Adrian Monk Quote #1515
Natalie: Are you afraid of frogs?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I've never been this close to one. [A frog lands on Monk's shoe] Yes. The answer is yes. Put frogs on the list. Where's the list?
Natalie: I got it. I got it. Where does it go?
Adrian Monk: Put them between possums and, uh, soccer riots. No, no, no. Uh, after after soccer riots. And before, uh, before hailstones. Yeah, so it goes...
Natalie: I got it, I got it: Soccer riots, frogs, hailstones.
Adrian Monk: At least now we know. Information really is power.
Quote from Mr. Monk and the Daredevil
Natalie: Where are you going?
Adrian Monk: Bathroom.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why? [Monk is silent] I'll go with you.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, let me go with you.
Natalie: We promised Dr. Kroger we wouldn't leave you alone.
Adrian Monk: I am not suicidal. I just wish I was never born. There's a difference.
Quote from Mr. Monk Gets Fired
Ms. Lennington: Mr. Monk, what would you say is your greatest strength?
Adrian Monk: Oh. Mm... [long, expectant pause] My decisiveness.
Quote from Mr. Monk Gets a New Shrink
Adrian Monk: This isn't happening. This can't be happening.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, I promise you, I'll get you another doctor. I'll- I'll call you next week.
Adrian Monk: Okay. So it's not true. You're not retiring. I mean, you can't, because- He- He can't retire. He can't possibly retire.
Dr. Kroger: [to Natalie] This is step one in the grieving process. Denial. Denial, yeah.
Adrian Monk: Damn you, Charles! Damn you to hell! I hate you. I hate you! You are dead to me.
Natalie: That's not denial.
Dr. Kroger: No. Step two, that's anger.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Okay, we're all adults here. We can work this out. I can hire you full time. I'll put you on the payroll.
Dr. Kroger: This is step three. It's bargaining. It usually doesn't go around this quickly.
Adrian Monk: Why me? Why is it always me? Everybody's always leaving me.
Adrian Monk: This just can't go on. It's just too much. Okay. You're right. It's not the end of the world. I'm just gonna have to find another doctor. I owe you so much. Thanks to you, I think I can get past this. Thanks, Doc.
Dr. Kroger: And finally, acceptance.
Natalie: Thank God that's over.
Adrian Monk: He can't retire! The man can't quit! Because he's not a quitter!
Natalie: Wait, what's going on?
Dr. Kroger: I don't know, I don't know. It's like he's starting all over again, like he's in a loop.
Adrian Monk: I hate you for this, Kroger! You are dead to me, you understand me? Dead!
Dr. Kroger: I- I really should be heading home.
Adrian Monk: Okay, okay, let's be reasonable. I'll come to your house. You'll never have to go to your office again. That's fair. [Kroger walks away] Why? Why me? Why always leaving me?
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: I've divided the house into four zones.
Susie: Mr. Stilson usually just has us start in the kitchen.
Adrian Monk: Mr. Stilson is no longer with us. So from now on, we're going to be cleaning the house my way. The Monk way.
Susie: Who's Monk?
Adrian Monk: You see, I grew up in a monastery. And the monks were very demanding. We were cleaning constantly. Mostly dusting. It was very dusty. Crypts, catacombs. It was holy dust. But still... You know, dust. That is the Monk way.
Paul Buchanan: Well, you heard the man. We'll be doing it the Monk way.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Natalie: I had to come. I realized something about the frogs.
Adrian Monk: What frogs?
Natalie: On that 911 call there were no frogs in the background. You were there. Remember how loud they were? That call was definitely made from someplace else.
Adrian Monk: Not necessarily. Maybe they just weren't croaking. Maybe they were tired.
Natalie: Frogs don't get tired.
Adrian Monk: You don't think they get-
Natalie: No, I don't.
Adrian Monk: Believe me. Frogs get tired. The hopping and the thing with the tongue. You try hopping around and catching flies. You wouldn't last ten minutes.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Captain Stottlemeyer: As a butler?
Lieutenant Disher: A house manager. They prefer house manager.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why?
Adrian Monk: I'm good at it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, you're good at this. You're good at being a cop.
Adrian Monk: Really? The department doesn't seem to think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, I get it. Those sons of bitches and the hiring freeze. Look, Monk, I told you I am working on that, okay? Just give me a little more time.
Adrian Monk: It's too late, Captain. I've moved on. It's a new dawn.
Lieutenant Disher: What about Natalie?
Adrian Monk: I'm hoping that Natalie will remain in my employ. There is a position opening up in the kitchen. Speaking of kitchens, I really must get back. I have a duck in the oven that's not going to braise itself. And the master is very particular about that sort of thing. [exits]