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‘Mr. Monk and the Psychic’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Monk: Mr. Monk and the Psychic

103. Mr. Monk and the Psychic

Aired July 19, 2002

Monk can't believe it when a psychic is the first to discover the car wreck of a former police comissioner's wife.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk doesn't believe in psychics.
Adrian Monk: I believe in what I can see. I believe in what's in front of me.
Sharona: You know how I found out that my ex was still seeing his old girlfriend?
Adrian Monk: Please, tell us.
Sharona: A psychic told me. And that's a true story, and it was the best 35 bucks I ever spent.
Adrian Monk: Thirty-five bucks?
Captain Stottlemeyer: There have been cases documented cases where psychics have found missing kids, bodies. It happens.
Adrian Monk: Of course it happens! A thousand psychics making 10,000 predictions a year, two or three of them have to be right.

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Quote from Sharona

Sharona: You can tell all that from the bumps in my head?
Dolly Flint: It's called phrenology. See, the shape of your head is like a spiritual road map. You just have to know how to read it.
Sharona: Feels good.
Dolly Flint: Shh. Okay. There's a young man in your life.
Sharona: That would be my son. His name's Benjy.
Dolly Flint: Oh. And another man. He's not young, but he's he's like a child.
Sharona: That would be my boss.

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: Dolly? Dolly, what does he do, like, for a living? He has a job, right?
Adrian Monk: Sharona, please, please.
Sharona: What?
Adrian Monk: I'm- I'm working here. I'm working here. [Sharona licks Monk's hand] What did you do? Are you insane? I need I need a wipe.
Sharona: In the car.
Adrian Monk: Don't do this to me. Give me a wipe here.
Sharona: Go to the car and get the wipes. Go to the car.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: How did you know she was a fake?
Adrian Monk: Who? Dolly? Dolly Flint? They're all fakes. You gotta be a little skeptical, Sharona, otherwise, you end up believing in everything U.F.O.s, elves, income tax rebates.
Sharona: Well, it's better than believing in nothing. I feel sorry for you.
Adrian Monk: Thank you.

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: Adrian, don't you want a closer look?
Adrian Monk: No, l-I can see from here.
Sharona: Would you like us to move the crash site a little closer to you?
Adrian Monk: No, I'm fine.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was my office. Yeah, see, I'm confused because my name is on the door.
Adrian Monk: Don't- Don't blame Sharona, Captain.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I have no intention of blaming Sharona.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: What are you doing? You can't look through people's mail.
Adrian Monk: I'm not stealing anything. I'm just combing through. I don't wanna live in a world where a person can't comb through another person's mail.

Quote from Sharona

Adrian Monk: [after awkward silence] I agree, Jennifer. He did waste the best five years of your life.
Jennifer Zepetelli: How did you know what I was thinking?
Adrian Monk: You were looking at the empty bottles of Beaujolais. They're dated, one for each of the last five years. They obviously represent anniversaries. And I saw you feel your ring finger, which doesn't have a ring.
Jennifer Zepetelli: Are you a psychic, Mr. Monk? [Monk scoffs]
Sharona: He is a psychic who doesn't believe in psychics.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Uh, Dolly? You said soon. You mean, like this week or next week?
Dolly Flint: Um, you know, I'd say before the next full moon.
Adrian Monk: I'm sorry, but, uh, uh, here on the planet Earth, there's a dead woman and somebody is responsible.
Dolly Flint: It was an accident, Mr. Monk. She drove off the highway.
Adrian Monk: Right. What exactly do you remember about that night?
Dolly Flint: Do you know what you are, Mr. Monk? You are, what we in the spiritual world call, a "buzz kill."
Adrian Monk: Thank you.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Nobody move. Nobody move! [over p.a.] Hello. Hello. My name is Adrian Monk. I'm working with the police on a homicide investigation. There is a very valuable piece of evidence somewhere in this store. It's a small pebble. It's about the size of a small pebble. If you could all just just stop, please, and look around... [speaking] What- What- What are you doing?
Man: Sweeping up.
Adrian Monk: Okay, where's the rest of it?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Dolly, we're talking about premeditated, first-degree murder. I think Ashcombe killed his wife, and then recruited you to find the body. That's accessory after the fact, aiding and abetting these are very serious charges.
Dolly Flint: I am not a criminal.
Adrian Monk: I've seen your rap sheet. You're not exactly Mother Teresa.
Dolly Flint: That is just nickel-and-dime stuff. Come on. You wanna know the truth?
Adrian Monk: I'm not sure my heart could take it.
Dolly Flint: Come here. [whispers] Mr. Monk, when I woke up on that hill, I couldn't believe it myself. The truth is I'm a fake. [blows smoke] I never really had the gift. Don't tell the girl. I mean, I wanted it. I pretended to have it. Once in a while when I was a kid, I thought I actually did have it. But the only gift I had was telling people what they wanted to hear. And it was a sham my entire life. [Monk coughs] Until Tuesday. That was the real deal, Monk. I swear on my sainted mother's eyes, Mrs. Ashcombe led me to that car. [Monk coughs] I always wanted to help the cops, you know. Like really help them on a big case. And I did it! Maybe I'm just a late bloomer. Whatever the case, this time I am telling you the truth. What is wrong?
Adrian Monk: You want to know what's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong. I believe you.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, what are you doing here?
Adrian Monk: I wanna help.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You wanna help? Say a prayer for the man.
Adrian Monk: I can do more than that, Captain. You know I can.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Can you imagine what that man's going through?
Adrian Monk: Yes, I can.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Dolly Flint: She was calling me. She led me here. See, that's the way it happens sometimes. I was driving the car, but her aura was guiding me. Write that down, Lieutenant. It was her aura. And then I woke up, and I was right here. See, she wanted me to find her. She didn't want to lie for the rest of eternity under all that mud. I mean, can you blame her?
Lieutenant Disher: And you never met Mrs. Ashcombe?
Dolly Flint: No, never met her not until this morning.
Lieutenant Disher: And do you know her husband at all?
Dolly Flint: Never had the honor.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Is there anything else you can tell us, Miss Flint?
Dolly Flint: Oh, hell's bells, Captain. You can call me Dolly. You've known me for 20 years.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hello, Dolly.
Dolly Flint: Did he tell you? He arrested me three times bunco and fraud. You always thought I was a quack, didn't ya, huh, Captain? Never thought I'd actually find somebody. Oh, hi! Excuse me? Can you get a picture of me with the car? I'm just gonna...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey. Hey, no, Dolly. Dolly. He is a police photographer. He's not from the National Enquirer.

