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‘Mr. Monk Goes to Vegas’ Quotes

Monk: Mr. Monk Goes to Vegas

314. Mr. Monk Goes to Vegas

Aired February 18, 2005

A drunk Stottlemeyer calls Monk from Vegas, conviced he's solved a murder involving a local business magnate, Daniel Thorn (guest star James Brolin).

Quote from Natalie

Adrian Monk: Where's your boyfriend?
Natalie: I sent him out. I told him I needed a special kind of shampoo.
Adrian Monk: Boy, it's like you have superpowers.
Natalie: It's a gift.
Adrian Monk: And a curse?
Natalie: No, just a gift.

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Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Adrian Monk: [answers phone] Hello?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, Monk! You awake? Listen, there was a murder here last week. You know Daniel Thorn?
Adrian Monk: Daniel Thorn?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Daniel Thorn. The son of a bitch murdered his wife and he tried to make it look like an accident. I can prove it. Monk, I solved the case. At least I think I did. [to waitress] Hey, hey. Keep 'em coming. Hot pants!
Adrian Monk: Have you been drinking?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Who, me? Uh, yeah, a little bit. Listen, Monk, I need you, man. I need you to come to Vegas. I need a second opinion. I'm staying at the, uh, Monticello Casino, uh, room 3473.
Adrian Monk: Vegas. Las Vegas?

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Cop: Hey, look. Stripper left her make-up bag.
Adrian Monk: Strippers?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh, it's okay, Monk, 'cause me and, uh, the other married guys, we we went down the hall until she left.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Adrian Monk: Okay, okay. Were you alone?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't know. I came down, I played some craps, lost some money. I talked to someone.
Adrian Monk: Good. There you go. Who?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It was a man. Or a woman.
Adrian Monk: Oh, man or a woman. That narrows it down. So, it wasn't a child?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Could have been.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: P.D. We're just gonna look around a little bit, okay?
Lewis: Sure, sure. What's, uh, going on? Can I help?
Adrian Monk: Were you on duty the night Mrs. Thorn was...
Lewis: Why? Is this, like, an insurance thing?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, this is a "we ask you some questions and you answer" thing.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Daniel Thorn: Look, why why don't you just relax here, Mr. Monk, huh? You're in Las Vegas, do some gambling. I'd be happy to comp you and your friend here.
Adrian Monk: I don't gamble.
Daniel Thorn: Well, then have a drink.
Adrian Monk: Don't drink.
Daniel Thorn: Well, you don't gamble, you don't drink. You wanna know a secret? I don't, either. You and I, we got a lot in common, Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: Yes, we do. My wife was murdered, too.
Daniel Thorn: No, Sheryl wasn't murdered.
Adrian Monk: I think she was.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, there's Randy. Randy! Randy! How you doin'?
Lieutenant Disher: Hey, uh, I'm down. But that's to be expected. Money is like the tide, it ebbs and it flows. It's all in the book. Right now, I'm, uh, sort of ebbing.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh, son, exactly how much are you ebbing?
Lieutenant Disher: Down $800. But that's not including the complimentary breakfast and all the free drinks. Don't panic. Don't panic. The worst thing you can do is panic. It's all in the book.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: No, I- I can't be the victim. I'm the detective. I have to step back and observe the scene.
Natalie: Yeah, well, I can observe stuff, too. A. This is a crime scene.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no, no, you don't.... You don't know what to look for. Okay? I mean, we have a system. It's a good system. There's an old saying: "Don't change anything ever."
Natalie: That's an old saying?
Adrian Monk: I've been saying it for years.

Quote from Natalie

Natalie: No, no, no, look at me. He has no idea what he's talking about. Once you get a taste of it, you will be hooked for sure. You'll never leave.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You won't get hooked.
Natalie: He gets hooked on everything. He's the most compulsive person I've ever met. He's like a different species.
Adrian Monk: Thank you.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Lewis: Mr. Stottlemeyer. Here. Groundskeeping found these in the bushes. Are they yours?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, these are my pants.
Lewis: Well, don't worry, sir. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [laughs] Monk. This is it. Remember I was saying that they didn't match? I was talking about the pictures. Look, look, look, look, look. See, that's her body, right? She's wearing hoop earrings.
Adrian Monk: So?
Captain Stottlemeyer: So, check this out. Moments before she gets on the elevator.
Natalie: Different earrings.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Different girl.
Lieutenant Disher: I'll call Waliver. That's enough for a search warrant.
Adrian Monk: How many people read this paper? 50,000. Nobody else caught it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So, that means if if I'm drunk as a skunk, completely plastered, I'm as smart as you.
Adrian Monk: Smarter.


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