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‘Mr. Monk and the End (Part One)’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Monk: Mr. Monk and the End (Part One)

815. Mr. Monk and the End (Part One)

Aired November 27, 2009

After a murder investigation leads Monk back to the place where he first heard about Trudy's death, somebody wants him dead before he can solve either case.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: So, how long?
Dr. Malcolm Nash: Two, maybe three days. Now, you are gonna feel normal for awhile. Then there's gonna be some vomiting, followed by death.
Adrian Monk: [sits down] Vomiting?
Dr. Malcolm Nash: That's right, followed by death.
Adrian Monk: Vomiting?!
Dr. Malcolm Nash: Yes, followed by death.
Adrian Monk: [wails] Vomiting!
Dr. Malcolm Nash: Adrian, I really need you to focus on the last part of that sentence. There's gonna be some vomiting and then death.
Adrian Monk: Is there any chance death can come before the vomiting?

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Quote from Dr. Bell

Dr. Bell: All right, look. I am not giving up. Doctors are performing miracles everyday. I'm just gonna put all your appointments in my book. Three, four weeks ahead of time. All right, Adrian Monk, Monday 11am. Adrian Monk, and Wednesday...
Adrian Monk: You're using a pencil.
Dr. Bell: Oh, it doesn't mean anything.
Adrian Monk: You never used a pencil.
Dr. Bell: Well, I didn't have a pen.
Adrian Monk: It's right there. Your pen is right there. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't even- My time is up. Ha, "My time is up", get it? Goodbye, Dr. Bell.
Dr. Bell: Adrian, this is not goodbye. It's never goodbye.
Adrian Monk: Goodbye.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: Did you talk to the lab?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I just got off the phone with them. He's not gonna make it.
[Stottlemeyer pulls out a bottle of scotch and two glasses]
Lieutenant Disher: Should I shut the door?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't care. Let them fire me. I wish they would.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I had him all wrong. I know that now. I always thought that Monk was not all there. Like, there was something missing. Like he was less than human. But he wasn't missing anything. He was seeing more than anybody. He was feeling more than anybody. Hell, that was his problem. He was too human. If we had more like him, we'd be better off.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Can I get you anything? How about some tea?
Adrian Monk: Nuh-uh. Just... Trudy's gift.
Natalie: No, Mr. Monk, no.
Adrian Monk: It's time.
Natalie: Please.
Adrian Monk: Natalie... It's time.
[Natalie goes over to the book shelf, retrieves the gift and hands it to Monk. Natalie cries as Monk begins to unwrap the gift. Monk is surprised by the contents.]
Natalie: Its a videotape.
[As they watch the tape:]
Trudy Monk: [on tape] Hello, Adrian. If you are watching this it means I'm dead. I know we said we'd never have any secrets, but there's something I never told you. Something happened. Something terrible. Years ago, before we met...

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Matthew Shuler: Mr. Monk, we've never met. How well do you take bad news?
Adrian Monk: Oh, not well. I'm probably the worst.
Natalie: Not good. Not good.
Adrian Monk: I'd rather hear the good news first.
Dr. Matthew Shuler: I'm afraid there is no good news.
Adrian Monk: There's always good news. People say: "I have good news and some bad news..."
Dr. Matthew Shuler: Not this time.

Quote from Natalie

Natalie: This is for Mr. Monk. This is for me. For Mr. Monk. This is for me. Mr. Monk. Me. Mr. Monk.
Lt. Steven Albright: Sorry, I don't get it, why two separate carts? Why don't we just separate them when we get home?
Natalie: Yeah, I stopped asking those questions a long time ago.

Quote from Adrian Monk

[fantasy:]
Trudy Monk: You don't have to sleep like that.
Adrian Monk: Like what?
Trudy Monk: All crunched up on your side of the bed. You are sleeping by yourself Adrian.
Adrian Monk: No, I'm not.
Trudy Monk: Yes, you are, darling. You have the whole bed. You can sleep in the middle.
Adrian Monk: I can't.
Trudy Monk: It's time to say goodbye, Adrian.
Adrian Monk: I can't. Wh- Why are you smiling?
Trudy Monk: It won't be much longer.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: Don't ask.
Natalie: Don't ask what?
Lieutenant Disher: Where I've been.
Natalie: Were you gone?
Lieutenant Disher: Two weeks on vacation. Can't talk about it. It was personal.
Natalie: Were you in New York? Your plane ticket says New York.
Lieutenant Disher: Can't confirm or deny.
Natalie: You don't have to confirm it, I can see your ticket.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, you never know.
Natalie: I already know. I can see your ticket.
Lieutenant Disher: Natalie, we can't talk about this right now. We're at a crime scene.

