the news, they said you killed a woman.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Mom, I didn't kill anybody. You gotta believe me.
Jack's Mother: My baby!
Jack Monk, Jr.: I know, I wish I could prove it, but I can't.
Jack's Mother: Jackie, go to your brother. Go to Adrian. He has to help you. He's family.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Mom, I'm with him right now, and, he wants to turn me in.
Jack's Mother: [gasps] Why?! Why won't he help us?
Jack Monk, Jr.: I don't know, mom. I guess family doesn't mean anything to him.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack's Mother: [on speakerphone] Adrian Monk! Are you there? [Monk shakes his head] Are you there?
Adrian Monk: Hello.
Jack's Mother: We've never met, but I feel like I know you. Your father bragged about you all the time.
Adrian Monk: He did?
Jack's Mother: He said you were the light of his life. He said there's nothing you couldn't do. I am begging you, Adrian. I'm a mother. I'm on my knees. Help my little boy. Help little Jackie! He's no Angel, but he wouldn't hurt anybody. [cries]
Adrian Monk: Darlene? Ma'am? It's okay. I am going to help your son.
Jack's Mother: You are?
Adrian Monk: He's gonna be okay, I promise. I'll- I'll do what I can. Okay.
Jack's Mother: God bless you, Adrian!
Jack Monk, Jr.: Love you, mom. [hangs up] Thanks, bro.
Adrian Monk: Half bro.

