Adrian Monk: Where's your boyfriend?
Natalie: I sent him out. I told him I needed a special kind of shampoo.
Adrian Monk: Boy, it's like you have superpowers.
Natalie: It's a gift.
Adrian Monk: And a curse?
Natalie: No, just a gift.

Natalie: No, no, no, look at me. He has no idea what he's talking about. Once you get a taste of it, you will be hooked for sure. You'll never leave.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You won't get hooked.
Natalie: He gets hooked on everything. He's the most compulsive person I've ever met. He's like a different species.
Adrian Monk: Thank you.

Adrian Monk: No, I- I can't be the victim. I'm the detective. I have to step back and observe the scene.
Natalie: Yeah, well, I can observe stuff, too. A. This is a crime scene.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no, no, you don't.... You don't know what to look for. Okay? I mean, we have a system. It's a good system. There's an old saying: "Don't change anything... ever."
Natalie: That's an old saying?
Adrian Monk: I've been saying it for years.

Adrian Monk: [answers phone] Hello?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, Monk! You awake? Listen, there was a murder here last week. You know Daniel Thorn?
Adrian Monk: Daniel Thorn?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Daniel Thorn. The son of a bitch murdered his wife and he tried to make it look like an accident. I can prove it. Monk, I solved the case. At least I think I did. [to waitress] Hey, hey. Keep 'em coming. Hot pants!
Adrian Monk: Have you been drinking?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Who, me? Uh, yeah, a little bit. Listen, Monk, I need you, man. I need you to come to Vegas. I need a second opinion. I'm staying at the, uh, Monticello Casino, uh, room 3473.
Adrian Monk: Vegas. Las Vegas?

Cop: Hey, look. Stripper left her make-up bag.
Adrian Monk: Strippers?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh, it's okay, Monk, 'cause me and, uh, the other married guys, we we went down the hall until she left.

Adrian Monk: Okay, okay. Were you alone?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't know. I came down, I played some craps, lost some money. I talked to someone.
Adrian Monk: Good. There you go. Who?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It was a man. Or a woman.
Adrian Monk: Oh, man or a woman. That narrows it down. So, it wasn't a child?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Could have been.

Captain Stottlemeyer: P.D. We're just gonna look around a little bit, okay?
Lewis: Sure, sure. What's, uh, going on? Can I help?
Adrian Monk: Were you on duty the night Mrs. Thorn was...
Lewis: Why? Is this, like, an insurance thing?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, this is a "we ask you some questions and you answer" thing.

Daniel Thorn: Look, why why don't you just relax here, Mr. Monk, huh? You're in Las Vegas, do some gambling. I'd be happy to comp you and your friend here.
Adrian Monk: I don't gamble.
Daniel Thorn: Well, then have a drink.
Adrian Monk: Don't drink.
Daniel Thorn: Well, you don't gamble, you don't drink. You wanna know a secret? I don't, either. You and I, we got a lot in common, Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: Yes, we do. My wife was murdered, too.
Daniel Thorn: No, Sheryl wasn't murdered.
Adrian Monk: I think she was.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, there's Randy. Randy! Randy! How you doin'?
Lieutenant Disher: Hey, uh, I'm down. But that's to be expected. Money is like the tide, it ebbs and it flows. It's all in the book. Right now, I'm, uh, sort of ebbing.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh, son, exactly how much are you ebbing?
Lieutenant Disher: Down $800. But that's not including the complimentary breakfast and all the free drinks. Don't panic. Don't panic. The worst thing you can do is panic. It's all in the book.

Lewis: Mr. Stottlemeyer. Here. Groundskeeping found these in the bushes. Are they yours?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, these are my pants.
Lewis: Well, don't worry, sir. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [laughs] Monk. This is it. Remember I was saying that they didn't match? I was talking about the pictures. Look, look, look, look, look. See, that's her body, right? She's wearing hoop earrings.
Adrian Monk: So?
Captain Stottlemeyer: So, check this out. Moments before she gets on the elevator.
Natalie: Different earrings.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Different girl.
Lieutenant Disher: I'll call Waliver. That's enough for a search warrant.
Adrian Monk: How many people read this paper? 50,000. Nobody else caught it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So, that means if if I'm drunk as a skunk, completely plastered, I'm as smart as you.
Adrian Monk: Smarter.