Quote from Adrian Monk

[flashback:]
Adrian Monk: That was really fun last night. I haven't been caroling since, I don't know, since college, I guess. I have to thank you for that.
Trudy Monk: For what?
Adrian Monk: For making me do it, getting me out of the house.
Trudy Monk: You are welcome.
Adrian Monk: And I have to thank you for that other thing. You know, marrying me. [sees mistletoe] Oh, look! [they kiss]
Trudy Monk: You are welcome. Did you ever hear anything about that woman?
Adrian Monk: What woman?
Trudy Monk: Ah, the midwife, Wendy something. I overheard you talking yesterday.
Adrian Monk: Ah Wendy Stroud, no no, not yet. It's been 3 days, and it looks like she's really missing. I was actually heading down to the clinic now. Talk to her boss. [tastes salad] You forgot the onions.
Trudy Monk: Did I?
Adrian Monk: Are you okay? [off her look] Trudy.
Trudy Monk: You know, it's really hard being married to a detective, I never get to have any secrets. I'm fine, its nothing. Just a little overwhelmed. I've got so much to do. I'm picking up medication for Ambrose. The bills are due. I got two articles to proofread. And just not enough time.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Wait a minute. That's new. [finds present under the tree] It's for me?
Trudy Monk: Adrian, don't open that. I mean, it's a surprise. Promise me, you won't open it till Christmas.
Adrian Monk: Okay, okay. I won't open the digital watch. I'm putting it back.
Trudy Monk: [hugs Monk] I love you.
Adrian Monk: I can't imagine why.

Quote from Adrian Monk

[flashback:]
Dr. Malcolm Nash: Wendy Stroud has worked here for 19 years. She was the first midwife I hired.
Captain Stottlemeyer: She ever disappear before?
Dr. Malcolm Nash: No, she's never missed a day. She's never even been late. Hence the phone call.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hence we're here.
Adrian Monk: Has anyone else heard from her? Any of the other nurses?
Dr. Malcolm Nash: No, nobody has heard from her. And they are not nurses. They are midwifes. There's a difference. A midwife is a qualified, autonomous practitioner specializing in the natural birth experience. Excuse me, what are you doing?
Adrian Monk: Oh, I'm- I'm straightening it out.
Dr. Malcolm Nash: They're umbilical cords. They are never straight.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Bet his was. [Stottlemeyer and Monk chuckle] [answers phone] Excuse me. Yeah he is right here. When? Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll be right there.
Adrian Monk: Leland, what is it? Did something happen?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's Trudy.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Lieutenant Disher: Look, Edie, we're trying to protect Joey here. If you tell us where he is, we can pick him up without anyone getting hurt.
Edie Kazarinski: I don't care if you kill him. Hope you do.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Do you happen to have a recent photograph? The one we have is over 10 years old.
Edie Kazarinski: Threw 'em out. Ripped 'em up and threw them out. Wait, I think I have one left. [removes picture from the bird cage]
Lieutenant Disher: He has a white goatee.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's not a goatee. [scratches photo]

Quote from Adrian Monk

Joe Kazarinsky: [answers phone] Hello.
Judge Ethan Rickover: It's me.
Joe Kazarinsky: Hey, where the hell you at? I've been waiting, like, an hour.
Judge Ethan Rickover: Change of plans. We won't be meeting again.
Joe Kazarinsky: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Judge Ethan Rickover: At least not in person.
Joe Kazarinsky: Wait, is there a problem?
Judge Ethan Rickover: Yeah, we have a big problem. You left a partial fingerprint at the clinic. They have your name. They're looking for you.
Joe Kazarinsky: Its gonna be okay, alright. I've disappeared before.
Judge Ethan Rickover: Before you pack your bags, I've got another job for you. I figured you could use another pay day.
Joe Kazarinsky: Alright, well, who is it?
Judge Ethan Rickover: A detective. A former detective. His name is Adrian Monk. He is going to put two and two together eventually. In this case, two and two equals me. I'm afraid it will get rather personal. I can't afford that.
Joe Kazarinsky: What do you mean personal?
Judge Ethan Rickover: I mean he would come after me, try to kill me. He'd probably succeed.
Joe Kazarinsky: Now, why'd he wanna do something like that?
Judge Ethan Rickover: Because 12 years ago, I killed his wife.

