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‘Mr. Monk Goes to the Ballgame’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Monk: Mr. Monk Goes to the Ballgame

203. Mr. Monk Goes to the Ballgame

Aired July 11, 2003

Monk investigates the murder of a billionaire and his wife, who were lured to their deaths by an altered GPS map. Meanwhile, Monk subs in as umpire for Benjy's little league game.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Lieutenant Disher: There's more.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And would you like to share it with us, Randy?
Lieutenant Disher: The shooter abandoned the car in a parking lot. There was a security camera. We got a picture of him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's it? They can't clean that up?
Lieutenant Disher: It is cleaned up. I mean, he was 50 feet away. Should I release it to the press?
Captain Stottlemeyer: What's the point? I've seen better pictures of Bigfoot.

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Kroger: Okay. Well, I hate to end the session on that note, but the hour is up.
Adrian Monk: No, it's not. It's only been 57 minutes.
Dr. Kroger: How'd you do that? You're wearing a watch?
Adrian Monk: No.
Dr. Kroger: You could see my watch, right?
Adrian Monk: No. It's a gift.
Dr. Kroger: And a curse.
Adrian Monk: And a curse.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Adrian. Adrian, you were right. This is the room. Look at the drapes and the church outside. They both must have taken this class.
Adrian Monk: Oh, yes. Oh, no! Okay. Sharona, I can't do this.
Sharona: Why? 'Cause he's naked? You've never seen a naked man before?
Adrian Monk: No.
Sharona: Well, you've seen yourself naked, right?
Adrian Monk: Just once.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: That's it. Sharona, let's go. Come on. I can't. I just can't.
Sharona: What about the case?
Adrian Monk: Forget about the case. We can't win 'em all.
Sharona: So you're gonna let a murderer go because you can't talk to a naked man?
Adrian Monk: Yes.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: That's it. We can see ourselves out. Just stay there.
Sharona: What is your problem? The human body is a beautiful thing.
Adrian Monk: No. It's not.

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: Thank you, Adrian. I thought I'd thank you now, 'cause in a half an hour, you're probably gonna piss me off again.
Adrian Monk: You're welcome.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Lyle Turrow: Excuse me. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: There was a bit of a smudge, like an ink stain. I think I got most of it.
Lyle Turrow: No, no, no. It's an autograph.
Adrian Monk: Oh?
Lyle Turrow: Yeah. It's a 1988 All-Star game ball signed by Michael Jordan.
Adrian Monk: [looks at wipe] Well, maybe he could sign it again.
Lyle Turrow: Sure. I'll just call Michael, ask him to stop by.
Adrian Monk: Thank God. I'm so relieved.
Sharona: He's being sarcastic. Give it to me.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Oh, my God. I can't watch. Adrian, tell me what's happening.
Adrian Monk: The three is crooked.
Sharona: What three?
Adrian Monk: On the scoreboard. Why doesn't he fix it?
Sharona: Adrian, I need you to watch the game. How's he doing?
Adrian Monk: The one is upside down.
Sharona: You can't tell the one is upside down.
Adrian Monk: I can tell. The whole scoreboard, it's like some surreal, abstract art thing.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Hey! The numbers are crooked! Somebody fix the scoreboard! No wonder attendance is down.

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: Adrian, why don't you go talk to him?
Adrian Monk: Me?
Sharona: Yeah. Give him a pep talk. He respects you.
Adrian Monk: He does? Why?
Sharona: 'Cause he doesn't work for you.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Hey! Hey, you looked good out there.
Benjy: What game were you watching? I sucked.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. You did, kind of. Listen, Benjy, do me a favor, and, uh, just... your mom thinks I'm givin' you a pep talk.
Benjy: Why?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I don't know. Because I'm a guy. You're... We're two guys. I don't know. I don't know. Look, just kind of nod your head and pretend I'm giving you some good advice.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: This is gonna be a circus. Give me your tie. Give me your tie.
Lieutenant Disher: How'd the game go?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, this is a double homicide.
Lieutenant Disher: Sorry.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I can't talk about the game. We beat 'em 3-1. Jared pitched the whole game. He gave up two hits.
Lieutenant Disher: Really?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. Eight strikeouts. Bring them up to speed, all right? Walk 'em through it. I gotta go do my dog and pony show.

Quote from Sharona

Lieutenant Disher: We found the casings. The shooter comes in here pop, pop, pop, pop... four rounds into the wife.
Sharona: Oh, my God.
Adrian Monk: He shot the wife first?
Lieutenant Disher: Then Hammond. Hammond was shot once, but it wasn't fatal. He tried to get away.
Sharona: Oh, my God.
Lieutenant Disher: He gets out, runs. The shooter gets back into his car, runs him down.
Sharona: Oh, my God.
Lieutenant Disher: Hammond still wasn't dead.
Sharona: Oh, my God.
Lieutenant Disher: In the morning, he crawled away.
Sharona: Oh, my God!
Lieutenant Disher: He crawled for two and a half miles. [Monk looks to Sharona, but she's stunned into silence]
Truck driver found him.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Lieutenant Disher: This is Norm Mosely. He was the truck driver who found Lawrence Hammond.
Adrian Monk: Was Mr. Hammond dead when you found him?
Norm Mosely: He was barely hangin' on. He died before the paramedics showed up.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Did he say anything?
Norm Mosely: Yes, sir. He said, "Girls can't eat 15 pizzas."
Captain Stottlemeyer: Come again?
Norm Mosely: "Girls can't eat 15 pizzas."
Captain Stottlemeyer: Is that it?
Norm Mosely: Yes, sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You sure?
Norm Mosely: He said it, like, five times. Then he died.
Captain Stottlemeyer: "Girls can't eat 15 pizzas"? What the hell does that mean?
Sharona: Well, it's true. They can't.
Lieutenant Disher: It depends. How many girls are we talkin' about?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hang on. Were there any girls nearby eating pizza?
Norm Mosely: No, sir. I figured he was delirious, but he kept saying it.
Adrian Monk: "Girls can't eat 15 pizzas." Nah. No, no. Forget it. No. Never mind. Never mind.

Quote from Sharona

Adrian Monk: Trudy and I almost bought this house.
Sharona: Really? Adrian, you made a joke. You were joking. You feeling okay?

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