Quote from Natalie

Natalie: It's funny, you know, I've known Mr. Monk for four years, and he never mentioned having a pen pal.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Well, you know, I shouldn't say anything else. I don't wanna break the pen pal code, so...
Natalie: [chuckles] Okay.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: And that's the weapon?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: Is it a fork or a spoon?
Daniel Reese: You can make a knife out of anything. Utensils, toothbrushes.
Adrian Monk: "Gos" something. That's Sterling Silver.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Really? [chuckles] What are you guys doing up there, having tea parties?
Warden Tom Bennet: Well, that's not standard issue. It must have been smuggled in.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: Are you gonna eat?
Adrian Monk: Not here. Or near here. Or far from here.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah, dad said you were peculiar.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: What was that? It wasn't Spanish.
Jack Monk, Jr.: It's Guarani. It's the official language of Paraguay. Do you know that the most beautiful women in the world come from Paraguay?
Adrian Monk: Do they?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Exhibit A, who you didn't even look at. What are you human or what?
Adrian Monk: I'm human enough.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay, Sherlock. Where are we? How's the case coming?
Adrian Monk: The victim's cell phone was exactly where you said it would be. And there was blood spatter all over the car, but you didn't have any on your pants.
Jack Monk, Jr.: So?
Adrian Monk: So there's a more than even chance that you were telling the truth.
Jack Monk, Jr.: We're gonna hug soon. I can feel it.
Adrian Monk: No, we're not gonna hug, Jack. You're still a criminal. I can believe you and still not like you.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Well, who do you like? I can be anybody.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Listen to me. This is serious. Somebody killed Lindsey Bishop and tried to frame you. So who else knew you were planning to escape?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Nobody.
Adrian Monk: Somebody did. Somebody knew you'd be in that parking lot.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Nobody! Hand to God, nobody knew! Nobody. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody. Oh, except Shiv.
Adrian Monk: I have a follow-up question.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Shoot.
Adrian Monk: Who's Shiv?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Oh, he's my cellmate.
Adrian Monk: You said you didn't have a cellmate.
Jack Monk, Jr.: I don't think so. You must have misconstrued my connotation.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Tell me about Shiv.
Jack Monk, Jr.: His real name is Norman Logan. It was his cell. It was his plan. Somehow he got a hold of a real chisel, and he dug the tunnel himself. They moved me into his cell yesterday, and, he showed me the tunnel. And I figured if someone was gonna bust out, might as well be me.
Adrian Monk: You said you'd never lie to me. We had a deal.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay, I know. I did lie about Shiv. But that was before I promised never to lie. So I don't think that should count. Wow, what was that look?
Adrian Monk: It's called disappointment, Jack. I'm sure it's a look you've seen before.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: [sobbing] I can't believe it! I'm so- I still can't believe that she's gone!
Superintendent: I'm sorry. I didn't even know she had a brother.
Jack Monk, Jr.: We weren't close. And of course now, it's too late to tell her all the things I wanted to tell her!
Superintendent: Yeah, I know. I'm gonna miss her too. She was probably my favorite tenant. Are you family too?
Adrian Monk: Pen pal.
Superintendent: Okay. Well, I'll let you two boys get to it. Just remember to lock up as you leave. Again, I'm sorry.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Wow, he was a nice guy.
Adrian Monk: Can't help but notice your fake crying looks a lot like your real crying.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Thank you.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: I love what you do with your hands. You're like one of those pantomime guys, huh? Okay, what are we looking for?
Adrian Monk: I'm not sure. I'll know it when I find it. [Jack swipes some change] What- What are you doing?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Believe me, brother, she's not gonna miss it.
Adrian Monk: Put it back. You put it back.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Fine.
Adrian Monk: And the rest of it.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay, Jiminy Cricket.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: That's weird.
Adrian Monk: What is it?
Jack Monk, Jr.: This picture's out of focus. Look. That one makes her look fat. These pictures don't make sense.
Adrian Monk: You're right. They're terrible. She didn't put these up. No one would.
Jack Monk, Jr.: I don't understand.
Adrian Monk: They're from this drawer. They're the discards. Someone was in here after she died. They removed the real pictures, and replaced them with these.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Why?
Adrian Monk: Maybe she was having an affair and he didn't want anyone to know.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Wow. Wow. Dad was right. You're like a wizard. Hey, we make a pretty good team, Monk! Come on! Hey, we could be partners! The Monk Brothers.
Adrian Monk: Don't count on it. - You're going back to prison, remember?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Oh, right. Yeah, I forgot.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: Did I wake ya up?
Adrian Monk: No, it wasn't you. It was all the noise you were making.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Sorry. This is a real treat for me. You know, I've been in the joint. It's lights out at 9:00.
Adrian Monk: "Paraguay"? You are obsessed, aren't you?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Is this The Incredible Shrinking Man?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: Dad used to love this one.
Jack Monk, Jr.: He still does, I imagine. Have a seat. Make yourself at home.
[Monk walks away and returns with his handheld vacuum]
Jack Monk, Jr.: You have to do that now?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. [finishes vacuuming] Now we can relax.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Popcorn?
Adrian Monk: You put cinnamon on it? I do that too.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Are you still In touch with him?
Jack Monk, Jr.: No, not since I got busted. I mean, he didn't even bail me out. He didn't come to court. He really hasn't been the same since mom died.
Adrian Monk: Since who died?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Since mom died. ... Her hair. She dyed her hair. It used to be strawberry blonde.
Adrian Monk: Your mother is dead? Who was that woman on the phone? I want an explanation, Jack, and I want the truth.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay which one do you want first?
Adrian Monk: Who is she? Your girlfriend.
Jack Monk, Jr.: No, Theresa? No. No, she's like a friend with benefits. Okay, brother. Half bro. Half bro.
Adrian Monk: [on the phone] Leland. Leland, it's me, Adrian Monk. Listen, can you come over right away? Yes, it's extremely urgent. And, Cap, bring your handcuffs.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: Adrian, you can't do that! You can't send me back. I'm your brother!
Adrian Monk: Half brother.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Adrian, I know I'm sorry, I lied. I'm sorry. It won't- It won't happen again. Hand to God.
Adrian Monk: Put your hand down, Jack and get dressed. The Captain's on his way.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Wait, no! I'm on my knees! Your brother is in your kitchen, and he's on his knees.
Adrian Monk: Don't scuff up the floor.
Jack Monk, Jr.: You're making a big mistake!
Adrian Monk: I already made a mistake when I agreed to take you in. Actually, it was you who took me in.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: I was in trouble. I was scared. You know what it's- Hey, you know what it's like being scared. You of all people!
Adrian Monk: Just stop talking! Can you stop talking?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay. What is your problem? Are you allergic to the truth?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yes, that's- I am, I am! That's it! I'm a cheat, I'm a liar, okay? That's who I am. I am as God made me. But I am not a killer! Wait, wait! Hang on! I didn't kill Lindsey Bishop, and you know that. Now, if I go back to prison, they know I did it, I am dead? You send me back there, you'd be killing your own brother.
Adrian Monk: Half brother.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Can you live with that?
Adrian Monk: I live with worse. And stop saying you're family. It doesn't mean anything, especially from you.
Jack Monk, Jr.: No, now Shiv is gonna be after me.
Adrian Monk: I'm sure he is.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Wait, Adrian. Adrian. Hey, whatever happens, you'll always be my- my big brother.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, by the way, the prisoner you were asking about, the cellmate?
Adrian Monk: Shiv Logan?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. You better start knockin' on a different door, because they just now found him dead in the prison rec room. He was stabbed in the neck with a shiv. Guy should have picked a different nickname. Well, you kids have fun. Nighty night.

Quote from Dr. Bell

Adrian Monk: Hypothetically...
Dr. Bell: Okay.
Adrian Monk: Let's say somebody was a fugitive from the law, and they needed help and they came to you.
Dr. Bell: A fugitive. Like the man who escaped from Bayside Correctional? The one who murdered that woman?
Adrian Monk: Okay, let's say, hypothetically... That it's not hypothetical. He's in my apartment. He's been there for two days. It's my half brother Jack. He's the fugitive. He's been using a fake name.
Dr. Bell: Did he kill that woman?
Adrian Monk: No, I don't think he did.
Dr. Bell: But he did escape from jail. He's guilty of that.