Quote from Julie Teeger

Lt. Steven Albright: So Julie, your mom says you're going to Berkley. Theater Arts?
Julie Teeger: Yeah that's the plan.
Lt. Steven Albright: You gonna live at home?
Julie Teeger: No way. I'm already all packed up.
Natalie: Yeah, I don't want to talk about it. I can't believe she's leaving. I miss her already.
Julie Teeger: Well, I'll only be 30 minutes away.
Natalie: This home will just be a house.
Julie Teeger: Oh, thanks, Mom. That was a real conversation killer.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Nurse: We're gonna need some blood.
Adrian Monk: All right, Natalie, give her some blood.
Nurse: No, I mean your blood.
Adrian Monk: What are you doing? What is that?!
Nurse: It's just a needle.
Adrian Monk: That is not a needle. That thing's 10 feet long.
Nurse: You've never given blood before? [Monk shakes his head] Well, you've had shots before.
Natalie: I don't think so.
Nurse: Well, there's a first time for everything.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Matthew Shuler: Mr. Monk, have you eaten anything unusual lately?
Natalie: Why do you ask?
Dr. Matthew Shuler: Well, this is all very preliminary. We are going to have to run more tests. But it looks like Adrian's been poisoned.
Natalie: Poisoned?
Adrian Monk: I said "well done"!
Natalie: It was well done!
Adrian Monk: You should have seen it, it was still pink. It was bleeding.
Natalie: I'm the worst cook in the world. Mr. Monk, if I gave you food poisoning, I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me?
Adrian Monk: If you gave me food poisoning, no.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Oh, God, there he is. Here he comes. My God. God, I hate the way they walk. This is the longest hallway in the world.
Dr. Matthew Shuler: Hey, how you feeling?
Adrian Monk: Oh. Scared.
Dr. Matthew Shuler: Yeah. Well, here's what we know. Everybody ate the same food at Natalie's and nobody else got sick. So we're assuming it wasn't introduced there. I've sent a Hazmat team to your house, and they've taken away all the food they can find.
Adrian Monk: Are they gonna put everything back?
Dr. Matthew Shuler: After we're done testing.
Adrian Monk: Because I have a system...
Dr. Matthew Shuler: Adrian, they are gonna put it back exactly the way it was, okay? I promise.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: Two days.
Adrian Monk: Wish it were five.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why?
Adrian Monk: It's just a bigger number.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: You were with Kazarinsky yesterday. We know you sold him some fake id. What was it? A driver's license, passport?
Ronnie: I don't know what you're talking about.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [grabs him] Ronnie, I don't have time to dance with you today. My friend is sick. You understand?
Ronnie: Your friend is sick, what does that mean?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It means that I need that name. I need to know the name that Joey Kazarinsky is using now.
Ronnie: So you need a name? What are you gonna do? Hit me with a phonebook? There are no phonebooks in here, Captain. Nobody uses phonebooks any more. They all use computers.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, you're right. [looks over at a laptop computer]
[later, Stottlemeyer carries a beat-up laptop as he passes Disher:]
Lieutenant Disher: Did you get a name?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, I did. Oh, your computer crashed.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Bell: Do you know what kind of poison he used?
Adrian Monk: No, they found the motel room he was using. There were some chemicals in the dumpster, but it'll take them weeks to analyze everything. There isn't enough time.
Dr. Bell: How about the food from your shopping carts?
Adrian Monk: No, all negative. No trace of anything. [coughs]
Dr. Bell: Adrian, I could have met you at home or the hospital, you know.
Adrian Monk: That's all right. I was out anywhere. Natalie is driving me to the cemetery to say good bye. I'm just so sorry, so sorry...
Dr. Bell: Adrian, you have nothing to be sorry about.
Adrian Monk: I have everything to be sorry about. I've lived like a prisoner. I've been a prisoner. Ever since Trudy... Wasted so much time. It's- Add it up, I've wasted probably 3 years just washing these hands. Wait. [wipes hands]
Dr. Bell: Adrian, you are not being fair. You know, You've been- You are more productive than anyone I know. You've solved over 120 major cases.
Adrian Monk: I didn't solve anything. If I didn't solve Trudy- I didn't keep my promise to her. Didn't solve anything. I always hated that painting.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: I'm really worried about this dinner party.
Adrian Monk: Its gonna be fine.
Natalie: I don't know what I'm more nervous about, Steven meeting Julie, or Julie meeting Steven. You are still coming right, you promise?
Adrian Monk: I'll be there. Do you need anything?
Natalie: Oh, thank you for asking. Maybe some wine?
Adrian Monk: Okay, red or white?
Natalie: Maybe red.
Adrian Monk: Would you pick some up?

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