Captain Stottlemeyer Quote #167

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer in Mr. Monk and the Election

Captain Stottlemeyer: Disher told me that you put the grenade in the refrigerator.
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And then he said you went back and opened it again. You just had to straighten something out, didn't you? I'm gonna ask the Mayor to give you a medal for what you did. And then I'm gonna ask the Mayor to take that medal back. Because you just had to open that door, didn't you?
Adrian Monk: So it's a wash?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, it's a wash.


 ‘Mr. Monk and the Election’ Quotes

Quote from Harold Krenshaw

Adrian Monk: What are you- What are you doing?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm eating a doughnut. It's food.
Adrian Monk: W- Why that one?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Because I like the coconut.
Harold Krenshaw: Now you have to eat a sugar one.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't want a sugar one.
Adrian Monk: Or you could take three more coconuts and two chocolate.
Harold Krenshaw: Or one coconut and two glazed.
Adrian Monk: Or you could just eat them all. That would probably be easier, huh?
Harold Krenshaw: That's a good idea.
Adrian Monk: Probably be easiest.
Harold Krenshaw: Yeah.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Or I could do this. [squishes box] There. Now there's one doughnut. One big damn doughnut.
Adrian Monk: [to Harold] You see what you did?

Quote from Harold Krenshaw

Captain Stottlemeyer: Could we get back to this? Mr. Krenshaw, where were you at 10:30 this morning?
Harold Krenshaw: I was at Dr. Kroger's office. I had my my appointment.
Adrian Monk: Your appointment ends at 10:00.
Harold Krenshaw: It was a double session.
Adrian Monk: [whispers to Stottlemeyer] Dr. Kroger doesn't do double sessions anymore. I'm just telling you.
Harold Krenshaw: He made an exception for me. If you don't believe me, call him. Do you want his beeper number?
Adrian Monk: I have his beeper number, okay?
Harold Krenshaw: Well, if that doesn't work, try his cell phone.
Adrian Monk: He gave you his cell phone number?
Harold Krenshaw: Mmm-hmm.
Adrian Monk: That's a lie. He's lying, Captain.
Harold Krenshaw: Hmm.
Adrian Monk: 'Cause Dr. Kroger would never give anybody his cell phone number, ever. Not ever.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, I really don't care.
Harold Krenshaw: I've been to his home.
Adrian Monk: Have you no shame?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Excuse me. A man died today.
Harold Krenshaw: I met his daughter.
Adrian Monk: Liar! Liar!

 Captain Leland Stottlemeyer Quotes

Quote from Mr. Monk Goes to Mexico

Captain Stottlemeyer: In a way, given what he had to deal with, he was the bravest man I've ever known. I measured everything I did against him. He was my yardstick. I never told him that.
Lieutenant Disher: I'm sure he knew, sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [chuckles] I'm sure he did. The son of a bitch knew everything. I want a full-dress funeral. I want the governor there. I want the entire department there with black armbands and white gloves.
Lieutenant Disher: Sir, Monk wasn't on active duty. We can't go full dress.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Adrian Monk is to be buried with honors or I quit. I'm gonna tell you something, Randy, and I'm not ashamed to admit this. I loved that man. [answers phone] This is Stottlemeyer. Yes. I understand. [to Randy] I hate that man. [hangs up] I hate that man!

Quote from Mr. Monk and the Three Julies

Captain Stottlemeyer: What the hell happened? It was only two miles.
Natalie: I took a short cut. I cut across the creek.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There's no bridge across the creek.
Natalie: I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There's no bridge across the creek.
Natalie: Yes, I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There's no bridge across the creek.
Natalie: Captain, I am sorry. I will pay for everything.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, it's okay. It's insured.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, remember, sir, you did say that any parent would have done the same thing.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh-huh. I think I need to be alone.