Quote from Natalie

Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah, you remember. I bought that album. You know that most of that money didn't even go to the children of Africa? But most of this money goes directly to the orphans. It's like only 2% goes to marketing.
Natalie: Which is probably why I never heard of it.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Exactly. That's why they call it a word of mouth charity.
Natalie: Well, I wish I could give you more.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Oh, bless your heart.
Natalie: So I make it out to you?
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah, it's like a weird Canadian tax thing. I don't even understand it myself.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: [enters] Where is he? Liar. You're a liar! You were never going back to prison.
Natalie: Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: You were going to Paraguay. That's why you came to me! You couldn't leave until I cleared your name.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay, look, Adrian, I swear.
Adrian Monk: Just admit it, Jack! Just can you please. Just once. Just for the novelty of it.
Natalie: Wait, I don't understand. He's your pen pal, right?
Adrian Monk: He's my half brother. He's Jack, Jr.
Natalie: Oh, my God! Jack?
Adrian Monk: Aka Joe Endicott.
Natalie: The fugitive? [Monk nods] My god! So... Oh, my God! You killed that woman?
Adrian Monk: No, he's not a killer, but he's practically everything else.
Natalie: God! I want my check back.
Adrian Monk: What? What is that?
Natalie: He said he's building an orphanage in Quebec.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jack Monk, Jr.: You know what, I am relieved that this happened. I really am. Let's talk about this. No more BS. No more lies, okay? Hand to God.
Adrian Monk: God doesn't wanna see your hand. What is that?
Jack Monk, Jr.: What?
Adrian Monk: That watch. I've seen it before. In Lindsey Bishop's apartment. You stole that watch! They haven't even buried her yet, and you're wearing her watch?
Natalie: Oh, my God!
Jack Monk, Jr.: Okay, first off, wasn't her watch. So it doesn't count. It's a guy's watch, okay? Here, look. Take it back. It's not even my style.
Adrian Monk: You are the most selfish human being on the planet. You don't care about anyone or anything. [looks at the watch, turns to Natalie]
Jack Monk, Jr.: Is he okay?
Natalie: He just solved the case.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Daniel Reese: What can I do for you?
Adrian Monk: Well, we think that Lindsey Bishop had a fornication partner. We found this wristwatch in her apartment.
Daniel Reese: A fornication partner?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, it's, it's a man's watch, and it's engraved: "LB. To DR."
Daniel Reese: It's not mine. Must be a dozen DRS working at the prison.
Adrian Monk: Only three, actually.
Daniel Reese: So you got two more to go.
Natalie: Did you ever see Miss Bishop outside of work?
Daniel Reese: No, ma'am, I did not. I have a wife and kid, and I'm trying to hang on to both. How do you know this "fornication partner" even works at the prison?
Natalie: We assumed because...
Adrian Monk: That's that's a good point. We should keep looking. Well, that's it, I guess. Sorry to bother you. Thanks again. [whispers] He's the guy. Just keep walking. Don't look back.
Natalie: Weren't there two other names on the-
Adrian Monk: No, the spoon in his hand was Sterling Silver. Has the same lettering as the one that killed Lindsey Bishop.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Are you sure?
Adrian Monk: I'm 80% sure he's the guy. [gun fire] I'm 95% sure!

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Will somebody please tell me what's going on?
Adrian Monk: Reese and Lindsey Bishop were having an affair. They were the fornicators! Things must have gone bad.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Maybe she threatened to tell his wife.
Adrian Monk: All we know for sure-
Natalie: Oh, God!
Adrian Monk: Is he wanted her gone. It was a setup from the beginning. He was going to kill his mistress and make it look like an inmate did it during an escape.
Jack Monk, Jr.: He went to Shiv. It was perfect choice. The guy's a real moron.
Adrian Monk: It worked, Shiv took the bait. Reese told Shiv. How to go, where to go, and most importantly, when to go. It had to be Monday night, 3:00. That night, he killed Lindsey Bishop in the parking lot, then he reported for duty. He took his position in the guard tower and waited. He expected Shiv to be escaping any minute. He didn't know Jack Monk, Jr. had other ideas. It wasn't exactly how Reese planned it, but...
Jack Monk, Jr.: He didn't care. One patsy's as good as another. I'm out!

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: He made it!
Natalie: He's backing up. Mr. Monk, he's backing up. Wait. Where's he going?
Adrian Monk: Paraguay. The most beautiful women in the world.
Natalie: Oh, my God! Here he comes. Now, what do we do?
Adrian Monk: Okay. Okay. I'm gonna count to three.
Natalie: Okay. Yes, okay.
Adrian Monk: On three, you come up with a great idea.
[As Daniel Reese approaches Monk and Natalie, Jack drives through a fence and knocks him over. Jack gets out to the car to talk to Monk]
Adrian Monk: Paraguay is that way. The beautiful women.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: Good deal, thank you. That was the D.A. He says that Reese is awake and pouring his heart out. We got him on Lindsey Bishop and Shiv Logan.
Natalie: What about Jack?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, he did escape, so they're gonna add a little time to his sentence.
Lieutenant Disher: He wanted to say goodbye. Figured he was family, right?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. He's... He's family.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It was almost worth it hearing you say that. Hey, Bayside Correctional is only like an hour away. Maybe you could come out sometime.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I could do that. Maybe one day.


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