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: Miss Flint? Hello. My name is Sharona Fleming. And this is my friend- Oh, excuse me my boss, Adrian Monk. He was consulting on the case before you showed up to solve it.
Dolly Flint: Why is he, uh, staring at me?
Sharona: I know. It's a little creepy if you don't know him. Uh, Miss Flint. I just have to say that it is an honor to meet you. I can't tell you how much money I have wasted on those TV psychics. But you really have the power. I mean, a gift.
Dolly Flint: Well, apparently.
Sharona: Can I call you sometime for a private reading?
Dolly Flint: Oh, yeah. But listen. The rates on my card no longer apply. They've gone up, as of about two hours ago. Here's one for you, Mr. Monk.
Sharona: I'll take it to him.
Dolly Flint: Maybe I could help you with, uh, one of your cases sometime. Ciao.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: I was just following up on the Ashcombe case.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What happened here?
Adrian Monk: I took the liberty of straightening up a little.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Where is all my crap?
Adrian Monk: It's in your drawers. And, of course, I had to throw some stuff away.
Sharona: I'm sorry, sir. I tried to stop him, but...

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: There is no Ashcombe case, Monk. The inquest is over. This is what happened. It was raining. She was a terrible driver. She went off the road. A mud slide covered the car until...
Adrian Monk: Until the biggest flake in North America just happened to find it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And you can't stand that, can you? Dolly Flint showed you up, and you can't stand it. [Adrian touches the lamp]
Sharona: Adrian, sit!

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Adrian Monk: We have Dolly Flint's file.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I know she has a jacket. I made three of those collars myself.
Adrian Monk: Fraud, trespassing, reckless endangerment.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, she has a sleep disorder. She walks in her sleep. She's got, um what do you call it som...
Adrian Monk: Do you know how many cases Dolly Flint offered to help with and failed? Two hundred and twenty.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So, she's one for 220. It's possible.
Adrian Monk: No, it's not.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, it is. She was photographed going through a red light last night. She was alone in the car. It happened.

Quote from Sharona

Adrian Monk: I'm not good at parties.
Sharona: It's not a party. It's a memorial service. This is a nice place. Obviously, whoever lives here doesn't work for you.
Adrian Monk: The late Mrs. Ashcombe was richer than Canada.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Commissioner, I thought this might help. When I lost Trudy, l I read it every night.
Harry Ashcombe: "Ralph Waldo Emerson."
Adrian Monk: Yes, sir.
Harry Ashcombe: Thank you, Adrian. And thank you for coming. It means the world to me. It looks like we won't require your services after all. [grabs Adrian's hand] But I want you to know how much I appreciate your offer. Sharona: Thank you. [Adrian gasps] Hold on.
Adrian Monk: No, no, bathroom. Bathroom! I need to wash.
Sharona: Just try upstairs.
Adrian Monk: Did you see that? It was a two-hander.
Sharona: I saw it. Just don't make a scene.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Harry Ashcombe: The guest bathroom is down the hall.
Adrian Monk: Commissioner! I'm sorry. Uh, I was... I was, uh... I was... I was just... I mean, later after you know, before when we... l... Okay, here's the thing.
Harry Ashcombe: I can remember when you began this sentence. Everyone gets lost. The house was always too big for Katherine and me. We didn't buy it. It was a wedding gift from her father.
Adrian Monk: Ah.
Harry Ashcombe: You understand, right? I mean, you lost your wife.
Adrian Monk: Uh, understand what, sir?
Harry Ashcombe: The natural desire to pack her things away. You don't want them around to remind you.
Adrian Monk: I guess I had the opposite reaction. I haven't thrown anything of Trudy's away. Not even a hairbrush. Not even a hair from a hairbrush.
Harry Ashcombe: Really?

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